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Original poster

I was asked to leave Church yesterday in the middle of mass

122 replies

dillydally · 06/06/2005 09:39

as dd was being boisterous (not having a tantrum but not sitting demurely on a pew either)
She is 23 months old (just) and the priest stopped mass and said "I think its time for that child to leave Church".

If anyone wants to know why christian religions are dying, it is because the young are not welcome in church. You apparently have to be a mute pensioner to be part of the congregation.

OP posts:
jampots · 06/06/2005 10:06

dillydally - Im shocked. When my children were little I actually told the priest I wasnt bringing them for this reason - he said it was no excuse and they would be welcome regardless of their behaviour

Fio2 · 06/06/2005 10:10

how awful dillydally

Gwenick · 06/06/2005 10:12

That is absolutely appalling!!!! Can't believe a priest/vicar etc etc would actulaly say that. Is there no 'childrens' provision in the church? Our church has a 'creche' for pre-schoolers, which is held in the choir vestry during the service. We can still 'hear' them, but no-one complains!!

Some of them run in and out of the creche and some of the tiny baby's ball their eyes out occasionaly - but the service 'still goes on'!!!

feelingold · 06/06/2005 10:14

Every christening I have been to in the town where I live has been at one particular church because they are most welcoming to families. They have an area at the back of the church with kids tables and chairs with books and crayons and paper etc where the children can wander off too and play while the service is on (one of us usually just sits at the back to keep and eye on them) and if they wander up to the front the lady vicar just does not care. They are usually all really well behaved because their parents are not stressed and therefore neither are the kids.
I thought church was supposed to be somewhere for the whole family, not just the ones who can sit still.
If my kids where screaming and shouting I would take them out of the church out of courtesy for the other people, but if they are just talking quietly and having a fidget or a wander I do not see the harm.

Original poster
dillydally · 06/06/2005 10:19

Perhaps I should print off this thread and post it to him as advice on how to deal with children in a good way

OP posts:
Lonelymum · 06/06/2005 10:20

Well if you are going to do that, can I just add that I think he is a mean spirited, rude prat?

singleteenagemum · 06/06/2005 10:21

Hi everyone,

bit new to this. Just reading and am absolutely appalled with the priest. My dad is a free church pastor. Nothing like that would ever happen in our church, and has never happned in any sort of church i've attended.

I think you should definately talk to the priest, you do have to remember he has to be celebate so is probably a little jealous as well!! lol

Blackduck · 06/06/2005 10:21

Not a church goer at all, but my in-laws are - their chuch has regular sevices aimed at the children (Christingle, Mothering Sunday and others...) Kids are accepted as part of the church life - they are the next generation of Church goers after all!

zubb · 06/06/2005 10:24

Thats awful dillydally. I'm not catholic but dh and our children are and for their christenings I was worried about the kids running about but the priest said that they were just happy for children to be there and didn't mind what they did. He said that if anyone tutted or said anything then it was their problem. Dh takes them every week and they always run around, take cars etc with them.
Good on your mother for writing to the cardinal, I can't believe a preist would say that.

morningpaper · 06/06/2005 10:24

I'm shocked that the rest of the parish thought it was ok for him to say that!

So sorry for your awful treatment.

Pinotmum · 06/06/2005 10:27

That's appalling. I haven't gone to church in a while now but when we did there was a side chapel where you brought the children who were bored and toys/books were available. You could still hear the service through speakers. I once said to the parish priest (joking) that I was sorry dd had been so vocal and he said it was god's house and she was welcome to make noise there. He is a lovely man. If anyone wants a good catholic family church in Romford that go to St. Bede's.

Tortington · 06/06/2005 10:28

Gosh the embarrassment - i would have been mortified and cried for days.

i think you should look aroundfor another church.

keep us updated

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Tommy · 06/06/2005 10:28

Glad to see your Mum has gone straight to the top Dillydally! I'm sure you will get sympathy from Cormac (not really on first names terms with him but can't be doing with writing out his full name!)I'm still cross about this but dont' get me started again - I'll be here all day

RnB · 06/06/2005 10:40

Message withdrawn

gingerbear · 06/06/2005 10:46

At our church they hold a liturgy for the children in another room for part of the mass to stop them being bored. A volunteer brings in colouring books and pencils and the children have a great time, they then come in for the last part of the mass.
The priest would never send a child out!!

bossykate · 06/06/2005 10:51

i'm really shocked on your behalf. your mother has done the right thing writing to the cardinal. what about "suffer the children to come unto me"?

janinlondon · 06/06/2005 11:01

This is appalling. At the last service I attended the pastor's three children were sitting in the aisle making castles out of hymn books. If the church removes children from its midst, what hope for the future?

frogs · 06/06/2005 11:04

That's outrageous, and definitely not normal practice. Is your priest particularly old and grouchy?

Our parish runs a family Mass at which children are particularly welcome, and they do offer a separate children's session in the hall for part of the liturgy. There is (kind of) an understanding that you would take a child out of church if it threw a major hissy fit, but people don't always -- it's a very diverse community, ethnically and socially, and obviously there are different views on what is acceptable, and I think most parishioners make allowances for that.

Occasionally the priest reminds people (in a general way, not in response to specific incidents) that they have the option of taking a very restless child out to the ante-room where there are picture books and they can still hear what's going on in church via the sound system.

To humiliate an individual publicly like that is completely out of order. Which parish is it, dillydally? We're in East London too, and I'd recommend our parish v. highly!

koalabear · 06/06/2005 11:09

what happened to "and let the little children come to me" ????

angry on your behalf

i'd write a letter to the bishop / cardinal , whoever is the boss type person

Original poster
dillydally · 06/06/2005 11:10

I am in mile end and without wishing to officially name the church..it is the one right by the green bridge. We have three priests but no childrens room - though interestingly a school attached to the church.

I am glad to hear this is not a regular occurrence elsewhere but sad to think i will have to take a tube ride to get to church in future.

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 06/06/2005 11:11

W-H-A-T?

suffer little children ...

handlemecarefully · 06/06/2005 11:14

Dillydally,

So shocked! - but your mum has been brilliant in taking such firm and decisive action

roisin · 06/06/2005 11:26

That is outrageous, I am really angry on your behalf!

My dh is a Baptist Minister, and always welcomes children to our services. At our last church one couple always complained about the noise from children when they were in the service, and from the Sunday School rooms. Dh made it clear to them that everyone was welcome, and if they couldn't cope with the noise there were plenty of other quiet (and dying) churches around where they might feel more comfortable.
They left

Original poster
dillydally · 06/06/2005 11:29

Is it me or has there been a distinct rise in the number of tutters around? or perhaps I only notice this now I have a child...

OP posts:
Marina · 06/06/2005 11:37

Oh I am so for you dillydally. This Sunday, dd, the same age, was trotting up and down the side aisle and at the back crooning from the NEH, holding hands with a much better behaved toddler at one point, sproinging around on the Brownie and Guide floor cushions and showing everyone in our pew her belly, and no-one minded a jot, least of all the priest.

I could not agree more with your last sentence.

There are few tutters amongst the elderly, kindly congregation at our C of E church in the burbs. I think they are jolly pleased to have a few parishioners under the age of 60 actually...we recently switched from our old church, ostensibly more "family-friendly" but in fact way too long and solemn in service terms, and feel so happy we did so.

And I too always thought the modern British RC church was welcoming to young families - from attending lovely informal baptisms of friends' children for example. Clearly this is not the case.

I hope the Cardinal gives the PP a big ticking-off He deserves it.