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Original poster

DD (aged 8) wants to become a Catholic WWYD?

62 replies

perceptionreality · 29/06/2012 21:21

We are all C of E - my children were all baptised in this church and I was confirmed there.

Dd who is 8 goes to a catholic school and has recently started saying a lot that she enjoys going to mass and would like to do her Holy Communion. She said she believes in the faith and it makes sense for her and has asked me if she can start going to the catholic church nearby.

I don't have any objection to this at all but was wondering if it happened to anyone else? Should I speak to the priest at our local catholic church? Would we all have to convert as a family? I feel as though I should take her feelings about it seriously.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 29/06/2012 21:55

I think you should speak to the priest.

If you have objections to aspects of the RC religion that would leave you and your DD in conflict then I think a responsible priest would advise her to do whatever her family does churchwise for the time being and put off her decision until she is older. Actually, since she is only 8, I think a priest would advise that anyway, unless the whole family was intent on becoming RC. There would certainly be no requirement for you all to become Catholics; a priest might ask if you would like to explore the idea and would almost certainly tell you you were all welcome to go to mass any time. I think a priest would respect the fact that you are a family first and foremost.

My parish celebrates baptisms and Communion of older children and adults, but the children tend to be children from blended families, children from families returning to an active part in church life who weren't baptised as infants for whatever reason, and not children who are the only ones in their family to decide to join.

Annunziata · 29/06/2012 22:04

I am Catholic but I've found that all my DC went through a pious stage at that age! She would have to take part in quite a lot of preparation if she made her sacraments, so it would be a long term commitment, although you would not all be required to convert. I agree that the priest will be able to advise you better, and maybe her class teacher?

I hope this doesn't offend, but does she maybe want to join in with her school mates a little more?

seeker · 30/06/2012 08:39

I hate to throw a worldly interpretation in, but at this age, my dd was idly jealous of her Catholic cousins' First Holy Communion dresses........!!!

seeker · 30/06/2012 08:39

Wildly jealous. Probably idly jealous too.....

VoldemortsNipple · 30/06/2012 09:07

I was baptised in a non conformist church which we attended until it close when I was about 5.

Then I went to a baptist chuch Sunday school with my friends.

Later I went to a church of England church and sometimes to catholic mass.

My dcs are baptised catholic so we now go to catholic mass. I feel at home in this church and enjoy the service.

I class myself as a Christian first, and to me, specific faiths are secondary.

My guess would be that your DD wants to feel more involved with her friends and take communion with them. Speak to her school and the priest as they may have experience of this. As seeker says, its probably the idea of holy communion celebrations and beautiful dresses on the horizon that is swaying her decision.

Original poster

perceptionreality · 30/06/2012 09:16

She's not in the minority as there are as many children at her school who are not catholic. I did wonder about some of the objections you've raised which was why I posted this thread.

She definitely does believe in God and has always said so, even though her father is an atheist and gets irritated by any notion of worship. I don't have any objections to the way the catholic church does things personally.

I had wondered whether what appeals to her is being able to speak to a priest at confession as she worries a lot about things.

OP posts:

Annunziata · 30/06/2012 10:51

She sounds a very thoughtful wee girl. Why not say to her that you will take her to Mass throughout the summer and take things from there? Easter is normally a time for baptisms and FHC, although I don't know when you would have to start preparing.

Equally, there's no harm in waiting until she is older. Faith is long term.

sashh · 01/07/2012 05:54

Don't let her, not at this age. Let her choose when she is old enough to understand the whole thing.

I don't have any objections to the way the catholic church does things personally.

Maybe you should investigate a bit more. There are things I seriously disagree with, the role of women being one.

I can understand the confession thing, but as far as I am aware you don't need to be RC to go to confession.

Oh and another vote for her wanting a dress.

Original poster

perceptionreality · 01/07/2012 09:58

I don't think it is about the dress because she wanted to become a catholic before she knew anything about holy communion and what it entails, but yes sashh I see your point - certainly there are things I don't know. And also I have heard some stuff about a teacher at school who had a child by an 'unknown' father and it sounds as if she hasn't been treated very well about that.

OP posts:

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 01/07/2012 10:14

I would let her, i do not see the major difference it would make to her life if you did, she already attends a catholic school and any changes and challenges she experiences as a child teenager or adult will make no difference, she can change her mind at any time through out her life.

I think when parents send their non catholic children to a catholic school they should be prepared for the fact they may want to conform and the parents have a duty to support that.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 01/07/2012 10:14

difference if she didn't that should be.

AmberLeaf · 01/07/2012 10:21

Another vote for pretty communion dress.

My neighbours were catholic and I too had communion dress envy.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 01/07/2012 14:26

i think C of E participate in communion scarement dont they? if you are more comfortable with that church.

ColouringIn · 01/07/2012 14:32

Oh the dresses!!! Made me SO glad that I have a DS . A nice shirt, a tie and decent pair of trousers - job done.

He did some classes - one Saturday morning a month with lots of colouring and singing.

I'd say take her along to a few of the Masses and see how she feels after that. I am a relatively new Catholic at age 46 and needed to do lots of soul searching about the aspects which trouble me.

picnicbasketcase · 01/07/2012 14:34

Scarement. Sounds it.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 01/07/2012 14:36

ha ha at scarement that was sooo a typing error and not an attempt at sarcasm.

Original poster

perceptionreality · 01/07/2012 15:49

We are C of E and the style of worship at our church is very similar, though I'm sure there are key theological differences (transubstantiation for one) in the RC church.

For years she has been getting house points for designing little leaflets (in her free time!) about what it means to be a christian with all the RC teaching behind it. The school love this. I went to the same school myself and never had a desire to convert to catholicism although we all had to go to mass and I was ok with that.

OP posts:

pleasestoparguing · 01/07/2012 15:57

I was at a catholic school at this age and was sorely jealous of all the attention that the 1stHCs got - not to mention the school was not above telling me it was beacuase I wasn't catholic - the dresses the party the special treatment - I know 1st HC is a special thing and a big thing for those involved so it is hard for an 8 yo not to feel left out of it all - my lasting memory was that I got to go to the 1st HC thing with a friend but had to sit back whilst all the 1st HCs had a special table with jelly - when I asked why I couldn't have jelly I was told it was because I wasn't Catholic - I did like the whole church thing and did feel very excluded and yes at 8 I wanted to be Catholic too - so I could have the jelly!
can I suggest if at all possible you buy her a new dress or take her somewhere special for the day or even have a little tea party for those who aren't having their HC just so they don't feel like they are completely missing out - then when she's older she can make the decsion based on something more than wanting to feel special like the others.

Original poster

perceptionreality · 01/07/2012 16:10

pleasestop - that is awful, the way you were treated :-( I am sure she has never been made to feel less important because she's not a catholic or discriminated in any way. There are only a few girls in her class who have done their HC and she does already have lots of pretty costumes from monsoon and places like that.

I do think she obviously has a belief system behind it all because she understands the concepts and talks about them.

I am just not sure whether I should encourage her to go to our church more or take her along to the RC masses and see whether she likes that. She said she enjoys mass at school.

OP posts:

pleasestoparguing · 01/07/2012 16:15

perception it was back in the 70's I'm sure they aren't allowed to do that any more, I think there were only a small number of us who were not catholics.

mathanxiety · 01/07/2012 18:29

They would never dream of differentiating among students like that now.

Annunziata · 01/07/2012 21:22

Could you possibly do both? Maybe go to your church one week and the Catholic one the next? There should be a Saturday night mass in the Catholic church if you could face it. I love the ritual of the mass and I've heard that there are CoE churches with similar practices. That could be a compromise?

sashh · 02/07/2012 14:03

I would let her, i do not see the major difference it would make to her life if you did

Apart from only being able to marry in an RC church and if that marriage ends in divorce the divorce not be recognised.

To not be able to have a civil partnership in an RC church.

To believe that her siblings are, at best, misguided, as are her parents.

To never become a priest no matter how much she believes it is a calling.

OK all a long way off, and all posibilities not certainties.

Going to mass in church is one thing, taking on an entire new doctine is another. I believe an 8 year old can be convinced of their future and be ight, I also think they can be wrong and they are too young to make the choice.

BTW OP evening massess are usually shorter with less singing. Sunday morning is when you get more hymns. Mass does not have to be in church, you could ask the priest to come to your home to say mass.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 02/07/2012 14:42

"only being able to marry in an RC "

not true.

"To not be able to have a civil partnership in an RC church."

she will not be able to that wether ashe is a catholic or not.

"To believe that her siblings are, at best, misguided, as are her parents."

only if she chooses to believe this herself.

"To never become a priest no matter how much she believes it is a calling."

that is a whole debate in its self she would not be able to do that wether a catholic or not. The reprisentation of male/female in church to many catholics is represenattive of the disciples and our lady, so is in many cases belived to be quite accurate. but as i said that is another debate entierly that has no bearing wether she is a catholic or not.

I think your argument is flawed and I assume you would not make the choice to send yoyr dcs to a catholic school and rightly so.

however

If someone sends thier dcs to a catholic school through choice of their own, then the dcs desire to conform should de considered and where possible supported.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 02/07/2012 14:43

and as i also said she can change her mind any time she wants through out her life.

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