We don't know what to do anymore

[FebruaryJuly]

I really don't want negative comments as I know they are so easy to make towards this type of situation and I was always somebody who would look down on people who said these types of things before we were in the situation ourselves.

We have a gorgeous 11 month old frenchie and have had him since he was 8 weeks old. We got him from our friend's litter. He is well trained and so good, we couldn't ask for a better tempered dog, especially with him still being young!

For a long time now, we (mainly husband) have got to breaking points with whether he is right for us or not. My breaking points have been not really to do with our dog himself, as I can deal with what he comes with, but seeing how depressed my husband is getting constantly.

Since we got him, he has told himself that he is being stupid and will get over the things that are stressing him, but each time, his mental health hits back at him worse. He has fairly bad OCD with how messy things are and having things in the right place. He can't bring himself to deal with the malting and getting hairs on his legs. Also, the smell of the dog, the poos, the odd accident that the dog has in the car and how bad his back gets when walking him due to how strong our dog is.

We have been back to this point about 5 times now and pushed it behind us saying things will get better, but my husbands mental health is only getting worse.

Our dog had a gorgeous relationship with our 5 year old, they are always playing together and our son would be distraught if we decided to find him a new home. I am worried about how much more stressed and depressed my husband is going to feel when our second baby arrives next month, with the general tiredness that comes with a baby as well.

This is coming between our relationship and I am starting to feel depressed because of how distant we are becoming as a couple because of my husbands issues with him. We are usually a very close family and I would never want anything to pull us apart. My husband has never suffered with mental health issues, it has always been me, he has always been good at keeping on top of his OCD, but the last year has tipped him over the edge and he also feels constant guilt for it.

We really don't know what to do and I know what people will be thinking

@Tal45 eh?! Ridiculous comment. The giant biggest ever Frenchie it seems is just existing. Poor pup.

I can't believe some of these responses. One of my DCs has OCD and it is a really serious mental health problem. It's hardly a lame excuse.

OP I would do whatever your DH needs in order to deal with it. If you need to rehome the dog you can do that in a responsible way that will benefit the dog as well as help your DH. I don't understand all these posters who claim to care about a dog so much but don't care at all about a person's suffering.

Wow, only on Mumsnet would a person get such spiteful comments for poor mental health, getting things like "overgrown man child moaning " for having a fucking disability. A lot of posters on here should be hanging their damn heads in shame.

How many mums on here suffered PND? Or suffer from various mental health issues and come here for support? Then they're going to read the nasty comments on here and that's going to make them feel so good about themselves. It certainly made me as an OCD sufferer feel amazing.

OP The dog needs to go, MH services are non existent right now and even if he got therapy tomorrow it can take a long while to overcome OCD and with a second child on the way there's going to be so much more stress. If you have a family member who would be willing to take the dog in for 6 months perhaps you could do that and then reassess after those 6 months and see if you and your husband are in better places and able to bring the dog back into the home and if not seek a permanent rescue place for him.

Jeez MN is an awful place at times. OP, I hope you got the help you need and found a solution that works for your family. I wonder if people would have been so harsh if you had said your husband had a physical disability rather than MH problems. Personally I see nothing wrong with you rehoming your dog in your situation. In fact, I would go so far to say that it seems like the only solution and one you should not feel bad about. You sound like you care very deeply for your dog and took time considering whether getting one would be right for your family. Sometimes life goes in directions we can’t predict - the MH of your husband comes above a dog.