Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Original poster

Christians, how do you explain homosexuality to your children?

119 replies

fartmeistergeneral · 22/04/2009 08:15

I presume you think it is 'wrong'? What is it in the Bible? 'God hates that'? (may have got that quote wrong!). Am just interested in how you explain to your children that some people are gay without engendering hate and mistrust?

Am not a christian by the way but was just interested cos my friend is, and by implication so are her children. I overheard one telling my ds1 that John Barrowman is bad, just wondered if he meant Captain Jack is bad or John Barrowman is bad cos of being gay!!!! It just got me thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
fartmeistergeneral · 22/04/2009 08:38

bump before i do school run...

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 22/04/2009 10:12

Not all Christians believe that homosexuality is automatically bad - it's quite a complex subject, and I'll probably set off an argument by saying this, but a lot of the Bible references to homosexual behaviour being wrong can be interpreted as referring to the types of homosexual behaviour which were common in the classical world - powerful married men using boys for sex - rather than being against loving faithful committed same-sex relationships.

So, you'll get a wide variety of views, even from Christians.

Personally, I am a Christian but do not believe that the kind of loving same-sex relationships which are the same as what we hope for in a straight marriage are in any way wrong or sinful, so I have not taught my son to have any negative views of homosexuality.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 22/04/2009 10:15

Yep, God is about love and loving same-sex monogomous relationships are not wrong.

Same for hetties too.

girlandboy · 22/04/2009 10:16

I am a Christian and have told my children that some ladies prefer to live with other ladies and the same goes for men. That not everyone would like to live the same as Mummy and Daddy do.

Although I consider myself a Christian, I don't always take the Bible literally, and read parts of it "as of its time".

hedgiemum · 22/04/2009 10:28

DD (age 6) asked me what "Gay" means recently. We have gay family members and some lesbian friends, but no-one had made an issue of this or discussed it in front of the children. I said "its when a man loves another man in the same way as Daddy loves Me." She replied "Or when a lady loves another lady like you love Daddy!" So she clearly was already knew the answer, and was testing my honesty when she asked me the question....

I think she heard the term gay being applied to a lady at school; the new Director of Sport is in a lesbian relationship which has shocked a few parents (bizarre, in this day and age!) and I think that has got a few girls talking...

I do feel, as a Christian, that sleeping around is something I need to warn my children against, and will do so when they're older whatever their sexuality is.

Original poster
fartmeistergeneral · 22/04/2009 15:21

Am really interested in this. I have a limited knowledge of theology but have dabbled in Christianity a few times over the years (had too many questions, bugged a lot of people at eg Alpha courses!!). I genuinely thought or presumed that Christians would think that homosexuality was 'wrong' and that God thought it so. So do you as Christians tell your children that it's acceptable in God's eyes? Not trying to be argumentative, genuinely interested.

OP posts:
MeAndB · 22/04/2009 15:29

I do believe it to be wrong, I believe it to be a sin and just like any other. It doesnt please God, he intended man and women to love. So far Ive not had to explain it to my child (far too young to understand) however I will be telling them its a sin just like everything else. I have listened to a man who used to be gay and then found Christ. He had some very interesting things to say about his life experiences.

I am no homophobic person, one of my best friends is gay. I love him to pieces. Its all about loving the sinner not the sin in my book. But I believe the bible teaches against it.

tiredlady · 22/04/2009 15:35

So MeAndB, if one of your children were to come out and say they were gay, would you feel they were a sinner?

AMumInScotland · 22/04/2009 15:37

Personaly, yes I tell him that it is acceptable to God. That people are the way that they are - gay or straight - and that most people, whatever their orientation, don't feel called to lifelong celibacy. But I've also tried to bring him up to think that sex is best as part of a committed loving relationship. We'll see how well I've succeeded with that one - he's a teen now, so it's not going to be just theory for long!

DSM · 22/04/2009 15:39

What does your best friend say about your opinions?

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 22/04/2009 15:40

I am by no means a Christian but I think you are being unfair to Christians as a whole to assume that they are all homophobic arseholes just because some of them are. There are gay Christian groups and plenty of gay vicars, after all, some of whom are very open about their gayness.

MeAndB · 22/04/2009 15:54

Tiredlady- Yes it would make them a sinner, but so am I. I am not perfect, we are all sinners.

DSM- My friend knows how I feel about his gay relationships and has done from the day I meet him. He repects were I come from, and we both have an understanding whilst I believe it to be wrong, it doesnt mean that we cant have a good relationship as friends. I dont know anyone who agrees with there friends on everything. Why should my beliefs stop me from loving him, just like I love my other friends. As I say its about loving the sinner not the sin.

SummatAnNowt · 22/04/2009 16:02

I don't think being gay is wrong or a sin! Neither does my vicar! Really it depends on what branch/form of Christianity you are following. And I wouldn't go near an Alpha course with a barge pole, far too prescriptive and simplistic.

MrsMattie · 22/04/2009 16:02

If I were gay I would not want to be friends with someone that thought I was a 'sinner', sorry.

You know, many gay people feel they are born gay - that it isn't a 'lifestyle choice'. How do you square that, then?@MeAndB. Do you believe that your friend 'chooses' to be gay? That if he could choose a better path if he wanted to? I find this bizarre.

justaboutspringtime · 22/04/2009 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

interregnum · 22/04/2009 16:04

My daughter is a lesbian, no big deal she is very happy, just bought a house with her partner,and our relationship is good as it always has been.But Mandb how do you think it would be if she knew I thought she was a sinner and was committing some great sin.Remeber children grow up and make their own choices and eventually you need them more
than they need you.

DSM · 22/04/2009 16:10

MeandB - Seriously? I would not want to be friends with someone who thought that a basic and large part of who I am was a 'sin'.

Its not about agreeing with your friend, how can you agree? You don't agree that he is gay? Whats to agree with, its not an opinion, its a fact.

slug · 22/04/2009 16:15

That "love the sinner, hate the sin" line is such a cop out.

How can a compassionate God create someone with a sexuality that does no harm to themself or others and them condemn them for being what God made them? It makes no sense at all.

MeAndB · 22/04/2009 16:17

Yes my friend chooses to be gay he has said so himself. Its a lifestyle choice for him. I dont sit and tell him off for being gay, far from it. I have friends who are muslims, should the fact we believe different things stop us from having a friendship, I dont think so. How narrow minded would that make me! We agree to disagree.

Your all missing my point I believe it to be a sin, big deal I also believe it a sin when someone lies, steals, murders etc. I see us all as sinners. I dont think that being gay is any greater a sin...they are all on a level playing field. I dont sit on any moral high ground, and my friend should know he has seen me at my worst.

MrsMattie · 22/04/2009 16:21

Lying, stealing and murdering is not even in the same ballpark as a person's sexuality! Maybe your friend chooses to be gay, but I really don't believe that it is a conscious choice for any of the gay people I know. Maybe they were born gay or maybe sexuality is formed at a very young age, unconsciously - I don't know - but I do think it is morally wrong to accuse someone of 'sinning' over something as basic as their sexuality, when it is doing nobody any harm. That is what I cannot understand about extreme religious views against homosexuality.

DSM · 22/04/2009 16:38

MeandB

Your friend decided to be attracted to men? He chose to fancy men? I don't think so. How incredibly naive.

Stealing, murder, lies.. they are all conscious decisions one makes which usually have an adverse effect on other people. They are evil acts, as they cause harm to others. Being gay isn't in the same category, please don't group it as such.

Sins are immoral, shameful, harmful acts. Do you feel that your friends lust for other men is any of these things?

KayHarkerInTheBackOfTheQuattro · 22/04/2009 17:20

Well, biblically speaking, lust for anyone you're not married to is a sin.

I'm bisexual, and quite comfortable with that as my orientation. It just is what it is. But I accept that a certain reading of scripture precludes homosexual behaviour, and says that it's sinful. It's not quite where I pitch my tent in terms of understanding, but it's certainly there.

I don't go along with 'love the sinner, hate the sin', because it's not actually a Christian teaching anyway. I tend to go with 'Nothing's perfect, especially not me.'

It is a legitimate reading of scripture to believe that sex outside of monogamous marriage is sinful, and while I might be more flexible than yer average evangelical (Heretic, I hear them cry), I acknowledge that it's perfectly possible to treat someone with respect even though you know they don't live their life according to what you believe.

KayHarkerInTheBackOfTheQuattro · 22/04/2009 17:21

Argh, I'm supposed to be writing, how'd I let myself post on a homosexuality thread?

onagar · 22/04/2009 20:49

Well Lev 20:10 to 13 makes it clear that men who 'lie with' men or men who sleep with other people's wives are to be put to death. No mention of loving the sinner there.

I don't think it mentions people having sex before being married or female gay sex (providing they are unmarried)

Maybe somewhere else though? it's been a while since I read it all.

One of my favorites is Lev 20:15:

"And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast"

Why punish the animal?

KayHarkerInTheBackOfTheQuattro · 22/04/2009 20:58

No idea - 'fornication' is the term used to cover uncommitted (as in pre-lifelong monogamous) sex and that's mentioned throughout the OT and the NT. And lesbians are mentioned in Romans.