Can I date a Christian?

[itscomplicatedagain]

Hello,
I'd really like some advice on whether I could potentially date a Christian?

I think the church he attends is an evangelical Christian church.

I'm not a Christian myself but open to it and I know he is very involved in his church.

Would this be taboo and is divorce acceptable? I am divorced and have 3 children.

Any views would be useful.
Many thanks

Anyone can date anyone else as long as they are both of age, unattached and both want to. There's no such thing as the dating police. You just need to know your red lines op, and understand his.

@NeverendingCircus it's a Methodist church in Nottinghamshire

Gingerwright and beachhutnut and many others make some interesting points that have made me think.
I am interested in religion and have become more so as I've got older so I wouldn't rule out becoming a little bit involved in the church in the future but I'd need to explore it more before potentially getting involved in it.

Of course. Just make sure if it gets to the point of children you have a discussion about how they're going to be raised Christenings, schools etc. first.

There’s a lot of variation between different denominations and different churches, so it really does depend on his particular church, and on how active he is within it.

I wouldn’t rule it out, but having said that, it’s probably worth while going along to some services at his church, having some conversations with him about his faith, and so on, to work out how accommodating his church is, and whether you agree on issues that are fundamental to you.

Evangelical churches can be quite overwhelming if you are used to Sunday service with tea and biscuits afterwards!

Well my evangelical church does tea & biscuits (and cake!) afterwards....

It's also Church of England.

Same as at our church, we even have a weekly communion service with traditional hymns and organ music! There is a bit of a misconception that evangelical equals happy clappy loud worship and preachers shouting their extreme views at the congregation.

OP it's really up to you to decide how important the issue is.
Many people are not interested in religion, and happy to have their partner have their faith. attend church etc.

Personally I would not date or marry a christian of any denomination.
If my OH became a christian during our relationship that would be a deal breaker.

I guess I should have also asked would a Christian date someone who's not a churchgoer?

I think some people have already said that yes possibly or no to that. I feel that we do have an attraction there already but nothing has been said and I am plucking up the courage to ask him on a date. I don't want to make a fool of myself though!

Depends on the Christian. You wo t know unless you asked him.

Of course you can

Hi @itscomplicatedagain, I'm an evangelical Christian and fascinated to read the replies on this thread.

I'd ask him. You're both grown up enough to be honest - "I like you, and I'd be interested in seeing if you were up for a date. But I'm aware that your faith is really important to you, and while I would be open to finding out more about it, I'm not a Christian myself. What are your thoughts?"

For me, I never seriously dated anyone who didn't share my faith, because it shapes my whole worldview, my decision making, how I use my money, my time, my career. I'd find it really hard to be with someone who didn't get those priorities. But this was in my 20s, thinking about future kids and starting out with everything. It might feel different if children together is out of the equation and you're both pretty clear on who you are and what you're doing. He may feel he can get the support in his faith from other Christian friends and it matter less that you don't share it.

So I'd just ask. It won't be a surprise question to him - he's probably already weighing it all up himself, or has been for a long time.

I don't think I could be seriously involved with a full-on Christian. I can't see how such differing views could possibly work in a partnership.

And I'd expect the same attitude towards me from a religious person too.

It really does depend on the churchgoer.

It would be a deal breaker for some people, but on the other hand, I know some couples who’ve been married for decades where one’s a lifelong churchgoer and one isn’t.

This is really a question where you need to talk to the man himself. Ask him how he feels about it, is it something that’s a problem for him. It’s almost a certainty that he’s thought about this already.

I'm not a Christian but I'm married to a Roman Catholic.

We agreed our approach to various issues when we committed to our relationship being long term.

How do you feel about no sex before marriage?

Thank you for all the replies.

Re the no sex before marriage thing, this man is mid 40's and not been married so does that mean he's a virgin?

I know many people in his church marry young as we've discussed it. They all seem to get married around 20. I didn't ask him if he was a virgin as it felt rather rude to ask!

He's a fairly unconventional man in many ways as he's lived abroad a lot and was in a band for many years but if he doesn't follow the no sex before marriage thing then would that be tolerated in his church?

Re the no sex before marriage thing, this man is mid 40's and not been married so does that mean he's a virgin?

Hard to say. I suppose it depends on how strict/orthodox he is and when he became a Christian.

if he doesn't follow the no sex before marriage thing then would that be tolerated in his church?

Can't see how they'd know - it's not really the sort of thing that comes up in conversation over the after service tea and biscuits!

@NannyR I feel you.

If he is evangelical church of England, they are people who have moral compass and some don't have any but live just as the world, with values changing from day to day.

I will suggest you just sit him and ask him does he expect you to go to church with him and if you say yes ok but if you say no - then what?

I was an unbeliever though a believer but not properly converted when I married a catholic. He was lapsed catholic. I then got converted and for me all churches are valid. I do not force him to go to any church but he started recently going to his catholic church.

We pay the bills like everybody else, eat the food, live the life and there has never been any clashes or someone forcing the other to do something religious. One good thing, if i get pregnant he as a catholic will support me not aborting because I am against abortion. It is life like any other. I almost married a muslim in my 20s lol

If church life or christianity is such a problem for people why primary or secondary schools who are church of England or catholic are oversubscribed ????

why ...sorry

Interesting point Beverleyha and I do need to talk to him.

I imagine there are many reasons why people like church schools. They often have good reputations and perhaps people feel that it's a wholesome environment even if they aren't particularly religious themselves. My children haven't attended faith schools so I'm none the wiser!

Ironlikealioninzion I like your comment about sex not coming up over tea and biscuits! 🤣
Hopefully conversations will come up naturally when I next see him as I don't want him to feel I'm grilling him over his religion. I employ him now and again to do work for me so it's a slightly weird dynamic but I do occasionally see him outside of work too.

Hi OP. One issue is that the Bible does tell Christians not to marry non-Christians.

‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?’
2 Corinthians 6.14-15

‘A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.’
1 Corinthians 7.39

https://www.gotquestions.org/unequally-yoked.html

However, not all Christians even know this, and the ones who do don’t all stick to it. But if he does know and does want to do what the Bible says, this could put him off dating you.

I am a Christian (evangelical C of E). Personally I would date an unbeliever, but if they showed no interest in looking into Christianity I would stop dating them. I wouldn’t marry one.

Some people feel there’s a risk of falling in love with the non-Christian and either breaking your heart leaving them or marrying them and running into other problems. So they don’t date non-Christians. It depends what view your potential partner has.

The Bible does rule out sex before marriage, but again, not all Christians obey it.

Be careful about the Evangelical Christian going on dates with the aim of trying to convert you. I've heard a few clips on YouTube where Evangelical pastors warned Christians not to date non-Christians unless they were doing it to convert them to the faith otherwise it was a sin ... such as this ...