BRITAIN’S infants will finally be made to pay for causing the financial crash of 2008.
Free school lunches are expected to be scrapped later this year as chancellor George Osborne punishes children for engineering the credit crunch by trading in high-risk, sub-prime mortgages.
He said: “By removing their free mash potato and lukewarm peas we send a strong message that free markets only succeed when managed responsibly.
“These children threatened the livelihoods of thousands of innocent merchant bankers who just want to be happy.”
Six year-old Tom Booker admitted: “The party’s over. In retrospect, it was wrong of me to claim free lunches at the taxpayers’ expense while running a Dubai-based hedge fund.
“Luckily, I’ve accumulated about £8 million in emerging market tech stocks so I should be able to afford a sad little hotdog and a box of Ribena.”
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/free-school-lunches-scrapped-as-children-pay-price-for-causing-recession-20150921102109