All welcome in Muslim tea room 3!

[squishinglittlefatcheeks]

Salaam and hello to all.

Thought I would take the liberty of starting a new thread as I didn't get to say Eid Mubarak on the last one and I do like checking in with you all

So come in, pull up a chair and have some lovely biryani - and there's baklava for dessert

Hi everyone! Happy new year and Christmas love to you all.i hope you all passed a lovely peaceful time with your families. My XH came with us to my parents which was lovely, every year he hums and haws and then decides to come at the last minute but he enjoyed it.

Lazybint I was just reading your last post and so I went back to see the context. How horrible for you and for him :( however I also think you need to give consideration to what crescent says. I am a social worker and I can imagine exactly the scenario you describe arising - when we have a teenager who can't go home we do ask them who they can stay with and if there is a willing household we sigh in relief. Recently I dropped a 16yo with his girlfriend's family (not for long thankfully) and then found out this was a girlfriend of a week! I had assumed it was an established relationship...
Anyway the point is that of course you want to help him but equally it can't be good for your daughter to have him there to be honest. She has a lot going on with school as pp said and also it's too intense isn't it? At that age they don't need to be 'living' with boyfriends. And obviously there is also the likelihood that they will start having sex if they aren't already, having them under the same roof is far more risky for that.

Social services are responsible for him. Although he's 17 they should be holding a child protection conference and carrying out an assessment of his needs. To be honest I doubt the CP conference would happen but they need to assess him and accommodate him safely while they do so. This means finding foster care, supported lodgings or supported housing like a hostel for young people. They have a legal duty to do this so when you speak to the social worker you would be advised to remind her/him of that and ask what their longer term planning for him is.

If you have any questions about his legal entitlements I will be very happy to help. I worked in leaving care for years so that is my area of knowledge. Do be warned that cash strapped councils will bite your hand off if you offer too much and your first priority has to be to your own daughter so be careful of filling the gaps too much. I'm going to add a couple of links after this post but I don't want to swap windows now in case I lose this on my temperamental iPad!

www.communitycare.co.uk/2010/12/20/southwark-judgement/
This judgement set out the legal duty of councils to accommodate 16 and 17 year olds who fulfil the criteria of being a child in need and who cannot remain at home

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/section/17
Children act section 17 which sets out the criteria of being a child in need - look at subsection 10

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/section/20
Section 20 of the children act which covers the duty to accommodate children who cannot remain at home

Hello all,

Lazy - I hope some calm has been restored to your home and a more permanent solution has been found for your daughter's boyfriend. It sounds like such a challenging situation. I remember when a friend of mine was kicked out by her mum at 17 my mum felt obliged to take her in. At first I was pleased, but it soon started to wear thin when she became quite an emotional drain on me. I remember I had A levels to study for and she would want to just chat for hours when I should have been studying. I wonder then if perhaps your daughter might be grateful for her own space after a while. In any case you're her mum and will know best.

Hi Crescent, interesting you ask about Mawlid. I've never really celebrated it, but often use it as a trigger to dig out some books or CDS on the sira. We can never get enough inspiration I find.

As a muslim living in France i'm also horrified by today's events. I've been glued to the news all afternoon and have a terrible pain in my stomach. Hubby and I have agreed not to watch any more, it's just too upsetting. And the comments people make! I don't know which are worse really, the hate-filled Islamophobes revelling in the "I told you they were all evil" - or the "Muslim" youth, frothing at the mouth with self-written fatwas on what death should befall those who criticised the prophet pbuh.

I hope you are all well and managing to avoid the negative messaging. I really feel as Muslim women it will fall to us to make things right in our communities. Our menfolk don't seem to be doing a great job so far...

In peace,

Hi all, this thread is in active and I hope you don't mind me saying hi even though I'm not Muslim (am Christian)
Read rumples post above and just wanted to send my love and prayers to you and all Muslims in France today.
Gods peace to you.

Salaam all

Just seen this thread (didn't know it existed!) so I'm really just marking my place! What a lovely comment of support from the poster above.

Hi Rumples, I hope this attack doesn't translate into attacks on muslims in France and it us often women who bear the brunt of these attacks due to the visibility of their hijab. Stay safe sis.

Hello ninetynineonehundred, welcome to the muslim tear room! Thank you for your lovely sentiments. I pray that everybody can live in peace.

Salaam ummAbdillah, welcome to you too. Nice to have new posters in here.

I have been watching the news and am feeling quite sad at the moment. Will sleep on it and post tomorrow Inshallah

As ninety said, God's peace to you all.

Assalamualaikum, I hope everyone is well inshallah.

I'm another horrified by the events in France, stay safe sisters and duas for those affected.

I'll post more later inshallah

Another one horrified by the events in France. I pray that these killers get apprehended quickly and that these awful attacks come to an end. May Allah Swt guide the Ummah of Prophet Muhammed PBUH and forgive us all for the huge disservice that is being done to the beautiful religion of Islam by the inhumane actions of this diseased minority of our ummah. Not in our name and not in the name of our beloved Prophet PBUH.

There was a fund set up in the UK to raise money for the family of the British aid worker Alan Henning. Do you know if something like that has been set up to help the family of those killed in yesterdays atrocities in France, rumple? If so, could you post a link to it here. I think helping the victims does more to honour and avenge the Rasul SAW then the idiotic, lunacy of these two imbecilic murderers.

Aisha narrated: "The disbelievers used to greet the Prophet by saying, "As-Samu 'Alaika (i.e. death be upon you rather than peace be upon you). I understood what they said, and so I said to them, "As-Samu 'alaikum wal-la'na (i.e. Death and God's Curse be upon you)." The Prophet said, "Be calm oh Aisha. Be gentle and beware of being harsh and of saying evil things as Allah likes gentleness in all affairs." I said, "Oh Allah's Prophet! Didn't you hear what they said?" He said, "Did you not hear what I said?"

cresentmoon that's an interesting question.
I was worried about posting here yesterday because I didn't want to intrude on somewhere that I don't know anything about and upset or offend anyone.
I don't know any Muslims irl. Like here i would be worried about saying the wrong thing and making assumptions and therefore upsetting someone.
Not because I think that Muslims are easily offended but because I'm aware that people don't always like to be defined by just one thing (ie their faith) - e.g. this has happened, you are Muslim therefore I assume you must feel x about it.
For all i know the person I'm talking to may be a relative or friend of someone involved (victims, police, perpetrator) and are affected that way. They may be affected for another reason (brings back memories of something else) or they may not even have heard about it. They may not see any link between what happened and their own faith. They may have other things going on in their life. They may not want to talk about it.
For that reason I would leave it to my friend to bring up first.
Saying that I would hope that if they did want to say something they would feel comfortable to do so. I hope that makes sense.
My heart goes out to all of you who have posted since yesterday. As a Christian in Britain I've never even had to consider some of the things you have been talking about.
I will continue to pray for peace and healing as I know a lot of other people are doing.
Thank you for your kind welcome.

Salaam all.

Ninetynine, thank you for your post. You are very kind and considerate and you are most definitely not intruding.

I can't stop thinking about some of the victims of the attack.

I didn't know about the Paris attack until quite late last night. I was about to text my work colleagues a joke early yesterday (my day off work). When I saw the news, I was so relieved that I didn't send the joke in case my colleagues thought that I didn't care about what had gone on and that I was being insensitive. I strangely feel answerable. I know I shouldn't but i feel that there are people who want me to apologise for other people's actions.

Today I was afraid for the very first time ever. I was afraid for my safety and for my children's safety. I was afraid of going to the supermarket in the evening in case someone angry about yesterday's events decided to take it out on me. I am afraid for the safety of my children in case some lunatic decides to carry out a Paris-style attack in the name of my religion, in the UK.

I find that I have to defend my religion. People used to blame muslims and now they are beginning to blame islam more and more. They are wrong in putting the blame on Islam, though they would be right to put the blame on the people who commit these atrocities. There are racists out there who commit atrocities for the preservation and supremacy of the white race. Does that mean the white race is to blame? No! We know that thankfully those people are a dwindling minority and their ideology is not shared by the masses. So why is it that when muslims or 'islamists' commit an atrocity, that Islam or muslims are to blame by default? Why can't the blame lie at the door of the perpetrator? Why does my religion come under attack instead?

It reminds me of the hadith "Islam came a stranger and will leave a stranger".

Btw, I noticed that in my last message I wrote 'welcome to the tear room!' That was definitely a typo, though strangely apt, considering the circumstances!

Dear sisters, Ninetynine asked on the Christian prayer thread if we could have a look in the Muslim tearoom as she had done and post a message of peace and support. I gladly do so.

I cannot understand what is going on. Like 99 I have no Muslim friends, I just hear about the killings, so many thousands in Syria and Iraq, so many children and I do not know what to make of it.
So I pray for peace among us all and protection from fear and anxiety and for all violence to cease. Peace be with you.

Another visitor from the Christian prayer thread here. As a catholic with divided family members (not me) who grew up in the middle of sectarianism in the West of Scotland it breaks my heart to see what people invoke the name of God for, in both their words and their actions. I am praying for the victims, their families and for all of us - that we will know peace and that people can live without fear.
And in answer to the question above I would welcome the opportunity to talk to Muslims about what is happening but I guess I would be reluctant to broach the subject for the reasons ninety gives above. I know how frustrating I find it when I read threads or speak to people who lump all Christians together based on the actions of a few extreme Westboro type of nutters for want of a better word and I would hate to think people thought I was doing the same with the Muslim community and expecting an explanation on behalf of these twisted factions. It's a difficult one. Peace to all of you.

cresentmoon i guess the question shouldn't be 'would we wish you to bring up the subject?' but rather 'what do you need from us to help you feel safer?' . Would you prefer us to bring the subject up first?
Everyone is so careful around each other which is kind but heartbreaking that we feel we have to be.

What can I /we do to help you at this time?

We all need to try and remember that God is all powerful and loves peace (my understanding of Islam as well as Christianity?) and to keep praying for that i suppose and keep our faith strong.

Dearest muslim sisters... another Christian thread-crasher here!

I have no words to describe my sadness about what has happened this week in France, and I pray that all people (Christians, muslims, atheists, whatever...) with peace in their hearts will find ways to work together to bring about peace and to eliminate extremism. I pray for the safety of muslims, in France and elsewhere, in the aftermath of these attacks: I would like to believe that people out there do understand that these few extremists don't represent the peaceful faith of Islam in any way, but I know that there's a lot of fear and misunderstanding out there. Please know that alonside that there's also solidarity and a desire to understand, to share, and to work together for peace.

I liked this cartoon produced in response to the Paris attacks.

Hello ladies, I am also a Christian and I work with a Muslim colleague. He is a very gentle quiet person who is liked and respected by all his colleagues. It is a large office but there are no other Muslims as far as I am aware. I don't believe a single one of his colleagues would associate him in any way with the terrible things that have happened this week and all would defend him wholeheartedly against any such suggestion or criticism of his beliefs. I would not raise the subject with him purely because he doesn't tend to discuss current affairs but if he did I would be happy to discuss it with him. HTH

Hi all, another Christian coming over the prayer thread. Such awful news at the moment, not just in France but throughout the world. Words cannot convey the true sadness of the situation. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. Praying that God can grant us peace in the wider world. Ive heard some awful isalmophobic comments in response to this. Praying people can understand those of us who have faith (no matter what religious background) are in a vastly different category to the extremists. Praying especially for the safety of Muslims throughout the world. Please Lord, protect our Muslim brothers and sisters and keep them safe from harm. May they not be persecuted for the horrendous actions of a few individuals. May we join together in solidarity regardless of if we have a different faith or no faith to face the horrors of the world and to overcome them through peace and love rather than violence.

Lovely sisters,

I am not as eloquent as most of you but I too have such a heavy heart after what has gone on in Paris in the last few days. I have moved house recently and my elderly neighbours asked me the other day of I agreed with ISIS and all the stuff that was in the news. It was so upsetting. They didn't mean any harm by it at all and I hope my answer was sufficient. I am so ashamed of these people and what they have done in the name of our beautiful religion, and like you say crescent at the time of milad un nabi!

Thank you to all those from the Christain prayer thread, it is so heart warming to have you all here. I have just had to hide another thread on Chat because it really frightens me what others put on it.

Welcome to the newbies and rememeber me in your duaa's. Just a quick hello to fuzzywuzzy too x

I also want to say a big thank you to the lovely sisters from the Christian prayer thread. You made me a little teary too especially when I think about the awful events in the world today and the shameful mistreatment of christians in Iraq and some other muslim countries. Your lovely messages of support and kindness are really heart warming and gratefully received.

I feel sad to have to say this (as if there was any doubt) but I feel just as heart sick and sorrowful for the unfair treatment and plight of christians in the world as you do. It pains me especially when I see gestures such as the one that you have made and think it doesnt have to be like that. There is so much potential to not just coexist and tolerate but also to thrive, support and work together to make the world a better place. Unfortunately there are ignorant, bigoted people on both sides and although the peaceful, tolerant majority outnumbers them we are not always as effective at showing the love as they are at showing hate. I hope my ramblings make sense.

I pray that God bestows His Mercy, Forgiveness, Protection and Guidance on us all and removes the misunderstanding and barriers between us that are causing so much pain and suffering. I also pray for justice, peace and prosperity for all those on Earth and I pray for the spread of wisdom and patience in these troubled times. Ameen.

Faith I agree with you that sometimes people of faith are better able to understand how extremists can totally pervert religious teachings in a way that is completely unrecognisable to those who may be of the same faith. I think for the general masses in Europe it is easier to give Christianity the benefit of the doubt when they see extreme actions from fundamentalist Christians because even if they dont believe in God that is their cultural heritage. However when it comes to Islam it is much easier for people to believe the worst is true and to think that these madmen are actually representing the true teachings of their holy book instead of the reality which is that they are a twisted perversion. I think it is hard for ordinary muslims because we are the biggest victims of these radical groups and at the same time are blamed for their actions. I dont know what the answer is but I agree with crescent that we can no longer sit back and say I am not involved or complain that it is not fair. We have to do something to improve the situation but what? For some its a clear cut answer. Give up your faith. Give up your religion, who you are, your identity, your history, your culture, your values, your way of life and adopt whichever one we wish you to have or get lost. But I cant contemplate a life without God. For me personally it would make all life's struggles meaningless. Also then how would that be any different to the mindset of radicals who have a deep hatred and intolerance for diversity and differences of opinion and who force their views on others. QofF it would be interesting to hear your families experiences of sectarian tensions and how they overcame that.

Salams to all my dear sisters on the thread as well. I pray that you and your families stay safe.