Am I silly to consider a dog as a single mum?

[whereinderbyshire]

I’m a single mum to two primary school aged children. I have a reasonable sized secure garden, albeit lots of toys around but plenty of grass and space for a dog. I live in an area with lots of fields and greenery, though off lead in those areas could be quite challenging with high prey driven dogs.

I work 2 hours a day, about five mins drive from my house and I study online. I have about 15-20 mins free to walk in the morning and 20-30 mins to walk in the evenings.

We have family pets: one is a mixed breed rescue and the other a working cocker. Both of these dogs find it difficult being around the children for long and the cocker doesn’t sit still. Ever. And doesn’t walk, he runs. Everywhere. And has knocked the kids over a couple of times. And as much as I love the crazy little pooch, I don’t think a working cocker would suit us as we wouldn’t be able to give them the time they need. Albeit, he’s had many sleepover and walks with us.

I’m looking at rescue or dogs for rehoming - age and looks do not bother us. Just a dog who needs love and fits in with us. There are some places that will consider primary aged children and I’m hoping for some advice on what breeds might be most suitable as I’ve stated above.

Ideally, I would be hoping for a dog that requires 60 mins or less exercise, can chill at home but will engage in play with the kids at times and minimal shedding, though that’s not a huge priority - just a preference as I expect dog hairs where dogs live. Also, the idea of a medium-small lap dog would just be lovely.

I’ve narrowed these breeds down. I’m open to suggestions on whether I’m ’barking up the wrong tree’ or if there’s any breeds I haven’t considered.

Greyhound/whippet - aware of the high prey drive. Aware of greyhound size. Like how they relax in the house and can be left for a few hours (I work 2 hours a day), but not sure they would like the noise from children and potentially being startled when sleeping. Also, was surprised to research they need 60 mins or less exercise a day with a good run.

French bulldog - it seems they can tolerate an hour or less a day exercise, like that they are lap dogs and from what I gather they will engage with children and play, as well as chill out too. However, I’m aware that they have difficulties with their flat face.

Shih Tzu - I grew up with one who needed rehoming by his previous family at 2 years old and he came to us. He was my best friend and when he died my world crumbled. I miss him dearly, so im very well aware of their 4-8 week grooming needs and daily brushing. Like how they require 60 mins or less exercise a day. My Shih Tzu tolerated me when I was younger than but aware they’re quite fragile and can be prone to separation anxiety though my Shih Tzu wasn’t, he was very independent.

Thank you in advance for your suggestions. Whenever it may be, and whatever dog fits our family, will be amazing. But for now I’m not even making enquiries until I’ve researched, researched, researched.

Also, am I silly to think I can do this as a single mum with primary aged children? Anyone other single mums out there have a dog too? Or should I wait until the kids are in high school?

@timtamsarebetterthanpenguins Providing the OP can afford that of course? Dogs are very expensive pets as is.

My suggestion has already been mentioned by a previous poster ., Bichon Friese (sp) .
we had one when my DGD was little . He was the most calm, gorgeous little dog . Wasn’t too bothered about long walks . He did start marking his territory on the curtains but I took him to the vet to have him spayed and had no further problems with him .

I’m sure OP isn’t stupid and doesn’t need to be told that dog walkers cost money 🙄

Honestly, the way this website bangs on, you’d think only people who stayed at home 24/7 with time to walk 10 miles a day split into four dedicated walks should ever own a dog.

@timtamsarebetterthanpenguins I've owned a dog. They are very expensive and take up a lot of time, especially with walks. As much as I would love another one I won't get one because I now work more hours and wouldn't be able to give it the time it deserves. Dogs shouldn't be left ever for a maximum of more than four hours - that's very tying.
And that's without the demands of being a single parent with school-aged children.
The OP says she could walk the dog of an evening, but how would that be possible with small kids at home unless she drags them out?
The needs of the dog must be considered above everything else.

I own a dog too and also work with them day in, day out - yes, they cost money and yes, they’re a tie but they’re also very adaptable and don’t need the
strict routine and lifestyle that people on here seem to insist on.

OP could quite easily walk the dog around the kids and her two hours a day of work commitments - dogs don’t need to go out in the evenings or at the crack of dawn. And if she can afford to support her kids working two hours a day, I’m sure she can also afford a dog walker or daycare as needed, as well as insurance.

People up and down the country seem to manage to own dogs just fine without all the years of planning and five million contingency plans that MN owners seem to insist on 😂

@timtamsarebetterthanpenguins Well she must earn incredibly well to only work 2 hrs per day! So yes, covering the many expenses (and unexpected expenses of emergencies etc) shouldn't be a problem at least.
But I still wouldn't in her position personally. As I said, I'd love a dog but work outside of the house more than 2 hrs a day so it would be unfair to get one.
May I ask how long you think it acceptable to leave a dog for and how often you feel they need walking?

Do you have a rehoming centre like the Dogs Trust near you that could assess your needs and match you with an appropriate dog rather than a particular breed?

The reason people want particular breeds is particular breeds suit their lifestyle. Just because Dogs Trust deem a dog 'appropriate' does not mean it is appropriate. Based on the information I would provide Dogs Trust they'd probably say I was suitable for any dog, including Collies or GSDs. I am categorically not suitable.

MN has been so negative about dog ownership lately - every thread that’s started by someone who wants a dog seems to attract a whole load of people who think nobody should ever get a dog ever in case some really odd scenario happens one day.
Because more and more dogs are ending up in shelters or being abused (neglected) by their owners. The reason we are negative is because most of us are the ones who deal with the selfish arseholes who get these dogs they are unable and unwilling to dedicate time to.

I help rescue with my breed specific rescue. One type of dog breed. No mongrels. No designer doodle crosses of it. Do you know how many dogs we've had in so far this month in our 'region'? TWELVE. That's more than a dog a day. So yes, we are rightly 'negative.'

More broadly, OP. The poster about emergency OOO vets makes a good point. One of my girls is about 35KG. She had a fit a few months ago, and I couldn't get her down the stairs or out the house by myself. I had to ring up my BIL to come and help me.

If you want a pedigree and a puppy, go for a poodle. Lovely, well-balanced, little dogs. Perfect for a novice owner.

Of the dogs you’ve mentioned I think a mid age Shih Tzu would be the best fit as they are very family friendly.

However as someone with two toddlers and two dogs. I think The main issue is how little time you have to walk them and for that reason I would say hold off until your children are older and you have more time. For context my small dogs (one elderly) need a minimum of 1hr 30min walks a day but ideally more if time/temperature allow.

Also worth thinking about who will look after them if you are out for more than 4/5 hrs with the kids somewhere you can’t take the dog (zoo, playground etc).

I foster now as family is older, for young kids I would want to know a full history of the dog.
Lots of our fosters have trauma and triggers that I wouldn’t be willing to risk with young kids.

When mine were small we got a Labrador pup, she was the best but wouldn’t recommend for you. She was a lot of work for the first few years.

Take your time and good luck with the search.

@TheHungryHungryLandsharks Totally agree. I rescued an elderly dog from a rescue and her life before me had been truly awful - she'd been in three different homes over six months as they hadn't realised exactly how much care she needed. She came to me at about 8 - nobody wanted her at that age. Except me. She was my best friend until she passed away peacefully at a ripe old age. I miss her so much every single day years on.
The rescue centre were very strict about who she would go to for rehoming. I had to provide evidence of work schedule (no more than 4 hrs in one shift) and they came out to do a house inspection to check garden and property was suitable. I applaud them for that.

Absolutely not. As a lone parent I had enough to do without adding a dog into the mix. The costs are huge and the tie is massive. You can't just head out for the day with the kids without thinking about the dog. Or go on holiday without boarding costs. How many hours will you be working in 5 years? You won't be a student forever. You need to think about the next 10 years unless you're looking for an elderly dog.
We have a very easy cat who sleeps 18 hours a day!

You say finances aren't a problem but any pet takes money away from your children.

Surely you would rather give your children more opportunities rather than spend money on an animal?

Every day I see people treat dogs better than children in this country. They spend more money on their care and food and more time and consideration to their exercise and health.

@FunPartyIdeas yep, it's awful. People's desire for a dog (and let's be honest, most of the time it's something to take photos of for instagram/desire for a cuddly toy, that's the real motivator) trumps their ability to see reason.

That rescue sounds incredibly responsible! Wish more were like that Dogs Trust/ RSPCA I'm looking at you.

Others posters are really strange 😂 OP is already a single mother to two children, so basically a very competent person already of course she can manage a bloody dog 😂😂😂

However rescues with children can be problematic as they often have trauma etc. So choose very very carefully

So no one with children is allowed pets?

I don’t think you really understand pets do you?

@onmylastnerveseriously Being a single parent to two children doesn't automatically make you a responsible/competent dog owner.

I don't think anyone should have pets. I think the idea of owning an animal for the benefit of human entertainment is abhorrent.

I'm okay with working animals.

But a working animal is owned for the benefit of humans. And there are alternatives.
And they often get pretty hideous lives.
I'm with you by the way in thinking that we should move towards zero animal ownership.

It depends entirely on the dog in question - there’s no one size fits all answer because all dogs are different and have different needs and personalities.

Are you likely to be working just 2 hours a day for the rest of your dogs life?

No it doesn’t, but single mothers are the most competent section of the population on average so it gives her a standing start, many of the skills of raising kids are transferable to dogs, just not all.

was going to say Maltese. Or possibly papillon (they’re very intelligent.)

too many are getting working cockers or springers at the moment in my opinion without understanding how much exercise and “work” they need.

Too many are getting working dogs full stop tbh!

Lap dogs were developed as companions - I’d avoid the overbred types with problematic features eg flat noses etc.

that said ANY breed of dog can have issues just as there can be some individuals that are much better than the usual for the breed. Puppy temperament is really important and then after that socialisation.