please cheer me up,angry vicar/congregation,got to face them tonight as dc taking 1st communion

[fairygirl3]

ok,im looking for a bit of moral support,im in the wrong but have to face a cross church tonight ,im 6 months pregnant/tired/hormonal & trying to find the strength to get through this.
Go to c of e church very small congregation 20 regulars at most,in very deprived area,since i started going 2 &half years ago no other new families have came & stayed,apart from us only 1 other family with children.
Find it difficult at church as have a loud 3 yr old but still go every week,dh is groundsman & on social comitte ,we do as much as we can.
OLder dd & ds getting to stage where they sometimes dont want to go.Anyway this holy week have gone to mass every evening ,yesterday i was so tired/sick,worried aboutkeeping ds2 quiet during solemn service & kids didnt want to go (had been at church till 9.30 pm the previous night),so we didnt go.Also found out the other family with kids didnt go.So i turn up at church at lunchtime today after 5 hours at work,to find i was being ignored then other members laughing at a letter posted on the board which basically said our priest was disgusted with all of us who didnt go,death was the only excuse not to be there,we are all shit christians etc.This left me very upset,i already had my own guilt to deal with,was a very nasty letter.i left upset ,a member of the other family tried talking to the vicar about the letter & how it had upset his wife & me,but he was having none of it,said it was the other members idea also as they are all cross with us.
im really upset ,yet have to go to church tonight to worship but also cause my dc are servers & recieving their 1st communion.Im so dissapointed with their so called christian attitude !

The most Christian thing I can think of to say is that it sounds as if your church is really struggling and your vicar may be a disappointed and bitter feeling person. That letter speaks of hurt from his efforts being rejected, but also sounds as if the direction he is trying to take the ministry in, is out of line with what the members can join in with.

I would say the single most important thing in a church is whether you can work with and respect the leadership. There are all sorts of reasons why not, sometimes just plain old personality clash, but if you are not all rowing in the same direction, think about getting out of the boat.

I think it is inappropriate run to the bishop - especially if this is a first offense.

The correct people to approach are the wardens. That is the the way parishes are set up.

I am a Christian and a mental health nurse and I agree with one of the first points justabout made - he truly sounds mentally unwell. In some ways this is irrelevant, it isn't for you to sort out, it needs to be passed on to the Bishop as advised earlier?

I mean, putting on a slip as one of the options that there was not free food on offer. It would be funny in other circumstances but he has behaved very oddly and inappropriately.

Also meant to add if he is not mentally unwell then he has major personality and/or anger management issues (imo)

justabout it is VERY worrying that other people are colluding with his behaviour.

None of us (afaik) apart from the op know this man. It is possible that as part of an illness he has grandiose delusions. It is also possible that some of the other congregation members are (sadly) not very pleasant people and are enjoying the "drama" of all of this.

This is why I feel (as you do) that someone in authority needs to step in quickly and intervene.

It's a bit much to say he abused authority. He was frustrated/exasperated at the lack of support for Holy Week services from church family.

Saying that death was the only excuse may have been a feeble attempt at humour. It usually is.

Knee jerk reactions to a note are not the way to go. You have to talk to people - especially brothers and sisters in Christ - sit with them, pray with them, and ask how you can help with church ministry (it may be for many parishioners that prayer is the only thing they can do and that is fine).

The church does seem to have issues, especially as they seem to be in the middle of a very ripe mission field. Perhaps this vicar is a one-man band who doesn't know how to delegate, and there are no natural lay leaders in the congregation to step forward to help. It can't be easy. He have posted the note in bad taste, or whatever, but he does not deserve to be thrown to the lions.

If he is a cult leader, he is not a very successful one!

I'm an atheist, so not mush help on the religious side.
But is there any chance your vicar is being bullied by his wardens/pcc?
It sounds like a situation that happened in our last school involving the head and her pta. She was tired, disillusioned and tbh weak so was easily led. Any chance?
And definitely go to the Bishop, as high as you can IMO. If this was Alan (from The Archers, my only experience of church...sorry) he'd be talking to his bishop.

I am appalled!

We go to local evangelical anglican church. I am 24 weeks pregnant with DC 4, and have had a lot of complications (but nothing life threatening for me or the baby). We haven't been to a church service since just before Christmas. However, vicar has been round to see us, and to make sure we know we can download all the sermons from church website. DH has gone to a weekly evening meeting with some other blokes, where he's been made very welcome. Everyone has been supportive and lovely.

Church's should be supporting families with children, not imposing huge amounts of church attendance. Our faith is based on the grace of God, not on works. This kind of letter is, imo, abuse. I went to a church as a teenager which was very controlling, and it took me 5 years to work through it all and forgive them, but I would run a mile from the situation you're in.

You're in my prayers tonight...

thanks for explanation
i am at all this

Definitely complain. If you don't he gets away with it and it was def OTT and inappropriate. No wonder church congregations are faling if this kind of thing would be deemed something not worth bothering about!

I'm glad our church family doesn't behave that way. We support our clergy and they support us. It is what a family does.

If our vicar is out of line (and he sometimes is), we tell him so.

He is there to serve us (through teaching, resources, and general facilitation), as we serve the community. He is not there to be obedient to the bishop.

How extremely bizarre!

I would agree that he must really be struggling to do such a thing - and I write as a clergy wife who has been so devastated with the attitude of some church members to my husband over this last week that I've been wondering if it is sinful to hire a hitman.

fairygirl - so sorry you've had to go through this, all sounds very odd.

procrastinatingparent - you ok? praying for you m'dear. hope you've got someone to let off steam too.

Oh I definitely WANT to, justabout. I am trying to pray for help not to want to.

Thanks for your much needed prayers, tassisssss - holding on here. As soon as this w/e is over, I intend to go and weep at friends instead of over DH, who really doesn't need it...