Any Witches Here? Part 21

[speakout]

Just settling into the new place, plumping the cushions and opening the windows. Welcome to n everyone, newcomers, old friends, the curious.
Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.
A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration..

I did my first wee spell there! Kind of juxtaposing feelings around it. Happy to have done it, but it is for someone who has become ill. I hope my intention of protection goes out to the universe and helps. Xx

Hedjwitch what a photo ! I can see the fire imp or "demon" ( I don't do demons- far too christian) so that could be a meaning. But I also see a dog, lying down in a playful way, maybe a black and white dog, size of a collie- with two white front paws outstretched. Bending over the dog is a male figure, the dog is looking up in anticipation of play or a treat. I don't know if that is meaningful at all.

Good to hear your spellwork went smoothly Arcati85. You have mixed feelings though?

It has been a week of family obligations, and realise I am giving out more than I can afford to.
Today has been a quiet one thankfully, so I have been able to take things a bit slower. I visited the remains of Beatrix Leslie's home today,she - and many of her sisters murdered by the church. I sat on ,an old stretch of wall and spoke aloud to her, calling her name. I wanted to bring a small amount of comfort to her. I told her that none of it was her fault, that she was terribly wronged. I also wanted her to know that she is not forgotten, that people remember and speak her name, and that I brought messages of support and comfort- from people here in this chat. I gave her a litle flower and some hawthorn berries for ancestral connection.

@speakout I hope you are carving out some time for yourself. I feel the same this week with outside obligations. I'm still recovering from a stomach bug. Dd has got her school place, but as the SEN system is labyrinthine and took ages to sort, she might not be able to start until half-term. I've spent 2 days dealing with various services. I also had a serious conversation with dp last week about being exhausted with dealing with his emotions and not having any space for my own. He seemed to take it on board. The work you are doing to remember Beatrix Leslie and the others is amazing. The way you speak of it is very moving.

@Arcati85 that sounds exciting. I have been very drawn (literally) to protective emblems, especially drawing the evil eye and wearing onyx.

Sounds full on quirkychick. I think recognising that we are overwhelmed or over committed is a huge big step, I am often overloaded, but I am getting better at recognising my over function. Today for instance was a slower day, On days like this I find my mind thinking " Oh I will just be able to tidy out some kitchen cupboards " or " I need to visit Ikea for curtains" .I have to force myself to just enjoy a slow day, with rest, reading and tea. Most days are not like this. My mother has had a recent Dementia diagnosis, and as a result has a lot of new support. So dietician, nurse, GP, audiology, occupational therapist,social care to get her involved with local groups etc. So for the past couple of weeks I have been making appointments, taking her to places, all the care workers also want me present. Hopefully once this flurry of activity passes she will have a lot of new support, and things will get easier for me,but I am in the thick of it right now,

@speakout that sounds similar, trying to get all the different professionals involved and communicating is exhausting, I agree. I've had a deliberate quiet day today as well - it is hard to do - as I've a busy week and next week work will start picking up again.

Full moon blessings sisters. I know the full moon can disrupt sleep, but for me it has the opposite effect. This full moon is extremely potent- a partial lunar eclipse in Pisces. With the sun in Virgo there is a tug of war situation impacting different life energies. The main lesson of last night was about learning where to stop micromanaging ( Virgo ) and trusting the universe ( Pisces).

The sun has returned this morning, with an autumnal flavour. I can see the geen trees now starting to take on a warmer glow, tips are mellowing to golden and orange. I may take a trip to a retail park first thing today, I want to lookat some boots and clothes for an upcoming wedding.

You are right these things are exhausting quirkychick. I am a carer for two adult family members, and have to deal with all the life management for them, as well as my own, and run a small business. I am becoming much stricter as to what is actually my responsibility, and cutting out stuff.

APOLOGIES_ BIT OF A RANT !

As part of the support package offered because of my mother's recent dementia diagnosis I was offered a support worker to focus on my needs, looking at what respite, care or grants I may qualify for, without the focus on my mother- she has her own support worker. In many years of being a carerr I heve never met someone so tone deaf and inept in such a role.

It has left me quite angry. Before her visit I did some research, found a lot of information and support that I may qualify for. I started talking about six potential support points I had discovered. She knew of not one of them.. She even asked for a copy of the document I had written- not gonna happen. But that wasn't the worst part- she was filling in a form with tick boxes, she asked me about activities I do- I started to say I did yoga, she cut me off after just a few words, told me about how her daughter tried yoga, buy then broke her ankle slipping on ice. blah blah blah, about her own exercise bike she never uses, talked for a while about her other family members, then put a big tick in he box. Job done.

This happened for a whole hour. After 20 minutes or so I actually just shut up, only spoke a few words, at the end of the session I knew of her daughters fertility issues, her husband's urinary tract infection, her dog's vet trteatment, the stress she is under organising her parent's wedding anniversary party, her trip to Spain, her weight loss journey, her experience at a slimming club, her car needing expensive repairs. She told me she had been taking Prozac for 15 years, at one point exclaiming " Look at me, I don't mind telling people I take medication." I replied " You are an inspiration". The sarcasm was lost on her.

She left me with lots of forms- all for extra support for my mother not me -lanyard, parking badge, an invitation to a dementia cafe for people and carers, adding that if I " needed company" I could visit the demantia cafe alone, there would always be people to talk to. Hold me back!

I have put all her forms into the recycling bin. To add insult she phoned me 4 times in an hour while I was at the gym next morning. twice more in the afternoon, left me 3 text messages and 4 voicemails. I did not reply to any.

I don't want to complain about her- she is not doing a good job, but she is a human,and I don't want to get her into any trouble, but she is a grown woman and this is a salaried position. For now I need to just stonewall her.

Thanks for listening if you got this far!

You really do need to complain about her @speakout . She shouldn't be in the job and you will be saving others from having to deal with her if she is disciplined or sacked.

I have felt really anxious this week. My hormones are all over the place, and i definitely did not sleep well last night, despite being knackered. I dont want to 'blame' the moon lol - but I do think since ive been trying to tune in more... its having an effect. Ive a lot going on. I work full time, I have a 4 year ol, my wedding is in 13 days, and I lost my mum 9 months ago. I am also losing weight, and at nearly 41, I think its time for the synthetic hormones to go as well.
It has been a WEEK! so i totally empathise with anyone who has felt drained and pulled down this week... im on the hamster wheel too!!

That really sounds awful. I really have found some people in these 'caring' positions do it, fir reasons other than - actually wanting to help. I worked in care for years, then a drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre, and then a dementia unit... and some of the people were foul. Its a though they do it for some kind of power, and to appear virtuous, when theyre not. I always found it really odd.. and these people all had the same vibes about them, and they never, ever liked me.

I think patching her is probably a good move for now. I would perhaps think about maybe an email or something down the line though - shes literally supposed to be helping people in vulnerable situations, and doesn't sound like thats her calling.....

I have had no luck trying to think where my tarot cards are. Last place to check - is the loft. Which i wont go up... 🤣🤣

Arcati85 seems a busy time for you too. I have a couple of methods to find lost things- one is my house brownie, like an elf- he has a little door, and is very partial to chocolate, will often be persuaded to give back lost items for a bribe. My DD sometimes phones me when she - or even her friend loses things, and my husband sometimes calls from work if he has mislaid something- it will be the request " can you put a piece of chocolate out?" And it works, every time, The other method is to use a pendulum,draw a plan of your home or a room, and move the oendulum over the drawing to find the item. On the other hand it could just be the universe telling you that you deserve a new Tarot deck, there are some amazing decks around these days.

Mayhemabounds the care worker does deserve to be reported, but that is just more stuff for me to do. I am trying to get rid of things that are not my responsibility right now, there is such an institutional assumption that I as a competent female family member should automatically do things for my mother.

And society expects it, promising a medal for being a martyr, sticking it on with the glue of guilt.

Morning sisters. Gosh, what emotional workloads we carry! If I had an ounce of energy spare it would be winging its way to you. I also am running on empty. It seems like years ago that DH died and I have to remember it was only last month!
Dd1, who has a history of poor mental health, has taken a massive backwards turn and is not coping at all. She lost her beloved Grandma two years ago, two dear friends last year and now her dad. All of her cornerstones have gone or,as her counsellor put it, her scaffolding has collapsed. She says she doesn't want to be here any more. I'm worried sick.

Oh Hedjwitch life can be so hard can't it. You are grieving, trying to hold yourself together, but now have great concern for your daughter. It must be so hard to witness your daughter's pain and hearing that she doesn't want to be here any longer.

The fact she is communicating this to you is huge. And a great testament to you as a mother and the close relationship you have. It is so hard to hear of your daughter's despair. You mention she has a counsellor- is she having active support right now? Do you think the counselling is helping?
I know you love and care for your daughter, and your worry is hard to bear.

Sometimes we need to take a step back, even in the most difficult circumstances, at least have periods of respite. It is vital to find space for yourself, and as much as you want to support, fix even, we need some boundaries, breathing space, and we are allowed to have joy. We can't always fix people, but by focussing on your own well being you will be in the best possible position to help your daughter.
Are you having any counselling or have people to support you right now?

Thanks @speakout . No,I'm not at the moment. I had some after mum died,but for now I'm ploughing on. I'm keeping in contact with dd and have a network of trusted friends looking out for her and checking in. My mother used to say that as your children get older they aren't heavy in your arms but heavy in your heart. I know what she meant.

@Hedjwitch that sounds so difficult! Can you access any support for yourself or her? Easier said than done, I know. Your mother's phrase is so apt. My dd's are definitely heavy in the heart. My eldest is in her year abroad and our relationship is very fragile.

@speakout we had a similar support worker for my dd2, who in the end I made an informal complaint about. I felt I was having to manage her as well as the situation.

Learning to trust the universe is a lesson I'm still learning, it always serves me well when I do. My grandmother believed strongly in "Puck" in the house, if something went missing.

A moody, misty full moon. I have definitely felt more energised since, I was feeling quite washed out and post-viral.

quirkychick I love that photo.

Every phase of parenthood has challenges doesn't it. My youngest is 26, and still needs a shoulder. She is having housing problems. She works in the city centre, but impossible to find cheap accommodation for one person. She has a boyfriend, and he is keen to have her move in with him,but she wants a place of her own. She has flat shared for a while and had enough of that, she is not sure what she should do.
We will help her as much as we can. When I was 18 I was pushed out of the door, same for OH, our 20a was a difficult time for each of us ( before we met) and we have each gone through times of sofa surfing. It feels a privilege to be able to support our own kids now, but that can be such a heavy load.

On a positive note I am looking for a portable fire pit or brazier for my garden. There are many aspects about my current home that I love, but as with all properties there is usually a bit of a compromise. In my case I would have loved an open fire, but the house doesn't even have a chimney. I really feel a need to have some kind of fire,so planning an outdoor one. It would be a portable one, maybe a big flat pan on legs or a brazier. And recommendations?

I bought a cheap firepit-come-barbecue from amazon. It's got an optional grill you can put over the top. I bought a black waterproof cover for rainy days. I've had it 18 months, so far, so good.

That's great, thanks. After a bedroom makeover, I am loving my new sleeping environment. It makes me feel safe and relaxed. Only while doing the decoration I started to read about indoor environment and mental health- it's so interesting. I have known for years that I find clutter stressful, softly lit minimal environments make me feel relaxed. So I want to slowly use the ideas used to change the whole house. - all done on minimum spend.. I made a lot of things for my new room, some lamps, cushions, took items I already had in other places, bought from charity shop or junk yard, the only things I bought new were paint and soft bedding.

My family love the calm style, and some house improvemets are very long overdue, it will be a slow process. Having some kind of fire in the garden is part of that process, it's a return to self, part of my healing. Now that feelings of internal safety are in place then my creative juices are flowing.

@speakout I'm currently trying to declutter and just have things I really love. I'm not a minimalist, but it's a bit of an uphill battle as dp tends towards hoarding/keeping everything.

I have been steadily decluttering for months,more so since dh died. Slowly the house is reappearing from the mess and has space to breathe. I do second hand and repurpose where I can. An old,shallow fruit bowl is now a birdbath.
There is just so much STUFF!
I am supposed to be at work today but can't face it so instead I am at home ploughing through a glut of plums. So far,plum cake,plum brandy,plum vodka and stewed plums for crumble.

Your plum preserves sound lovely Hedjwitch. I thought I was in for a bumper crop this year hundreds of plums on a tree I planted a couple of years ago. But a severe rainstorm brought down all the plums, and I didn't notice for a few days, by which time they became a bit squishy- a feast for woldlife though.
That sounds a bit like my husband quirkychick he is very untidy and loves tohoard stuff. We have agree he can make as much mess as he likes in a couple of areas of the house, it feels more manageble than having boxes of his wires and crap everywhere. Here are a couple of pics of my new room, just for the vibe.