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Original poster

Safe haven chat thread for believers

423 replies

Starwisher · 04/04/2012 23:45

I thought it be lovely to start a" safe haven"thread for all the believers on mumsnet. It doesn't matter what religion or spirituality you are, the important thing is a belief in God or higher power that unites us.

The idea is too talk with other believers to share ideas, thoughts and feelings or even general musings.
So come in and relax!

please can I respectfully ask that this is not a debating thread to challenge people. While I am not the mn police, there are other threads to debate on or please start your own. This is a safe haven

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 05/04/2012 22:19

I think it can be exhausting when a couple disagree on religion, tummytickler. Does he object to you taking the children to church?

Original poster
Starwisher · 05/04/2012 22:21

Hi tummy tickler

That must be really tough to have conflicting views with your dh. Have you got to the bottom of why he is so opposed to it?

I understand some awful things have been done in the name of religion but these things were not actually acting morally, so to my mind relgion was twisted and used to justify the act. In other words the act was not religious at all just a "get out clause"

OP posts:
tummytickler · 05/04/2012 22:29

chipmonkey he is fine with the children coming to church, but he tells them he thinks it is a lot of rubbish! And he isn't coming to my baptism on Sunday, but I can take the dc if they want to come.
Starwisher I have told him until I am blue in the face that people who do awful things to people are not living their lives according to the teachings of Jesus and are using religion as an excuse for their own prejudice. He still thinks we are all secret members of the KKK though.
He hates the God Delusion chap too. He is a moany old sod sometimes Grin

MonsterBookOfTysons · 05/04/2012 22:31

tummytickler my Dh also doesn't 'get' why I am looking into faith.
He see's it as I am being silly Hmm
He has no problem with me taking the dc to the carol service at christmas time and if I found a church he wouldnt stop me taking them but wouldn't understand why I wanted to go. It can be hard.

Original poster
Starwisher · 05/04/2012 22:32

Aww he could at least support you at your baptisim on Sunday:(

OP posts:
MonsterBookOfTysons · 05/04/2012 22:33

:( that he won't attend your Baptism.

hiddenhome · 05/04/2012 22:37

I think that atheists should have the respect to accept people's beliefs, esp. a spouse. I can't imagine what it would be like having to defend your beliefs to your dh. Dh's family are a bit Hmm that I'm Catholic, but they accept it and don't have a go at me for it (they're evangelicals).

I hope that your dh develops the personal strength to accept the fact that you have a faith tummy Whatever individual Christians have done in the past, take strength from Jesus who did none of those things. We are encouraged to imitate him and live our lives as he wanted. We're not responsible for the evil that others have done in the name of Christianity and we shouldn't be ashamed of being Christians. It makes you wonder where this endless hostility and criticism comes from. I have my own views, which, no doubt would be easy to ridicule Hmm I have experienced it personally from my mother, to the point where I gave my faith up as a young teenager due to the stick that I got from her.

tummytickler · 05/04/2012 22:38

To be honest, I know he doesn't support it, he finds the whole thing weird. I am really nervous about giving my testimony, and knowing he is there thinking I am mental would make it worse!
Although he did say that he has Jesus in his life, he doesn't want him in his life, but because of me his life is full of Jesus any way! Now, I don't talk about it much with him as it ends unpleasantly, but I hope this is god working away on dh, slowly but surely!

I am so sorry to be whittering on like this! I didn't mean to join you and then moan on about my problems!

chipmonkey · 05/04/2012 22:39

Tummy, my MIL uses religion as an excuse to hate people but to be fair, most priests would be shocked by her views! I think there will always be people who will use religion as a means to hurt others but that doesn't mean the religion in itself is bad. I don't think Jesus would have been best pleased with the Spanish Inquisition for example.

I thought I'd share the names of a couple of books I've read since dd died.
1/ The Garden of Souls by George Anderson, a psychic medium. I picked a book by him as he seems genuine. I am always worried about being taken in by charlatans, yet I believe that some people do have "the gift" I selected George this way: There are lots of mediums in the public eye. For most of them I typed their name and the word "fake" into the google search engine.. For most of them, I found a story or two that suggested that they were not as they seemed. Nothing like that on George, so I bought his book. It's a lovely comforting read. I felt after reading it, that I would meet dd again.

2/ We lived in Heaven by Sarah Hinze which is a book of anecdotes about parents who "met" their children before they were born. Some anecdotes were good, but there was no real way of knowing if they were genuine.

3/ The Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. This guy does past-life-regression on his clients. Now, what I would like to have seen in this book was evidence that the past lives were actually real. At no point did he say that he had proved that the people his clients claimed to have been were actually real people. I found it less comforting than the George Anderson book as it gave me the impression that dd might not actually be all that bothered about me and dh and could be off improving herself without giving us a backward glance. Which I don't feel to be true.

Voidka · 05/04/2012 22:40

What a lovely thread :)

Its nice to see that there are like minded people on MN who dont think religion is the root of all evil and are actually quite happy in their beliefs.

Sorry to hear your DH feels like that monster - my DH is the same.

hiddenhome · 05/04/2012 22:40

What is his cultural background tummy? Where did his viewpoint come from? My mother decided that all Christians were evil because her Catholic mother used to hit her, then go to confession, then continue hitting her Hmm

RhinosDontEatEasterEggs · 05/04/2012 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tummytickler · 05/04/2012 22:45

hiddenhome I am hoping in time dh will come 'round. It is certainly better than it was.
Atheist (making up about 95% of my pals!) can be an intolerant bunch when it comes to religion!
How is your mother about your religion now? Was she an atheist?
I do wonder why some people are so very hostile. There seems to be no sense of live and let live when it comes to religion. Barmy.

hiddenhome · 05/04/2012 22:45

It really saddens me that so many people are equating religion with wars, prejudice and hate Sad I can't say I've ever come across any of those attitudes since attending church on and off over the years. The people I've come across have been lovely and just want to live out their faith as best they can. I don't know why all this recent hate that seems to be around. It's like they've found their voice all of a sudden and it's a case of who shouts loudest atm. Why the vehemence though? It's like a personal issue to many of them.

hiddenhome · 05/04/2012 22:47

I don't see my mother anymore tummy. She badly abused and neglected me when I was growing up and I couldn't cope with her anymore, so I just left her to it. She has a severe personality disorder and is one of the worst people I have ever come across. I left her wallowing in her own hatred for mankind.

SophieNeveau · 05/04/2012 22:49

My ex used to try to persuade me there was no God on a regular basis, he used to joke he was the devil to me. He showed his true colours after seperation, a cheat, compulsive liar, destroyer and poor parent. I believe he allowed himself to be used to test me. I think a lot of testing of believers goes on.

chipmonkey · 05/04/2012 22:50

What I find irritating about Dawkins, James Randy and the like is that they have been know to berate spiritualists for misleading the bereaved and giving them false hope. But I have never found hope in anything they say and have found genuine hope in things that mediums have said. Dh's cousin is a medium. She wouldn't do a proper reading for me as we are too closely related but was able to tell me that dd is with my Dad. And was able to tell me that Dad is very fond of my ds3, who was born after Dad died, and that there was a name connection between Dad and ds3. She had no way of knowing that ds3's middle name is my Dad's first name. None of the other boys were named after him at all.

The funny thing is, I had always wondered if ds3 was Dad reincarnated. He looks like him, talks like him and even his grumpy face is the same as Dad's! One day I asked ds3 a question. He was five. Can't remember what I actually asked him but he answered me "Indeed I do!" in exactly the same way that my Dad would have. And it was such a funny phrase for such a small boy. I often feel my Dad is whispering in his ear.Smile

mybabyweightiseightyearsold · 05/04/2012 22:51

Me too! My DH is pro my faith - as long as it gives him a couple of hours of peace on a Sunday...

Sadly, I am struggling to find a church where I can open my big gob and say "so, how come, x, y z?" and that the kids are happy, and that it's liberal, and where they aren't just so awfully up their own ass that I don't want to be in their gang in anyway...

Praying for it. Being patient. Well, being impatiently, patient.

Original poster
Starwisher · 05/04/2012 22:52

Hi rhinos. I love butterflies I have them all over my house. Are you pagan?

Tummy what does your dh mean by; "Although he did say that he has Jesus in his life, he doesn't want him in his life"

Hi vodkia!

OP posts:
tummytickler · 05/04/2012 22:52

hiddenhome Your poor mum. It must have been really awful and confusing for her to grow up like that. dh' family were Catholic too. Lots of stories of rich priests taking the last pennies/tea/food from very poor families. He also isn't thrilled that he is now married to a Protestant, only because he thinks his family will give him grief, although I am not sure they ever need to know as we never see them, and we live about 700 miles away from them!

chipmonkey that is a very sensible way of choosing a psychic! My mother is very into the idea of reincarnation and visiting psychics, but she is very trusting. I might pass that piece of advice on to her!

Rhino Butterflies are amazing - there is something so magical about them, everytime I see one, I feel just as excited as a child! What a lovely sign!

MonsterBookOfTysons · 05/04/2012 22:53

:) Chipmonkey that made me get goosebumps!

tummytickler · 05/04/2012 22:54

hiddenhome I am so sorry your mother was abusive to you - I didn't see your post about that before I posted above about your 'poor mum' . Sorry if I offended.
This thread is moving very fast!

hiddenhome · 05/04/2012 22:56

I think a lot of non believers allow themselves to become influenced, hence the hate and ridicule. Resisting the urge to attack others requires strength, but also a degree of ease within yourself. If you're happy in your own mind, you don't feel the need to ridicule others.

An interesting book if anybody's inclined is: We Don't Do God, The Marginalisation of Public Faith by George Carey He was Archbishop of Canterbury from 1991 to 2002. The title sounds a bit boring, but it's an interesting book and easy enough to get through. It more or less sums up how I'm feeling about religion in the UK atm. It's a bit of a grim situation, but believers are always tenacious and will find a way through the current hostility Grin

hiddenhome · 05/04/2012 22:57

Don't worry tummy, she is poor in that she allowed her difficulties to rule her life and never even tried to be remotely pleasant to anybody.

tummytickler · 05/04/2012 22:58

chipmonkey that is lovely! To see your Dad live on in in your ds must be lovely!
starwisher dh meant that because I am 'so into Jesus' that he feels Jesus in our everyday lives, even though he doesn't want him. But when he looks at me, he thinks of Jesus. Does that make sense? I am explaining it really badly!!!