praying for people you dislike

[guffaw]

I was advised that when I had a problem with someone, to pray for something good to happen for them, how much prayer do you think it takes until you mean it? (feeling a bit of a failure)

Boy do I struggle with this one :(

I think you pray till you mean it

yes, struggle is the right word, I pray for something good ( something I think the person would value) to happen, then pray that I can mean it, then 'chat' about Him knowing what I'm really like, and asking for help to change, so really I'm praying for myself - just end up feeling selfish most of the time.

Surely then you are not praying for yourself, but praying for help to become more like Jesus (if you are Christian, maybe I shouldn't assume). We (Christians) are all striving to become more godly but cannot without God's help. That prayer request sounds reasonable to me.

Then again I'm on night shifts so may not be thinking clearly!

Yes, I call myself a Christian though I fall short of the ideal. I would like to be more like Jesus. I think, if I'm honest, that what I mean is that I want to wake up and be 'good', rather than accept that its something I have to work at. I really battle with wanting to wish someone well, and deep down not really minding if they dont get it. (now I've admitted it, and I'm ashamed of myself)

I'm generally honest with God and, rather than pretend, I just explain to Him that I can't stand xxx and will He help me to become more tolerant, patient and forgiving towards them.

I struggle with that and with forgiveness. I feel like I am failing and like it should be easy to do. I tend to be quite easy going but if someone really hurts me or someone I care about I find it hard to forgive - I am polite but true forgiveness is so difficult.

I don't pray for nice things to happy to people who went out of their way to harm me or others. I do pray that people that willfully harm others knowingly and with spite, can stop that behaviour and have some empathy for those they are harming.

Guffaw, we all fall short of that ideal. If any of us ever reach it, we should pray for humility and deliverance from arrogant smugness.

"My tears will burn you on the day of Judgement" - never heard that but it is interesting.

I guess I need to pray more about it!

How do you pray for someone if you don't feel like they deserve it? It makes me sounds rather bitter but I think - you are still hurting me so you don't deserve forgiveness.

What nasty people who stamp all over others worked out at an early age is that if they do something nasty and we don't forgive them, then society calls us bitter or puts pressure on us to forgive and forget, move on etc, so you end up a double victim and they are absolved of their bad behaviour!

mrsmicawber - thats why I try to pray for something good to happen, I know I'm flawed,and that in any given situation when I feel someone has done something to hurt or upset me, I pretty much accept that they feel the same about me, Its just that I know I'm witholding a really deep and 'pure' desire for good things to happen for them, which is why I wonder, if I pray long enough, (eg several times over weeks etc, not one prayer for hours) and also for my heart to be cleansed of bitterness, and to gain real insight into the situation, will I end up meaning it?

Are you praying for specific 'good things'? I tend to assume that anyone who has upset me has their own issues - so would pray for them to be surrounded by God and the Holy Spirit, and be comforted by His presence. It seems easier (to me) to pray more generically than specifically.
It's not something I do often though!

I wouldn't give them too much thought either, as it would remind me of the horrible things they did to me!

in general I pray that they find peace and are happy - quite vague I know- specifically I've prayed that x finds work and through this regains pride and self-esteem (actually this one was easy to mean) and that y finds someone to love abd be loved by, or that z gains insight and understanding ( which probably means that I need these too, and I acknwolwledge this) I add on the request to help me let my grievances go and find positive things about other people to focus on. I just find it so hard to follow Jesus' example

Nope, pray selfishly - pray for you to have help with your dislike, pray for you to become more loving.

I don't pray for wankers, I pray for me to think of them less as wankers

@ laurie - yes, I get your point

I can really connect with what you are saying mrsmicawber, I wonder if I keep trying, praying, I will start to mean it. A bit like for every negative thought, think two positive ones, even when you have to force it, someday it will become 'natural', if not easy.

God is only hot on forgiveness because unforgiveness harms us , not the other person, imo. I really nag God if I'm struggling to forgive someone - i dont want all that horrible stuff in my life, spoiling the view.

I'm with the pp who said she is honest with God re: i can't stand so-and-so. I hate them. I hate them for what they did. I'm finding it really hard to forgive them so I really need you here. YOu've already made it abundantly clear that I can't do this type of thing myself but I want to be free from this. Please give me forgiveness for this person. Bless them and bless me.

imo forgiveness isn't feeling warm and fuzzy (or even charitable) towards someone, but letting the offense go. imo it's great to give it to God who is more than capable of sorting it out, like a big daddy

i like to think of, say, a boat on a fast-flowing river; the offense is in the boat and I imagine myself letting the rope go that ties us together and watching the boat float away (to God who will take care of it).

If they've really hurt or harmed you in some way, imo you'll need some healing with God while you work it through, which can take a bit of time. It's not a good idea to just slap 'forgiveness' on everything; some things take a bit of time imo.

Can't you just pray for something bad to happen to the person you dislike. Two birds, one stone

ElBurro has got a point though OP - the psalms is full of 'smite them' this and 'smite them' that. I recently had a major rant on here about my family, did me the world of good to get it out. You sound a bit 'good' OP, maybe you could be a bit more 'human'? I think the theology goes that you can't do is this stuff yourself, it's God's job to do it in you. Meanwhile, get real with him (and yourself?) I know some people who I would seriously like to come a cropper. I tell God about it, talk it through with him.