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Original poster

For demanding daughter to stop seeing satanist friend

124 replies

FaithRose · 21/03/2023 01:24

My daughter "Haily" is in her 2nd year of college. She lives with me and commutes, but was talking about getting an apartment next to the school with a friend, "Vicky," as a roommate. Vicky has visited a handful of times. The last time she told me that she's a satanist. So I asked her if she's a member of TST. I was just trying to keep the conversation going and be polite. She said no because she's a theistic and spiritual satanist! We've always been a Christian family, and I think I could handle my daughter being friends with an atheist satanist, since it's just atheism anyway, but theistic is a whole different can of hellish worms. I told Haily that I don't want her hanging around Vicky anymore. While she hasn't come over again I think they're still hanging out at school and after. I questioned her about this and she blew up at me. I can already tell that Vicky has started to influence her as she's been dressing a little edgy and and in a lot of black, which she didn't before college. I don't want her to move in with Vicky and eventually become a satanist! As of now though, is it unreasonable of me to tell her who she can't be friends with while she's still living under my roof? Any advice on what I should do?

OP posts:
Precipice · 21/03/2023 17:22

I can already tell that Vicky has started to influence her as she's been dressing a little edgy and and in a lot of black

It's perfectly normal for people to change their style and experiment with different styles, especially when young. This is extremely unspecific, as "edgy" could mean all sorts of things and it's not hard to dress out of the super mainstream nowadays (not least because lots of shops now are overrun with crop tops and those flowery village dresses). Black is very mainstream as a colour for clothes.

watmel · 21/03/2023 18:07

I don't blame her for wanting to move out TBH.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/03/2023 18:12

😂😂😂

Is this for real? Let her do what she wants. It’s part of growing up. The more you try and control her the more she will go her own way.

I doubt she’ll be a practising Satanist at 30.

Lostmarblesfinder · 21/03/2023 18:19

It makes a change from the cult of gender which seems to be all the rage with the teens these days.

DefinitelyRizzo · 21/03/2023 18:23

Depends what's more important to you, your religion or your relationship with your daughter.

Softsoftsleep · 21/03/2023 18:26

Op you would would much better off posting this on a Christian forum in order to get answers froma faith perspective. As a fellow Christian, I would not like this. I would tell my daughter my feelings, leave it at that and pray, pray, pray.

keffie12 · 21/03/2023 18:44

FaithRose · 21/03/2023 02:00

Both. But yes it's offensive to my beliefs, and I don't want my daughter going down that path. However, theistic satanism as a whole is a bit nuts. There's different types (I studied religion in college and that's how this convo with her started), but some are more extreme in action and beliefs than others, and some are cultish. For some examples, a couple branches get into neo nazi stuff, and at least one praises suicide as the best type of death as it's your own choice on when to go. There's so much more to this (not that crazy conspiracy stuff), but it can be looked into by anyone. I dont want to type a bunch out as I just have my phone right now. I just don't want her at risk at all. I'm worried she'll fall for this stuff herself, or become a victim. There's also fake "gurus" who trick young women.

Show quote history

There lies your problem, in " I don't want my daughter..." Your daughter is not your property. She is through you, not of you.

The more you dictate to her, the more she will do what you don't want her to. She is not a child anymore. She is an adult.

You don't have to like it to grit your teeth and allow her the space to make her own mistakes

Look at when you were her age. I'm sure you wouldn't have been told what to do. I think the majority of us are the same whatever our age.

Sit her down, tell her you're concerned, and you didn't mean to get on her case. Take your foot off the situation so she knows she can turn to you without judgement if things don't work.

I know you only want the best for her. However, when we are fearful, we don't always handle things well

OnaBegonia · 21/03/2023 19:29

But yes it's offensive to my beliefs, and I don't want my daughter going down that path
You're not very Christian and accepting are you?
Your beliefs are yours and not
for foisting on others.

pointythings · 21/03/2023 20:31

Your beliefs have zero relevance here - your DD is nearly 18 if she is not already and she has her own spiritual journey to take. You do not get to control that.

Wearing black clothes is extremely mainstream. My very atheist DD1 wore nothing but for about 5 years after turning 15, she's only just started wearing colour again and has her own style.

Your concern about risky influences is valid; you address this by talking to your DD about what she believes, what she wants her life to be and how she views risk. Talking about steering clear of neo-Nazi ideologies is definitely something worth pursuing, as is steering clear of dodgy gurus.

But ultimately your DD has to find her own way. Be careful not to forbid her this friend, that will be completely counterproductive.

Bauhausstolemyhair · 21/03/2023 20:45

I am a Satanist. My mother is a Christian. She tried everything to stop me from wearing black and listening to rock music. I am now 40 and have enjoyed the last 25 years of my life much more than the 15 before it. I also have a very poor relationship with my mother who refuses to accept any of my life choices whilst I respect hers.

I do not worship Satan. It's just a symbol.

gumball37 · 21/03/2023 21:43

As an atheist, good to see your daughter has stepped away a bit from brainwashing to make friendships with people she enjoys spending time with.

Avalavalanche · 22/03/2023 11:29

Your daughter is an adult and you're still trying to control how she dresses?

Soubriquet · 22/03/2023 11:34

But yes it's offensive to my beliefs

This is what stood out to me. YOUR beliefs.

It’s all about you. Leave your dd to do what she wants regarding religion

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 22/03/2023 11:38

Priests, nuns and vicars wear black all the time so I don’t see what is so unchristian about wearing black.

FatYogaLady · 22/03/2023 11:48

This entire thread is hilarious.

pointythings · 22/03/2023 12:11

@FatYogaLady I actually think it's quite sad that a supposedly loving mother is controlling enough to want to have a say over her adult child's faith and friend choices.

Doliveira · 22/03/2023 12:41

I would probably paint God as the victim in this scenario, being subject of smear campaigns and discriminated against without a voice in this society. Poor God needs protecting, type thing. Activate her woke- ness toward marginalised God.

pointythings · 22/03/2023 12:45

@Doliveira that might work if the DD isn't very bright.

FatYogaLady · 22/03/2023 13:00

pointythings · 22/03/2023 12:11

@FatYogaLady I actually think it's quite sad that a supposedly loving mother is controlling enough to want to have a say over her adult child's faith and friend choices.

It is sad. But it also makes her look pretty stupid. Therefore it's hilarious. If you take everything on the internet super seriously then you won't have energy for the things that matter when you need it and your mental health will suffer for it.

I grew up with fundamentalist parents so it's not like I don't sympathize with the daughter. But because of that experience I also realize what an incredibly huge waste of time it is trying to reason with people like that.

OP'S daughter will either get sick of her mother and be forced to come to terms with the fact that the only real solution to to go fully no contact and have to get spiritual trauma therapy which is notoriously hard to find much less pay for.

Or OP'S daughter will decide her mother is right and stop talking to friend and lean into the brainwashing and go fundamentalist also and will learn nothing and feel really good about herself and be convinced she is in the right and brag to all her Christian friends about how she saved her daughter from moral peril when really she just coercively isolated her.

And more often than not the latter is more comfortable so people are more lonely to choose it. I grew up in a small Christian town in Texas. I used to see it all the time until I moved away.

I don't have the mental bandwidth to focus energy on hopeless cases like this.

pointythings · 22/03/2023 13:29

@FatYogaLady well done escaping from all that. I hope OP's DD manages it too.

verylarge · 22/03/2023 13:54

I've been involved with Christianity (for a long time) and Satanism (briefly). I'm an atheist now, and I won't get involved with any organised religion again.

Personally I think Christianity has more potential for harm than Satanism. Without getting into the details of why (it's not relevant to this) - if I told my daughter that she couldn't be friends with any Christians because it's a dangerous cult and I don't want her influenced by the scary dangerous Christian people and their silly limiting beliefs, would you think I was being unreasonable (and possibly intolerant)?

Either way, if you try to control your daughter like this you're more likely to push her into engaging with it more (or leading her to create distance from you), and you'll make yourself look hysterical and foolish in the process. Personally I'd leave it.

Killingmytime · 22/03/2023 14:14

FaithRose · 21/03/2023 01:24

My daughter "Haily" is in her 2nd year of college. She lives with me and commutes, but was talking about getting an apartment next to the school with a friend, "Vicky," as a roommate. Vicky has visited a handful of times. The last time she told me that she's a satanist. So I asked her if she's a member of TST. I was just trying to keep the conversation going and be polite. She said no because she's a theistic and spiritual satanist! We've always been a Christian family, and I think I could handle my daughter being friends with an atheist satanist, since it's just atheism anyway, but theistic is a whole different can of hellish worms. I told Haily that I don't want her hanging around Vicky anymore. While she hasn't come over again I think they're still hanging out at school and after. I questioned her about this and she blew up at me. I can already tell that Vicky has started to influence her as she's been dressing a little edgy and and in a lot of black, which she didn't before college. I don't want her to move in with Vicky and eventually become a satanist! As of now though, is it unreasonable of me to tell her who she can't be friends with while she's still living under my roof? Any advice on what I should do?

Oh no you’re daughter’s dressing in black Hmm
you leave her too it op.
your daughter is old enough to move in with who she wants and to believe in what she wants.
it does not mean your daughter is about to go down a wrong path.

triforcetotem · 22/03/2023 20:11

@FaithRose

How old is your daughter?

Snugglemonkey · 22/03/2023 20:46

This is none if your business. I appreciate you do not like it, but I would be concerned if my child befriended an evangelical Christian. I would keep it to myself though. There is nothing more likely to drive a child away than pushing your crap onto them.

Your daughter has her own brain, her own beliefs etc. Trust her.

fireflown · 23/03/2023 09:17

here's different types (I studied religion in college and that's how this convo with her started), but some are more extreme in action and beliefs than others, and some are cultish. For some examples, a couple branches get into neo nazi stuff, and at least one praises suicide as the best type of death as it's your own choice on when to go.

Does your daugher's friend believe any of this or is it just baseless speculation on your part?

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