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Original poster

DD (aged 8) wants to become a Catholic WWYD?

62 replies

perceptionreality · 29/06/2012 21:21

We are all C of E - my children were all baptised in this church and I was confirmed there.

Dd who is 8 goes to a catholic school and has recently started saying a lot that she enjoys going to mass and would like to do her Holy Communion. She said she believes in the faith and it makes sense for her and has asked me if she can start going to the catholic church nearby.

I don't have any objection to this at all but was wondering if it happened to anyone else? Should I speak to the priest at our local catholic church? Would we all have to convert as a family? I feel as though I should take her feelings about it seriously.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 02/07/2012 15:47

Sashh, I think you are overegging the souffle somewhat there.

thegreylady · 02/07/2012 18:10

My dh is a very devout RC-his first marriage was annulled as was mine[I am not RC] we were married in RC church.I spoke to the priest several times and explained that there were points of doctrine which ,for me, made converting impossible.He was perfectly happy to marry us and said he appreciated my honesty.

Kellamity · 02/07/2012 18:12

Why can she only get married in a catholic church? My catholic brothers both married in a CofE church.

sashh · 08/07/2012 07:17

If someone sends thier dcs to a catholic school through choice of their own, then the dcs desire to conform should de considered and where possible supported.

Why? It is a huge decision, not one a child is equipped to make on their own. You are obviously RC so I assume you are bringing your children up as RC and that is your choice. Would you really support your child if they wanted to change and go to a C of E church or a methodist one? How about evangelical?

Has the RC church started recognising marriage in other churches then? My RC friend could not get married in an RC church because she was divorced.

The OPs daughter is what, 7? In 20 years time I believe there will either be legal gay marriage or civil partnerships will be able to take place in places of worship. But I do not think the RC church will be allowing either.

that is a whole debate in its self she would not be able to do that wether a catholic or not.

The C of E has women priests.

A woman can be a methodist minister.

A woman cannot be a priest in the RC church.

DilysPrice · 08/07/2012 08:53

And of course although the majority of catholic women ignore this one, the Catholic church is adamant that any form of contraception other than NFP is intrinsically evil (including using non-PIV sex). I'd be a bit twitchy about this one, although the odds are that your daughter would not pay it any attention when the time came.

sashh · 09/07/2012 04:52

Why can she only get married in a catholic church? My catholic brothers both married in a CofE church.

Then, in the eyes of the RC churcch, they are not married.

My dh is a very devout RC-his first marriage was annulled as was mine[I am not RC] we were married in RC church.

And? I'm sorry am I missing something, the marriages were annulled, therefore you were both single in the eyes of the RC church, not divorced.

SofiaAmes · 09/07/2012 05:22

DD went to jewish nursery and announced to me (devout atheist) at age 4 that she believed in god and wanted to go to synagogue. I managed to find some friends to take her with them and she has been going to the local gay and lesbian synagogue for the last 5 years. Fastforward to today and she is going to Jewish day school next year.....all of this in a family full of atheists (I am jewish by blood....). It is working well for all of us, but I think a GLBT synagogue is probably more forgiving of doing things in an alternative way that your average catholic church/school.

CheerfulYank · 09/07/2012 05:33

My DH is Catholic and we we married in a Lutheran church. The Catholic church he attends now has never suggested that we are not married. Confused

Sofia that sounds nice. :)

CheerfulYank · 09/07/2012 05:33

We were

Original poster
perceptionreality · 10/07/2012 21:22

That sounds lovely Sofia :-) so maybe young children can know their own minds about religion. My dd certainly has a good understanding of the basic doctrines.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 10/07/2012 22:35

My dd's religious school teacher says she has the most profound belief in god she's ever seen in one of her students....The Jewish day school she is going to next year were delighted at the concept of a student wanting to pursue judaic studies on their own instead of being forced to by their parents.

totallypearshaped · 10/07/2012 23:00

For goodness sake don't let her become a roman catholic: she'll never be able to be Prime Minister, or marry Prince Harry!

SofiaAmes · 11/07/2012 05:40

Don't think a jew could either. Or an atheist. Or someone gay. or?

Original poster
perceptionreality · 11/07/2012 18:39

No worries there, I think we can live without her becoming a member of the royal family thanks. In any case we aren't nearly posh enough lol - that will be more of a problem than being catholic.

OP posts:
totallypearshaped · 11/07/2012 20:05

Well perception here's hoping she's not homosexual /wants to use contraception, or be a the Pope / or even someone other than a church candelabra polisher when she's older then!

Seriously, buy her a big white dress, and let her celebrate the day with her classmates, but why let her sign herself up to be a second class citizen?

Her spirituality is her own affair, why involve a system that discriminates against her based on so many of her own personal attribute?

mummysmellsofsick · 11/07/2012 20:08

I think a person should be able to choose their religion at whatever age as long as it's not a cult, or harmful in some way. I was very serious about religion at age 8 and I had some very deep questions which I used to ask my church clergy. Some of them so deep they remain unanswered 30 years later. Maybe she does just want a dress but if you feel it's more than that she should be allowed to follow her interest. My own opinion is that there is something important in Catholicism that got lost in the CofE, in the way the sacrament is seen as real embodiment of Christ. I observe a kind of magic in that belief/enactment that the CofE lacks. Of course Catholicism has a dark side, and a political & social history which is at times very unpleasant. Maybe you can talk to her about that as she gets older. Don't underestimate a child's spiritual perception/ curiosity though

LynetteScavo · 11/07/2012 20:17

The school RE coordinator will be able to sort you out.

A DC from my DCs school was like your DD, had not been baptised and wanted to haver her FHC. The then head (who is a really, really lovely man) was her Godfather, and there was no one else. Smile

All my DC will/have taken the FHC in Y3 and be confirmed in Y6. Do I think they understand and believe in the faith? Do I hell, but I also think it does them absolutely no harm, and may well do them a lot of good. It took me 40 years to try understand the faith, and I have complained to our parish priest I still don't understand everything. (He had some wise and comforting answer I can't remember now).

Original poster
perceptionreality · 11/07/2012 20:20

totallypearshaped - it has nothing to do with the dress, I am reasonably sure of that. She has lots of nicer dresses than the ones I've seen for hc anyway, which in our local church are very old fashioned. I think it would be patronising for me to reduce her beliefs to that, especially when she has a clear understanding of some of the doctrines and a real belief in god.

Not all practising catholics disagree with contraception either - I went to the school she attends myself so I have quite a few catholic friends (interestingly I never had a particular desire to convert). I don't know what our particular local RC church is like but perhaps that's why I should take her to find out?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 11/07/2012 20:31

DD is very excited about her FHC next year, but insists she will be wearing a shirt and tie like the boys. Hmm

I am dreading the hour before, where I try and persuade her into a dress. DH will be saying "Just get out one of the boys shirt and tie if it make her happy and gets her into the car." The priest will agree. I will be. Sad and [shallow]

Original poster
perceptionreality · 11/07/2012 22:24

LS - thanks for your perspective (and everyone else) :) I don't think we have a RE coordinator - it's a very small school although I need to check. I expect this has happened before but they finish school on Friday this week. I certainly don't mind taking her to mass at the local RC church which she has said she wants to do.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 12/07/2012 06:13

Giggle about the dress....dd has not yet realized how much money you get at a bats mitzvah....she is so money oriented that it's a bit scary to imagine how much more devout she'll get when she realizes that not only does she get God, but money too if she sticks with the judaiasm thing!

CheerfulYank · 12/07/2012 07:21

Your daughter sounds like a very special kid, Sofia. :)

nooka · 12/07/2012 07:53

The catholic school I went to as a child doesn't do the big first holy communion event any more (in fact they stopped a long time ago). the children come to first holy communion in batches and in ordinary clothes (they all look smart, but no more white 'brides of Christ'). I suspect they did this so that the children weren't distracted from what is supposed to be a fairly powerful religious event.

My family is half Catholic and half CoE and it has caused a huge amount of pain and upset over the years which is very sad as both my parents are quite religious but have not been able to see eye to eye or go to services together except on very rare occasions.

Obviously your family already has a big split between your faith and your dh's atheism, I can't imagine adding another flavour into the mix will be terribly helpful.

My dd went through a religious phase at a similar age and dh and I told her she was welcome to go to church if she could find another family to take her (we are both atheists). She didn't pursue it and now a few years later is probably more on the agnostic side of things.

I can't say my Catholic upbringing has brought me any benefits to be honest. I think it's more likely that some of my neurosis were probably reinforced by too many sermons (and my habit of daydreaming!) although the roots are mostly from my parents. I don't think that Catholicism is that much worse than any other brand of Christianity, I've seen people damaged by a few different varieties, mostly down to individual priests/preachers.

Original poster
perceptionreality · 12/07/2012 18:26

I agree nooka, I have come across various brands of christianity that I consider to be potentially damaging but have felt comfortable at RC services, personally.

Dd's father and I are divorced. I think he's happy for her to persue this if she wants to.

OP posts:
sashh · 14/07/2012 09:17

Don't think a jew could either. Or an atheist. Or someone gay. or?

Nope, only RC are banned by law. But they are allowed to vote these days.