Any Witches Here? Part 15

[speakout]

Or Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.

A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration.

Speakout the time consideration frustrates me. My husband has several clients on different timezones and so calls can often clash with meal times. In fact today...he has a video call with an overseas client, right over the time slot for dinner. While my eldest is at his dad's, my youngest isn't and will be hungry from school - and also have to place the meal a decent span from bedtime!
I was also only informed of this at 9am today.

In the winter I do cook lots of casseroles and the joy of the Rayburn is they can sit in the warming oven, so people can eat as and when.
Tonight though I am roasting a mixture of vegetables in middle eastern spices and will have it with couscous. It's reasonably forgiving, cna be eaten hot or cold. My DH will take what he gets!

Big sympathies for those dealing with severe food allergies though. That's a whole other level of stress when preparing food!

My trip to the dentist was OK apart from some ongoing issues which may eventually see me lose my front bottom teeth am now on more frequent hygienist appointments and a lot of 'fire-fighting' to try and ensure I can keep them. It's also landed me a very expensive bill, as I need a specialist splint to stop me clenching my teeth in my sleep.
I'm now going to go and do something frivolous to counter all this grown up behaviour!

Evening sisters
Just dropping in to say hello and to join you in a quick cup of herbal tea from the pot

@speakout your description of your afternoon with your daughter brought a tear to my eye. It's so obvious you love her deeply and have a close relationship.

I wish my own mother and I had that kind of relationship. My mum is very cold and very emotionally closed off and refuses to discuss feelings, never asks how I am etc. She never makes an effort to see me, or be part of my life. I try to maintain a good relationship with her but she honestly isn't interested. She never calls or texts unless she needs a favour.
It hurts that she doesn't seem to like me much since I left the Christian faith (she is very devout, very black and white and judgemental about anyone who isn't a Christian ).

I really wish she could be the sort of mum who would just love me unconditionally, the sort who would phone me just for a chat or pop in to see how I am.
I can't imagine having a mother who did what you did with your daughter last weekend!
My mum never offers to do anything like that. If I asked she'd say she'll need "petrol money" to drive over (I live 5 minutes away!) Or she's too busy so I'll have to find someone else to help.

Sorry I didn't mean this to turn into a rant. I just wish my own mum and I were close. Reading your lovely post really made me think about how I've never had that with her, and how much I'd like it.

Cerridwen83

I have great empathy about the challenging relationship you had with your mother.
She sounds very like my mother too!
Never any of those important deep conversations about feelings, like your my mother is a devout christian too- and I was brought up with the idea that women are second best, and men are tp be obeyed at al costs.
She was done with parenting by the time I was 17 or so, leaving me with a fragile self esteem, severe anxiety issues, and the idea that I was only half a person without a man.
Needless to say this found me seek out a string on abusive men for many years which did nothing to help me heal or grow.
It took a long time, but one thing I was sure of was that if I had children of my own I would nurture their spirit, help them develop healthy self esteem and be the mother to them that I wish I had myself.

Nurturing my children has taught me how to nurture my inner child, and heal from the lack of mothering I experienced.
Don;t give up hope- you may never have that physical mothering from your real mother. but it can be found in other ways- you don;t even need your own children to do this!
Ultimately you will find you dont need your mother to validate who you are! It is very liberating.
Bethany Webster has done some amazing work and writing about the mother wound- and has some great youtube videos too-

Such powerful and healing words speakout, thank you. I’m another one who got that ‘model’ of mother in this life. I love the way you describe how we can heal and nurture ourselves, ultimately bringing strength. The work of the goddess.

Wishing everyone an empowered day- don’t forget your crown!

Beautiful words Speakout. I struggle with Mother wounds too, although different to how you describe. I've always felt loved, but somehow 'not good enough'. Throughout my teens, twenties and thirties, I struggled with low self esteem and like you, ended up in abusive, damaging relationships.

I have always aimed to encourage my children to be confident in their own abilities, believe in themselves and follow their dreams. It's not easy though and I don't always get it right and if I'm honest I'm sure by children have been impacted by mistakes I've made. The parent-child dynamic is incredibly complex.

Aerwyna thank you for your affirming words. I know that like me you have bravely taken these wounds head on like a warrior.
VioletCharlotte we don't always have to get it right, and in fact a mother who never makes mistakes is nothing to strive for.
You are right that parent child dynamics are very complex, but it is a great thing that children see that we never stop growing and transforming- an incredibly important thing to model.

They see us fuck up sometimes, but they also witness our self examination, our reparation, how to rebuild broken bridges, how to apologise, how to make amends, how we can grow and make sure we learn from mistakes we have made.
Perfect parents are of little value to children, and no such thing exists anyway. Showing a child how we navigate the complexities of life- even when we don’t always make the best choices- but keep striving to be humane and strong is the best thing we can do.
And breaking the mother wound takes great courage- it may have existed for many generations, and too easy just to pass it along like a hot potato to the next generation takes fortitude and bravery. To be aware of that wound, to break that cycle will impact many of our generations to come,
Goddess work indeed!

Good Morning sisters!

I'm another one who was never good enough, but when I was 40 I had a sudden realisation one day that no matter what I did, I'd never be good enough, so her opinion of me really didn't matter. Doesn't sound like very much but it was more like a profound truth that stunned me.
It was extremely liberating, I didn't have to care any more and what's more, nothing else she said from that day on could hurt me, nor did it.

I've also been into batch cooking, here's a tray of sweet potatoes ready to go into the Aga, with garlic salt, ground black pepper and rosemary from the garden.

Have a magical day everyone!

BlankTimes

It does sound like a very profound moment! As children we seek so much validation from our parents, and when we dont meet the mark it can be very painful.
Reaching that stage when you realise your sense of value or worth is no longer dependant on your mother- especially if she may be broken or have warped values herself" is extremely liberating.
I was around 40 too when it happened- and life changed dramatically after that!
I still treat my mother with kindness and respect, but she no longer has an impact on the values that are close to my heart- which often contradict hers.
I have learned to just let it go.

That tray bake looks amazing btw!!

Thanks Speakout it was an absolute game-changer for me, from that moment on, she couldn't hurt me any more and that was such a revelation. You said it perfectly
I still treat my mother with kindness and respect, but she no longer has an impact on the values that are close to my heart- which often contradict hers. I have learned to just let it go

Glad you liked the look of the sweet potatoes, visually the colours are nicer pre-roasting. I'm another one who has to cater for different diets. There are only two of us now but a lot of the time I have to cook two separate dishes, some are intolerance and allergy based, others are preference, I'm vegetarian and DD isn't.

When my parents passed away, I had new house rule for xmas dinner, I'd cook whatever my partner and our daughter would like instead of the usual traditional roast. DD was little then and asked for fish fingers and chips. My partner was more than happy to have that, too, because he could get a trad xmas lunch at work if he wanted one, and I had a microwaveable mushroom stroganoff, so that was one of the least effort but most pleasing xmas dinners we've ever had Tradition is nice if the meal suits everyone, but when it doesn't, there's a lot of ways to take the stress out of catering for different dietary and sensory needs.

I wouldn't call myself a witch exactly but I've always been interested in celebrating and honouring the seasons, have used spells and I did a Wicca course, but didn't do the initiation ceremony as I wanted to be able to bring these elements into my life without being 'labelled'. I am a Christian, but appreciate nature and believe that if God created the earth, the universe, then these kinds of beliefs naturally fit within those. I have a faith, rather than being religious.

So I'm pleased to be on this thread.

There must be something magical that happens when you turn 40! I was the same, it was like someone had switched in a light and all of a sudden I know longer cared about all the things I'd agonised over for years.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron
Welcome to our cosy witches cottage

I have a strained relationship with my mother too. My grandmother raised me until I was three and I was incredibly bonded to her. When my mother moved out and took me with her I think it was a childhood trauma that I never really appreciated the impact of until I had my own children. My mother wasn't malicious in this, life just dealt her a tough hand with my father (who buggered off) but she is very emotionally closed off as a result of that period of her life.

I would like to ask for some healing energy to come my way. I spent all day in A&E/acute care after waking with chest pains. I am fine, clean bill of health but clearly something is not right with my body and I need to rest the next few days.

Already sent, Queen go and rest surrounded by the warm blanket we've created for you

@VioletCharlotte

There must be something magical that happens when you turn 40! I was the same, it was like someone had switched in a light and all of a sudden I know longer cared about all the things I'd agonised over for years.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron
Welcome to our cosy witches cottage

Thank you!

queenrollo I hope you are feeling better. I am glad your examinations came back Ok, but must have been quite alarming, you will have some emotional turmoil to process too.
You are right to rest- sending love and healing thoughts.
ImJustMadAboutSaffron a warm welcome, make yourself at home.
You have an interesting philosophy, being a christian while walking a pagan path sounds quite a challenge! I am glad you have found a route that gives you clarity.
BlankTimes your christmas meals sound perfect.
When our kids were young we rarely had traditional christmas food, it was often an Indian takeaway from our favourite place- Indian food was always the children's first choice.
We would still set the table with a cloth and fancy things, crackers, I would warm plates and serving dishes while OH went to collect, and we would still have Christmas crackers and desserts. It sure make Christmas lunch a whole lot easier!!
Do whatever makes you happy- especially on Christmas day. I am just settling down to an earky night, my skin still feels lovely from my trip to the beauty salon yesterday, and as usual the therapist gave me a stack of little free samples. Tonight I am using a “night cocoon” facial gel, the light lavender fragrance is making me feel sleepy already. These products are fun to try, but I am a little cynical over all and the prices for full size bottles are eye wateringly expensive”.

Looks like being a frosty night here tonight- keep warm and cosy everyone.

Evening, or morning I suppose as it's nearly 5am, sisters!

queen I'm sending you all my healing energy, I hope you're able to rest properly for a while and allow your body to recover.

It's been a difficult week in my cottage - my beloved little DNinjaCat had a moment on Tuesday - jumped down from sofa as normal and suddenly and without any warning lost the use of her back legs. Longest five minutes of my life getting hold of the vet, but by the time I'd done that and got carrier down she was walking and jumping again. Took her in anyway and vet was wonderful, but I then had a bit of a breakdown in the evening because I was worrying about her and the realisation hit me, that for those few minutes I really thought I was going to have to say a sudden goodbye.

Consequently last night couldn't sleep till almost 6am and tonight is going the same way, although she is absolutely fine and she and her sister have been milking me for treats and snuggles 😂

So please forgive my lack of posting, it's been a very weird week. On the plus side I awarded myself a gentle no screen day today and have been working on a new magical series of photos - sketchbook and imagination at the moment but I plan to start shooting next month, which is keeping me going.

I just can't seem to get to a point where I can breathe and stop - I think it's a combination of actual overload/overscheduling and overwhelmed mindset, so will be applying my witchy stubbornness to trying to change my mindset at least to start with.

Waiting for my favourite artist to release her Yule cards so will get those in the post when I have them - if anyone who hasn't already sent me their address would like to exchange cards please do pm, it's one of my favourite parts of this time of year!

Have a magical day loves, I guess some of you will be rising as I blow out my candle to sleep!

Morning all.
Thank you everyone for sharing their stories of growing up with 'different' mother relationships. When I was growing up I wasnt aware there was anyone else in a similar situation (emotionally abusive, neglectful mam) so I felt like I was carrying around a dark, shameful secret. I've reached a level of forgiveness and acceptance now, which is joyous and sooooo freeing. I've learned of the things in my mams past which explains why she was so troubled. Its my 40th next year and I've finally started getting counselling. My present to myself is to heal myself as much as I can. I really want this generational trauma and curse to end with me, and my kids to be free of it.
Sorry, that was a bit deep for this early in the morning! X

hilariousnamehere
I am glad your cat is OK- that must have been quite a shock when it happened,
Ongoing family issues have been heavy with me this week, although I have been ploughing time into self care.
I was hit with feeling totally overwhelmed yesterday. This is my busiest time of year and I am struggling to keep up with the onslaught of work. I feel unprepared for christmas I still need to buy gifts to send to Australia, a member of staff advised me I should post that ASAP.
I an developing a backlog with work, need to order supplies and make bulk batches of stuff, my house needs attention, and I am finding it hard to have time to shop and cook.
Yesterday I started to feel a sense of panic and disorder, which is not good.
So I have closed up work for the moment, I need to get myself on an even keel, get the house in order, do some christmas preparation and organisation for work so I can tackle my activities in a calm and organized way.
I am up early to start clearing my backlog, will shower and do some meditation to set my mind straight.
Hopefully by the end of the fay I will at least feel a little more on top of things, and maybe starts some christmas shopping in the next day or two.
Life can be such a balancing act can't it!!

I hope you’re sleeping soundly by now hilarious. My glad your cat is ok, that must have been a scary experience. It sounds like you’ve had a tough week and I know what you mean about getting stuck in an overwhelmed/worried mindset. I had a tough period of time last year and found that after a while my thought patterns were default worried. Like you, I worked on change and mindset, inched myself away from the pattern bit by bit. Take good care of yourself in whatever way works for you, I think it’s the message to your psyche that you intend to take care of yourself that does the trick over time.

queenrollo I’m so glad you’re ok, your experience sounds scary and I’m joining the others in sending love and healing energy. I love BlankTimes soft blanket and have been joining in that visualisation for you. I’ll be out in the field at 8 and will send a boost of glorious autumnal sunrise energy to support your wellbeing. I hope you’re able to take it easy today

My purring alarm cat is telling me it’s time to get up and get going, not forgetting her breakfast before I do, but I’ve been nodding in resonance at the mother healing posts, the magic that happens around 40 and the wonderful food talk! It always warms my heart and inspires me to here of my sisters taking care of themselves. Thank you all for sharing such wise and comforting insight. The energy it creates is beautiful.

Thank you also for the warrior energy reminder speakout, I will take that with me into my day today.

Welcome Saffron, I’m glad you feel resonance with our wonderful space here.

Wishing you all a goddess blessed day

Woolyminded

Never too early for deep!
You are doing brave work in recognising the wounds and pain and taking steps to stop the cycle.
We can't fix our mothers- that is work for them if they make that choice. But we can change the future.
I see those wounds have been passed to my sister too, and she has chosen not to deal with them, but to repeat the pattern and has passed them on to her children. Her children are grown and I watch as one of them is passing the wounds to her kids. The other like me is working to break the process- we support each other through our work. It isn't easy stuff and pulling apart, digging deep reveals difficult layers that have to be prcessed and dealt with.
I admire you for even attempting this though- it takes great courage. X

I have limited time at the moment and I realised I wasn’t coming here as I don’t have the time to reply individually to everyone. But I miss you all and I no longer want to hold myself to such standards. Is anyone else a recovering perfectionist?!

To anyone who is struggling with a mother wound and currently in the thick of raising their own children (and determined not to pass it on), I can’t recommend The Motherkind podcast enough. The host grew up in a very dysfunctional home, had a breakdown in her 20s and is now on a healing journey while raising her two little girls. I’m fortunate enough to have a very good relationship with my mum (I’m only realising how privileged that makes me in recent years) but still there are plenty of things I don’t want to pass on and the podcast has been an excellent resource.

@queenrollo I am sending you healing energy lovely lady, I hope you’re feeling brighter soon.

@speakout good for you for turning work off so you can catch-up. I have family who run an online retail business and this time of year is just insane. It’s so important to take care of yourself so you don’t burn out.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron welcome! I’d love to learn more about your views of Christianity and magic and how they interweave. I grew up attending a Church of England school and so the stories from the noble and hymns evoke a warm, nostalgia for me. I know others who were subjected to intense indoctrination may feel quite differently!

Today is a full day with toddler DD and I’m tempted to wrap us up warm and go for a stomp on the beach. She loves splashing in rock pools, building sandcastles and finding treasures (seaweed, shells etc.) Yesterday we went and fed the ducks and came home with a magnificent collection of golden autumnal leaves. I might string them up they’re that pretty!

My life is quite heavy at the moment. I am still thick in grief from earlier this year and am supporting two friends through horrid domestic abuse situations. I also have a relative battling multiple cancers and have received some devastating news about my beloved dog that has truly taken the wind from my sails. So any scrap of joy, any glimmer of magic, and I’m over it like a rash. Never before have I so brutally understood the saying: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Wishing you all a peaceful day. Xxx

ImJustMadAboutSaffron the appalacian tradition has a lot of combination of church and magic, and there was a book that a podcaster I was listening said covered a lot of things about it. If i get time I will have a look for the title. I was falling asleep when I was listening last night so titles escape me atm.

I encountered the author of this book in a podcast, and was impressed some of the very common sense talking. But he does talk about the appalacian combining of church and magic. His practice is not my practice but I do have my eye on this book amongst others

Hello, all.
Hasn't it been a rollercoaster of emotions lately? I've found it a full time job dealing with the ups and downs of how I'm feeling, let alone anything else!
The conversation around the mother-wound has really resonated with me - like so many, my mother was emotionally unavailable. Of course, to a young child, it seemed like she didn't care, and I felt very adrift. I wanted to build a better relationship with her when my DS was born, but she passed away when he was 6 months old. Over the years, I have looked back at her mother, and I remember how strait-laced and authoritarian she was, and can see where my own mother learned her 'mothering style'. It has been a struggle, but I have slowly been marking out my own style of mothering, determined to be a warmer mum, but there are still the odd moments when I catch myself and think 'I sound like my mother'!

Food-wise, I am yet another that has different tastes to cater to, it can be tiring! Although there are only three of us, It's not often that I produce a new dish that everyone is happy with, so am stuck cooking the same things on rotation

Anywhoo, keep those heads held high, sisters, and bear your crowns with strength

ImJustMadAboutSaffron I was procrastinating about doing something to relistened to the podcast that other book is this one I have not read this one, and only listened to the podcast review and read the good reads review.

Here's a little bit of help for those frayed round the edges moments, a bit of EFT for everyone to dip in and out of when the need arises.

This one's for forthcoming family gatherings
www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/tips-stress-free-family-gathering/

Here's a quick 3 minute stress relief too
www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/calm-anxiety-and-stress-in-3-minutes-with-nick-ortner-and-marie-forleo/