To think some posters need a "reality check" re. views on benefit changes

[lesley33]

I have some concerns about some of the proposed changes to benefits and how these may adversely affect people. So this is NOT a thread about that. But I am getting increasingly fed up at some of the frankly ridiculous reasons some posters are giving against the proposed changes. Examples include:

1. That children 12 and over will be traumatised if both parents work - even if second parent only works 20 hours a week.

1. That a parent with children 12 and over shouldn't have to commute up to 90 minutes each way to work. Far from ideal I know and if someone is on low wages this might not be affordable. But perfectly doable.

1. That childcare is impossible to get for teenagers. Ignoring the fact that many parents, myself included use a combination of kids home alone and afterschool activities.

AIBU to think some people need a reality check? Plenty of people with children already work, many with both parents working full time by the time their kids are teenagers. Plenty of people have long commutes, struggle with childcare, etc. Things might not be "ideal", but these are things that many many working parents already do.

Somehting else my Nan told me was never ever be at the mercy of a government of any colour. They are all bastards who change their minds like the wind. That has been my talisman tbh

I know that, but as a parent of a disabled child, I am at the mercy of a government.

Tilly

Oh ok, im not a somalian orphan. Thanks. I feel so much better now.

i looked after a father as paralysed as Stephen Hawkins & i found it very useful to think i was not a somalian orphan.

who asked me to take him to switerland. then killed himself by refusing a feeding tube.

so Yes the fact neither he nor i were somalian orphans was a very useful thought.

so the glass really was very full,

She doesn't though does she?

But 'some have it far worse' is MASSIVELY alcking in empathy or even basic comprehension.

If there is not childcare, there is none, no matter how many times people tell me there might be; it's a simple fact. If someone is up all night caring then they are too exhausted to be working. It's just is. Remember, Dh works; we are not sitting here saying we should do nothing to feed ourselves. In fact with college Dh works hard- 7.30am - 11pm would be fairly usual. It takes that to build a business.

Besides, what worries me is that created that really by moving here for work; others are being naively pushed into that same lack of childcare and support by policy. I am SO glad my parents have council housing as Grandad without their care is a nightmarish thought but they live in costly Somerset.

sunshine not naive at all.

The infrastructure is not there.
Governments will change their minds and stop supporting you when it takes their fancy.

This is reality. And endless hours of chat on the internet will not change it.

I have worked for NHS for 33 yrs as a staff nurse. If not for childcare wages etc my children would not be the exceptional bright kids that they are. Then again I take home £25 grand per year so perhaps benefits may be an option as quite frankly I have had enough of nurse bashing from you Mr Cameron.P.S I check my patients half hourly!!!!

Well it doesn't work for me Tilly, although becuase I am not immortal and my darkest fears centre of ds3 and what happens when I am gone- well without some dramatic change he is likely to end up homeless and hungry so nad enough frankly.

She doesn't though does she? no of course not everyone gets to chose how they respond to the shit in life.

you dont choose teh shit. you do choose how you respond to it.

unless you are dead.

You were your fathers sole carer then?

Ah fuck it, am going to take my medication.

Who cares I almost topped myself though, as long as I am not a Somalian orphan eh?

no my mum was. i helped & worked & did nothing else. now i might be too old for children but it could be worse.

you dont choose teh shit. you do choose how you respond to it

unless you are dead

Yeah one day I will be dead, my disabled child wont be.

Thats a worry too.

Ah I gave up MN for so long! But boys 1 & 2 home sick and so stuck by PC.

But I was involved in disseminating Spartacus report so actually, sitting endlessly by a PC can help

even if we then have a dictatorial twat-filled Government that decides to just over ride the HoL anyway. Becuase there is value in trying, I can look at my boys and say I did my best.

Amber quite

Immortality would be handy

i cannot solve your problems. i am telling you how i solved mine. find it useful or find something else useful.

oh i earnt 200k per year while coping with that.

how would you rather i dealt with it? you seem to have opinions about how i dealt with my shit.

how could i have dealt with it better?

Becuase your Mum was helping to care.

There is nobody to help here; Dh is working.

Anyway you haven't a clue, you don't live this life, I am being placed on a par with people who never worked despite Dh working and paying taxes for years myself, you don't want or have any interest in real actual facts and barriers, just your own perception of the superiority of your own ideology. if the aim is to upset me you're on a loser as I am well medicated beyond that; if it's to reinforce your own sense of invincibility then keep going. I hope it serves you well.

i have a way of coping that worked for me.

can anyone offer me a better way?

if not, why critise me for my way?

& no i dont think i am better.

I think this could lead to an interesting discussion actually.

People do rely on government-provided help, whether that's in the form of cash benefits, social housing or specialist schools. I think the question is how many people hate that?

There are loads of people out there who are clamouring to keep their benefits not because of a sense of entitlement, but because they cannot survive without them. A lot of these people hate the fact that they are reliant on income that can be taken away on a political whim and if it were as simple as earning more to remove that need, they would.

But they can't.

Wages in this country do not cover essential living costs. Very often people could not afford to eat without their tax credits. That's a sad indictment about the out-of-control cost of living in this country IMO. It is NOT a reflection that people in the lower income brackets have an over-inflated sense of entitlement.

Likewise benefits, and doubly more so for those with disabled family members whose lives are limited in practical ways most people cannot even begin to conceive of unless they have been there.

MN these days seems to be comprised of rich bitches who haven't done days work (and therefore have contributed NOTHING to the economy) for years.

Either that or they are those who work loads of hours while living hundreds of miles away from family/support while supposedly caring for disabled children/husband/neighbours ( the "if I can do it so can you" brigade).

Whichever camp they fall in the views are the same " anyone who claims benefits of any description is a worthless scrounger who has made a choice to be in that position".

Nice!

oh i earnt 200k per year while coping with that

You helped your mum care for your father, thats great but please dont act as though that meant you were in the same position as a parent with a disabled child.

What has how much you earnt got to do with it? all that illustrates is that the burden of care was not on you or else you wouldnt have been able to work full time!

You earning 200k per year would also mean that you wouldnt have the financial worries that so many of us have. Do you not understand how much difference financial security makes in this situation?

Dilly that's an incredibly simplistic view of Mn and one that is wholly untrue. There are all sorts of parents on here, working, not working through choice, not working not through choice.

The people in receipt of benefits will defend them and some people might question them. It's a debate worth having.

The proposed cap has highlighted how much some people "get" as opposed to how little some people "earn". It raises questions and while it raises questions we all get to hear a little bit more about other peoples lives.

Tilly, good for you for helping out your mum. I don't wish to take anything away from you from what must have been a very difficult time. It is extremely admirable that you had a career that successful while going through that. You deserve all your success and I'm sorry that it came at personal cost.

However, with all due respect, helping someone else who was the main carer for your father is not the same thing at all as being the main carer. Could you have earned that £200k salary while being the main carer? I don't think so, and if you had been able to it would have been because you were able to pay for additional help. Let's not forget that less than 1% of the country earn that much.