I have a daughter and 3 sons. I am not a feminist - I am an equalist.
As I see it, nothing could be further from the truth in my own life than the things the OP and friends are posting here.
When I fell pg with my DD, her father denied she was his, and refused a DNA test until she was 12 years old, claiming that she wasn't his child.
The CSA was toothless to force him to take a test, and toothless to force him to financially support our DD.
The pg was accidental, yes, as we used not one, not two, but THREE forms of contraception - he wore a condom, I was on the pill. The condom split so I took the MAP. I still ended up pg.
He had known my personal views on termination - that I would only have a termination as a result of rape or if the baby had a condition incompatible with life.
There was NO trickery involved, other than at the point of multiple contraceptive failure, me except id'ing autonomy over my own body and refusing to have a medical procedure that I didn't wish to have.
I can't see many men agreeing to have a surgical procedure just because somebody they slept with wanted them to - they would make their OWN choice.
Due to this, I will be (and have been, with my DS1, who is 11) teaching my sons that every time they have sex, no matter what contraception they use, there IS a risk of a pregnancy, as NO contraception is 100% failsafe.
He (as my other DS's will be, in time) has been taught that if he does not want to be equally financially, morally and emotionally responsible for a child, then he needs to NOT have sex.
I have taught him that in having sex, he is accepting the risk that a baby could be the result.
I have taught him that he should ascertain what a potential partner's views on termination are BEFORE he has sex - because that way, HE has choices - if he disagrees with that woman's stance on termination, he can choose NOT to have sex with her.
I have taught him that HE and ONLY he is responsible for his own fertility.
And I have also taught him that he will be equally responsible for any child he creates.
I have taught my DD EXACTLY the same things - that NO form of contraception is 100%. That she will be equally financially, morally and emotionally responsible for any child she creates, and if she is not willing to do this, then she should NOT have sex. That if she chooses to have sex, she is choosing to accept that a baby could result from this. That SHE must be upfront and honest with any potential partner about her views on termination. That SHE and ONLY she is responsible for her own fertility. And that she will be equally responsible for any child she creates.
Isn't THIS the equality the OP and friends are looking for?
Or is it that the OP and friends are not willing to accept that no contraceptive is 100%? That they are not willing to accept that they will be equally financially, morally and emotionally responsible for any child they create, and if they are not willing to do so, that they should choose not to have sex? That they are not willing to accept that if they choose to have sex, that a baby could be the result of that sexual encounter? That they are not wiling to accept that it is up to them to as retain what a woman's views on termination are BEFORE they have sex? That they are not willing to accept that THEY and ONLY they are responsible for their own fertility? That they are not willing to accept that they will be equally responsible for any child they help create?
A man's choice whether they want a baby to possibly be the result of a sexual encounter ends at the point that that sexual encounter happens.
Because anything else would be for a man to be trying to have control over a woman's body, when it is that woman's body to control.
Just as no woman can force a man to have a vasectomy, no man can force a woman to have a termination.
Because everybody, man OR woman, has the final say in what happens to THEIR body.
So, it follows that a man has all the choices that involve HIS body when it comes to having sex and possibly creating a baby, and a woman has all the choices that involve HER body when it comes to having sex and possibly creating a baby.
So a man's choices that involve HIS body are : Whether to have sex or not. Whether to use a condom or not.
A woman's choices that involve HER body are : Whether to have sex or not. Whether to use hormonal contraception or not. Whether to have a termination or not.
The reason that a man has no say or choice over whether a woman has a termination is because IT IS NOT HIS BODY TO MAKE CHOICES OVER.
So men MUST make their choices at the point that they decide to have sex or not (accepting that if they do then there is a possibility of a pregnancy and a baby), and at the point where they decide whether to wear a condom or not (accepting that even if they do, there is a 1/100 chance that it could fail and cause a pregnancy and a baby).
The ONLY sure fire, 100% way to NOT create a baby is to...NOT HAVE SEX. Celibacy would ensure that there is no risk of a baby and the responsibilities that go along with that...
If you choose NOT to remain celibate, then you are accepting the risk that you might create a baby, and end up financially, morally and emotionally responsible for a child for the next 18 years.
But it is every man AND woman's choice to take that risk or not.
If you want equality, then don't discriminate between your DC's either way - teach them both exactly the same things, as I have, and drum into them as soon as they are old enough that EVERY sexual encounter could result in a baby, no matter WHAT contraception is used. And that you FULLY expect them, boy or girl, to take a 50% responsibility for childcare, a 50% responsibility for financially providing for that child, a 50% responsibility towards that child's emotional development...basically that they, not or girl, need to make their choices carefully...