Christian prayer thread-spring time!

[blackeyedsusan]

All welcome to join

Here is a list of all those who popped in or were regulars on the last thread. I hope I have not missed anyone!!

Amberlight- prayer that the heart problems she has are temporary and that the beast cancer will not return. Pray for dh after his op.
Aspirantpirate -studying and a new job in September
Beatrice Primrose and cupoftea poorly baby and support for the family
Bluetinkerbell- lost her beloved Sterre during her second trimester. Now pregnant again!
Caz and her baby Xander. Also for dh who does not share her faith.
CaptainDippy- busy busy busy
Chairofthebored-dh has ms and ttc number1
Creatovator ds ?asd and dd?s eczema
Dutch Oma- dh has a lung disease requiring regular trips to hospital/drs and lots of rest. Church services are not always easy due to excessive noise causing problems for Bob.
Expat's dd suffering from leukaemia. Give thanks that she has a donor for transplant and pay for a good outcome!
FriendofDorothy- for a calm, successful pregnancy
Gingercurl- things are stressful at home, studying for PhD, high blood pressure
Issypeach- work situation insecure for h and Issy. Prayer requested for the dcs one of whom has gone awol and the other at uni
Jaffacakes... new baby
Jan marriage, new baby and ongoing health problems
Jugglingwith?-job applications to work 1 to 1 with children and a husband who needs to appreciate all she does!
Lostmywellies- recently returned to the uk, friendships for dd and ds to settle into nursery. Possible knee op?
LoveAndPrayers. Marriage and h?s debts
Madhairday- reoccuring lung infections, dd with psoriasis/partial hearing and unhelpful school and getting bullied. Madhair is writing a book! ?or at least she should be if she weren?t on mn?
MaryB- work and relationships at church. difficult situations socially for dc's. dd getting bullied.
Notevenamousie- curently undergoing treatment as an inpatient. recently lost her mum.
Patsyplusone welcome!
PositiveAttitude- soon to be working abroad for 2 years from 17th July!. Pray for dds1,2 and 3 staying behind. prayer also for current work situation and 3 jobs! (eek). Prayers for DB and PA?s family?s relationship with sil.
SESthebrave-prayer for husbands stressful job situation, which may involve going to Dubai (not what ses wants). The last few weeks of pregnancy and work. Pray for the baby to turn the right way round.
SophieNeveau - welcome! A single parent with a disability.
Springydaffs-prayer for the truth to be known and a reconciliation with family
SweetestThing- just got the all clear from cancer and officially in remission. however, still has to deal with the after effects of surgery.
Teaandcakesplease- single parent to 2 young children. unsupportive parents re ds "being a toddler." prayer for new reliable friends, and one friend in particular!
Tuo-dd1 and dh to be more positive about her faith
Weegie Thank God that treatment is bring some relief to her condition, chronic inflammatory.Demyelinating polyneuropathy. Ongoing prayers for more improvement and adjusting to a new way of life for both weegie and he dh dd has Perthe's syndrome , where the hip joint dies then regrows. Thank God for an improvement in her condition and further improvements so no op is needed.
welshcerys- family and a mega toothache
Wisteriawoman (phew, remembered this time!)
ZipidiSoozi- welcome back!
and finally (I hope)
Blackeyedsusan- mad as a hatter! single parent to 2 youngish children, separated after dv. pray for friends and a new church. ds's behaviour and toddler diarrhoea. dd, niggling health problems.

Sorry for posting that. I feel a little better for getting it all out.

oh weegie I think I can understand. At first you must have felt such relief...I know it can be really hard to get DLA and how long and stressful the form filling is I guess after the initial euphoria it must have hit you that you need the HR DLA and that must have been very, very hard to except.

Of course you dont want it, but you need it and I am very glad for you that you have it to help make your life a tad easier.

I will be thinking of you x

Hey, that wasn't at all self indulgent weegie - completely understandable that hearing you'd got the DLA would be a bit of a mixed blessing. It's good you can share how you're feeling - I'm sorry that's been sad at times.

(Think I was a bit self-indulgent yesterday being in a big strop with the DCs all day just because DH is away till tomorrow. Still he sent an email this morning so it's good to hear he's on the way home.)

I'm so glad you had a good weekend with DH at your friends wedding though - it sounds lovely.

Jan - I've no words of wisdom, but just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you. Hope the interview goes well.

Weegie - I don't think you are being self indulgent at all. I'd have been a bit unsettled by what has happened with the DLA too. I wonder if your GP and specialist wrote particularly full reports which is why you've avoided the medical?

weegie darling, no it's not self indulgent. The whole DLA process shakes you to the core as it is, and when you get a decision like this you realise just how bad things are and it shakes you even more. I remember getting mine and just feeling like the bottom had dropped out of my world. I think I had not until then accepted my disease was progressive and untreatable and would only get worse, and suddenly here were medical experts recommending me for DLA, and DLA decision makers agreeing. It made the world somehow skewed for me that day, I remember crying at dh most of the day, yet being thankful for the extra help too. So I really do have a little understanding of the paradox you are faced with here - thankfulness versus absolute shock and horror at why you are thankful. Cry as much as you like, get it all out, and go easy on yourself. Don't feel you have to act a certain way. Be angry, shout. It's crap. Sending all my love and many prayers. We can hold each others hands for the PiP assessments next year :( Seems daft they're still sending out indefinites when they are going to get every single dla claimant interviewed by atos from 2013 onwards :( For now though you have a bit of a lifeline, and don't ever feel in any way guilty, use it to make your life as easy as you can. God bless.

Oh Jan.... i don't know what to say, but your relationship is not healthy love. Partners should not treat their other half like your dh is treating you....so wrong. He is cutting away at any self respect you have...it's sounding bad. I really think you need to think seriously about your future with this man, because you are trapped in something so unhealthy. Good marriages aren't like that - I promise. :(

dh is away for four days on a clergy piss up conference this week so would value prayers for coping here.

I think its perfectly normal to feel as you do, weegie. Prayers for you all...

Weegie, have a hug and a set of prayers. Plenty of either for everyone else too.
It is not even remotely self-indulgent to be about the differences. The knack for me has been to admit to all the feelings, and find people who are wonderful about respecting me as I am and treating me with love...and also respecting that I can teach them and be a good friend to them. Those key skills of teaching and friendship are something you are so very good at.
It's nothing like having full use and full feeling back...(though they really truly are working on stuff that can get the body to regenerate its nerves, I'm not joking. Not very immediately, of course). But friendship and nature and enjoying sights and sounds and perfumes becomes a huge part of what makes life lovely for me. Meantime, rant/cry/eeek/hide all you like on here.

Weegie, hugs, and prayers. i have dla too, and although i cannot begin to imagine what you feel like, i remember being very upset when i got it and very emotional over it. im so sorry but amber is right rant on here and we are here to listen, and you have so many amazing and exceptional qualities to offer the world despite your health difficulties.

thank you everyone for praying, God heard. the interview wasn't as hard or long as i expected, and i was able to drive there and back without too much trouble - i will hear in a week or so if i am successful. dh has been really nice today, saying i love you lots, saying sorry (sorry BUT you shouldn't cry over small things as it frustrates me etc etc ) and generally trying to make up for it. i am being civil with him but cannot show much love back and he is trying, he says 'whatever you think, don't believe the devils lies' he says he really does care, but that we have to learn to deal with things in different ways.

i just don't know what to think. what if we both worked hard and he was able to realise and change? how can i get him to see that the way he disrespects me and accuses me is wrong, when he actually doesn't see that he's done anything wrong, except if we sit for an hour in the counselling room over one small issue and then it might finally dawn on him. i think deep down he is a caring loving person but cannot express it in the right way (well it has to be on his terms) and has grown up in a family were they just let loose at each other which didn't help. i don't know how much longer to give this. part of me wants to end it now, part of me is afraid - people will no believe me, they will be shocked - what am i going to do - i have a baby and am on benefits, how will i afford it. so much at stake. but one thing is true - i am breaking down every couple of days and cannot go on unless things change...but ive been feeling like that for a long time now.

sorry for the mammoth post, thanks for listening

Jan, you won't be alone in this. there are splendid organisations that quietly assist people in exactly your sort of situation, especially with a little one too. It might be worth a quiet word with Women's Aid or Refuge (Women's Aid telephone calls aren't traceable on standard phone lines), just to understand your rights and financial position better. It doesn't mean that you have to do anything or make any decisions - just get good info so you can think properly.

www.womensaid.org.uk/ is their website and it shows how to remove it from the computer history. I know it's odd going to something like that, but 1 in 10 women use that help at some point in their relationships, and it's hardly ever because of direct violence. It's the constant undermining and 'walking on eggshells', terrified of making a mistake, that does the damage. And never ever feeling secure or loved for who you are....you're only loved if you can be perfect and forgive every single thing they do to you (more or less).

I won't accept 'oh my childhood was bad' as an excuse for bad behaviour. I grew up in a household where abusive behaviour was an everyday thing, but I decided to be better than that - i decided that people were my friends and I love them and want to share a wonderful life with them. OK, my brain is wired up to think everyone's a friend anyway, which helped...but no way would i want to repeat my past. You are believed,and you'd be astonished how many people won't be surprised, because most people know someone who's been through this....or have been through it themselves already. Yes, there'll be some judgey-pants people....but that's life. Stay quiet as you can with him for the moment, do some thinking, keep talking with us. Much prayer - for the right decision for you and little one. After all, little ones need to learn how a respectful relationship works, and right now your other half is diong a v poor job of that.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310004 is a very interesting checklist. If anyone is answering even one of these with a 'yes - that happens for no good reason', it's time to have a think. Stopping people from enjoying time with friends, family, jobs or charity stuff is a huge red flag, and can be done directly with threats and commands, or indirectly by making a huge scene or using emotional blackmail (e.g. "if you really loved me, you wouldn't see X/do Y - after all,you're saying I'm not enough for your needs - how do you think that makes me feel - you're so selfish when I'm here on my own" etc.

oops sorry for the random it was supposed to read happy St George's day

have read... and will pray.

Ok, it's just as well we're not on a relationships thread or I'd be flamed for saying this! I do think there's a future for your relationship, jan. I too have felt (in the past) that Christian marriage is a trap, and I don't want you to think that. But do bear in mind that the first year after a child is born is a huge adjustment period for any marriage. (I think the first year of marriage is, too.) I strongly believe that long term decisions shouldn't be made during that time.

So, you still have the day-to-day of now to get through. I suggest two things which could help: a break (from dh) firstly. Seriously, that is the ONLY reason my marriage has survived, as far as I can tell - I get regular breaks from him to be quiet and recharge. (The sort of break where he goes away for a week, not a day out at work.) Secondly, would he read a book? Either a positive Christian marriage book (like Nicky and Sila Lee's - have heard them on the radio and they're good) or even a book explaining introverts?

Thanks, amber, for providing an important perspective, too. Can I ask a question, as you seem to know about this stuff? Is it possible for an emotional abuser to be unaware of what s/he is doing? It always sounds so intentional when it's spoken of. But could it happen out of selfishness, immaturity and ignorance?

lostmywellies, aye - I'm the co-writer of the national policy on domestic abuse for the CofE so I do know what's what with this.

In 20 years I've not come across a situation where someone has disclosed abusive conduct and it's been unintentional...except for situations where there is a known diagnosed mental health condition that leads to irrational outbursts and beliefs from time to time. Other than that, calculating how to make someone feel afraid and give up their outside links is a difficult thing to do accidentally.
I'm autistic. I can be socially clumsy, but if I find out that I've accidentally hurt someone, I am SO ashamed and do all I can to remedy it. I want them to be happy, to have good friendships, to learn, to love, to have a fantastic job or be a wonderful member of society. To be a loving parent and good companion - and I do all i can to enable that, to cheer it on, to respect their freedom and their character. If I can do that, as an autistic lady, blimey there isn't a lot of excuse for non-autistic people.
Yes, a marriage that is simply under strain, with two people of equal power simply having a go at each other - that can be sorted out. But if someone's afraid of the other partner, that's a whole different thing.
i shall pray for safety and love and a brilliant outcome for the family, whether separately or together.

Jan, I feel really helpless about your situation, all I can do is pray. I wish I could do more, but rest assured you are lovingly in our thoughts and prayers here, both dh and I are praying, not just for you, but for all of you.

All I keep thinking for you both is " Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Matthew 11:28-30

I hope that doesn't sound flippant or just too easy. I dont know why I think it but it has come into my mind several times over the last few days while thinking of you and praying for you. So I thought I'd pass it on and then if God wants to speak to you through it, it's up to him. Hope you don't mind (nervous )

amber, have pm'ed you. :)

If anyone can spare a prayer, I'd appreciate it. I have bronchitis and DH is away. DD3 is always home with me; now DD1 will be home tomorrow because she is sick. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there for a couple of days! There has been plenty of illness in the house for the past week and I am exhausted.

Prayers aplenty

20:32 "I strongly believe that long term decisions shouldn't be made during that time."

Given that the safety of everyone involved isn't in doubt, clearly.

Praying.

Parents prayer group at DDs school went well today - co-led with another parent.
Everyone was very encouraging afterwards.
Quite enjoyable and I got a chance to say and share some things that I value and am particularly fond of.
Also went well going to HQ of my new job this morning, but wish we could have talked about more than getting the CRB done. If it was me hosting the meeting I think I'd try to make it a bit more interesting and encouraging ! Mind you she did say she'd arrange an induction for me shortly, so I guess I'll have to wait till then and hope I get a bit more out of that !
Feel a bit tired now though - perhaps I need to go to bed

Sometimes I think it is a tough call in relationships jan
"Should I stay or should I go now ?" as the song says
I think sometimes there is behaviour that tips into being abusive and also a person who has certainly aspects of a basically good character.
When you think about it I guess there's bound to be a spectrum of behaviour and relationships.
I'm sorry that I haven't read and remembered everything you've written, but anyway you know so much more about your relationship with DH than anyone else can.
I guess you just have to decide if it's good enough for you to stay or not.
Does sound like you are upset often ATM.
Keep posting and we can all keep supporting you
One day at a time ?

In haste, but praying for all, and especially Jan, Lost, MHD and Weegie today.

Weegie... We had a rather wonderful sermon about 'touch' on Sunday and I was thinking about you a lot and praying for you.

Please pray for sleep for me please. Somehow I don't think I'll get much tonight!

Jan do you think your H is depressed? I know the word gets bandied about a lot on mn but it just occurred to me. He sounds like such a mixed bag of emotions and without hope. Cannot seem to cope.

I was on anti depressants for a year I came off them in December. I resisted going to see the GP for a long time but I was so very glad I did in the end. Made a huge difference to me. It was just a thought.

another night awake with the children. need coffee and prayers to survive the driving through the traffic.