Any Witches Here? Part 21

[speakout]

Just settling into the new place, plumping the cushions and opening the windows. Welcome to n everyone, newcomers, old friends, the curious.
Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.
A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration..

I have woken up to the sound of gentle rain here, the skys are overcast and the light levels are low, but it feels soothing, not the trumpeting fanfare of blue skies and sunny energy.
I have wanted to respond to posts of late- old friends and new, but I am just keeping my head above water- again. My DS is not in a good place right now, that can weigh heavy on me, I am the only family member who can spreak to him when he is so low, and this morning he doesn;t even want to do that- but keeping him safe is paramount.
My OH is having a 2 hour psychiatric assessement today to measure impact of a dreadful few years he had as a boy at boarding school- the worst possible acts that you can imagine happened- , and he is very anxious. My mother wants to be taken to A& E to have a painful corn dealt with, it has been sore for weeks, despite my repeated suggestions to visit a podiatrist during sensible hours it has beome " urgent" for her. She has a dramatic limp,and no ifdea of the challenges my DS and OH have right now, her sore tow is the centre of the universe.
I have handed her my ( very well stocked) first aid kit- she will have to sort herself out or call an ambulance for herself if she deems it necessary.

I need to focus on my own well being right now, so a spa shower with lavender oil and yoga at 9am.
I am having some carer;s support right now, it is so incredible,. I need to summon up courage to go to a carers coffee morning, but I have also been given vouchers for 8 beauty/massage treatments, a block of 12 psychotherapy sessions, a three month silversmith/jewelry set of classes. I am so grateful for all this incredible - and free support.
I hope my fog lifts a little, I am just finding it hard to engage in chat right now. xxx

Look after yourself @speakout. Tell your mother that my dh waited 5 hours for an ambulance with a broken hip so for a corn it will probs be a week.

Sisters,I am on my way to Paris! I have agreed/told DH I need to get away for a couple of nights for some headspace. I know this looks incredibly selfish and probably is but I am at the end of my tether. I need to be away from DH ,from home from everything. This was the first leg of our trip which should have happened today and already paid for. DS is at home,DH has everything he needs bar being fed and watered which DS will do. I have made a stand and put myself first. Witch or bitch? Don't care.
To alleviate the guilt a bit I am also lugging a case containing 1000 poppies and 300 wooden crosses for Normandy commemorations in June!

Thankyou Hedjwitch- I really appreciate your support.

I am glad to hear you are having a break, caring for ourself is one of the most selfless acts we can do when we look after others. XX

@speakoutno need to talk if you’re not feeling up to it. Sit in the energy and feel our love and support for you. Caring for others is exhausting, mentally and physically. So pleased that you’re receiving help from the carers group. Sending positive energy to you and your family xxx

@Hedjwitch not selfish at all! DH is being looked after so time to fill our own cup! Hope you have a great time 😊

I’m looking forward to a quiet day today after a busy weekend. A dog walk and coffee with a friend this morning and yoga this evening. My DS is having a tonsillectomy tomorrow. We’ve been warned that he’s going to be in quite a bit of pain afterwards so I’m gearing up for a tough week!

Thank you VioletCharlotte, your words are helpful. I feel bad because I want to support my sisters here, but don't seem to have the capacity to do so right now.
I long for an ordinary uneventful life. Things seem to be lurching from crisis, chaos, drama and emergences with no let up of daily floods of adrenalin, poor sleep, just wondering what next will hit.
I would love to walk away, but these are my family- people I love, so that isn't an option.
I do need some boundary setting,, but what I crave is a few days of quiet- alone or with others in a nurturing space.
Thank you for the love. xx

Thank you for the warm welcome back.

It sounds like many of us are struggling with keeping ourselves on the life raft while trying to pull others up onto it.
We need to keep hold of the mast, our sense of self and our own equilibrium, otherwise no one gets saved.

@Hedjwitch I hope you have a wonderful time in Paris!

@speakout it sounds so tough right now. My own children have suffered hugely with their mental health these last five years too. It is so painful, exhausting and frightening, isn't it? You're giving so much to your family. I do hope you feel recharged after your yoga and spa shower, and that you take full advantage of all the support being offered.

When I used to visit before we had a candle-lighting ceremony, I think it was 8am and 8pm. I used to take a lot of comfort in that, especially when things got too much and I drifted away. Do you still do it?

Quick flypast, waving to everyone, in the same boat as many..
Welcome backTheSameSunShines
Yes, we still do the Eights.🕯

Greetings from.Paris. Am quite proud of myself for getting around on the Metro and also getting to Rouen and back to hand over 1000 poppies for the commemorations in Normandy later this year. It was a covert operation..I felt as if I was indulging in something very clandestine!

@speakout
I have followed these threads from the beginning and dip in now and then under different names. I have been where you are and know how incredibly draining and debilitating it is. Sending you love and support.
@Hedjwitch so glad you are managing to have a couple of days away! Relish every moment!

This corner of Mumsnet is a balm in troubled times. Sending you all good vibes.

Love and best wishes to all those struggling.

@speakout that sounds incredibly hard. My dp had an awful time at boarding school, so I can imagine how damaging that is. Your carer's group sound great, lean into their support. My dd2's crisis last year has given us all mh issues, but dd1 is worse affected and living with my parents. The few messages we get back are worrying, so I sympathise massively with your ds. So hard.

@MistyDryad your description of your adult dd is very familiar. I hope you managed some good times with her over Easter.

We visited my dd2 on Easter Sunday, which was lovely, but I had felt very wobbly in the morning beforehand. I think because her really bad deterioration had started Easter last year, so subconsciously it was affecting me. We also visited some friends, who live near her home, they have an autistic adult ds who they've just decided to put into a residential home, as his behaviour is very challenging. It feels like us a year ago. Overall, we've had an enjoyable and sociable time seeing friends, though.

@Hedjwitch your solo trip sounds amazing!

Today I visited Montmartre then just meandered where my feet took me. Paris,away from the tourist spots,is dirty,crowded and ...alive. God knows where I have been today. Can't remember as getting mildly tipsy due to all the cafe stops for a glass of wine. If this is freedom,I'll take it!

Sounds just what you need Hedjwitch, salut!

Well done, @Hedjwitch !
I'm smiling at the idea of a slightly sozzled witch ambling around Paris on her own, soaking up the atmosphere along with the wine!😊

I hope you have all had aninvigorating/fun/restful/healing day - whatever replenishes you. I've had a calm yet productive one, getting lots done, slow and steady.

It's been a day of complete contrasts here with the weather. Cool and wet, almost autumnal this morning. I have been doing my morning yoga with the French doors wide open lately but with the rain coming down it was very chilly. We had a dramatic downpour before lunch. The rain gave everything a thorough soaking and made the colours all seem so much brighter once the sun did come back, and I had sunglasses on when I left work this afternoon.

I feel quite content and am turning in for an early night. My candle is lit, I have my cup of camomile beside me and through my open bedroom window I can heat that the birds have quietened down now.

I used to be an avid reader and am trying to get back into the habit. I've picked up a novel I've been dipping in and out of for several months but haven't managed to settle into, Circe by Madeleine Miller. Not that it's not interesting or well written. More that I haven't had the discipline to stick with it. (Lots of upheaval and it's been tempting to go for the easy dopamine hits from my phone or Netflix)

So I'm off to join Circe on her island in ancient Greece as she gathers the ingredients for her potions...

Fabulous @HedjwitchI love your description of Paris. I’ve never been, I’m slightly put off by how busy I imagine it to be, but I guess it’s no different to London. I love exploring new cities stopping for a drink in a bar or cafe, coming across hidden gems…you’ll go home with your cup overflowing ☺️

@TheSameSunShines cosying up in bed with a book is one of my favourite things in the world. I always read before going to sleep, although my concentration is not as good as it used to be. It’s all too easy to scroll on your phone instead!

DS2 finally had his long awaited tonsillectomy yesterday! He’s been suffering with chronic tonsillitis for 4 years, it’s had a huge impact on his life and prevented him from doing so many things. We’d heard lots of horror stories about the recovery, but he’s doing ok so far. I’m having to keep a note of all his meds; I also have to do the dogs meds three times a day and I’m a little worried my poor, confused premenopausal brain may mix them up!

@TheSameSunShines reading more sounds good, I need to swap Netflix for more reading. I loved Circe and also The Song of Achilles (which made me cry).

@Hedjwitch that sounds perfect. I have fond memories of being tipsy in Montmatre with a female friend one New Year many moons ago. You enjoy your freedom!

I'm really looking forward to a Women's Beltaine celebration in the woods this weekend. It's the first time I've ever done it. It's run through the yoga studio I go to.

VioletCharlotte I hope your DS heals quickly. How old is he?

I ask because I know the pain after surgery is worse in adolescents and adults.
Younger children seem to sail through recovery much more easily.
My DS had a tonsilectomy at 14, so just on the cusp of having pain.
You are wise to keep up the medications, rather than wait until the pain becomes bad.
My DS was sent home with ibuprofen, paracetamol and codeine, keeping up an intense regime- even if it meant wakening him during the night.

Having said that his health was much better afterwards- his tonsils had been affecting him badly for a number of years- his school attendance hovered around 75% because of repeated bouts of tonsilitis.

I am feeling a bit stronger today, I have been assigned a case worker, had a meeting with her last week and needed her support by phone yesterday. She is so emotionally intelligent, just a wonderful sole- reminding me that I have my tools to deal with difficult situations, that I am courageous, reminding me that I need to some first.
So again today I plan a self soothing evening, journalling, lighting an 8pm candle, and booking some groups and therapies.

Much love sisters.

Sending much soothing, love and support to you, @speakout Your case worker sounds like solid gold and will hopefully support you well going forward. I hope you enjoy your self soothing evening 🤗

Your solo trip to Paris sounds absolutely wonderful, @Hedjwitch I wouldn't be brave enough to do that but I have visited with hubby (he arranged a totally secret last minute surprise three night trip for our Pearl wedding anniversary many years ago - everyone knew but me!). I have memories of teetering tipsily through the streets of Paris 😅

We returned yesterday from our trip upcountry to take our daughter back to our care home. Apart from the last couple of days when she is always unsettled because of the looming transition from home, she was absolutely lovely and really enjoyed her three week break with us. Pesky Microsoft is knocking Skype on the head next month and trying to persuade (read force) everyone over to its own platform, Teams. But it's business orientated and nothing like the simple user friendly Skype that we've been using to chat to her twice a week for over a decade. So today's routine chat had to be done through WhatsApp and, despite extensive preparations both by us and her keyworker, it proved a bit rocky to start. Fortunately it worked fine once we'd got it sorted and she was very happy once she'd overcome her initial grumps. I'm sure once she's used to it, the chats will be much smoother and it looks to be much better than Skype which often glitched. But the hoops I had to jump through to get it installed on her laptop were legion and the care home had to get onto the technical department of their organisation because WhatsApp is blocked by default on their network. We were so relieved that they managed it for today. Kudos to all of them 👏

We also called in briefly with friends in south Devon yesterday whose landlord gave them notice to quit less than a month ago because he/she wanted to sell their property. They'd been there for 21 years, it was getting a bit tired and they'd been wary of making waves so their dishwasher hadn't worked for two years. Today, they're actually moving into a very nice property only a couple of miles away, modern, huge rooms, nice garden, enormous dry secure garden shed where she will have a little corner to do her dyeing (she spins and knits). The kitchen/diner is spacious and to die for, SO well equipped. They are happy to have secured the property but the task of moving is enormous. They seem to have a LOT of stuff belonging to their son (who moved to New Zealand with his GP wife a few years back) including, would you believe, a Mirror dinghy, a Saab car that hasn't been used in years but, amazingly, still started, plus loads of toys, computer stuff, a bed, a huge expensive coffee machine, two smart sports bikes .... it goes on and on. They have managed to sell/give away a lot of stuff but it's been exhausting for them both and I have to admit that I privately felt a big aggrieved with their son for leaving them with all his stuff. Hopefully it will all have gone well today and they can chill out on their deck this evening before tackling the next ten days before their previous tenancy officially ends.

Today has been quite nice, I've got a load of DDs laundry through and dried it on the line (she dumped a big armful of clothes in the Lloyd Loom wicker hamper on Tuesday morning before we left). For the next eight weeks, I take over her room and use her desk (which was actually given to me when I was 18 by my parents as a reward for passing my eleven plus and getting to Grammar School). There's actually a small armchair in there so I can sit and read with a cup of coffee. I'm looking forward to catching up on one or two recent purchases, even though 90% of my library is still packed away in boxes from our move in October 2023 and won't emerge probably until autumn 2026 😕

Well, I have bread rising and will soon be baking it. Hubby is off to club practice night at his local table tennis club so I'll have a quiet evening until he returns at about 9.30pm. I'm looking forward to it (even though it means a late supper).

Sending much love to my sisters here XXX

@speakout that sounds like a good plan, candles and therapies planned is soothing. Your case worker sounds great, people like that are like gold dust. We have some truly amazing professionals last year, who really stood out amongst some who were awful.

@MistyDryad your week with your dd sounds lovely, I'm glad it mostly went well. Transitions can be challenging, can't they?

I've had a difficult relationship with my parents this last year, as I felt they've been less than supportive. However, my mum emailed me (she's too deaf to speak on the phone) and my dad is going in for a procedure and biopsy tomorrow. Please send blessings, sisters.

Thanks all. Am now back home and having to deal with reality again, but at least the batteries have been recharged.

Circle is a brilliant book. I can so relate to her and her learning how to use plants and herbs.
On the train back I started reading " Demon Copperhead" which is absolutely amazing! How did I miss this one?

Circe, not circle. Bloody auto correct

@speakout DS is 23, and yes, the pain is definitely worse for adults and teens than it is for younger children. He’s had a very rough couple of days, but seems a little better this morning so hopefully over the hump. I’m really glad your DS is much better since his op. I’ve heard similar from others. DS has been suffering for about 4 years so hopefully will be much better once he gets through the recovery stage.

It’s good to hear you’re feeling stronger and really pleased you’re getting some support.

@MistyDryad glad your visit with your DD went well and she got back safely. We use Teams for work, it’s very straightforward once you get used to it so hopefully she’ll be ok once she’s got used to the change.

@quirkychick sending positive thoughts for your Dad.

@Hedjwitch glad you had a great time and hope everything’s ok at home.

I’ve not read Circe, will add it to my ever growing list!

I’m feeling tired today after a week of caring for DS, as well as working and looking after my elderly dog. Planning a quiet day today, I need to do some laundry and some housework but it’ll all be done at a gentle pace. Sending blessings to you all.

I am glad to hear your DS is recovering well, pain will reduce in the coming days I'm sure.

The clouds seem to be clearing a little for me life wise, I can glimpse a little sun in the cracks.
There are positive family changes afoot in the near future, So I am looking forward to the future with a little more optimism.

I have booked a one day yoga retreat next month, my friend ( who is also one of my yoga teachers) has urged me to go, and it will be so good to spend time with her.
It's a little pricey, not overnight, but a full day which includes lunch dinner and refreshements throughout the day.It's a packed programme, including yoga, qigong river meditation, and a short afternoon workshop with a horticultural therapist, foraging and learning. It feels so good to look forward to something like this.

I'm also looking for suggestions of incense. I have been using Nag Champa and some sweet little dinky packs made by a women's cooperative in India- lovely light fragrances.
I find many incenses too strong, I often just snap an inch or two off the stick and use it that way, or if the weather is warm I will burn one stuck in a plant pot outside with my patio doors open. That way I get gentle wafts of fragrance rather than me being overpowered.

I'd love to know which if any incense you use.

I love to burn frankincense resin. My friend in the Middle East occasionally brings me some of the really good stuff when he comes home and it smells amazing.
I foraged nettles yesterday and now they have wilted they will be used to make an infused oil which I will then use as a base for some new balms I want to try.

@quirkychick It's so difficult when elderly parents can't hear, isn't it? There's only one parent left between me and hubby - his mother - who has just turned 93 and has been in a very nice care home in the Midlands for about eight years. It's so sad to see her deteriorate slowly, both physically and mentally (dementia). Many years ago, she refused to wear hearing aids because they were uncomfortable and is now almost completely deaf. Hubby has to sit very close and shout into her face so she can hear him. I sit further away but woe betide me if I speak to him, because she gets extremely irritated and assumes we are talking about her. So he tends to go in on his own. He can no longer talk to her on the phone because she can't hear him, and the conversation is almost exclusively her repetitive 'rote' memories. He can't contribute at all, in fact he had to cut her off abruptly last autumn when he called her and then the ferry queue we were waiting in suddenly started boarding. He has recently taken to writing her letters on cards and we found her lovingly clutching a dog-eared coffee-stained card when we last visited. We've found bluetooth headphones very useful when combined with a WhatsApp video call because it amplifies the volume. So she can hear her daughter (my sister-in-law) talking to her from California when hubby or his younger brother visit the care home and can facilitate the call with their mobile phones. Sending blessings for your father's procedure and swift recovery @quirkychick

@VioletCharlotte I hope your DS is having a good recovery from his tonsillectomy too. I had a similar history of repeated infections when I was young so I had both tonsils and adenoids out when I was about eight. Kids tend to bounce back but it's a bigger challenge for adults. Our friend, who loves F1 motor racing, was very disparaging of Nigel Mansell (I think) when he pulled out of an F1 race because of shingles. He said Mansell was a wimp ... until HE got shingles badly and then realised how bad it was.

Teams wasn't an option for us because she can neither make nor respond to an invitation to a meeting. She is used to just sitting down at her laptop, starting Skype and clicking an icon to call us. So simple! It looks like WhatsApp will be a good replacement and the video/sound quality is a big improvement. We've had a test call with her keyworker and ironed out the glitches (we hope!). She is on duty tomorrow when DD will be calling so hopefully things will go smoothly. Said keyworker then has to teach the other staff, some of whom are decidedly not pc adept, how to help DD if she has problems. I don't envy her ...

@speakout sending good vibes for positive family developments and some peace and quiet for your 'Me Time'. I tend not to use incense very much. If I do, I have some little incense cones which aren't very big and aren't too strongly fragranced. They aren't as intense as a full incense stick. I have two, a wild rose one and wild strawberry. They're packed away in a box somewhere anyway while we are between houses. So I tend to use an oil burner and essential oils. My favourites are lavender, sweet orange, rosemary, lime, rose, honeysuckle and ginger.

I've had a nice day because we went to Tregothnan on the only weekend the estate is open to the public for a charity fundraising event. Apparently it's the biggest such event in the world! It was mostly overcast although the sun did come through a little. It was also pretty damp and muddy underfoot in some places after a LOT of rain yesterday evening and overnight. The azaleas, rhododendrons and camellias were fabulous. I want a R. luteum which has sunny yellow flowers and the most delicious scent (but not until we are finally settled and I can plan my garden). They also have the biggest common Rhododendron in the UK at 46 metres tall. There was also live music from local choirs singing anything from ancient to modern which was very enjoyable. We had Venison burgers for a late lunch, hubby had a huge ice cream from the Salcome Dairy mobile van and I had some tea. Tregothnan planted tea bushes in 1999 and now has quite a big business growing and selling proper English-grown tea. It was actually very nice but I wasn't prepared to pay the prices they were asking for their fancy packaged teas in their gift shop! Hubby allowed me to look around the plant stall (without my purse!) while he finished his ice cream. I found a small palm tree for £5 and managed to persuade him to buy it when he joined me (he was a bit grumpy). THEN I managed to sneak a pretty double yellow Kalanchoe in a fancy pot into our shopping trolley when we popped into the supermarket on the way home to do some shopping. Again, he wasn't pleased but I've wanted a yellow one for a while so it's now sitting pretty on our mantelpiece. I can't believe I got TWO plants in one day ...

Blessings for a lovely weekend, sisters XXXX

Thanks for the incense suggestions. I use Frankincense too- it's wonderful.
I do smudge or sain with sage or foraged herbs, and use a lot of essential oils too, and will often put fresh citrus peel on the radiator. I use simmer pots too, fresh herbs forom my garden. If there are any apples or citrus fruit that is lurking at the bottom of the fruit bowl I slice and dry for later use in a simmer pot.

And yes to the hearing aids! I understand the frustration. My mother has fully functioning hearing aids but refuses to wear them. They have been changed and replaced several times so are working correctly, but I have given up trying.
My mother and I can't have a conversation, refuses to believe she has a hearing problem, and the fault lies with me-she says I "mumble", " talk too quietly" or "shout". It's particularly sad for my daughter, who sees her gran only once every few weeks, but unable to hold a real conversation. My DD wonders why her gran would choose not to engage with her when she has the choice.
The hearing problem also means my mother will make assumptions about what I say- for instance I may say " Did you get your hair appointment booked?" and my mother will reply - often angrily. " Why do you always want to talk about my sister?" I often write important information and hand it to her, even if we are in the same room.

One of the more sinister aspects of hearing loss is that it promotes cognitive decline. I have only found out about this recently, but makes sense. Apparently when hearing diminishes the brain has to work so much harder to decipher sounds. This "cognitive load" forces the brain to recruit other areas in order to support the hearing. One of these areas is those that deal with memory. So hearing deficit can have a major impact on memory function in the elderly.
I have spoken to my Mum's gerentologist and GP about this phenomenon, and they strongly urge my mother to wear her hearing aids. There is a ton of information online about this hearing/memory connection.
It is useful to know, and there is hope, as if good hearing is established again the brain will move function and memory will improve.

But I have given up completely with the hearing aid thing- frustration ties me in knots!!

MistyDryad I am glad you had an enjoyable afternoon. I'm afraid I wouldn't stand for limitations on my purchases though!

The weather is set to be dry today, if a little chilly, but I have a stack of laundry to do and hang outside. I know several of us are laundry witches !!