How do introverts do church?

[silveryslade]

"23 He that is not with me is against me: and he that gathereth not with me scattereth."

(Luke 11:23 KJV)

Was thinking about this since the end of last week. I don't attend any church services regularly, mainly just weddings, funerals and the occasional carol concert with small D.C. - each of these being a reasonably long time ago. However, I am Christian. I get by with prayers, devotionals and watching streamed services / preaching. I donate secretly to different Christian charities and share my beliefs when appropriate in conversations with people I am close to. So in some ways I do 'gather'. I'm sure I could be better at this, though.

I shocked myself with these thoughts, it filled me with fear and dread at thinking of attending any particular church regularly. I never have. Wasn't brought up doing so even though I am Christened. I am pretty much an introvert. Probably more since Covid. Although I do enjoy getting together with family and friends. I fill my time and enjoy being alone so much, I hate the thought of demands on my time and feeling pressurised into volunteering type responsibilities and events even though I have enjoyed volunteering in the past I don't like feeling pressured to do so. I also like to feel anonymous until I'm ready to share.

Was wondering how other people manage this.

My evangelical church experience was in the early 90s. Nowadays I would just say that I wasn't comfortable with peace passing and hugging and it would be accepted. Back then, I wouldn't have dared say anything.

My church, although traditional is easy to follow and very accessible to anyone who's new. However, when I'm in London I visit a very "high" church. I have no idea what's going on, but love all the ceremony and find it very spiritual.

@RaraRachael, thanks, that certainly gives me food for thought. I'm pleased I started this thread. Whilst my reservations do still stand, it's good to know many people feel the same way and they manage to find various ways round this.

"23 He that is not with me is against me: and he that gathereth not with me scattereth." (Luke 11:23 KJV)

This scripture is interpreted alongside 'whoever isn't working with me is against me'. It refers to being of one mind and belief in Christ and not in reference to attending physical church every Sunday. Not going to church does not mean you are 'against Christ' or you are 'scattering'. You have misinterpreted that particular scripture. We have not attended physical church in our house since the pandemic started but have joined virtually every Sunday and continue to be of one mind in Christ.

There is a scripture that would be more appropriate in this context that says, 'And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near'.Heb 10:25

This is more contentious, however, with technology we can still meet together without it being at a physical place.

@Shimy, thanks, that's what I've been mulling over. I am in the habit of reading a Catholic devotional (amongst others) which I've got to say can put the fear into me but I do find it very memorable and touching. It did mention gathering also in the sense of gathering together as like in harvesting. And talked thinking about developing this attribute in many ways.

Funnily enough I read the Hebrews piece of scripture today (was mentioned in the UCB devotional). So yes, was thinking about that too.

Also it has crossed my mind that if my nuclear family were more concerned on these matters we could 'gather with Christ' at home more easily more often. They're are not entirely unbelievers, I don't think but don't bring God/Jesus into conversations very often. They can be pretty reserved on such matters. I mention my Faith when it seems particularly relevant and appropriate but sometimes revert just to expressing a belief or opinion that I consider lines up with my Faith without overtly mentioning the source of my belief/opinion.

I think the types of service I described would also be similar at a CofE church - early morning would be quieter, late morning would be a bigger service. CofE parishes also often use terms like 'family service' and such like to indicate the bigger, more social liturgies.

You would be very welcome at a Catholic church as a visitor. It's quite normal not to know the words! I have a class of adult converts and most of them don't know the words and gestures, no one notices. But that's not to push it. I'm sure you'd be welcome in most churches.

Thank you Fink.

You are gathering and harvesting though. This is referring to the building of His kingdom and you said, you are 'sharing' where appropriate and 'praying' that really is the crux of it. One could argue many gather physically in church but aren't actually harvesting for Christ. It's just for a good old gossip.

I think the church has had it's day with pontificating and has sadly long lost the moral high ground what with scandal and after scandal. I think expressing your belief in the way you described is much more meaningful.

Convert to Catholicism op!

We just grunt at one another politely

If you choose carefully, you can avoid all happy clappiness entirely.

@Shimy , yes, that's what I've been considering. I do share your reservations about the faults within the church but then no one is perfect, I'm certainly not. It's good to think about this. I usually read devotionals and just think 'yes' but I stumbled a little over this one. It got to me. So I made a decision to 'up my game' a bit with a view to continue to progress. I've been listening to more preaching, so everything is a bit fresher, decided to make another donation, talked to my husband regarding possibly going to a Carole service and come on here to discuss it all. Which has all been great, I've got to say.

@Musthurry, maybe I need that 'Great big kick up the arse'! (Father Ted reference incase you don't know it).

Carol service! (Not Carole)

More traditional churches tend to be easier as they don't have such an emphasis on doing lots of things. Try possibly a cathedral even who are used to people just coming in and not wanting to "join"

@gogoh, yes, Cathedral does seem to be the consensus in this thread. Not one in our town, though, so I might try a carol concert at the biggest most well known traditional church here.

I'm a shy extrovert. I talk to a few different people each week at a church service. I like talking to people so I may see if I can help out or go to more services.

Good idea @languagelover96

I wish I was more confident and gregarious. I've very low self esteem and never think that anyone would be interested in talking to me (the result of being brought up by a toxic domineering woman who was only interested in what people thought of her).

I would never, ever make the first move to speak to anyone so find it almost impossible to become integrated into any new situations.

I think I possibly find talking to new people easier than you @RaraRachael, but I know I can have problems regarding sharing work with people or negotiating planned communal activities. I feel guilty asserting myself although I can do very successfully. However, I feel sympathy for the other person if I will not do what they want me to even when I feel I am right and I shouldn't. I feel sorry and embarrassed on their behalf. I don't like the awkwardness. I like to be in agreement.

Church puts this sharply in perspective if there are any expectations of me I disagree with. I really am a self starter and need time alone , in prayer and study alone for clarity - which I do find. I would like informality without any pressure at all for familiarity, an almost impossible ask maybe. I do like sharing but I have to feel the it is right to do so myself - which I often do spontaneously.

I think it sounds like you manage the challenges you have pretty well with regards to church @RaraRachael.

I was pleased just now to find this lovely definition of 'gather'. There are so many ways to 'gather with' Christ.

"gather
Also found in: Thesauruss, Medicall, Legall, Financiall, Acronymss, Idiomss, Encyclopediaa, Wikipediaa.
Related to gather: gather togetherr*
gath·er (găth′ər)
v. gath·ered, gath·er·ing, gath·ers
v.tr.
1.
a. To collect from different places; assemble: gather the pieces of a puzzle; gather information.
b. To cause to come together; convene: The teacher gathered the students around the exhibit.
c. To draw (something or someone) closer to oneself: gathered the shawl about my shoulders; gathered the child in her arms.
d. To draw into small folds or puckers, as by pulling a thread through cloth.
e. To contract and wrinkle (the brow).
2. To harvest or pick: gather crops; gather mushrooms.
3. To conclude or infer, as from evidence: I gather a decision has not been reached.
4. To summon up; muster: gathered up his courage.
5.
a. To accumulate (something) gradually; amass: The top of the bookshelf gathered dust.
b. To attract or be the center of attraction for: The jugglers gathered a large crowd.
6. To gain by a process of gradual increase: gather speed.
7. To pick up or collect (molten glass) using a tool in glass blowing.
v.intr.
1. To come together in a group; assemble: A crowd gathered in the lobby.
2. To accumulate: Dark clouds are gathering.
3. To grow or increase by degrees: The truck's speed gathered on the downslope.
4. To come to a head, as a boil; fester.
5. To forage for wild foodstuffs.
n.
1. The act or an instance of gathering.
2. Something gathered, especially:
a. A small fold or pucker made by gathering cloth.
b. A mass of molten glass collected on the end of a blowpipe or other glass-blowing tool.

[Middle English getheren, gaderen, from Old English gadrian; see ghedh-- in Indo-European rootss.]"

(https://www.thefreedictionary.com/Gather)

On the opposite point I also looked up the word 'forsake', which adds quite a lot of clarity, I think.

"forsake
Also found in: Thesauruss*.
for·sake (fôr-sāk′, fər-)
tr.v. for·sook (-so͝ok′), for·sak·en (-sā′kən), for·sak·ing, for·sakes
1. To give up (something formerly held dear); renounce: forsook liquor.
2. To leave altogether; abandon: forsook Hollywood and returned to the legitimate stage.

[Middle English forsaken, from Old English forsacan; see sāg-- in Indo-European rootss.]
American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2016 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.
forsake (fəˈseɪk)
vb (tr) , -sakes, -saking, -sook (-ˈsʊk) or -saken (-ˈseɪkən)
1. to abandon
2. to give up (something valued or enjoyed)
[Old English forsacan]
forˈsaker n
Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged, 12th Edition 2014 © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2011, 2014
for•sake (fɔrˈseɪk)

v.t. -sook, -sak•en, -sak•ing.
1. to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert: to forsake one's family.
2. to give up or renounce (a habit, way of life, etc.); forgo.
[before 900; Middle English: to deny, reject, Old English forsacan (c. Old Saxon forsakan, Old High German firsahhan)]
for•sak′er, n.
Random House Kernerman Webster's College Dictionary, © 2010 K Dictionaries Ltd. Copyright 2005, 1997, 1991 by Random House, Inc. All rights reserved."

(https://www.thefreedictionary.com/Forsake)

Hey fellow introvert here. Before coming to faith last year, I hadn’t had any friendships for 10 years. For many reasons, I struggled socially and thought people were a waste of time. God has rewired me and continues to grow my character to be more like Christ. I’m still an introvert but I’ve found my place within the church. God has blessed me with Christian friends who encourage me, sharpen me and challenge my faith to grow.
It was a huge step for me but I discovered it was essential for me to attend to serve God.

There are endless scriptures about the body of Christ and building on another up. We are meant to journey out are faith together, sharpen on another, explore our gifts together and so much more. That’s why we’re called “one body”. We are all called and have unique purpose that becomes fully matured in relationship. Here’s some of the scriptures:

www.openbible.info/topics/building_each_other_up

Have you discovered salvation in God?

Thanks, for your response, @HmmGrey, much appreciated.

Have you discovered salvation in God?
In answer to your question, yes, I have and much more. He is vital in my everyday life.

My current sticking point is that I am between denominations. I have such a longing for unity within the church. Different rules and the requirements for acceptance within different churches bewilder me and yet at the same time I understand why they came about in order to prevent worship becoming disorderly and false. I have been researching too about the various historical schisms within the church and the development of new church movements. However, the discipline individuals require to restrain them but still allow them to flourish is different hence I believe from this the different denominations have arisen. (These thought came about from when I was considering communion see the Sacrament thread). The thing is I don't know whereabouts exactly I am on this point. Plus all things Covid is just another complication my head is not completely around.

My current conclusion is to just continue from where I am and see where God leads me. My own 'gathering' has continued in discussions on here, in real life and engaging in online church, research and charitable giving.

Thanks for the link.

Regarding communion - when I go up I place my hands behind my back and receive a blessing instead.

There’s a book called The Introvert Charismatic: the gift of introversion in a noisy church by Mark Tanner, which I read and enjoyed. I an introvert, grew up Christian and worked in a church office for many years when my children were small.

You’ve had loads of good advice here, but I wanted to add, if there’s a big church near you (see the website A Church Near You) email the office, explain that you’re looking for a quieter service and ask them which service they would suggest. I have answered this question many many times. Good luck in finding the right church & service - I will keep you in my prayers.

@TableSetting, yes, I've done that before. But I longed for communion. It was an experience which is marked in my memory. It was my grandfather's funeral, a Catholic service. It was beautiful and the priest taking it said anyone who wanted communion could have it (unusual for a Catholic service). Now I was not baptised Catholic (baptised C of E not confirmed) and I could hear my cousins who are Baptist behind me discussing whether take Communion or not. They decided not. My mother (lapsed Catholic) went up separately to me and I couldn't see what she did. I remember deciding to get a blessing as I was unsure of all the gestures (crossing myself etc) and did not want to fumble. The funny thing is the priest did fumble. After most of my line asked for a blessing he automatically went to give me Communion before I had asked! We then both did a bit of a fumble. At that time, I think without the outward Sacrament, we were of the same heart and mind! I asked my mother later whether she had taken Communion (she was very much lapsed) she answered yes as if it were obvious! 🤷‍♀️

Now would be a great time for you to try out some local churches while people are still social distancing and churches are half full (at least here in NI we are 1m apart during services). I would check online first to see how they are organising numbers with covid, in my church you send an email to book in.

I go to a Baptist church. There is no forced interaction at all. People might say a quick "Hi!" or "good morning" as you pass by them but that's it.

I choose to attend more of the family days out and help with the creche etc, and have made good friends there, but there is no pressure to. You could easily quietly come into the service, sit down and quietly leave at the end.

I have been listening to a lot of preachers online too.

Particularly enjoyed this one, although it is very American, so perhaps not what you're used to.