Anyone feel like they've joined a cult - Christian perspective please

[Sweetladyjane]

This might be a rambly so I apologise in advance for this.

I recently left the evangelical church where I became a Christian after falling out with the pastors after they told me I needed to rely on God more than the Dr's for my bipolar. It wasn't a friendly leaving and I still have a lot of resentment about feeling pushed out.

I joined a CofE church where it seems the teaching is very authority driven and although they talk a lot about building a relationship with Jesus they are also very anti women leaders and take a strong line on LGBTQ+ which doesn't align with my beliefs.

This coupled with having a non-Christian boyfriend (he's an atheist) I'm feeling pushed out again. I work for a Christian charity and one of my colleagues is a fundamentalist and uses every opportunity we're alone in the office to preach at me. He even went so far as to send me scripture quotes just before I went away with my boyfriend for the weekend so he could meet my parents.

I'm feeling very confused about where I fit in at church - or even if I do and a little like I've been brain washed.

It's further complicated by the fact that I work for a Christian charity and am also a Street Pastor and volunteer in the college chaplaincy so I would have to stop the street pastors and chaplaincy work if I wasn't a member of a church and I love both of these activities and feeling a calling to help people and I'm not sure if I could find other voluntary work in the secular world.

I guess I'm looking for direction on where to go with these feelings and how to make a decision on if I leave church and go it alone.

Thank you for reading and any advice gratefully received!

I never said sexism is biblical and being mean spirited to homosexuals is wrong.

But believing that homosexuality isn’t Gods design for relationships is biblical. It’s mentioned many places in the bible.

Homophobia and sexism are definitely 'biblical'. A book so old obviously has nothing relevant to say about modern medicine.

The sexism and homophobia in the bible really depend on the individuals interpretation of certain passages. Plus an understanding that just as biblical concepts can't be safely applied to the context of modern medicine, we need to remember that there was also a context to what's written in the bible. I think it's less about 'picking and choosing' and more about being critical in your thinking when you read it and weighing up those aspects in the wider context of the messages given by Jesus himself. I also think there's an element of knowing what's for you individually act on as a Christian and what's not for you to act on.

Plus I would also say that at times the teaching of Jesus himself is almost at odds with the rest of the bible and certainly at odds with many interpretations of it. For example I would say that Jesus's actions and teachings were the opposite of sexist. He spent much time with women and Mary magdalene was the first person he revealed himself as resurrected to. Women have always held important places in his teaching and interactions so for me that's directly at odds with the concept that women shouldn't be allowed to speak or preach in church etc.

Similarly Jesus doesn't directly condemn homosexuality, but does talk a lot about sexual immorality which in my interpretation is that outside of a loving, healthy, respectful, committed relationship. And I believe that can exist between same sex couples.

Much of the bible is written and filtered by men who carried their own context, their own agenda and their own interpretations of things. So for me if it's not direct and explicit from Jesus as the example of how we are meant to walk through life, then I will be much more cautious about that information.

Whatever makes you feel better about your homophobia. Thankfully the OP is getting away from all that.

I'm sure 'Bible believing Christians' think they don't actually hate homosexuals so they're not homophobic. As with so many things, what you feel or believe isn't really the point, it's how you behave. And these people think it's absolutely fine - indeed a moral good - to actively discriminate against gay people.

Similar with sexism.

The Old Testament and New are very clear about homosexuality being forbidden. It's not interpretation.... Also culturally at that time men (women too probably ) having same sex and opposite relationships were the norm for ancient Greece and Rome! Easy divorce was also the Greco-Roman norm and the NT forbids it.
Bible believers pick and choose....

Telling "homosexuals" their sexuality and relationships are wrong is quite mean-spirited.

Try different churches and other religions even.

Name changed for this.
I share some of your concerns OP, albeit mine are slightly different.
I have a strong personal Christian faith, and absolutely believe I am saved by the blood of Christ.
I was brought up C of E and met a lot of evangelical Christian friends at university. I became quite hard line in my views in my 20s, and feel sure I mightily hacked off my parents at the time with my preachy attitude. The naievity of youth and inexperience.
I struggled with the age old problem of the lack of Christian men in church, watched all my Christian female friends get married and wondered if I had been given the so-called 'gift' of singleness.
The evangelical church has nothing to say to young women who wish to marry but can't meet a suitable man. It is very very family orientated, and yes heteronormative (although straight, I have liberal views on same sex relationships, and my best friend is not a Christian, and is married to another woman)
So I fell away from my faith and married a non-Christian man. I stopped reading my bible and adopted a largely secular existence.
I struggled with infertility and had IVF.
I now have two great kids, but my husband left me out of the blue after 12 years of marriage.
I still have 5 frozen embryos to further complicate things.
I believe God works through our hardships to bring us back to a relationship with him. This has helped me make sense of my unwanted divorce, and I do wonder if I would have been spared the pain if I'd not married outside of my faith.
My dilemma now is that I'd love to go back to church. But I feel I would be judged for my past. Judged that my kids don't have a faith, judged about the IVF and the embryo storage, and viewed with suspicion by married Christian women my age. So I am stuck at the moment. I also recall the constant demands on my time and finances when I used to go to an evangelical church. I am a single parent with a busy career, and time is something I absolutely lack.
Any suggestions on a church that would have me?

@positivepotato the United reform Church

Any "decent" church will have you. And by "decent", I mean a community of people who love and care for each other, support one another and walk through "life" with each other.
They do exist - and can be life-enhancing.
Re the demands on time/money, hold your boundaries. If they're all they're cracked up to be, it won't matter.
As for God punishing us to teach us, I don't buy that at all.
Sometimes life is shit. Bad stuff can happen to the nicest people. Having the support around us can help us get through that.
If anyone judges your past, bin them - they're not worth your time.
And remember, God will always be kinder to you than you would be to yourself.

Ew.

@positivepotato
The worlds your oyster and as @Heffapotamus says any decent church would have you. You mention the time and money requirements of your old evangelical church, RC CofE and United Reform churches are much less demanding of parishioners. I’m attached to lots of church communities and my RC parish is the one that sustains me most and demands least of me.

Sheer pedanticism, it's the United Reformed Church.

(I sometimes wonder if I'd still be a Christian of some sort of I'd stayed with the URC church I grew up in instead of falling in with more evangelical types especially at uni...the favoured CU church was an evangelical CofE whose vicar was later found to have abused his secretary by insisting on walking around naked. It's odd how the religious zeal for sexual control always seems to be most focussed on anyone except the straight white men who most often seem to need it. )

No, it's translated as homosexuality.

As a Lesbian who is Jewish and Pagan, the Old Testament is against same-sex sex and relationships whether between men or women, New Testament as well .
But the OT is keen on multiple wives, easy divorce and the NT is keen on being a eunuch and no divorce plus a host of other things.
So human beings pick and choose what is 'sinful'.

the NT is keen on being a eunuch

Is it? Just curious, I don't think I've come across that one - though I think it's got some pro celibacy bit?

Anyway, yes, there are passages in both the old and New Testament which are homophobic. Just as there are many which are horribly misogynist.

These are as clear reasons as most people need for not using a book written by men millennia ago as something to be literally interpreted and obeyed in the 21st century.

Here you go;
and later Christians like Origen had himself castrated.
Ugh I agree with you. It ridiculous to take the bible or any religious text literally.

Matthew 19. 10-12:
For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.

I haven't replied on this thread for a while, but I have to step in with a word for Origen (whose writing I really like): there is no evidence that he had himself castrated. It was reported by Eusebius, who was born after Origen died, and appears to just be a rumour.

As you were - discuss homosexuality all you like, but don't diss Origen. 😆

I would encourage you to first pursue your relationship with God before trying to pursue finding a church. As God is a completely seperate entity. Church is manmade, not God made. A small percentage of them truly pursue God as He is. In fact Jesus said that the kingdom of God is within. That it does not reside within church walls or in religion (rules, dogma, control, etc). The bible says that we are the church, not a building full of people. There is no where in scripture that tells a person to "go to church". Because, again, we are the church.

That said, it's great to gather with other believers... but please make sure your relationship with God Himself is intact and thriving first, or at least during your search. Because during that relationship God will show you things... help you understand Him, His love for you, and His word better... so you already go into a fellowship equipped with these very important things. But... no church will match your beliefs 100% because it's full of people... so the most important thing I have found in my 47 yrs as a believer, is to look for a body of believers that genuinely want to love like Jesus loved... loving one another and the the diverse people around Him. And a church where you can ask questions and even disagree. A church that truly desires to follow Jesus. ((The Jesus that confronted the Pharisees & despised religion... and drew all kinds of people to God through His love))

Therefore, they do not use scripture as a weapon to bang people over the head with. So it is very important that the Pastor truly loves God... as many Pastors become clergy because it's a job. Their parents tell them that they will pay for college if they go to school or training to be a Pastor...and so they just end up with a head knowledge of scripture, but have not truly established a relationship with God and therefore does not truly understand what God is really saying in His word... which can only happen as you spend time with God on a regular basis, growing to love Him, and asking Him to illuminate scripture for you... because the bible (well, the original writings) is primarily a spiritual work, and so it can really only be understood spiritually.

You find these things out through getting to know him and how he handles scripture... and how he desires to really love and serve the people in the congregation. I always make an appt with the Pastor and get to know him and his heart a little bit first before I decide to make that congregation my church home.

God will guide you... yes, He will.

Can you do an anonymous post on the Facebook group of your local area asking people to recommend a church?

Back in the time and place of Jesus and Paul, women were seen as possessions. They had few options to survive... which is why most married so they would not have to revert to prostitution or being a servant. So they had a place to live and food to eat. Few married for love in those societies. So most men married so they could have offspring, and have someone to cook and clean for them.

So, when Paul was instructing newly converted women how to behave when assembled together in their churches, it was not to demote them. It was to raise their sense of dignity. As they came from a background where they were used... so many were bitter, loud and most of all never knew what it was like to be loved and cared for by their husband's. So Paul would be teaching the newly converted men to actually love and care for their wives, and then teach the wives to go to their husband's and submit to being cared for by them. Most women were also illiterate as well, so they needed to also learn to rely on their husband's for reading & understanding scripture (Paul's letters..) as well. This was a whole new ballgame for those men and women.

this is an old thread, your preaching is probably wasted