Wanting to find Jesus but struggling.

[ALittleRoundCat]

I am dictating this, so apologies for any mistakes.

Also this is the religion/ philosophy section so if you do not believe in Jesus or anything that I am talking about please be respectful of the section and spirit this has been posted in and exercise your right to scroll onto the next post please.

I was raised a catholic, baptised as a baby, I went to catholic primary and high schools, but I never really felt a connection to it. In fact, I hate it being forced to go to church on a sunday and the whole going to hell thing used to scare me so much as a child.

As I got into my teenage years, I started to refuse to go to church, and in my teens, I dabbled in paganism and all sorts.

I always believed in something bigger but couldn't pin it down.

Anyway, I am now in my forties, and I really feel drawn back to Jesus. I can't explain it.I don't know why.But for about 2 or 3 years now, I just keep thinking about Jesus and living my life with him and wanting to trust him to help me change my life.

About a year ago I attended a funeral with Mass as at a Catholic church and again felt nothing. No emotion at being in church or being part of that service.

But on my own, at home I feel the urge to pray. I secretly listen to hymns and uplifting songs and cry with emotion.

My sister is a Born again Christian and keeps asking me to attend her church. I don't want to. I don't want to go to mass or meet people or anything like that, I have bad social anxiety and its just not somwthing that interests me.

But she said her friend can baptise me. That this feeling and calling is Jesus asking me to trust him and hand my life over to him and the only way to do that is through baptism.

I told her I wouldn't be attending church or anything but was really considering doing it.

I told my husband who is also baptised Catholic but is agnostic verging on athiest and he got really upset.

I was shocked. He said what am i selling my soul to? Who is this woman, what am I signing up for, what is the churches beliefs.

And then he said - what if you do this and then when we die, we aren't together because Catholicism is the real thing and you invalidated it by getting baptised again.

I cried my eyes out.

I have OCD and extreme anxiety. My whole life is me living in fear of making a decision that will bring harm to my family.

That is why I have been wanting to hand my life over to Jesus. So he can help me with this burden of negativity but my husband saying that just terrified me.

And it makes no sense as we baptised our eldest child purely to get him into a good school and his siblings followed on a sibling connection so didn't get baptised.

So if he was really worried about us not being together in heaven why didn't he baptise our subsequent kids?

I just feel so sick and lost.

I felt so sure that this would be good for me. Washing away all my guilt and lonliness but now i just feel confused and scared.

I told my sister what happened and shenis saying i have to get baptised that its jesus thats calling me to do it.

But again I feel like she is talking from the influence of her church. Another man made religion that had beliefs I don't adhere to.

This is why I felt such a disconnect from Catholicism, the fear and guilt of doing the wrong thing and there being punishment in the afterlife for it. I just want to live Jesus without all the red tape.

And now I don't know if getting baptised will save me or condemn me.

Has anyone been through similar?

Your Catholic Baptism already means that you are baptised into any Christian Church.
Go along to as many different local Christian churches as you like. Find a congregation that feels welcoming and fits you.
Do you like singing?
Do you like charity work?
Do you like prayer?
There are so many different lovely Christian communities. I would try different Catholic churches too and C of E.
Any respectful church would not be a threat to your marriage or family. Jesus wants the best for you.

Well that’s an enlightened viewpoint 😳

It is a pov to which the OP is entitled. This is not a thread for somebody to start proselytising about Islam and presenting a false ‘jesus’ to somebody who is seeking the Lord Jesus Christ. To @ALittleRoundCat I would warn you to be aware of the ‘prowling wolves’ on this thread.

Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me.

Christ Jesus already knows your heart @ALittleRoundCat . He knows your dilemma and all the ‘whispers of the enemy’ that are fearfully holding you back. He is knocking at the door of your heart and mind and is patiently waiting for you to let Him in.

The original post mentioned that you had tried paganism. I wondered if it may benefit you to read other testimonies by people who have done similar and turned to Christ. It sounds like you have turned to Christ again as well.

https://www.premierchristianity.com/testimonies/i-was-a-pagan-high-priestess-then-i-met-jesus/21938.article

There may be others on that website and it sometimes are free to read on the weekend.

Oh they really have done a number on you haven’t they? The main thing about Jesus is love and forgiveness. Even the Catholic church is focused on that nowadays, rather than fire and brimstone.

That being said, you don’t have to go to church or subscribe to a particular organised religion to have faith. You can pray at home, talk to Jesus/God, ask for guidance, light a candle (if you wish to do so) , read the Bible /scriptures , or just general religious reading if you want. Being comfortable , at peace and focus will bring you closer to Jesus/God a lot more than any church will.

They’re still a bit too fire and brinstoney for what OP needs.

You may find this scripture useful.

The New Testament makes mention of there being an evil conscience. Your conscience is not evil and this scripture also can be taken another way to mean ones conscience can feel excessively guilty over things and it affect you to (Hebrews 10:22). "Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water."

Christ can forgive you, but you may need to learn to forgive yourself if you need to.

I wonder if you’re caught up in the idea of religion as a solution but the core of your issues are something else entirely that need to be addressed through other means (therapy, etc). The fear, the guilt, the anxiety, the pressure from your husband and sister are bound to weigh you down . IMO you’re looking at religion as a solution to things that I think won’t be resolved that way - in fact, it all sounds like another layer of stress. Can you try to address the cause? Lots of religious practices are very beneficial for humans, which might be why you enjoy uplifting hymns. There’s a great organisation called Sea of Faith that might be of interest.

It's a strange thing is it not ? How a Christian can say other Christians have a "false Jesus", that there are ‘whispers of the enemy’ around, trying to prevent someone from finding the real Jesus.

Who can say what the real Jesus is ?

I understand why, as an atheist @RedTagAlan , you wouldn't accept either Christianity or Islam simply because a religious text says something is true. But that's actually why I think the distinction between the Christian Jesus and the Islamic Jesus matters.

The Jesus Christianity claims existed is the Jesus testified to by the earliest Christian sources: a Jewish man who was crucified, whose followers very shortly afterwards proclaimed that He had risen from the dead and that He was the Son of God. The New Testament doesn't portray Him as merely another prophet. He forgives sins, accepts worship, calls God His Father in a unique sense, claims authority over the Sabbath, says that He and the Father are one, and says that whoever has seen Him has seen the Father.

Most importantly, Christianity isn't based on Jesus simply claiming to be God and everyone believing Him. Its central claim is that God raised Him from the dead. Paul was writing about Jesus being risen extremely early in the Christian movement, and the Gospels and other early Christian writings consistently centre everything around His death and resurrection.

The Islamic picture of Jesus comes centuries later and fundamentally changes those claims. Islam honours Jesus as a prophet, but denies the central Christian claims about His identity, crucifixion and resurrection. So the question isn't really, “Which religion has the real version of Jesus?” It's: Which account is closest to the historical Jesus?

And there's an interesting problem for Islam here: the Qur'an comes approximately six centuries after Jesus, whereas the Christian sources concerning Jesus originate much closer to His lifetime. If we're asking historically what Jesus and His earliest followers believed about Him, I think we have to take those earlier sources seriously rather than automatically accepting a much later account that contradicts them.

For me, the Christian claim is therefore much bigger than “Jesus was a good teacher” or “Jesus was a prophet.” Christianity says that in Jesus, God Himself entered His creation.

And that's why I believe the real question isn't simply whether Jesus existed. He almost certainly did. The question is the one Jesus Himself forces us to confront: Who do you say that I am?*

If He was merely a prophet, then Christianity is fundamentally wrong. But if He truly is the Son of God and rose from the dead, then He isn't merely someone whose teachings we can admire. He is someone we have to reckon with personally.

*Having studied the Bible you will be familiar with the words "I am" and their significance I am sure Alan...

Yeah. Thats's not what I am talking about. The OP is wanting to get close to Jesus, and here we have people talking about false ones etc.

So how to know what the real one is ?

The OP accepts the Jesus she feels drawn to is the Son of God as Christians believe Him to be. Someone came onto the thread and brought Islam up and their version of Jesus, "Isa al-Masih" who to them is a revered prophet. The OP has stated her feelings regarding Islam. Not sure what you are trying to get at if I'm honest, or, what your agenda is?

Hi OP I've been a Christian over 43 years.

I was converted into the C of E as a teenager.

I would recommend finding a group of believers you can travel alongside. Something like Forest Church, some sort of new community of Christism faith, Fresh Exitession etc.

You can journey alone but I think the old saying is, if you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.

I also have OCD but mine is very mild.

I would seek some separate mental health support for anxiety and OCD.

Feel free to ask me anything.

I wish you well.

Xxxxx

Sorry @RedTagAlan I am distracted and have re-read your post. I think I now understand what you are saying. I will be honest and say I haven't paid complete attention to the entire thread and must have missed the part that "Christians can say other Christians have a "false Jesus".
If you could highlight these posts for me I would be interested to read them. Thank you.

Where is the strength of faith ii even the word "atheist" is so offensive ?

Being an atheist is not offensive to Christians here, your offence in this thread is posting when the OP specifically asked for believers input only. You know that and yet you still did it deliberately, trying to cover by saying 'oh I'm only asking.. I'm just interested.." Sure. You seek to disrupt, we see you.

I think this was the post and the forum poster actually hasn't stated what faith they have. They could have left the faith or worship Islam now.. I didn't assume that they were a Christian in that post.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/5569300-wanting-to-find-jesus-but-struggling?page=3&reply=154296093&utm_campaign=reply&utm_medium=share&utm_source=copylink

Thanks @Justmerach

I was indeed in error, because I implanted the whole false prophet thing into what that poster was saying. And they were saying that Islam has a false Jesus ?

I stand corrected.

Although it is still odd in a way because it is the same God. And there are Christian groups that have Jesus as a prophet too. So it goes back to that bumper thread we just filled up. But this is a different thread, not about that.

Thank you @Justmerach the post by @SpottyPyjama states they had a Christian upbringing but that they accept the Islamic version of Jesus; therefore it is safe to assume that poster is no longer a Christian and @RedTagAlan posts do not make much sense, at least not to me...

My understanding is that mainstream Christianity view Jesus Christ as a prophet as well as the Son of God. In the Catholic Church, Jesus Christ is the final and definitive Word of God. Public divine revelation is considered completely full and closed with Jesus and the Apostles, meaning no subsequent prophet can add new public doctrine.

Allah is not the same God.

You can't because you don't know Him. Also, as you are a self-confessed unbeliever (as per your many posts on this board), I don't think you have much that is helpful to give the opening poster. I will add that being as you say you used to be a 'christian', you know what is in store for those who willingly lead others astray. You will also be aware of Matthew 7:23. I will not be engaging with you further on this thread.

This ⬆️

I was going to post about the statement of Allah being the same God, but I realised it would probably derail the thread — and, honestly, I think some posters are deliberately trying to do exactly that rather than engaging in good faith.

It’s difficult to see people posting what I genuinely believe is nonsense about something as deeply sacred and precious as our faith. It can be tempting to jump in and defend it point by point.

Perhaps sometimes the more Christian response is to turn the other cheek, not get drawn into arguments and simply walk away. We don't have to respond to every provocation. Our faith doesn't need us to fight every battle.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is pray, keep our peace and move on. ❤️✝️

I think we can all live without "Chat GPT Does Theology" @VeraPetrovnaGorky . I may not agree with all the views expressed, but I think people are posting their own thoughts and beliefs honestly, not relying on a LLM to come up with some for them.

You are so right