How do introverts do church?

[silveryslade]

"23 He that is not with me is against me: and he that gathereth not with me scattereth."

(Luke 11:23 KJV)

Was thinking about this since the end of last week. I don't attend any church services regularly, mainly just weddings, funerals and the occasional carol concert with small D.C. - each of these being a reasonably long time ago. However, I am Christian. I get by with prayers, devotionals and watching streamed services / preaching. I donate secretly to different Christian charities and share my beliefs when appropriate in conversations with people I am close to. So in some ways I do 'gather'. I'm sure I could be better at this, though.

I shocked myself with these thoughts, it filled me with fear and dread at thinking of attending any particular church regularly. I never have. Wasn't brought up doing so even though I am Christened. I am pretty much an introvert. Probably more since Covid. Although I do enjoy getting together with family and friends. I fill my time and enjoy being alone so much, I hate the thought of demands on my time and feeling pressurised into volunteering type responsibilities and events even though I have enjoyed volunteering in the past I don't like feeling pressured to do so. I also like to feel anonymous until I'm ready to share.

Was wondering how other people manage this.

I’m Catholic and go to mass every week. Also an introvert and always hated the peace and am surprised how many other people feel the same. I always dread it but then afterwards am glad to have interacted with the people around me as they are invariably smiling and welcoming. Since Covid you don’t shake hands just nod at each other & I find that a lot easier tbh.
Also for Communion, in our church if you’re not taking Communion you cross your arms over your breast rather than hold your hands out for Communion and you will just receive a blessing. But there’s no obligation to go up for Communion so you can just stay in your seat and I’d say most non-Catholics and others who don’t want to receive Communion for whatever reason just do that. No-one bats an eyelid whether you stay in your seat or go up for a blessing - entirely up to you. I see some people go and light a candle during Communion too if they’re not receiving Communion themselves.
There is coffee after the mass but that’s exactly the sort of social function I dread unless I’m with my family or I’m sure there will be other people I know there. But again, absolutely no obligation to attend.
Overall I’d say being Catholic is pretty easy for the introverts among us!!

Thank you @autumnboys.

Oh yes and as a pp mentioned, a family mass will be busier and is likely to be more sociable with people who know each other well and can feel a bit intimidating to a visitor.
Early morning or evening masses will be shorter and more functional and maybe better for introverts.

@NeverHomeAlone, yes, I have listened to lots of American preachers too. I think they have been instrumentalist in a renewed more fervent interest in all this from a decade or so ago. The only thing is I am now coming from such an inter denominational stance I don't know where to begin in regards to where exactly I fit within the church. I long for unity but understand how divisions have arisen.

We tried a few churches before landing on our (Baptist) one.

Every church has its quirks. I'm actually very against a lot of ritual that has no biblical basis as I know from experience that it's very off-putting for a visitor to the church to have no idea what's going on, or feel "outside" of the clique.

Check out the churches around you by watching their sunday service online and see what they do.

OP I understand your confusion. I was originally Presbyterian and married a man who was Church of Ireland. After much thought and prayerful consideration we decided to go somewhere that based themselves wholly on the bible, no frills or extra traditions, nothing taken away.

For me if you starting adding on "extra" stuff or taking away things you don't agree with you eventually end up with something that's quite far removed from the bible and from Jesus.

I find the service great as an introvert, because you don't have to find words; they're all there in the order of service! I also like singing.

We can't do shaking hands now due to covid. Communion is optional. You can stay in your seat if you want.

I go to church of England now, but have been to Catholic churches a lot in the past as my dad is Catholic and so is my husband. I found it less sociable than CofE, especially in the big catbedrals, so maybe worth a go.

@LivesinLondon2000, thank you. I'm beginning to think my issue is deeper than introversion now.

It is more that I am inter-denominational. I feel ready for communion, spiritually, but in the physical world am not a formal member of a particular denominational church congregation. I feel like I would have to jump through hoops, so to speak, to be. Yet there are broadcast services I can join now - which satisfies on one level immediately but there is an argument, within certain denominations more strongly than others I have heard that this is not sufficient. So I have researched denominations and schisms and divisions and people accused of heresies and realised this has ever been a fact of life (in Jesus' time on this Earth too).

The broadcast services are my starting point but I don't know where I will end up.

@NeverHomeAlone

OP I understand your confusion. I was originally Presbyterian and married a man who was Church of Ireland. After much thought and prayerful consideration we decided to go somewhere that based themselves wholly on the bible, no frills or extra traditions, nothing taken away.

For me if you starting adding on "extra" stuff or taking away things you don't agree with you eventually end up with something that's quite far removed from the bible and from Jesus.

Yes, that is where I started off to. But then I started thinking about the Sacraments. I've always felt remembrance did invoke in me a form of physical manifestation akin to transubstantiation. As what I take from Christ, as I think on, experience it, affects me physically, heart and mind. But on discussion realising not everyone understood my perspective. But then the language itself does have its origins within church doctrine so this is to be expected.

I think many people feel deeply affected by the sacraments. I don't think you'll have any trouble finding a church that you feel comfortable in. Just don't give up if it takes a few goes. Best wishes

Thank you.

It sounds like a great approach OP. The Holy Spirit will guide you. Continue to pray into and the Lord will provide.

I couldn’t find the thread you mentioned but communion is deeply important to me. I attend an Anglican Church. It’s my only experience of church as an adult and so far I’ve found that I like it. It’s the church God lead me to. I don’t consider myself ‘Anglican’ or any other denomination. As you’ve said, I can see why it’s happened but God never wanted us divided.

@WitchsFamiliarWhichIsFamiliar, thanks, that is useful to know.

@HmmGrey,

As you’ve said, I can see why it’s happened but God never wanted us divided.

I agree. I am reminded of a dream I had some years ago on the eve of a big decision I had to make.

In this dream I remember I had a problem I needed help with. Those in authority around me told me very matter of factly that it didn't matter because they would just crucify Christ again for me which would solve it. I was horrified but couldn't stop them. I comforted myself with reheated Shepherd's Pie, which although it was reheated, still tasted good. Anyway, I was dreading attending and Christ told me it was ok, he would allow it and I didn't have to go. However, I decided to be brave and go. When I was there I was relieved that where I was standing people had put up blankets on poles to make makeshift gazebo like constructions. The upshot was I was spared from seeing Christ suffering again although I was there with Him because my view was shielded by the blankets.

This dream still speaks to me about how it is following Christ amongst the cultural expectations around us and how people's expectations, even if they were originally orchestrated to help us, can cause more suffering. But also most importantly about Christ's love and mercy.

What constitutes Sacramental? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophyreligionspirituality/4383669-what-constitutes-sacramental

This is the other thread, @HmmGrey

Allow it? Maybe it was 'do it' in the dream. I not sure which phrasing is best.

See, I find myself 'splitting hairs' now!

@silveryslade I am exactly like this too! I’ve enjoyed your thread so thanks for asking the big question. I’m too shy to ask such things

@Blanketsandbuttons, you're welcome. Pleased you've enjoyed it. Funnily enough, I think I'm less introverted on here. It's a good way to discuss things and get the groundsway of opinion.

@silveryslade I’m the same on Twitter. Quite outspoken on there and always challenging people’s thoughts / ideas. (Within The Church) - it’s quite fun!!

Sounds fab! Only thing is my posts can be rather lengthy sometimes!!!!

Last post @Blanketsandbuttons.

@Driposaurus

In the Anglican Church, they sneak into evensong or to an 8am service and exchange nods, if anything.

Yes, just what I was going to suggest! DH is an 8am preferrer, I'd always pick Evening Prayer (or even later, something like Compline or Taize if you like to bask in meditative singing).

@Ormally. Sounds blissful.

@silveryslade I was wondering if you made any progress with attending church?

I find church quite an easy thing to do as an introvert. It's one of the few things you can do where you don't really have to interact much with other people.

Go in blonk yourself down wherever you like. If you arrive just before the service you reduce the risk of talking to people before it starts. Have the service. You may have to have a very brief interaction with the vicar as you walk out, or you could sneak past while he/she is talks to someone else.
I think most places have adopted the head nod method rather than handshake method to exchange the peace which is much better.
No one has ever asked me directly to do anything. I probably give off a - don't talk to me vibe which helps. I enjoy going to church. I miss it if I don't go. Finding a church that suits you is quite a key thing. Personally I like an old church with vicars that give good surmons.

I'm another Catholic and most Catholic Churches have Mass every day so you can to an early morning weekday Mass (some time between 7-9am or lunchtime) both will be about 30 minutes and people (especially at lunch) usually have to rush off to continue their day. If you sit quietly in the pew afterwards people assume you are parying and (usually) leave you in peace, so its usually fairly easy to avoid people if you prefer that! At the weekends the 7-9am Masses are quieter. The busiest Masses are usually around 10-12 in the morning or 5pm. Thats when families come. A university Newman Center or Chaplaincy often have at least one late Sunday Mass for all the students that slept until 3pm. Our local university Newman Center has Masses at 7pm and 9pm. The music is usually meditative rather than rowdy as students are usually coming for some order and peace in a hectic life.