Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Original poster

please cheer me up,angry vicar/congregation,got to face them tonight as dc taking 1st communion

91 replies

fairygirl3 · 11/04/2009 17:43

ok,im looking for a bit of moral support,im in the wrong but have to face a cross church tonight ,im 6 months pregnant/tired/hormonal & trying to find the strength to get through this.
Go to c of e church very small congregation 20 regulars at most,in very deprived area,since i started going 2 &half years ago no other new families have came & stayed,apart from us only 1 other family with children.
Find it difficult at church as have a loud 3 yr old but still go every week,dh is groundsman & on social comitte ,we do as much as we can.
OLder dd & ds getting to stage where they sometimes dont want to go.Anyway this holy week have gone to mass every evening ,yesterday i was so tired/sick,worried aboutkeeping ds2 quiet during solemn service & kids didnt want to go (had been at church till 9.30 pm the previous night),so we didnt go.Also found out the other family with kids didnt go.So i turn up at church at lunchtime today after 5 hours at work,to find i was being ignored then other members laughing at a letter posted on the board which basically said our priest was disgusted with all of us who didnt go,death was the only excuse not to be there,we are all shit christians etc.This left me very upset,i already had my own guilt to deal with,was a very nasty letter.i left upset ,a member of the other family tried talking to the vicar about the letter & how it had upset his wife & me,but he was having none of it,said it was the other members idea also as they are all cross with us.
im really upset ,yet have to go to church tonight to worship but also cause my dc are servers & recieving their 1st communion.Im so dissapointed with their so called christian attitude !

OP posts:
cupofteaplease · 11/04/2009 17:46

The vicar doesn't sound like any kind of Christian I have ever met...

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 11/04/2009 17:47

Is there no other church in the area? Because this lot sound a right bunch of wankers. I would have thought that, given how much a lot of vicars moan about falling attendance, bullying and upsetting the people who do want to go to church would not be the best idea.
Now I'm an atheist so can;t really advice you on how much church is necessry to be a 'good' Christian (there are lots of MN Christians who will be able to tell you more) But tbh I do think that taking small children to church till 9.30 every night is a bit much for them. And it also sounds a bit like this particular vicar and his gang are on something of a power trip, and you might well be happier elsewhere.

ZZZen · 11/04/2009 17:51

Unless this vicar is going through immense personal strain of some kind like death in the family, or is under heavy medication which is blurring his senses and I am stretching it to even say this, I find it inexcusable behaviour and I would look for another church personally.

What kind of attitude is there in that place w ith people sniggering about a letter of that type?

I might even take that letter down and post it on to some higher authority. He had actually signed a letter which said members ofthe congregation who had not come to church were "shit Christians"?

ruty · 11/04/2009 17:53

the vicar sounds absolutely awful. i would move churches. Maybe you have to explain to him what you have said here and tell him you do not wish to be made so uncomfortable when you do all you can. But then he sounds rather unreasonable so little point in it.

Original poster
fairygirl3 · 11/04/2009 17:53

i know the other family are considering going to another church,but as we dont have a car its not easy for us.i just feel let down as it seems no matter what we do its not enogh.It was only till 9.30 last night rest of week was from 6.30 for about an hour.i think his attitude was awful he wrote that we all turned up on thursday as there was food on offer,we were happy to stuff our faces ! which is a joke as we made a huge shepards pie to take.This is sposed to be a day of celibration but i do feel bullied.Im just worried about getting through tonight with out crying,as bloody hormones just turn me into a cry baby.thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
ruty · 11/04/2009 17:54

he sounds unbalanced. Yes you should send a copy of the letter to your bishop.

Original poster
fairygirl3 · 11/04/2009 18:00

oh ZZZen that has cheered me up,no he is just quite a catty vicar,obviously it didnt say "shit" just me trying to be brief but said we were not commited christians,didnt care about god,were more intrested in shopping doing our own thing,were lazy & should we even b calling ourselves christians as we do not care about the pain he went through for us.Saying all his hard work is wasted on us/he is furious with us as are the 9 people who turned up.On the bottom is a reply slip we have to fill in & send back with a selction of boxes to tick for our excuse why we were not there,im dead,i dont care about god,there was no free food on other and various others

OP posts:
Katisha · 11/04/2009 18:00

Going to church is not about keeping the other members of the congregation happy.

How dare they be "cross" with you? What kind of power trip are they on? And exactly how is that Christian behaviour?

Katisha · 11/04/2009 18:01

Oh dear have just the bit about the reply slip.

Under no circumstances should you send this back. This is ridiculous?

what denomination is this?

Original poster
fairygirl3 · 11/04/2009 18:02

a copy is being sent to everyone on the electoral register to fill in , so i think mine might be forwaded to the bishop,maybe it might explain why we have such a poor amount of people coming.

OP posts:
ruty · 11/04/2009 18:02

appalling!

Katisha · 11/04/2009 18:03

Absoultely forward to bishop. This sounds medieval.

LadyOfScoffleTheEasterEggs · 11/04/2009 18:05

O my goodness! Find a new church. I can only manage a few times a month with the DCs & my depression, I think if I saw this I'd never go again. How crushing - it doesn't sound 'right' at all...

Watchtheworldcomealivetonight · 11/04/2009 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bronze · 11/04/2009 18:06

I would take a copy of it. Send one on to the Bishop and send my reply slip back saying I was dead

bronze · 11/04/2009 18:07

And no you're not in the wrong

bran · 11/04/2009 18:08

I think you should definitely copy that to the Bishop, it sounds a bit odd to me. I don't go to church but my DH is very active in our local C of E, he was chair of the PCC and serves at the altar but he didn't go at all during holy week except yesterday and nobody would dream of saying a word. They also had a kids' club for the Friday service because it was quite long and lots of families only turned up for part of the service, I think DH went about an hour late because DD was napping and then had to have lunch.

It's a pity there isn't a more family-friendly parish within an easy distance of you, it makes such a difference.

ruty · 11/04/2009 18:09

have just read the bit about the multiple choice at the bottom. Sorry, pmsl. If he thinks that is the way to build a congregation he's a loon. Which he is, obviously. I take it he is RC? Sounds like he is very unhappy, possibly with his vows....

Original poster
fairygirl3 · 11/04/2009 18:10

im glad you all agree,i was worried i was over reacting/hormonal even though the other mum who goes was also in tears & her husband furious.Im just sad that this is going to ruin things for what should be a special night for my elder dd & ds

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 11/04/2009 18:11

Def forward to the Bishop. This is such disgusting behaviour!

TBH though it is you who should be angry with the others, not them with you. I would be very tempted to stick a letter on the notice board about unchristian behaviour and how disappointed you are with the terrible example being set to the children by them all!

Original poster
fairygirl3 · 11/04/2009 18:14

its CofE but run in a very "high church way"

OP posts:
ruty · 11/04/2009 18:15

oh sorry you just mentioned first communion and that is an RC thing. Defo send letter to the Bishop, totally unacceptable and bullying.

noavailablename · 11/04/2009 18:19

That sounds really un-Christian IMO. Awful.

We are catholic, and sing in the choir, and have been at church a lot this week. But if we didn't turn up, no-one would criticise.

Those other members of the congregation sound awful. Unfortunately you do get this at some churches.

Original poster
fairygirl3 · 11/04/2009 18:24

RUTY - i know you would think that since we joined 2& half yrs ago we have only attracted 2 regulars ,he might get that his technique isnt working
king-that sounds a good idea ,but he would take it down the minute i put it up im sure

OP posts:
MaryBS · 11/04/2009 18:29

That's appalling! Don't know why you think you're in the wrong either. I'm high church Anglican (and training as a Reader) but I'd never dream of treating people like that! I'm horrified!