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Original poster

Prayers for Aillidh.

939 replies

chipmonkey · 11/05/2012 12:24

Just wanted to start a prayer thread for expat's little girl, Ailidh, who has been very ill with leukaemia. Just wanted to show our support and pray that her treatment works and that she is back in action very, very soon!

OP posts:
simpson · 11/06/2012 23:44

Hoping she has a good night, am thinking of you all xxx

expatinscotland · 11/06/2012 23:58

She won't. They'll be in all night waking her.

I'm so fucked off that I did this, to be honest. I felt backed into a corner. There was no time, to really think it through.

StandYourGround · 11/06/2012 23:59

Expat and Ailidh are both in my thoughts tonight... I have lots of woo attunements in Reiki so I'll be focussing them and hope they can work a kind of healing, soothing 'magic' for both of them. I only mention this as I 'know' expat as the queen of spookiness and I think she'll understand the gesture.

Words are quite inadequate really.

expatinscotland · 12/06/2012 00:05

I've learned to never, ever trust anyone but yourself.

cakeismysaviour · 12/06/2012 00:07

I would have taken the transplant too.

You have no need to blame yourself, but I know you will anyway and I wish we could lift the stress, worry and guilt off your shoulders and make Aillidh better. I will pray for her too, and maybe the miracle that we all pray for will happen. Its not over, it can happen and I will pray for it.

xx

simpson · 12/06/2012 00:08

So sorry you are going through this, words can not express what I want to say iyswim Sad

Hope they let her sleep, it must be what she needs....

StandYourGround · 12/06/2012 00:09

Do you have someone in rl to talk to expat?

expatinscotland · 12/06/2012 00:36

What's there to talk about? So you lose your grip it doesn't change a damn thing. You still have to go back in there and hold it together. That's just how it is.

I used to think in my 30s that I wasted my 20s, doing nothing but working to go climbing. But at the time it seemed the right thing to do and now I know why.

It taught me so much more than just roping up. It taught me about trust. It taught me about going with my gut and my conscience, and supporting my climbing partner in this.

It taught me to look inward.

And yesterday, for the first time in over 10 years, I went back to it. And it was like coming home.

So from now on, no matter how bad she gets, I'm going to try to begin again.

I left on bad terms with climbing, it wasn't entirely an accident I was brought to it. It's where I felt most at home, and people I felt most at home with.

spamm · 12/06/2012 01:08

expat - that sounds amazing. I have often wondered what i really care about enough to enjoy like that. Apart from my family, all I could say is maybe reading or cooking. But climbing sounds like something that gives you a sense of purpose and achievement. Just when you really need it.

Thinking about you and your family - and Aillidh. xx

perfumedlife · 12/06/2012 01:40

expat I'm heartbroken for you and your girl. I won't flannel you, I would probably feel the way you do, loads of us would, churned up and thinking what the hell/why. Because there is no other way, currently, to think this is good.
BUT, it can change, it can improve, it might yet graft.

My first love had the same illness, he fought a mighty battle for a year in hospital, I no longer recognised him by month four he was so sunken and hairless. He decided he could take no more after a year and wheeled himself out of hospital to take his chances at home. No one could disuade him or even had the heart to try having seen his torment. Thing is, he had a few days rest and comfort at home which was just enough to nurture that vital spark and fight and he returned to the ward. He made it. He pulled through in spectacular style and went on to have a beautiful daughter.

I wish all the gods of good things would come tonight and make this work for you and your little girl. She is certainly a beautiful special girl. Know you're not alone expat.

weegiemum · 12/06/2012 02:12

I'm up at 2.15 as I often am. Been on fb and expat is still up too! Can we pray for rest and restoration for them?

StillSquiffy · 12/06/2012 02:16

I have lurked on facebook every single day and prayed for Ailidh, and sometimes I have cried in memory of a good adult friend of mine who did not have the opportunity of a transplant and who died last year.

I have no idea what you are going through, but it is 2 O'clock in the morning and I wanted you to know that it doesn't matter what time of the night it is, there are still people thinking of Ailidh and you.

Rage on at the world and rage on at yourself. Her life is in the hands of the Gods now, and all of our words are inadequate for you, I know. What you have gone through and what you are going through is obscene.

I'm not sure what type of God it is that allows these things to happen, but I pray for you, regardless.

iMoniker · 12/06/2012 06:03

Thinking of you and Aillidh. I hope she had a better night.

ginslinger · 12/06/2012 06:19

prayers from me

Elephantscantdothemoonwalk · 12/06/2012 06:22

Holding alldih had a better night. I am continuing to pray and I'll pray at church later.

TwllBach · 12/06/2012 06:34

I know it's not enough, but I am thinking about your little girl, expat and I'm thinking about you and the rest of your family too.

sassytheFIRST · 12/06/2012 06:36

Woke thinking of you all, expat; and willing you all on x x x

CheerfulYank · 12/06/2012 06:52

Expat I first "met" you, in a way, when we PM'd each other about our general American-ness, etc, and somehow the conversation came to how very much we loved our DC and what we would do for them.

The answer was everything. You did everything, you are doing everything, that any mother would do. Please do not blame yourself. 80%? I'd take those odds any day, anyone would.

I have lit my favorite, most beautiful candle, the one that smells like red velvet cupcakes, and prayed as long and hard as I know how. I'm not Catholic but I did a lot of talking to Mary...She is a mother and would be on your side, I know.

Sending love and light and prayers to your dear girl from my side of the pond.

StealthPolarBear · 12/06/2012 06:53

How are you both doing this morning? What have the doctors said about her prognosis, have they said there's no hope?

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 12/06/2012 07:18

I'm so sorry Expat, for Ailidh and for all of you. I am sending you strength, love and healing vibes.

I haven't been in your position exactly, but I know how you feel about the night time obs. Every couple of hours they disturb your darling dc. They and you get no peace. You just want everyone to fuck off and leave them alone.

I know the guilt of wondering if the right decision has been made. Your mind goes round and round. It is exhausting.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but really you can only make your decisions with the information you are given at the time. Whilst it was you who signed on the dotted line, if the Doc's weren't in agreement then it wouldn't have gone ahead. You think that you have the final decision over your child's care, but if the Doctors don't agree with you, they are able to overrule you. I think what I am trying to say is, it probably wasn't your choice alone.

Like your rock climbing 'moment', I had an epiphany too. It felt liberating and gave me a clear mind.

Looking after a sick child is exhausting, frustrating and boring, and by God you feel awful for feeling like that - especially as your dc has all of those things going on as well as being ill.

You are all in my thoughts x

Northernlurker · 12/06/2012 08:20

Just keeping praying.....praying.....praying

neighbourhoodwitch · 12/06/2012 08:22

Sending love and prayers xx

peggyblackett · 12/06/2012 08:34

Thinking of you and your family expat, and sending strength and healing thoughts to beautiful Aillidh.

PuffofSmoke · 12/06/2012 08:35

I have not seen or followed your story before, but praying hard for your family now.

When I was in your position a consultant said to me that on this horrible journey there will be decisions to make all the time. Make each one with the information you have at the time and then move on. Don't look back on the decisions you make because they were always the right decision at the time.

Changethatbulb · 12/06/2012 09:32

Thinking of you today. It's easy for me to say this but do not blame yourself. Please.

You had to make a decision. You listened to the advice given. You have done nothing wrong.