Any Witches Here? Part 16

[speakout]

Or Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.

A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration.

Elasticated I am sorry you are feeling low. I am in peri too and frequently get that "don't belong anywhere" feeling. But this thread is here for us to hang out.

queenrollo wish you all the best for your meeting.

I have done my reverence this morning. Definitely a good way to start things.

@Elasticatedwaist peri has really knocked me sideways with feeling outcast and really wondering about my self-worth.
I was supposed to go out on Sunday and ended up too ill, but actually I had also failed to find anyone to accompany me and just felt despair at doing yet another activity solo.
I am not afraid of going to events/activities alone but I am feeling lonely and would like some of these things to be shared experiences in company.

The person coming to see me was supposed to be here between 9 and 9.30 and there is no sign of them and no communication.
I am reasonably forgiving in some respects as we have dreadful roads and I do know that journeys can take longer than expected, but I have a sinking feeling that the person who organised this might not have actually confirmed it with the person who is actually coming.
I am going to be very cross if I have changed plans to be let down. I already have little faith in them as an organisation and this is not helping.

queen oh no, I hope they turn up.

Peri is partly a great sense of relief but I am beginning to wonder if acute feelings of loneliness come into it. I thought it was loss of friendship over lockdown but now I wonder if it's hormonal.

I wonder what the fast approaching full moon will bring. If anything.

The whole menopause thing and the lead up to it totally derailed my career. I just couldn't handle the stress and responsibility any more. I changed employer thinking that would help - it didn't. In fact it made things worse. Luckily I was in a position to be able to take a long period off (made easier by a sympathetic GP).

I tried the herbal route without any luck and eventually went on HRT which totally transformed me - the "old" Elphame came back. I never went back to the "proper job" though!

I've tried to stop the HRT but the symptoms and depression come flooding back so I will continue indefinitely regardless of any risk. I want a life I can enjoy rather than a miserable existence which is what it was pre HRT.

Oh I am furious. They did not come. They phoned at 11.30 to apologise but they had been called to an emergency. I was not gracious, I told them it was completely unacceptable that no-one had contacted me to let me know. You know when you just don't believe someone? I don't think there was an emergency at all, I think it either didn't get put in the diary or she just plain cocked up.
So now I have to reschedule and I was really hoping to do it before my son breaks up from school as with the best will in the world he is a nosy little so and so and it wil be very difficult to have the meeting discreetly with him in the house. DH is going to try and take some time off work if it fits his schedule to take DS out for a walk. But still - this is just more of my time eaten up by this.

queenrollo I am sorry, that's pants.

I think my reaction to it is maybe disproportionate but my time is so valuable to me and I also increasingly find last minute change difficult (my DH is convinced I have undiagnosed ADHD)
I also think I hold quite high standards for communicating this kind of issue, when I had my own business and then subsequently worked for others I placed efficient communication as a priority as it greases the wheels - so to speak.

Hello all,

I hope you don't mind me dropping by, I posted a little on these threads under a different name not around the time they started (is it around 4 years now?!). I had just split up with my husband, have two young children, and life at that point was very difficult. It's been a rough few years and much has changed for me, from having to sell my house, return to work, have subsequently got a better job, ups and downs in my personal life all whilst trying to make sure the kids are ok too. I love catching up with these threads although evidently don't post frequently!

I wanted to share with you all my DDs discovery in the garden this afternoon- she has a seemingly magical ability to track down four leaf clovers, and has found six in quick succession this afternoon. There seems to be a lot of energy around the house atm which I want to tune into more, but thought I'd share the clovers with you. Wishing much luck to anyone who needs it 🍀

queenrollo I am sorry for your disappointment- I think your reaction was entirely proportionate, I would have felt the same as you.
I too like to know plans in advance, dislike lateness. Allow yourself some fury, we are allowed to express that. I like to scream very rude profanities in the car when I am driving alone- just to get things out of my system.
Elphame I'm sorry to hear your menopause was so tough, it can be challenging time for many women, but I am glad that HRT works well for you.
I am feeling a little discombobulated today too- the coming of the full moon perhaps. My therapist pushed me quite hard today, and I have ended up feeling a little tender and trampled upon. My DS has given me words of comfort- he knows me so well and always says just the right thing.

I hope the full moon brings healing and release to all those who need it.
I will light a candle this evening to send calm restorative energy to all in need.

@queenrollo I also think I'd have flipped. We've been given the runaround too from a couple of sources this week and I quite frankly don't have the time or patience for it any more.

Hope they reschedule (and actually show up) soon.

queenrollo I'd be annoyed too.

Watermelon how lovely are those! Thank you for sharing.

Queenrollo I would have been very annoyed too. Things happen, but they could have had the courtesy to call you and let you know. Decent customer service seems to be pretty much non existent nowadays. I've worked in customer facing roles in the past and I always went out of the way to ensure I kept people I informed. Interesting that your DH thinks you may have undiagnosed ADHD, being let down at the last minute really impacts on my ADHD/ASD DS.

Watermelon lovely to see you and I'm so glad that you're in a better place now. Your post about DD and the four lead clovers made me smile... I was that little girl once! I used to be fixated with finding them and found 4 in one day once. I used to press them and had them in a photo frame in my bedroom for years.

Sending solidarity to all those dealing with perimenopause. I totally get the whole 'feeling outcast' thing and lack of self worth. It's a funny thing, as most of the time I'm happy in my own company, but I get this feeling that I'm missing out on things. One of the symptoms I have is an intolerance to alcohol, which I don't mind as I don't miss it, but it does make me feel a little out of things at social occasions sometimes.

Oh, loves - sending hugs in every direction. I'm not peri yet but often feel like I don't quite fit in - but we all belong here 💙

Thank you so much for throat remedies, I didn't have any jelly in but had some of that sugary stuff in a bottle which did the trick beautifully.

Pagan fair was wonderful, didn't sell much but met some lovely kindred souls and thought of you all - and came back with some beautiful little happy treats.

I've been caught in the middle of two murmurations of starlings in the last few days which is surreal and an incredible experience but also a bit discombobulating - I'll see if I can get a photo to attach.

Not felt 100% for a few days now but think it's tiredness and allergies, coupled with the heat more than anything sinister, so trying to be sensible about sleep. Today has been about ploughing through an edit for a conference I photographed last week, I love that these events are running again but had forgotten how much wading through there is to get the best shots from a big event.

Have been up to water magic in the form of last minute trips to swim in the lido near me - it is COLD but invigorating and exactly what I needed this week to help me shake off some of my weird mood and lethargy.

Plotting lunch in town with Mum tomorrow after my eye test, and then heading back to hers to pick up the latest collection of hagstones - she finds them everywhere and I'm decorating my garden with them 😍

@queenrollo rage all you want, I'm cross on your behalf too - being late or delayed is one thing but just not turning up and not letting you know is horrible :(

@WatermelonSugarSigh I love your DD's clovers!

As ever I've now forgotten who else I wanted to reply to so here's the starlings and my spoils from Sunday's fair!

hilarious great stuff!

speakout thank you for your thoughts.

I love the clover leaves too Watermelon- thanks for sharing.
I have had a night of very deep sleep and disturbing dreams, with me playing imposter. I dreamed I had a job selling complex mobile phones to businesses- a job I would be very bad at, mobile phones don't excite me one bit- and was sacked after one day- I'm having a chuckle as that would probably happen!!
I can hear of the challenges surrounding menopause, especially the idea of feeling alone, like an outcast.
At the risk of sounding like a yoga bore, I would suggest seeking out a class.
Yoga classes are full of ( mostly women) and many around menopausal age, many with a leaning toward pagan interests.
Not only can yoga help with physical symptoms of menopause, but helps develop a sense of self, a connection with the earth, a grounding and focus, which filters through to everyday life. Also a great place to make friends. Yoga is part of my magical practice.
Yesterday was a little cooler- clouds gathered for most of the day, and today I think will hit 18 degrees. I know temperatures will soar much higher in the south- I hope everyone is managing to cope with the heat.
Full moon blessings friends.

I have had a phone call this morning from a very apologetic staff member at said organisation, a full admission that they messed up and have rescheduled with a different member of staff.
They have a multi-agency meeting about the issue and are very keen to have a fuller statement from me (essentially a victim impact statement) as I think this gives them more leverage.
They did explain this is time sensitive so I have been more flexible than I might otherwise have been - because ultimately I do want a resolution!

Anyway...an emotional day here as my youngest son finishes school and the leap from y4 to y5 in Sept feels somehow quite a big step. Over the last few months the children in his class have all stopped being 'baby faced'. I'm sure other parents here can sympathise with this! It's a very small school and they have split last day ceremonies. For the first time I will be going to the upper years one and I know I am going to cry as the Y6 presentations and goodbyes are done.
So this is my last morning of peace and tranquility for the next few weeks! I am going to run a luxurious bath!

@queenrollo Fingers crossed this time. Enjoy your bath whilst you can!

Still unpacking here. I am so over this now.

Hello all
The moon was gorgeous last night.

I couldn't motivate myself to do any kind of ritual.

One thing the spiritual healer said - when I told her I had felt stuck for ages, she said "you will be stuck for longer - it's not a period of time when you can make a difference".
I suppose that's why I found the session disappointing.

EmmaH2022 yes I saw the moon too, very beautiful.
May I ask what kind of spiritual healer? How does she work?

speakout I don't know about other clients but we mostly just talk and I see her as a sort of therapy. There are other aspects to it in terms of her getting vibes.

It's not a big deal...just as a friend of a friend, we have had some bonding experiences, I'd never have thought to go to such a person otherwise. I get mates' rates but I have only been three times.

She's very much earthbound and realistic, which is fine. I dislike false hope.

EmmaH2022 I am glad the healer works for you.
I am a little bolshy, a little cynical.
I don't doubt your healer has gifts, I dont believe the future is fixed- after all why we do magic?
"Being stuck for longer" translates to me as "challenges to face and work around"
I do divination, tarot, sometimes I see obstacles outlined or yet to face, and that is helpful information.
I understand your realistic attitude concerning false hopes, but taking control of our lives with awareness and steerage can change our situation.

One thing the spiritual healer said - when I told her I had felt stuck for ages, she said "you will be stuck for longer - it's not a period of time when you can make a difference".

In my experience there is usually a reason for such frustrating circumstances although it may not become apparent until afterwards. I've been stuck in a similar bind for the last couple of years. It's now over and yes I know why now too.

Elphame it's interesting to hear that experience. I remember the last couple of periods of time this happened. I don't think I know why, but oddly, I do miss one set of those days. I don't really miss the drag of them, but there was something comforting in the background of my life then.

To quote the song "What Sarah Said", - if you don't know it, DO NOT google it, it's the most depressing song ever, I'm serious - "our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds". So I try not to think about the past, though I realise that might mean I miss the odd useful lesson.

speakout I don't believe in it either. Like I say, it's like mates rates for therapy plus I really bonded with her so I tell her stuff I wouldn't tell my friends

She has surprised me with some of the things she said, which may mean that her intuition is a gift of sorts.

I'm never sure about any of this and think of myself as being pagan rather than thinking of magic. If I thought magic could alter certain things for me right now, I'd try, but I don't really think that it can.

I have thought about starting a pagan thread before but I like it here with you all 🤗

EmmaH2022 I'm not suggesting your healer was wrong, just viewing from a different perspective. I don't doubt her intuition, just the framing of her ideas.

A balmy evening here, heavy rain , a deep burst of petrichor, the downfall has awakened and enlivened the trees and greenery.
Elphame wise words as always, and I have been mulling over your post. You are so right- we rarely arrive at a stuck point without a cart of baggage, circumstances or choices building up - often a whole barrage of stuff - then suddenly we are in a choke point. And yes- we have hindsight to view our situation more clearly, sometimes not until the bind is over.