I'm no longer a Christian at age 40. So what now?

[DustSalad]

Hey

I became a Christian when I was very young - accepted Jesus in the special prayer when I was about 8 or something. My dad was agnostic but my mum was a strong believer (she converted after we were born). I wasn't forced into it or anything. I suppose I just believed what my mum told me. I suspect I would have laughed at Christians otherwise as I was quite into science.

But I was never a very good Christian especially when I became a teenager. I didn't enjoy going to church much despite trying, sometimes very hard, and even going on Christian holidays and reading Christian literature. At other times I slept around and drank a lot. My default setting is to swear and be cynical and generally not even like other people that much, never mind want to be kind and loving to everyone!

So at age 40 I just don't know what I believe anymore. I do believe there are contradictions in the Bible. I actually find the Jesus character really irritating - he never just answers a question, it's always a bloody riddle with him!

And yes I can absolutely see how organised religion is all about controlling women and making money. But that doesn't necessarily mean there isn't still a God...?

I feel a bit down now though. I haven't told anyone how I feel. A lot of my friends are from church. I even still say the same sort of things I always have eg I wrote about God in a condolence card to someone today from church.

What do I do now? Read books on athiesm? Who do I talk to? My church minister or my local athiest?!

Thanks

You have nothing to feel guilty about, despite what some of the posters on here encouraging you to stick with it say.

First thing is, stop feeling guilty. Religion does that.
You can still find bits of teaching helpful, you can pray if you want, you’re free to form whatever kind of relationship with ‘god’, ‘love’ yourself or whatever. Get your own views on what is right and trust yourself.
I was like you and I’ve realised more and more the horrible mess religions have which are miles away from the most genuine meaningful parts of their teachings; they’re outdated laws basically, with god thrown in for fear factor. They’re hugely misogynistic and homophobic. Be free from thinking you have to adhere to or somehow assimilate hateful views. Religion is like a massive wall between ‘you’ and ‘god’ telling you what to think feel do, telling you that god is beyond you and instead you have to go through the twisted middle man or religion.
Personally I won’t align myself with any one set belief or philosophy again, no one will tell me what to think, I will always judge that for myself and be free to change course or thought as I see fit. You don’t have to hook up to something else or define what you are.

There are loads of books you could read if you want to. The God Delusion for staunch atheism, how to be a bad Christian, love wins, god in us for liberal non fundamentalist Christianity but keeping the good bits, conversations with god for even more liberal spirituality. It’s harder to find a community of atheists but a lot of the Church of England is agnostic including some of the vicars. There are also the Quakers and Unitarians if you want a gathering of agnostics who are upfront about it.

But of course you don’t have to do anything. You could take up volunteering at Junior parkrun on a Sunday morning instead or have a lie in 🙂. I made my peace with not believing it all but liking the traditions and got confirmed a few years back. However since then I have been taking my DC to a Sunday morning hobby and hardly ever go to Church. I do think of it as there for me still.

Watch this and make up your own mind

I was raised catholic and as a teen was naturally drawn to what you describe.
Regarding Catholicism (I'm aware thread focus isn't this particular religion). I struggled with the fact that women were not allowed to be ordained and that being gay was frowned upon. People at church were so unwelcoming and nasty. I no longer go. It felt like a "if the face fits" group. It demoralised me. I feel better for not going. I don't know what I believe anymore. I believe in good I suppose. I'm following this with interest.

First things first: find your own voice. You wrote about God because you couldn't find the words for what you really wanted to say. Find them and go from there.

Yeah I'm sure a generic preachy video posted after six months will make OP a Christian again.

I think bring a Christian is an inner experience rather than always being in a church , though that helps in practical ways . Only by prayer and connection with God can you know if you are a follower or not.

Christianity did the best for liberating women, look at all the other religions and beliefs systems before that and the paganism and Christianity improved lives for women. Christian countries have the most equal rights for women so I'm not sure what you're on about?

Also saying it's ALL about controlling women is wild when that's such a small part of it. Women are told to obey their husbands and to not speak in church, true. But husbands are called to love and respect their wives and protect them and to obey God. I don't see you talking about the oppression of men here?

I had the opposite sort of, I was a pagan/atheist/agnostic absolutely anti Christian blasphemer until I was 28.. Then I learned about the shroud of Turin, the Marian apparitions and the Eucharist miracles and I couldn't argue or insult my way out of that. I'm a devout Catholic now (before anyone jumps on me, no I don't agree with the atrocities the Church has committed and then them covering it up, that wasn't Christian of them it was wrong). I've learned that faith can't be left alone, it needs constant work.

All I can suggest is not to fall into the trap of making yourself a God like in some paganism and new age stuff. It never ends well and we as humans need something bigger than ourselves

Yeah it's great to be a woman in the Central African Republic or the DRC or even one of the US states bringing in draconian abortion laws.

And I'm not sure how you can say Christinity is the best for women in onw breath and that women should obey their husbands in the next.

I wasn’t trying me “make her” do anything thanks.

she asked a question and here is a video that explains a bit about biblical theory and understanding.

the Op is free to watch it, think and decide this is not the path she wants to walk and in questioning her spirituality / faith / religion may decide no faith suits her or the Buddhist faith feels right for her.

the OP said “I was never a very good Christian” she has chosen to highlight and bring that fact up because it matters to her. The video (if you have watched it) addresses that very statement in detail.

You're mistaken. Ancient pagan Rome gave rights to women;

1. They could be citizens
2. They could easily divorce and remarry
3. They could work, own property and make contracts in their own name (legal personhood)
4. They had control over their fertility; freely have abortion and birth control.
5. Women were not considered 'sinful' and sex was enjoyable.
6. Women were priestesses

With the first Christian emperor Constantine, women's rights were reduced by the time of Justinian when a couple married they became 'one flesh' and the woman literally became her husband's property. This was not changed until 1860.
Western women's position and modern rights all come from pagan Rome.

I think the traditional idea of a God - all-seeing, loving, punishing (in any organised religion, not just Christianity) is such a monumentally self-centred, pompous, conceited human notion. I don't think for a second that such an all-powerful being, if there is one, would create an entire universe and then spend all its time checking up on one species on one planet. Why would it bother? If there is a being, it would have no feelings, its thought processes would be way beyond anything our puny human brains can imagine, and it's probably gone on to bigger and better things millennia ago. So, OP, just live your life. If you like church, go. If you don't, don't. I like hymns and such and the community spirit, so I go once a month or thereabouts. I like to be a good person (mostly!) so I am, I don't need some deity breathing down my neck to monitor my behaviour.

In accent pagan Rome women where legally owned by men its called "pater familias". Where in the bible or in Christianity does it say women can't work? Women have always been working under Christianity, it was the wealthier ones who could stay home or ones who could afford to stay home with children, same as the Romans so thats not a great point. Women weren't considered sinful in Christianity, where in the bible does it say that? It merely limited sex to marriage for both men and women. In terms of abortions thats another battlefield, I don't believe in the killing of innocent human life even if it Is to you an inconvenience that comes from having a prosperous and free sex life.

Lets include some other sexual norms for the Ancient Romans shall we:

"A real man dominated in the bedroom as he did on the battlefield. He would have sex with his slaves whether they were male or female; he would visit prostitutes; he would have homosexual encounters even while married; he would engage in pederasty (see below); even rape was generally acceptable as long as he only raped people of a lower status. “He was strong, muscular, and hard in both body and spirit. Society looked down on him only when he appeared weak or soft.” So Romans did not think of people as being oriented toward homosexuality or heterosexuality. Rather, they understood that a respectable man would express his dominance by having sex—consensual or forced—with men, women, and even children."
"“Women were often seen as weak physically and mentally. They were inferior to men and existed to serve the men as little more than slaves at times.” A woman’s value was largely in her ability to bear children and if she could not do so, she was quickly cast off. Because lifespans were short and infant mortality high, women were often married off in their young teens to maximize the number of children they could bear. When it came to sexual mores, women were held to a very different standard than men. Where men were free to carry on homosexual affairs and to commit adultery with slaves, prostitutes, and concubines, a woman caught in adultery could be charged with a crime. “The legal penalty for adultery allowed the husband to rape the male offender and then, if he desired, to kill his wife.” Under Augustus it even became illegal for a man to forgive his wife—he was forced to divorce her. “It is not enough to suggest that women were under-appreciated in Roman culture. There are many instances where they were treated as second-class human beings, slightly more honored than slaves.”"The ancient Romans arent as peachy as you'd like to believe.

I was raised as a Christian with it forming a significant part of my families social life . Whilst I believed it at the time , it’s been many years since I have . My feelings now is that religion is a source of strength to some and a means of control for others . It also is the root of a lot of conflict. I like the idea of Humanism . I am happy without religion . I hope you find your way to feeling comfortable with what you do or don’t believe OP. You are not alone .