Choirs, worship songs, after service coffee - the all new religion chat thread

[niminypiminy]

A new place for us to share the lovely, silly and annoying things that happen in church life and share our great love of Graham Kendrick.

It's been almost a week since my dad died.

Most of church, including vicar have not acknowledged his death (except the vicar did a sad face on Facebook).

Aibu to spend Easter at a diferent church?

Admittedly I was not there yesterday as I'm looking after mum. However most people in the church have my phone no, email and address or could easily get them. I thought I had a ton of friends at church.

Would a texted 'sorry about your dad' or a card through the door have been too much to ask? My phone was off the hook with church people wanting to visit when my dd was born.

Currently in angry phase of grief - can you tell?!

PS am very grateful for all the messages of support on here!!

Of course it would not be unreasonable to spend Easter in a different church. But it won't take the pain away of realising that they don't care enough to do the small things they could have done.
A sad face on Facebook? From your vicar? That is not at all acceptable.
Church can be pants.

I'm so sorry double! I'm one of those people who assumes I'm not the person you want to bother with when you are dealing with life's biggies. I'm likely to give you a lot of space for fear of intruding.

Is there someone you can tell that you are ready to hear from people? That you won't feel intruded upon and indeed would welcome the support?

What a disappointment for you, to feel let down at a time when you would expect to feel particularly well supported.

Oma - yep, total pants!

Pickle - sure, I can understand a fear of intruding. I guess what I would do in a similar situation is send a text and see how it went from there/what's needed. It's just not having that initial contact from people that you thought cared about you...

Hohum. In other news, dh has been amazing in sorting all the admin side of things, with the funeral, bills etc. So that's something to focus on being grateful for.

You are totally right! I don't think I've actually let anyone down yet, and I'll make sure I fight off my reservations in future.
I hope you find some comfort in the Easter message, and I'm glad your DH is showing what he can do!

Double that is really hard. I think pickle is right and people back away because they don't want to bother you. But they should think of you more. People get very caught up in their own lives too. I hope they show more support for you over Easter. I'm so sorry. It must feel so very, very raw and you just need people around you showing you some love and support.

Oh double that's the last thing you need, having to ask for people to show they care... I'm sorry . Great that DH is being so good though. I don't think I would go to another church for Easter, it would make me feel lonelier, I think. But I would let one or two people know that I'm feeling a bit hurt I think, and hope that that triggered a little more understanding.

Thanks folks. I think I will discreetly mention it to someone. If you can't expect support when a loved one dies from church, where can you? And surely there must be a topic in ministry training about how to help support bereaved people? Not just post a flipping emoji online?

Anyway I will stop sending this thread on a downer now and will leave it free for Maundy Thursday tomorrow.

Hope you've all been getting pedicures :-)

If there was going to be actual foot washing on Maundy Thursday, I would have been warned, wouldn't I? Or is it one of those things that everyone thinks is so normal that it's not worth mentioning?

There is "optional" foot washing at my service. I have never been, or seen it done, and it sounds downright terrifying! I don't think I'd be brave enough to bare my feet...

broomstick doesn't it say on the service sheet, noticeboard or website?

Foot washing is a most profound experience. I really urge anyone who has the chance to have it done. The embarrassment and awkwardness and yuckiness of it all is central to the whole experience. You really see what it means for Jesus to serve and not be served when someone bends down and gently washes and dries your feet - and of course there is the vulnerability of letting someone touch you that intimately. It's a moment when the incarnation really comes close.

On my ordination retreat the bishop washed our feet - the night before we were ordained. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

I really, really hate having my feet touched. I think that I would probably rather give a random stranger oral sex than have them wash my feet.

Niminy it brings tears to my eyes too. I know just how Peter must have felt and only wish anybody could be 'Jesus' enough to me to be able to go through with it.

Not being able to see past the human, the Paul, the Ruth is part of my problem with the church at the moment: humans obscuring my view of Jesus.
And then there is hot cross buns....

Hot cross buns put me right off this time of year. The shops smell of candied peel, ick. I'd rather have my feet washed than eat a hot cross bun.

We have done a toned down version of foot washing at church. We have a hand washing station, and wash each other's hands while praying for each other. It's not the same, but it's a less intense taster experience.

I hope you see real love from your church, double, even if it is somewhat belated.

One or two people at church are really overstretched at the moment. We are in interregnum. I have stepped back as I am distracted by my DFs illness, and some other responsibilities which are extremely stressful.
Some in leadership are overly reliant on the others- they offer to do things but require so much support it is easier to do it yourself.
Tuesday's service was given to 'A' to lead. 'A' then met with 'B' for two hours, asked 'B' to enter everything in the laptop, asked B to make last minute changes. Expected B to be in church half an hour early to help and set up. B wished she had done it all herself- it would have been quicker. Poor B ends up entering services in the laptop, printing service sheets out etc even when they are not responsible for the service, because the others haven't learned how/don't think ahead and plan alternatives. B is afraid if she doesn't come through, the service will fall apart and the congregation will be let down.

Sorry about that! Very long!

That sounds hard work for them, pickle, is it all on just a couple of people?

My new church is doing foot washing tonight. Not sure yet if I'm going or not as have this level infection and not too good. Will prob go to the services tomorrow.

Niminy that's beautiful about the bishop

Hi pickle sounds like B needs some assertiveness training! Seriously though, if A doesn't know how, then surely B should just say I'll show you this time, but next time I need you to be able to do this by yourself?
Also, perhaps if the congregation was "let down" once or twice people would see how you are struggling and help a bit more? The church I went to last Sunday was in interregnum and it was a bit chaotic, but I'm quite sure nobody minded. I realise that it's mega stressful but I liked this tweet I saw yesterday from Nadia Bolz Webber:
"My dear fellow clergy and church workers: Jesus will rise at Easter without everything about Holy Week being perfect. Relax. Enjoy. Love."

Edd

double so sorry for your loss. I am sorry you are not being supported by your friends at church. I guess it's the difference in acting out our faith rather than just talking a good talk. If that makes sense.
Looking forward to going to a healing service at a different church tonight.

I am not going after all tonight, which makes me a bit sad. I think I'm ok at balancing the needs of the DC with work and church and other stuff, but I never get it right with DP.

MHD your Maundy Thursday virtual labyrinth is perfect however

Oh thank you Edd. I need to update some of the images in it. I hope your evening is more peaceful and blessed than you think it might be

Sorry, Edd.

You're right, by the way. It's intoxicating though, being indispensable. We really need to restructure a bit to stop it happening so much.

Tonight we had a bring and share buffet, followed by a symbolic hand wash and a simple communion.

I feel much calmer, after a very trying week.

Guys

I went to a Maundy service last night for healing. A visiting pastor & his wife were doing the healing.
I have a life long illness & I am facing major surgery in a year or so (waiting lists) to alliviete not cure it.
Anyway I asked for healing and they welcomed in the Holy Spirit. The thing is I felt like the Holy Spirit was there. But I don't feel healed??

Does anyone have any ideas on why that would be?

bootygirl very difficult question. No real answer, apart from saying that healing comes in many shapes and forms and the presence of God is the best healing of all.