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Philosophy/religion

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Can I date a Christian?

89 replies

itscomplicatedagain · 31/05/2023 01:19

Hello,
I'd really like some advice on whether I could potentially date a Christian?

I think the church he attends is an evangelical Christian church.

I'm not a Christian myself but open to it and I know he is very involved in his church.

Would this be taboo and is divorce acceptable? I am divorced and have 3 children.

Any views would be useful.
Many thanks

OP posts:
Takeitonthechin · 08/06/2023 16:21

You can yes, but be prepared to feel unequally yolked, as you may have totally different standards, expectations.

Anthillveggie · 08/06/2023 16:24

Skye99 · 07/06/2023 20:51

Hi OP. One issue is that the Bible does tell Christians not to marry non-Christians.

‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?’
2 Corinthians 6.14-15

‘A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.’
1 Corinthians 7.39

https://www.gotquestions.org/unequally-yoked.html

However, not all Christians even know this, and the ones who do don’t all stick to it. But if he does know and does want to do what the Bible says, this could put him off dating you.

I am a Christian (evangelical C of E). Personally I would date an unbeliever, but if they showed no interest in looking into Christianity I would stop dating them. I wouldn’t marry one.

Some people feel there’s a risk of falling in love with the non-Christian and either breaking your heart leaving them or marrying them and running into other problems. So they don’t date non-Christians. It depends what view your potential partner has.

The Bible does rule out sex before marriage, but again, not all Christians obey it.

If all Christians followed the bible to the letter the world would be a worse place.

IronLikeaLioninZion · 08/06/2023 22:39

If all Christians followed the bible to the letter the world would be a worse place.

Why do you say that? @Anthillveggie .

IronLikeaLioninZion · 08/06/2023 22:41

Skye99 · 07/06/2023 20:51

Hi OP. One issue is that the Bible does tell Christians not to marry non-Christians.

‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?’
2 Corinthians 6.14-15

‘A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.’
1 Corinthians 7.39

https://www.gotquestions.org/unequally-yoked.html

However, not all Christians even know this, and the ones who do don’t all stick to it. But if he does know and does want to do what the Bible says, this could put him off dating you.

I am a Christian (evangelical C of E). Personally I would date an unbeliever, but if they showed no interest in looking into Christianity I would stop dating them. I wouldn’t marry one.

Some people feel there’s a risk of falling in love with the non-Christian and either breaking your heart leaving them or marrying them and running into other problems. So they don’t date non-Christians. It depends what view your potential partner has.

The Bible does rule out sex before marriage, but again, not all Christians obey it.

Spot on 👏

Anthillveggie · 08/06/2023 22:45

IronLikeaLioninZion · 08/06/2023 22:39

If all Christians followed the bible to the letter the world would be a worse place.

Why do you say that? @Anthillveggie .

The misogyny, the homophobia, all that jazz

IronLikeaLioninZion · 08/06/2023 22:46

Anthillveggie · 08/06/2023 22:45

The misogyny, the homophobia, all that jazz

Specifics??

Anthillveggie · 08/06/2023 22:56

IronLikeaLioninZion · 08/06/2023 22:46

Specifics??

lol

Hearti · 08/06/2023 22:57

Be careful and checkout where he stands on key issues which may clash with your own morals. From experience I’ve found some evangelical churches sexist, racist, homophonic.

IronLikeaLioninZion · 08/06/2023 23:00

@Anthillveggie If I was into betting [which I'm not, because it's wrong] I'd wager you've never picked up a Bible, let alone read one.

Anthillveggie · 09/06/2023 21:22

IronLikeaLioninZion · 08/06/2023 23:00

@Anthillveggie If I was into betting [which I'm not, because it's wrong] I'd wager you've never picked up a Bible, let alone read one.

You'd lose that bet. But if feeling superior makes you happy then cracking on.

IronLikeaLioninZion · 09/06/2023 22:01

@Marths Thanks but no thanks, not interested in playing games.

@Anthillveggie Would I though? It's the Internet. I could tell you I was a sparkly purple unicorn called Moonbeam... doesn't make it true.

Marths · 09/06/2023 22:54

IronLikeaLioninZion · 09/06/2023 22:01

@Marths Thanks but no thanks, not interested in playing games.

@Anthillveggie Would I though? It's the Internet. I could tell you I was a sparkly purple unicorn called Moonbeam... doesn't make it true.

What games? You asked, I provided links from the same website as the post you liked.

itscomplicatedagain · 11/06/2023 20:39

Thank you for all the comments. I'm still a bit undecided. He came to my house recently to help me sort out a problem and came round almost immediately. I'd asked him for help and he did help very quickly but that could just mean he's a nice man.

I'm going to investigate his church more and see what it involves. I'd be supportive of his beliefs ( most likely) but I'd like to know more about what they are first.

OP posts:
AnorLondo · 11/06/2023 21:05

How can you say you'll br supportive of his beliefs when you don't know what they are?

itscomplicatedagain · 12/06/2023 09:35

AnorLondo what I said was:

I'd be supportive of his beliefs ( most likely) but I'd like to know more about what they are first.^
^
Also, I think I could potentially support him in his beliefs without having the same beliefs myself.

OP posts:
historiccastles · 15/06/2023 12:19

As others have said, Christianity is such a broad spectrum these days and the term evangelical is used and mis-used so widely that it's impossible to say how this particular Christian or church would feel about the issue.

The Bible does advise Christians not to marry non-Christians. It doesn't specifically say don't date them but then dating isn't mentioned in the Bible per se. However, it doesn't forbid it and advice is given for managing mixed faith relationships too. This to me (like most of the advice in the Bible) makes sense - I think it's harder to be married to someone who doesn't share your faith.

Even a strict reading of the Bible allows for divorce and remarriage in the case of adultery by the other person or desertion of a Christian by a non-believer. Many interpret it much less strictly. Most CofE churches will marry a divorced couple as long as they weren't affair partners who broke up a marriage and the divorce isn't recent.

The whole man as head of the household from Ephesians 5 is in my opinion massively misinterpreted and doesn't say what people think it says at all. Yes it says the wife should submit to her husband but it also says the husband should submit to his wife. More than that, it says he should put his wife first at all times and be willing to die for her. It's a partnership where each person puts the other's needs before their own - not a misogynistic dictatorship. It also only applies to marriages and not to dating or to other male-female interactions.

Personally, as a Christian, I made the decision not to date non-Christians after my divorce from an agnostic due to his repeated adultery. I was single for many years due to enforcing this rule but I felt sticking to my convictions was more important. I have now been with my partner for two years and we plan to marry.

Other people, as you've seen, would be willing to date an agnostic, which is what you seem to be.

If you really like this guy, I'd encourage you to explore what Christianity means in more detail. That exploration might lead to you coming to faith, in which case the problem disappears. Or it might lead to you understanding him better and being able to make an informed decision about the challenges you might face. Or it might lead to you deciding a Christian way of life is not for you.

Skye99 · 15/06/2023 18:15

Good post, @historiccastles .

Soozikinzii · 15/06/2023 18:24

Can I just say -and I've only just discovered this myself- so I'm not some kind of fanatic - but the Unitarian Universalists would offer a great solution to this conundrum ! They believe everyone has their own spiritual journey so you can actually be an atheist UU ! Charles dickens and 5 American presidentis were UU !

RunningOnHope · 15/06/2023 21:29

@Soozikinzii that doesn't offer a solution at all though - the man in question is not a Unitarian Universalist, he's a Christian, and so presumably doesn't share their conviction that everyone's spiritual journey is equally true. OP could become a UU if so inclined but that doesn't mean they'd share a faith...

Oblomov23 · 15/06/2023 21:32

I would suggest no. If you are a Christian it's very important that your wife is on the same Christian wavelength as you.

Lamelie · 15/06/2023 21:36

Be very clear that you’re interested in a relationship. I know lots of evangelical Christians. Their friendliness and interest in you can feel like love bombing- you don’t want to get into a grey zone where you think you’re dating and he thinks he’s saving your soul.

itscomplicatedagain · 22/06/2023 17:25

Just a little update...I decided to bite the bullet and invite him out for a drink after a work event. He hasn't replied yet!

OP posts:
TeamRR · 23/06/2023 10:11

Good luck

Skye99 · 23/06/2023 14:24

Glad to have the update, and I’ll be interested to hear what happens.

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