All welcome in Muslim tea room 3!

[squishinglittlefatcheeks]

Salaam and hello to all.

Thought I would take the liberty of starting a new thread as I didn't get to say Eid Mubarak on the last one and I do like checking in with you all

So come in, pull up a chair and have some lovely biryani - and there's baklava for dessert

Salaam and hello sisters

I haven't been around on here much recently but I have just caught up and am very touched and overwhelmed by the support and solidarity on this thread. I don't want to bring up the horrific events of Paris again, but I was distraught by what happened and I found myself slightly fearful of people's perception of me.

Fuzzy sis I've just watched that clip, it's heartbreaking. Three innocent lives and a family destroyed . I will remember them all in my dua.

We must have faith in humanity, that's all we can hope for. I have been avoiding the news for a few weeks now as the barbarity, atrocities and depravity (plus the downright ignorant) is giving me nightmares.

Try to demonstrate humanity and faith every day and do at least one deed a day that makes someone else feel good.

Its lent now, so a pretty got time to ponder life, what we have/want/don't have, and what we can do on our everyday lives to make our own little parts if the world better. I've given up chocolate (and taken some new things on) and my choccy money will be winging its way to my favourite charity. That should be a substantial amount as I am a complete chocaholic.

Salaam all. Hope everyone is well. So heartwarming to have our Christian sisters post on here at difficult times.

I haven't been on here for a long time and I have come back to ask you for a personal prayer please. I am struggling, repeatedly, with bouts of anxiety and depression. I had quite bad pnd after my dd was born and have done a lot of hard work to make things better in my head. And I am definitely a million miles away from where I was a year and a half ago. But sometimes I just feel everything crashing in on me again. You see, it's not just my own issues but those of the people around me who I care about - I don't know if it is normal to have so many dysfunctional family members, maybe it is, but it is very hard to keep my head above water when they often seem to drag me back down.

I don't mean to moan about them, they are wonderful. But I have worked so hard to overcome depression that it is frustrating that no one else has taken steps to challenge their own issues and then this impacts me.

Plus I am struggling with maintaining my practice of Islam . ALH my core faith is not shaken, i truly believe, but am struggling to do salah or read Quran or do anything proactive for religion.

Please pray for me sisters
JZK

Oh sorry I didn't read all the previous posts - I am grateful for everyone of different faiths/no faith (not solely our Christian friends!) who have posted to support us in hard times

Hello friends. The PEGIDA march in Newcastle this weekend has just made me want to pop back in to say that I'm still standing hand-in-hand with you, as it were.

I had just come on to say the same, Tuo!

Peace to you all

Salaam all,

I wonder if I could ask for some advice. I have been in a short marriage with a man and his family who have been emotionally abusive towards me. We separated and have DC. He hasn't really bothered with DC, we have seen them together then he said that he wanted to see DC alone who quite honestly cry without me. Nonetheless, I obliged though it broke my heart. I suggested a meeting but then he went AWOL for some time. He says that that was not good enough.

He now wants to see DC alone and wants me to make decisions how and about us. He said a whole load of lies- that he has asked about DC life it I have not been obliging, that I don't want him or his family to see her etcetc.

He is a pathological liar, culturally is very traditional and believes that everything should be his way. His family are awful and have done awful things to me. I hate the thought of DC being around them. He essentially put his family first and by family, I do not mean DC. I don't understand how it is ok to set the rules. Be in then out then in and I have to jump to his tune. Whilst he was away, DC developed a routine and are happy. He is expecting response and I don't know what to say. Do I say we try again? He's need believed he has done anything wrong. Always my fault. He is relentless.

If I open my heart, I just wish he would go away. He did to away. He was without DC. So why come back and cause so much disruption and anguish? He does not put DC first. I'm such a mess trying to deal with this. What do I do? Any duas anyone can recommend? I'm scared that he will get courts involved and they won't understand my anxieties.

Walaikumassalaam,

Sis Homely, I'd suggest you offer in writing, that he can see your DC, but it needs to be done slowly as he has chosen not to be in contact at all with DC and it will be unsettling for them, therefore he needs to build up to unsupervised contact, suggest a contact centre (he pays), every other weekend for a couple of hours then suggest it build up to taking her out for the day then progresses to over night over a period of say six months or so (once a fortnight), with a view to shared care.

Bet he doesn't even make it to a contact centre.

Make sure everything is in writing, if he goes to court you have proof that you were totally willing to work with him to facilitate contact.

He won't go to court unless he's made of money, it is very expensive.

On a very different note, I was wondering if anyone had any idea what they plan to do during Eid this year, it should fall on 17/18 of July depending on the moon fighting.
I really want to make Eid special this year inshallah, and have fun with my little family inshallah.
Any ideas?

Asalam u alikum sisters, I just wanted to pop my head round the tearoom door and say Hi! I was quite involved in the first tearoom thread (under a different username) but never seem to quite make it here. I'm hoping to be a bit more of a regular! The problem is that my brain is so frazzled from looking after kids that I use mumsnet to keep me entertained through sleepless nights etc, and can just about summon enough concentration for a lighthearted thread, but don't often have the mental energy for anything more thoughtful! But I did come and read some of the lovely conversations about current events, which were such a pleasant antidote to some of the other rubbish conversations going on on MN, and I'm really grateful to all who took the time to contribute.
squishing you are in my duas, I'm struggling a bit with anxiety myself at the moment, I know how hard it can be.

Assalamalaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu!

How are you all? I have missed you guys. Please tell me I was not the only one who watched the Muslim Beauty Pageant and Me show on bbc iplayer.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05n2fn7/muslim-beauty-pageant-and-me

If you want to have a good giggle watch it. Well if your the type to hate the idea of a muslim beauty pageant in the first place you probably wont find it that funny. Dina Torkia was the presenter and she was also a competitor. I really like her. She is so funny. Would never dress like her though. Im more of a fade in to the background type of girl rather than a check out what Im wearing type but hey to each her own. I really want to visit Indonesia after watching that. The girls in the program were beautiful. I wish I could go through all their wardrobes.

Also have any of you heard of the British Muslim Heritage Centre or visited it? Why wasn't this place around when I was getting married? Anyway they are hosting a Muslim Womens networking event in April which looks like it will be glitzy and glam.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05n2fn7/muslim-beauty-pageant-and-me

I would like to go but I don't think my 4 month old sidekick would be welcome.

Squishing I sympathise. I am finding it hard to pray on time right now or even concentrate because of my little ones. I just end up holding my baby whilst Im praying. Here are a few duas I use:

Ya muqallib al-qulub, thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik

'Oh over of hearts, make my heart firm upon your religion'

Ya musarrif al-qulub, thabbit qalbi ‘ala ta’atik

'Oh director of hearts, keep my heart in a state of obedience to you'

Allahumma, ya muqallib al-qulub wa’l-absar, thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik

'Oh Allah, Oh controller of the hearts and eyes, let my heart hold fast onto your religion'

I think its hard also to attend circles and classes when you have young children. I find I cant relax when I go to the ones at my masjid as Im on tenterhooks waiting for one of mine to kick off. There are very few events that cater to mothers by having a separate room for those with children but even then you cant hear because there are a load of other screaming babies in the room. Sigh. I wanted to ask some of the Christians on this thread how they manage when they have young children to keep attending religious events/sermons etc. I know some churches have very well organized programmes for children but what about before they reach that age? I find sometimes in bigger mosques people are more likely to turn a blind eye to rampaging, squalling children but then maybe that's because you cant easily identify the parents as they are all pretending they are not theirs. I definitely feel bad for all the times I would grumble when children started getting noisy at talks I went to before I had kids. Now Im one of those mortified mothers!

Woah Fuzzy hold on we're in March still. I cant even think of this year's Ramadhan when I have last two years to make up let alone Eid.

Btw I used to post on the tearoom under a different name like pp. That's why Im acting as if I know you all.

Sis fiveseconds, I try and fast monday's and Thursdays they're sunnah fasts, especially during winter, make up ramadan fasts that way and its not difficult and it's healthy!

I like to pre-plan.

OK I got married this year alhumdulillah husband is a revert and I want to show him how lovely Eid is inshallah.

Salams everyone

Congratulations Fuzzy! Mabrook! Wheeeeeeeeeeee.

I think this is the first marriage in tearoom history isnt it? We have had everything else I think. I pray that Allah blesses you in marriage and makes it a great source of happiness and peace for you. Ameen.

Hey Crescent and 5seconds. Isnt it the true about the wide spaces and kids. My two year old does this really weird thing now in any kind of hall where he lies down flat on the floor and starts rolling or dragging himself along.

I have been off mumsnet for a while. Basically I just cant cope with real life at the moment. Im so exhausted with two kids under 3 I just pass out at the the end of the day. I was so in control with my first dc when he was a baby. Routines which I stuck too but now its just all chaotic . Its just very hard to synchronise the two of them. They work on completely different timetables. Bedtime is just a mess. I dont know whether its pointless or even possible to try and get them both in bed before 8 which is what I would ideally love. I have got a few months left to my maternity so I need to work it out soon otherwise I can not imagine how Im going to cope. Any coping strategies you have for handling two under 3 would be much appreciated. Which one do you put to bed first, toddler or baby? Do you keep them generally awake at the same time or do you let baby nap as and when they like?

Anyway hope everyone is okay and doing well. Any plans for the Easter weekend? My mum came over yesterday with a giant Easter egg for my ds. I was like . She never bought us easter eggs as children. I remember salivating over them in the shops but now she's all like its for everyone. Yeah bit late for a change of heart now mum Im in my 30s. Funny thing is I didnt even buy ds an Easter egg. It just never occurred to me. Not for any religious reasons I just dont want to get involved in all the commercialisation Im happy to accept though. I was a bit sad reading some of the threads on philosophy where people were arguing with christians about whether Easter is even a christian holiday. I personally would rather respect the religious roots of the festival than just use it as another excuse to buy chocolate which I have plenty of reasons lined up to do so already.

Assalaam alaykum ladies! Just wanted to say salaam. V happy I found this thread, so many positive messages from you all, Muslim and non Muslim. Makes a nice change from the usual stuff u see on MN 're Muslims

Salams

Hope you are all well. Anyone starting to prep for Ramadhan? What is it a month to go? By the way Im not asking because I have but because I need a kick to get started. I remember reading in the last tearoom thread about a sister who starts her prep a month in advance so that she doesnt have to work as hard during Ramadhan. Im starting to get excited now.

Walaikumassalaam, I'm going to prep this year, will start making (& freezing) samosas end of this month, will also buy large fish and clean and marinate it and freeze it for days I'm not up to cooking.

Will stick up pantry and attempt to make several mains the weekend before Ramadan starts and freeze them so I'll be ready inshallah.

Remember the ummah in your Duas sisters.

Stock up the pantry not stick it up before anyone gets me for being a crazy mozlamic running wild with super glue!!!!

Salaam all and congratulations fuzzy! May Allah may your marriage a long and happy one, which will benefit you in this life and the next.
Hope you guys are all well, I don't come here as often as I should, but it's so nice to see all the support on here, from all camps!
RE ramadan prep, I should probably start preparing but probably won't! Normally I get an easy ride as our local mosque does Iftar every night and DH works there so we kind of feel justified in attending quite a lot. But it means staying for tarawih and that was fine when I had one very well behaved child. DS2 however, is a bit crazy and I think he would disrupt everyone trying to pray!
It would be nice maybe to start to share our goals for Ramadan. Mine are very modest I'm afraid, I find these long days really tough, but I do want to reconnect more with the Qu'ran, and am trying to get into good habits before Ramadan starts.

fuzzy I thought you were planning on robbing your own pantry

peaceful I had ds2 when ds1 was just 3, so probably had it a bit easier. DS1 was not longer napping, so DS2 napped when he liked and once he was about 6 months I used to put them to bed at the same time (they slept in the same room, which helped!). I would get them both ready (didn't do evening baths, too stressful) and read stories/Quran with DS1 while DS2 played next to the bed. Then I would get DS1 to lie down and tell him I would come and sit with him once DS1 was asleep. Kind of worked most of the time. Now I do the same but they sleep in separate rooms. It's taught DS1 to fall asleep by himself which is good. Obviously it all goes wrong some nights but now we have the general routine they are used to it. Have broken all rules though and DS2 still falls alseep while feeding, I'll pay for that later no doubt!
I think it is good to aim to have them alseep by 8pm just so you can have a few hours to regain sanity! I have always followed the rule of providing them with whatever they need if they wake after bedtime, but not removing them from bed/bedroom unless absolutely necessary, and looking utterly bored and unimpressed while interacting with them so they don't think it's much fun to wake up in the night. I am still nice-ish to them, just not 'fun mum' at 11pm at night!

Salams all

I pray you are all in a great state of emaan and health. 15 days till Ramadhan starts. Countdown is on. No prep done as yet. I have decided though Im not going to cook proper meals this year just a selection of starter/appetizer things. The past few years I have been cooking quite heavy meals for iftar . Rice, curries, pastas etc. However I always find that so much gets left over as people in my family get full quickly and dont have the appetite to finish a big meal. So this year Im going for things like soups, salads, samosas, savoury pastries, bhajis, rotis, houmous, mandazi, grilled chicken fajitas, dips etc the majority of which can be pre-prepared or even better bought ready made and popped in the oven when needed.

Perfectly that is a great idea about sharing our ramadhan goals. For myself as well as reconnecting with the Quran (by playing beautiful recitations, reading both the translation and arabic daily etc) I would like to go through the whole seerah again during ramadhan. Its been a while since I have read the biography of the Prophet PBUH and I always find it spiritually uplifting. I have heard that its good to read through the seerah every now and again. I think it makes you fall in love again with the character of the Prophet Muhammed PBUH. I have read Martin Lings Biography of the Prophet PBUH and the Hamza Yusuf series on it too which were both really good. However Im looking for a different one to get a fresh perspective. Any recommendations? I have seen that Yasir Qadhi has a series of lectures on the seerah so Im thinking of maybe trying that but its quite long so doubt I will get through it all. For anyone interested in tafsir Mufti Menk has a great series of lectures on tafseer of the Quran which he did for Ramadhan. I have the cd collection but you can probably find it on youtube.

Anyway hope we all have an emaan boosting Ramadhan.