The Muslim Tearoom

[HardlyEverHoovers]

Salaams/peace to all! I'm already missing our old thread, so taking the bull by the horns and opening our very own Muslim Tearoom, all welcome (non-Muslims too of course), to chat, share, ask questions etc etc. Imagine a cosy cafe with floor cushions, tea and coffee of all kinds, and lovely cakes! Please join me!

Assalamualaikum, I second reciting or listening to Surah Maryam, with my eldest I also kept all my fasts during Ramadan, was fine for me Alhumdulillah. Just take it easy but do complete all your farad ibadah. May Allah grant you offspring who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Sis Crescent, I am big believer in continuing as you mean to go on, so I insist everyone drops everything five times a day and prays, if it's only Farad then so be it but as its a pillar of Islam I don't compromise. The kids (mine and my sisters) are used to it now and it isn't an annoyance or a hindrance everyone races off to pray at the beginning time so they can get on with whatever after.
My girls are working up to praying the sunnah and the nafl, they're still little so it's not farad but I want them to form the habit praying five times a day.

Regarding Quran recitation I tell them ten minutes a day is fine, but my eldest insists it's too short, I want them to begin something they can maintain and I think ten minutes is doable.

For your DB I think I'd suggest pray five times a day and aim for one salat in Masajid with jamat Inshallah.

I always find ibadah increases over time, so long as the ibadee is doing it for the right intention and begins how they mean to go on. Also tell him to make duas that Allah make it easy for him and you also make the same dua for him.

I used to make that dua when I first started observing Hijab.

Happy Jummah everyone, May Allah grant you all the best in this life and the Hereafter, remember the Ummah in your duas today and sis

sis Little Tulip, I sued to recite the following for many years;

????????? ????? ?????????? ??????? ? ????? ????? ???? ??? ???? ???????? ?????????? ????????? ? ??????? ??????? ??????????

Hunalika daAAa zakariyya rabbahu qala rabbi hab lee min ladunka thurriyyatan tayyibatan innaka sameeAAu aldduAAai

(The Dua begins where I've highlighted it)

In that self-same place, Zachariah prayed unto his Sustainer, saying: "O my Sustainer! Bestow upon me [too], out of Thy grace, the gift of goodly offspring; for Thou, indeed, hearest all prayer." (3:38)

One more thing, we've received a request thro my girls school to donate to the aid convoy for Syria I thought I would share the request for everyone to share in the barakah and the blessings of giving in charity, any amount will be very welcome inshallah.

May Allah grant As-Sham relief.

I started with the Salah once a day, or twice a day and to be frank didn't really adhere or stick with it! After that I went the full hog and now try my upmost to pray 5 times and on time! I would say it has actually been easier doing it 5 times rather than being slap dash about it. You are right though Fuzzywuzzy ibadat does increase over time, I went shopping today and all I could think about was getting home for zuhr salah (Subhanallah!) and was thinking how great it would be if our shopping centres had prayer rooms! Thanks also for the Duaa Fuzzywuzzy.

I love that response about God crescent :-)

I think I mean alhumdollilah not Subhanallah!

#ArabicPhraseFail

Just had a google seems Alhamdulliah and hallelujah have the same meaning.

I love that.

Salaam,

Has anyone read the poem 'footprints' - it is quite a popular poem, it is biblical in origin, i find it most beautiful. I change the words in my head to relate it to Allah speaking to His servant and it just fills me with gratitude. I cant seem to find a link, considering it is so well-known!

I also read this today:
It is reported that Shurayh said, “If I am afflicted with a calamity, I praise Allah for it four times:

I praise Him because it wasn’t worse than it was,
I praise Him when He gives me the patience to bear it,
I praise Him for enabling me to say Al-Istirja’ (‘To Allah we belong and to him we will return’;) in hope of a great reward, and
I praise Him for not making it a calamity in my religion.”

I suppose, i have a tendency to fall apart when things get tricky. These words have made me pull myself together because it is true; it could have been a lot worse. I pray that Allah always bestows His mercy on us all. Ameen.

salams ladies and thanks for the advice and kind wishes, those links are really helpful. I was having difficulty finding things online& my own family are not muslim (and also early days so we won't tell our parents until a bit further on)

crescent I really liked the karen armstrong quote. You know I thought she was muslim for ages before I read an article about her life& work.

I always pray fard salah but struggle to do this on time, esp at work when the days are short. And then I come home feeling really badly about it but I don't see how to improve it. the days I don't pray on time are the days I don't eat, drink, sit down during a shift. I usually manage ok on days off& pray some sunnah too. inshallah things will get easier.

ameen defuse

usmama. I know what you mean about prayers at work being a struggle.

Sisters, I have a dilemma at work. With days being shorter i have to combine my zuhr/asr prayers. I try to be quick when praying (5- 7 mins) as the room is small and shared by males and females and there are lots of other staff arriving to pray. Most men will wait until i finish, others probably cant wait due to time constraints and will sometimes start praying behind me - so it will be just me in the room and another man praying behind me. I never know what to do in this situation, but it makes me wonder if my salah is accepted or not.

On the other hand, there have been times when i have started to pray because there have been 2 brothers praying already, so i go and start - only for one of them to complete his prayers and walk out leaving me praying in the room with the one brother praying in front. Again, i wonder if my salah is valid. Its not anyones fault as such - people are really pressed for time, so probably cant wait around - but in these situation, what should i do?

I think it probably is valid, and def better than not praying at all. Allah swt knows your intention.
It sounds similar to the set up at my work, there is a small rm shared by males and females. the sisters set up a row of chairs in the middle, and pray behind these but really only 3 or 4 at a squash can pray together. And there is a constant stream of people waiting to pray/ trying not to walk in front of each other/ trying not to catch the eye of the opposite sex!
I can't complain though, it is one of the first places I have worked with a prayer room at all. and it has wudhu facilities too.

Assalamualaikum, you're restrained for time and space I'd say it was permissable you're in there trying to complete your salat, so I'd do just that.

I don't get a chance to pray at all during my working hours as the masjid is too far for me to go to during my lunch break.

I'm hoping either we get a small room in which I can slip out to and pray in at our new premises or I'm going to start looking for a new job in the new year inshallah.

Sis Crescent, the only reason I am so adamant that all five should be observed is because the Prophet (saw) was so rigid about it, he was gentle and forgiving about everything but he was adamant salat should be completed for those able and no one was given a concession whether they were just beginning to observe or not. So I'd say to anyone starting to go ahead and pray all five and make duas that Allah makes it easy for them. There has to be a very good reason for it, even if we're ill we are still exhorted to complete salat we can do it lying down even. For me that says that it is very very important.

Those of us who can't pray due to working in an environment we can bunch our salat together which I don't really like doing but right now for me there's no other alternative, I do sometimes just praying sitting in my seat, its one of the reasons I look forward to summer I get to observe all the salat.

The Prophet (saw) said salat was the coolness of his eyes, it's also the first matter we will be asked to account for when we die.

Allahualam, and Allah knows best.

Salams all

Havent had much time to post recently. Been busy with RL. Crescent just to go back to your point about what to prioritise when advising someone who is not practicing. Instinctively and logically I agree with you. For me I would personally think its more important for a person to be told to stop committing sins as I think a lot of times people have a problem with religious people because they see them making mistakes and committing serious sins and that then damages everyones integrity (ever heard the one about the hijabis who do x, y and z so whats the point of wearing hijab because they are just as bad).

However I dont think this is the approach of the Prophet Muhammed PBUH or the one that is recommeded in our deen. I remember reading a hadith (which I cant find now for some reason) where Aisha RA said that if the Prophet Muhammed PBUH had started off by forbidding the arabs from drinking and fornicating no one would have become muslim but instead the Prophet Muhammed PBUH gradually introduced the restrictions whilst building up the emaan (faith) of the early muslim community first so that they would be strong enough to cope with the restrictions. That has been massively paraphrased if someone else has heard it or can find it please post or i will try again tomorrow when I have more energy to look. So I think the others who say get him to pray the 5 prayers first have it right.

In the muslim community where I live we are having massive problems with this issue with regards to reverts. Alhamdulillah there are a large number of new reverts in our community and everyone gives them different advice some of it extremely damaging. Mainly by pushing them too far too quickly. One new muslim told me someone told her she had 40 days to learn how to pray after which she would be sinful for not praying and she was panicking about that as she was struggling to remember all the arabic. Ive never heard that about 40 days but even if its true what an unhelpful comment to make to someone dont you think? Others are pressured to wear hijab from day one. One sister I met had only been muslim for 3 weeks and was already wearing niqab! Talk about prioritising outward over inward. Instead of making things easy they make things hard for them. I strongly feel we need support networks in all the masjids for new muslims to stop them being targeted by these types of narrow minded, ignorant people who have no qualms about pushing their misguided interpretations on the uninformed.

"Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward."
Holy Quran 33:35

I love this verse from the Quran which emphasises that we have an equal status before God. Both women and men's deeds are judged the same by God. That is why I hate when people try to act as if when one gender does a sin it is worse then when another does. Some body once tried to explain to me why its worse when a woman smokes then when a man smokes. Just a load of gibberish.

I think we have to be really careful not to repeat the mistakes of our parents in emphasising religiosity (or lets say discipline) in one gender and being neglectful of it in another. I once met a girl at university who told me about how her parents were so much stricter on her brother growing up then her and her sisters. The reason was they lived in an area where a lot of the boys from their community were in to gangs, drugs, crime etc and her parents were terrified of him becoming involved in that so they placed more restrictions on him then they did on their daughters. Makes a change huh. In my community there is such a huge discrepancy now in my generation where you see many of the females are achieving highly (i.e. have gone to university and/or are working in professional, stable jobs) whilst the males are the low achievers, who go to university (if they do) much later in life and get themselves sorted at a much later age (say late 20s up to mid 30s). This makes it really difficult for people to find partners and its all because of the difference in expectations of males and females in our community. They are trying to rectify it now but the absence of good male role models is a problem.

Crescent thanks for posting the article. I did see the video and I totally agree with the writers opinion piece on it especially this bit.

You’re easy prey. Low hanging fruit. What you wear distracts us from discussing serious issues, like sexual violence, drugs, or domestic abuse; because those are things we’d actually have to do something about.'

I was saying the exact same thing to my husband when I saw the type of comments they got. Do those people who felt so outraged by them disrespecting hijab or whatever get as angry when they see a hijabi being disrespected or abused by members of their own community. Do they bother to post displaying hurt and anger about domestic violence against muslim women. At the end of the day anyone who posts on youtube is going to be analyzed like this and get criticism as well as praise but I do feel sorry for muslim sisters especially as sometimes it feels like we get it from both our community and from the outside world. I once watched this series of youtube videos made by these African American muslim hijabis. Their videos were all about teaching people about Islam. However if you read the comments all people seemed to write about was how much make up they were wearing and the colour of their hijabs and this was both the muslims and the non muslims. Ive even seen comments on mumsnet about young muslim girls dressing stylishly and wearing make up by non muslims saying that they arent doing it right, whats the point of them wearing it Some people just dont want muslim women to have their own voice. I mean look even Yasmin Mogahed got criticised for posting her Islamic lectures on Youtube and she can hardly be accused of dressing unislamically (though some have tried to level that accusation at her as well).

I didnt have a problem with those girls by the way. I know how difficult it can be to wear hijab and dress modestly in a society that is so hostile towards you and sees you as a threat. For me the fact that they have made an effort to try and identify themselves as muslims is positive. Wearing hijab is a journey and I think people have to develop at their pace. When I first started wearing hijab I couldnt even get it to stay still on my head and my parents didnt even want me to wear it because I looked a right mess with it hanging half on and off. But over time Ive just about managed to make it look presentable. I see those young sisters like my younger sister and her friends. They dont deserve condemnation they are trying their best in difficult circumstances and I feel we should support them to express themselves in halal ways because lets be honest if they wanted to they could follow the example of their peers and express it in haram ways. I hope that makes sense.

Just going back to my point about treating children equally I saw these lovely hadiths today and wanted to share them with you.

Al-Numân b. Bashîr once addressed the people from the pulpit and told them about what took place between the Prophet and his father, saying: My father gave me a gift. Then my mother, Amrah bint Rawâhah, said: “I will not be satisfied until Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon it) is a witness to it.” So my father went to Allah’s Messenger and said: “I gave a gift to my son from `Amrah bint Rawâhah, and she told me to have you be a witness to it, O Messenger of Allah.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked: “Did you give your other children something similar?” He replied that he had not. So the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Fear Allah, and be just between your children.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (2587) and Sahîh Muslim (1623)]

The Prophet Muhammed PBUH said "Treat all your children equally in regard to gifts. If I were to show preference in this matter, I would show it to daughters. (If equality was not necessary and binding, I would have declared that more be given to daughters than to sons.)"

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “He is not of us who does not have mercy on young children, nor honor the elderly”
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith

Abu Huraira reported that al-Aqra’ b. Habis saw Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) kissing Hasan. He said: I have ten children, but I have never kissed any one of them, whereupon Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him.
Muslim :: Book 30 : Hadith 5736

A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that there came a few desert Arabs to Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Do you kiss your children? He said: Yes. Thereupon they said: By Allah but we do not kiss our children. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Then what can I do if Allah has deprived you your heart of mercy. Muslim :: Book 30 : Hadith 5735

Hadith - Dawud, Narrated An-Nu'man ibn Bashir

The Prophet said: “Fear Allah and treat your children [small or grown] fairly (with equal justice).” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5127 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If anyone has a female child, and does not bury her alive, or slight her, or prefer his children (i.e. the male ones) to her, Allah will bring him into Paradise. Uthman did not mention "male children".

"Do not ask me to be a witness to injustice. Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right that they should honor you." (Reported by Abu Daoud)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood, he and I will come like this on the Day of Resurrection,” and he held his fingers together. Narrated by Muslim, 2631.

Ibn 'Abbas reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "There is no Muslim who has two daughters and takes good care of them but that he will enter the Garden."

'Uqba ibn 'Amir reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "If someone has three daughters and is patient with them and clothes them from his wealth, they will be a shield against the Fire for him."

Jabir ibn 'Abdullah reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Anyone who has three daughters and provides for them, clothes them and shows mercy to them will definitely enter the Garden." A man from the people said, "And two daughters, Messenger of Allah?" He said, "And two."

Al-Miqdam ibn Ma'dikarib heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "What you feed yourself is sadaqa for you. What you feed your child is sadaqa for you. What you feed your wife is sadaqa is for you. What you feed your servant is sadaqa for you."

Musa ibn 'Ali reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Shall I show you the greatest sadaqa (or one of the greatest forms of sadaqa)?" He replied, "Yes, indeed, Messenger of Allah!" He went on, "To provide for your daughter when she is returned to you and you are her sole source of provision."

Overload I know but I think its needed to challenge these deeply held misconceptions.

Salaam everyone,

Thanks for the advice. Will be able to now focus on my prayers at work rather than worrying who is praying and who is not.

Last ramadan, i was chatting to my SIL about her mosque having great facilities for females etc (purpose-built mosque but for some reason, they dont actively encourage women to go). My SIL said that they have wonens facilities at taraweeh prayer - thats good, i thought - then my Jaw dropped when my SIL told me that the reason why is so that women dont waste their evenings at home watching dramas on asian tv!!!!!!!!

I was furious. Oh, the nerve! It really brought home the fact that unfortunately some religious authorities in our community are unable to tackle the problems faced by the youth and some cultural practises (mainly issues relating to the males) and so turning attention to the females on issues such as what they wear, what they do, keeps the more difficult questions at bay i guess. There is some very good work going on around here too - but so much more needs to be done yet.

During summer I went to pray jummah at Central London masjid, the imam did his Khutbah on DV, & really forcefully rebuked the men mistreating their wives.

I also watched a lecture by Nouman Ali Khan and he was straight to the point if you are suffering DV go straight to the police seek help do not suffer in silence or try to change your husband, do not suffer.

Attitudes are changing, but it takes imams with courage & with true iman to address the issues. But they are being addressed because DV issues are getting out of hand within our community I think, and alhumdulillah the sisters are not quietly taking it any more they're walking away.

I also think we need to assess how we are bringing up our sons. Being a man does not give you every right over your family to the detriment of them. That's not how it works at all. There's a huge responsibility that comes with being a Muslim husband.

Salaam sisters.

Peaceful - JAK for those beautiful hadith. I have a daughter already and insha Allah another one due next month, so it's a lovely reminder especially in the face of some rather depressing cultural attitudes.

Fuzzy - agree about DV being taken more seriously. Again, I think it was attitudes about "shame" and "family business", alongside the cultural perception that divorce is the Worst Thing Ever that stopped people speaking out about it. I'm very glad this is changing.

There's modest swimwear here it does cost a bit tho £40!

I agree with you Fuzzy that the community is starting to change and take DV seriously. Have any of you seen the nasheed by Zain Bhikha on DV. Its called Better Day.

There is also the muslim charity Nour which supports and helps women who are in abusive relationships. I also read about the National Zakat Foundation opening women's refuges to provide a sanctuary for women who have been abused. I also agree that its the Imams who have real taqwa and care more about what Allah SWT thinks then what their community think that are making the difference. This had some really interesting advice for Imams on how to deal with DV and had suggestions such as opening up the mosque or muslim community centres for abused women. It would really take a forward thinking Imam to do that. I think all of this is moving in the right direction though we still have a way to go. I once attended a talk given by Akram Nadwi where he advised sisters to call the police if they were abused by their husbands. You could have heard a pin drop in that room with how silent it got. Then the brother presenting it tried to make him take back what he said by asking him 'wouldnt you suggest sisters wait until things have calmed down instead of rushing to act in the heat of the moment' to which Akram Nadwi replied 'Well how will it ever stop then'. My respect rose for him so much ever since. He was basically tackling all his own community's problems and even addressed living with in laws saying that this is a cultural practice and never happened in the time of the Prophet Muhammed PBUH. He said if brothers cant afford to get their own place for themselves and their wife they shouldnt get married. I had so much fun that day watching him ruffle so many feathers with his frank speaking.

Anyway read this lovely hadith today as well:

The Prophet PBUH taught, “Only a noble man treats women in an honorable manner and only an ignoble man of low character treats women disgracefully.”

This along with the hadith that every muslim wife should memorise

"The best of you is he who is best to his wife"

Should really be taught to our sons more as I think that if we want to protect our daughters from the scourge of DV we need to make sure our sons are educated and raised to be men of outstanding character. Thats why Im already training my 15 month old to pick up after himself (though I have to admit he often throws it right back down again). Every little helps!

I personally think people who know nothing of a couples situation should butt out of their business.

The things people have said to me when I was getting divorced will stay with me till I die and I will seek recompense against those people in the sight of Allah.
I'm no burden to anyone, Allah suffices us and yet people think they have a right to have a say in my life, I'd love for each one of them to live one hour of my life as it was before I got divorced.

Still angry about it! especially those who told me that Allahs throne shakes when someone divorces, actually NO that is a weak hadith, it should not be quoted at all EVER.

I've never heard it quoted at any man funnily enough.

Or the scent of paradise will be denied a woman who seeks divorce.

I don't give bad duas, but seriously people should avoid causing grief to the already shattered heart, Allah hears even the unsaid dua.

It certainly opened my eyes to the world.

On the upside, the Mufti who granted my divorce was the kindest, my uncle asked for the divorce on my behalf and the Mufti told him to ensure I was safe with my children and issued the divorce immediately.