I've been asked a lot of questions - I will start with Phooey's.
Based on my personal experiences, rather than on research, I would say that grammar schools plus secondary moderns that offer academic GCSE choices to those that want them is the way to go.
I went to two different non-selective secondary schools in different parts of the country that had grammar schools. One was mixed ability teaching for all subjects. I found that didn't have much impact on my academic education but was hugely positive in terms of social interaction and my mixed ability form had a strong group identity.
The second school I attended did set. It was hugely socially divisive and I believe led to discipline problems and lack of respect between pupils. There was certainly a social class dimension to who was in the higher and lower sets.
With some children in a grammar school, I believe it is a case of out of sight out of mind for many children. Setting means that you are faced with a highly competitive atmosphere and the divisions between people are faced everyday. Fear of failure becomes a daily worry.
One of the best things about DS being in a grammar is that he is never going to be set for anything. If he were in a comprehensive, he would have to constantly worry about his performance as measured against others. I'd rather that was a one off event in his school years. No doubt some people thrive on the constant competition that setting provides, but I don't and neither does DS.
As for not knowing about the real world, my parents were teachers in a state residential school for children with emotional and behavioural problems. I lived in staff accommodation within those schools for my entire childhood and mixed with those children, so I think I am pretty experienced in the sharp end of the real world.
The Government shut those schools down to save money, and those children are either struggling to cope in comprehensives where teachers are not meeting their needs, or due to their needs not being met in school are ending up in secure units. If schools are failing because of these kind of kids, then those kids are also being failed. Teachers should be asking the Government to set up more special schools for these children who need continuity of care between home and school.
Of course there are SEN children in grammars. Children with Asperger's syndrome are particularly common at the school DS attends.
To talk about actual research rather than all of our personal prejudices and experiences, I don't really want to repeat all the arguments that I have gone through the research I mentioned on the Grammar school thread, but I will repeat this one. The 164 remaining grammar schools are less socially selective than the 164 most socially selective comprehensive schools (according to the Sutton trust). Schools should be less socially selective, but closing grammars will not achieve that.