There's no break, ever. No play specialist, they got rid of her in budget cuts, none of my mates can come and sit with her and she is too ill for schooling just now.
DH needs to be 100% better before he can even think of coming as she is such a huge infection risk.
She has taken, in the past 31 days since transplant: typhilitis (spent 5 days on a morphine pump that was making her hallucinate badly and offering her no pain relief before they put her on ketamine for another week), mucositis, a fungal infection, sinusitis, throat virus, throat virus that went into her lungs, a gram bacteria in her lungs, blepharitis.
And there's no engraftment.
She has NO immune system. If they have to hit her with more chemo to give her her own stem cells, which are known to produce a rare form of leukaemia back, it will kill her, either right after they attempt it or soon thereafter.
If I had never consented to do this, she would have a 20% chance of not relapsing.
I make the wrong wager because I was bamboozled and scared out of my wits by Dr Dementor, and now she is paying the price with her health and possibly her life.
And I have nothing but times on my hands to look over and see the result of my signature on the dotted line.