Am I silly to consider a dog as a single mum?

[whereinderbyshire]

I’m a single mum to two primary school aged children. I have a reasonable sized secure garden, albeit lots of toys around but plenty of grass and space for a dog. I live in an area with lots of fields and greenery, though off lead in those areas could be quite challenging with high prey driven dogs.

I work 2 hours a day, about five mins drive from my house and I study online. I have about 15-20 mins free to walk in the morning and 20-30 mins to walk in the evenings.

We have family pets: one is a mixed breed rescue and the other a working cocker. Both of these dogs find it difficult being around the children for long and the cocker doesn’t sit still. Ever. And doesn’t walk, he runs. Everywhere. And has knocked the kids over a couple of times. And as much as I love the crazy little pooch, I don’t think a working cocker would suit us as we wouldn’t be able to give them the time they need. Albeit, he’s had many sleepover and walks with us.

I’m looking at rescue or dogs for rehoming - age and looks do not bother us. Just a dog who needs love and fits in with us. There are some places that will consider primary aged children and I’m hoping for some advice on what breeds might be most suitable as I’ve stated above.

Ideally, I would be hoping for a dog that requires 60 mins or less exercise, can chill at home but will engage in play with the kids at times and minimal shedding, though that’s not a huge priority - just a preference as I expect dog hairs where dogs live. Also, the idea of a medium-small lap dog would just be lovely.

I’ve narrowed these breeds down. I’m open to suggestions on whether I’m ’barking up the wrong tree’ or if there’s any breeds I haven’t considered.

Greyhound/whippet - aware of the high prey drive. Aware of greyhound size. Like how they relax in the house and can be left for a few hours (I work 2 hours a day), but not sure they would like the noise from children and potentially being startled when sleeping. Also, was surprised to research they need 60 mins or less exercise a day with a good run.

French bulldog - it seems they can tolerate an hour or less a day exercise, like that they are lap dogs and from what I gather they will engage with children and play, as well as chill out too. However, I’m aware that they have difficulties with their flat face.

Shih Tzu - I grew up with one who needed rehoming by his previous family at 2 years old and he came to us. He was my best friend and when he died my world crumbled. I miss him dearly, so im very well aware of their 4-8 week grooming needs and daily brushing. Like how they require 60 mins or less exercise a day. My Shih Tzu tolerated me when I was younger than but aware they’re quite fragile and can be prone to separation anxiety though my Shih Tzu wasn’t, he was very independent.

Thank you in advance for your suggestions. Whenever it may be, and whatever dog fits our family, will be amazing. But for now I’m not even making enquiries until I’ve researched, researched, researched.

Also, am I silly to think I can do this as a single mum with primary aged children? Anyone other single mums out there have a dog too? Or should I wait until the kids are in high school?

A relative had a Frenchie who was adorable but actually needed about 90 mins of exercise a day and had a tonne of health issues. I called him her furry mortgage.
(Some Frenchies can also be quite hyper.)

Do you have a rehoming centre like the Dogs Trust near you that could assess your needs and match you with an appropriate dog rather than a particular breed?

Good luck!

Surely you won’t always be working only two hours a day, though.

Cavs are one of the least healthy dog breeds there are, so bad that breeding them is completely banned Norway. Definitely not a healthy choice and no good breeder would then cross them with a poo. I'd never get a poo cross at all though, the breeders are often puppy farms and I know several that have all sorts of issues, aren't what the owner thought they were getting or are just plain odd. I wouldn't consider a Frenchie, too many potential health issues there too.

Whippets are pretty lazy and our rescue cross didn't shed much at all OP. I'd recommend considering an older dog as they are more likely to be ok with not much walking and being left for a while. Definite high prey drive though. I'm a fan of show cockers too OP, might be worth considering although can be prone to separation anxiety. If you get an older rescue though you will have a good idea what you are getting vs if you got a puppy.

You also need to think about the cost, the tie and the future - when you've finished studying and are working more.

@whereinderbyshire Well money clearly isn't an issue if you only need to work two hours a day - so assuming you'd have spare money for a dog walker if needed?

I'm a lone parent. I gave in and got a dog 5 years ago. Whilst I love her it was a huge mistake. I didn't take into consideration how much they need and how tying they are. Everything is down to me and it's just something else to consider and juggle!

Greyhounds and whippets are very sensitive and not suited to a boisterous household. I have a whippet and he needs a lot of exercise. I cant wear him out. He's lovely but ive had lots of dogs and he is hard work. Mainly because he's so sensitive. Can be reactive with other dogs and me. This is not uncommon although if you were getting an adult you'd know its foibles in advance. Greyhounds dont need a huge amount of exercise but not sure he'd cope with so much going on. Id go for a different breed.

• men not me

I’m not a lone parent but have been in the past. I currently have two dogs and have had three kids alongside them. I just have some practical things to add regarding care of the dog. I would think hard about what support you have - kids won’t always be up for a 45 min walk whatever the weather and I found it much easier once they got to secondary school age and kids were ok on their own for a bit.

Also, dogs don’t care if you are unwell. I’ve been sick the last few days and luckily been able to hand dog duties over to DH. I’ve been so dizzy and nauseous that I couldn’t walk them and they get naughty when they haven’t been out. I’d consider waiting until the kids can walk the potential dog unsupervised when needed.

We also found that holidays become very expensive if they are non dog holidays. At least £50 each night for my two dogs on top of the holiday. We only go away for a few nights just to keep costs down. If we need to go somewhere non dog friendly for more than a few hours it’s another cost. It takes a lot of spontaneity out of things. That issue isn’t unique to being a lone parent though :)

Another thing to bear in mind is emergency vet trips - we had one last week. The emergency vet is a 25mile round trip and I was glad to have older kids that I didn’t need to drag out of bed. Years ago I had to take all the kids to the out of hours vets and they witnessed our cat being pts which they found upsetting and I wouldn’t have subjected them to if them staying home was an option.

That said, all those issues are non-everyday things and the joy a dog brings outweighs the negatives. It does get easier as the kids get older and can pitch in with the care.

How can you even afford one working only 2 hours per day…… 🤔

I’m also wondering about finances-
insurance
worming tablets
food
toys
treats
training
bed/leads/collars etc
grooming

How can you afford this if you’re only working ten hours a week?

‘…a dog that requires 60 mins or less exercise, can chill at home but will engage in play with the kids at times and minimal shedding’

A cat?

I wouldn’t be able to feed myself if I only worked 2 hours a day, never mind 2 kids and a dog! How do people manage this?

Thank you. This is so helpful.

there’s been some really informative posts coming up this evening!

it’s a real eye opener to think about the emergency vet in the evenings…

financially and support wise we definitely are ok there. I’ve worked out finances last couple of days and given I help family with their dogs, they’d absolutely do the same!

I think what we are going to do now is pause the search for a short while while we absorb all of this info and research what we have so far. And then will register with the local rehoming shelters and wait for a potential call from them on our suitability and go from there.

like I mentioned in the op, more than happy to wait until high school years if needed. I suppose what will be will be and if it’s meant to be it will happen. It will be in the best hands of the dog shelters.

any more advice and experiences welcome!

@Anjelika CMS? Benefits? Or perhaps she is an incredibly high earner?

You need a very placid dog in your circumstances, so certainly don't need a cockerpoo, which are given to being nervous, or a Maltese, as they can be very noisy. I would have thought that asking a greyhound rescue if they have a suitable dog for your family, they will know their dogs and they won't all be ex-racers.

Speaking as a single parent, no I wouldn’t. Why make your life more difficult than it needs to be? A dog is such a huge responsibility. It’s tough being a single mum, financially, physically and emotionally. A dog will take up an awful lot of your time and energy. The walks alone will last far longer than you’ve estimated. How can you even leave primary aged children home alone while you take a dog for a walk?

I think it’s a bad idea until you can leave the kids home alone. We got a cavachon. Everyone said no shedding (he never sheds not even one hair) and hardly any exercise as small with short legs! But he demands 3 walks a day. Including at night, as he refuses to poo in the garden, will only poo in park (really near). My friends also have cavachons and theirs are happy with one shortish walk. Hence I think it’s hard to say breed x won’t need much walking. He’s fine for 4-5 hours on own we don’t leave him longer than that. And yes emergency vet in evening also.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn The OP only works 2 hours a day so I imagine she has plenty of time when the kids are at school.

MN has been so negative about dog ownership lately - every thread that’s started by someone who wants a dog seems to attract a whole load of people who think nobody should ever get a dog ever in case some really odd scenario happens one day.

OP - go for it. You have plenty of time and experience and could easily walk the dog around work and school without needing to drag the kids out in the rain. My only thing to add would be to remember grooming costs and time for certain breeds - it can be really expensive!

I say go for it! I am a single mother of 2 children and have owned dogs alone for 20 years. They are a commitment of course. You would have to take the dog out all weathers with children in tow. My experience is the children are used to it and gets them out of the house every day.
What about a chihuahua, pug or toy poodle ?

@timtamsarebetterthanpenguins What happens in the likely event that OP will need to increase her working hours to more than two a day?

I think if everyone paid heed to all the downsides of dog ownership then the species would become extinct!

I went into dog ownership a bit blind, based on growing up with dogs and occasionally dog sitting for friends. It’s on the whole a great experience but things like being unwell (both you and the dog!) insurance vs self insuring, kids getting bored of the responsibility, the lack of spontaneity and the dog eating child’s latest Lego creation have all been things I’ve found frustrating in a two adult / three child household and the OP was asking for an honest opinion. It’s a complete lifestyle change and on the whole it’s brilliant but I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I’d also be lying if I said I’d never have another

Then she can pay for daycare or get a dog walker, just like millions of other owners do!

Kiss goodbye to long days out and a carefree lifestyle. Dogs are a massive tie, we love ours but there are two adults in the house responsible for his welfare . I wouldn’t want to do it alone

I think a Shih tzu would be great and there are a reasonable number around in rescues. Just need to find one ok with being left for 2 hours. X