All you atheist parents wondering how to broach the religion topic to your kids listen up!

[Rhubarb]

I'm a catholic and I teach my kids about all religions. I explain that some people believe different things and some people don't believe at all. I tell them what the Bible says about creation and what science says.

I tell them what my personal beliefs are but I encourage them to make their own minds up. I answer questions with "well this is what I believe but you might think something different".

I take them to Church and they know about the religion we follow, but I do encourage questions as far as I can bearing in mind their young ages.

So what I say to you is this. Don't put a barrier between yourselves and religion when it comes to your kids. Arm them with information and let them make their own minds up. If you push them a certain way, chances are that they'll reject it later on in life. Whereas if you add your support to whatever they decide to believe or not, it will give them the confidence to choose their own paths.

You may be disappointed in their choices but don't try to influence them too strongly one way or the other.

So says me.

oh dear
I popped back to see what was going on and after my post I have been told I am narrow minded and obvioulsy wrong. I will now leave this thread
I really must continue to steer well clear of religious threads. I like rhubarb alot, I don't wnat to argue religion with her.

You can live alongside anyone as long as you don't question their beliefs.

That was to Pruners but seems quite appropriate for TR's post too.

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i am an atheist and very comfortable with that 'label' - I have no feeling of loss or sadness or gaps where religion should be I think us human beings should be proud of our own acheivements and deal with our shortcomings - and not sublimate ourselves to a creator that we created!

I do want my children to respect others beliefs but I want them to atheists and if they are not i will feel disappointment - just as anyone whose strongly held beliefs are rejected is likely to feel - I would not stop loving them but I would be honest - as I expect them to be with me. Don't see that as a problem - if you feel strongly about something and show children how you came tofeel that way it teaches them to respect and understand the process of forming opinions/ moral frameworks etc.

I have to admit the only time I attended a church type service was as a student and I went to the christian union out of curiosity as several friends attended. I found the sermon at the same boring, hectoring and wierd. And i was disturbed by the way individuals were picked on for not singing the hymns with enough passion!! I found the atmos alien and threatening - sorry. I attended a evening meeting of the marxism conference held annually in London - with new recruits to SWP testifying to their life changing 'conversion' - found the humourless and puritanical atmos very similar to my church experience to be honest (esp when they made jeremy hardy apolgise for using word 'bitch' in his routine!!!).

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I don't know if it's the same thing, though. I too have friends I disagree with in matters of religion or spirituality but that's how I met them, that's the people they were when we met and I liked them on the whole as the fully-formed people they were. but I don't have the same emotional investment in them as I do in my children.

I have friends who are Catholic, Christian (unspecified), Wiccan, Spiritualist, and probably others i haven't asked about. My dds have friends who are Catholic, Muslim, Jehova's Witness...i seem to practise what i preach in terms of respecting other ppls beliefs, and so do my dds.

I would not be so much disappointed if my kids became religious, as very surprised that they feel the need. I have tried my best to teach them morals (without the aid of parables but more giving modern day examples and empathy), and i would hope that they do not need to be told by a set of rules how to be good ppl.

Also, this being my second ever post, having seen all the great nicknames, i'm off to change mine to something incredibly witty too.

(Welcome here, Mag. I used to be Cristina7 and felt the need to change my name, but I think yours is fab!)

Thanks, i thought it was a bit boring tho, and i don't think i'm actually mad. I hope not anyway!

everything we say to our kids is indoctrination.

I'd rather indoctrinate them into something I believe in, and something I believe can make the world a better place, ie rigorous science.

The importance of community, and other people-humanism, bascially-is VERY important to me. We tend to celebrate pagan festivals because IMO they are often a celebration of community.

These are my beliefs. My kids will learn about other religions if they want to. We have plenty of religious friends.

But no, I'm not really going to make a point of telling them that "some people believe in a God" any more than I am going to make a point of telling them that "some people believe the earth is flat" and "some people believe that Republicanism isn't evil". I'm afraid that religious ideas aren't very useful to me and I have no interest in passing them on, really.

DH and I are atheists but come from Catholic families (well mil has defected to c of e) anyhow if and when ds starts to ask about god etc we will do as Rhubarb has done and tell him both versions (though don't own a bible so might have to go out and buy a child's version so we can understand it!). It's unusual for a child of atheists to find religion - though I'm not suggesting it's impossible. Rhubarb you are a very liberal R.C and I salute you My best mate's aunt is a nun and she is the coolest nun in the world. Even on topics such as illicit drug use she is mega liberal. Yet she has this uber holy aura. Very inspiring lady.

and actually i DO have faith

I have faith that humans are responsible for most stuff that happens in the world

I have faith that a lot of stuff is essentially random

I have faith in science,

I have faith in myself and the people around me, and don't see any reason to be thankful to an external force for the serendipities in my life. They are either the work of other humans, to whom I should be grateful, or they are just that, lucky breaks.

and I DO actively pass these ideas onto my kids, every time we dig the allotment or they ask "whywhywhy", I do pass these ideas on.

The position being described of a lack of faith, isn't really one I recognise as atheism or humanism. These are positive choices.

To me, a general lack of faith is agnosticism.

Pruners - I said earlier on that I would be disappointed if my dd's chose to join an organised religion when they are older. That doesn't mean I would cease to love them, accept them and even join them at ceremonies they deemed important (maybe, I'm not entirely sure about that last one)

There's an assumption that religion be treated with a special reverence not afforded to anyother group or organisation. I can imagine my children being teenagers and me raising an eyebrow about their choice of clothing, music, hairstyles, friends, activities etc...but if they came home and told me they believe in god I'm supposed to stand back and not dare question this? Why?

My parenting aim is to bring my children up being as honest as we possibly can be with them and teaching them skills to help them get through life thinking for themselves and making good decisions.

But I accept that it is possible they could come home one day as adults and tell me they believe in god and/or they have joined X church. Since they will be adults, I don't see why I would need to afford their choice any special tip-toeing, and I would hope we'd be able to have interesting discussions and debates about our different beliefs and lack of. Afterall, I have plenty of friends who do believe in god and I manage to get on day-to-day with them.

I imagine, after a few initial 'really?!!?' and 'why?!!?' converations, I'd stand back and let them get on with their lives (provided they weren't being hurt by that decision in anyway). It's possible they will make many decisions that disappoint me - not respecting some of the issues that me and DH find important, participatiing in risky behaviour, dropping out of college? Who knows what it might be? It doesn't mean I'd cease to accept, love and enjoy my adult children. It's quite normal for children to grow up and be different from their parents - isn't it?

I'm sure there are fewer children of atheists who find god and lose touch with their parents than vice versa.

* Disclaimer - when I use the word disappoint, I don't see myself ever shaking my head at my children, pointing my finger and declaring "I am disappointed in you". Think of it more as an inner sigh, accompanied by a yearning that they had chosen a different path.

Pruners said "Ah see Cristina, I am totally with you there, but that's because the difference between right-wing and left-wing is a very deeply moral one to my mind, it's fundamentally about how you treat others'.

My personal view is that there is no difference. The church is very powerful and manages to influence how people are treated. Look at today's news Vatican urges end to Amnesty aid

I'd be much happier with a child that became a quaker

rather news from two days ago.

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Gosh, this thread has grown!

To respond to some of your comments:

Harrisey, you may have misunderstood me when I said I want my children to be 100% in control of their destiny. Of course there are a host of other influences like luck, people you meet, health etc. But not god.

I do not wish to criticise anyone for believing in god, going to church, doing whatever they choose to do in the name of religion. That's your right. However, it is a personal choice, and I think it should be left out of schools who ime are all too happy to teach about all the religions, but leave out the fact that not everyone wants or needs a god.

Also, surely we all agree that everone has the right to raise their children in the way that they feel is best. The 'issue' of god (for us at least) is treated no differently to, if anything much less seriously than the hundreds of other issues which crop up when you raise children.

I think it should be left out of schools who ime are all too happy to teach about all the religions, but leave out the fact that not everyone wants or needs a god.

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Actually, I completely agree with this, caterpillar. I'm all for the acknowledgement in schools that not everyone has a belief in a deity.

In fact, I would be quite happy with the RE element of education being much more heavily a 'comparative religions' sort of approach. I think it would be a good thing to include secular humanism in the whole topic, but then I imagine some secular humanists would object to that because they don't want to be seen as anything like a religion.

Perhaps it would be good to call RE 'Ethical and Belief studies' or something like that.

Head of RE at my sons' school is very trendy bloke in his early 30s, who is an atheist. People have expressed surprise and even disapproval of having an atheist in this role, but actually I think that only an atheist could be truly objective about all the world's religions.

Do you agree?

No

Because atheists are not objective.

No-ne is on religion

Everyone has an opinion

No matter ho muc atheists bang on about their position being 'evidence based' and everyone elses not, everyone is in a position when it comes to religion.

IMO no beter or worse, btu certainly not better

Caterpillar, I would take it out of school syllabus too.

Cos anyone I know whose only experience of Christianity is school has no real undersanding at all - so I assume it is the same for all other faiths or philosophies or non-faiths.

I think it is something for parents to decide - I am deeply uneasy about the school system teaching any kind of religion.

fortyplus, no, I agree with harrisey, I don't think an atheist has any extra objectivity on the topic. Perhaps an agnostic might, though, lol.