Added new kitten to the family and now I feel awful

[Sydney97]

Hi, I don’t really know what I’m looking for posting this but I just wanted to let my feelings out

Yesterday morning I bought a kitten home to my 9 year old cat and two small dogs. I was really worried about this before getting home and was worried about how my cat would react as I didn’t want him to feel like we’d replaced him. However when we got home my cat is absolutely fine with the kitten and so is one of my dogs but the other dog is just constantly crying to see him and is barking at him, when he gets too close to the kitten he tries to nip him which is why we haven’t been able to put the kitten down in the same room as the dogs.

Every time I look at my 9 year old cat I just burst out crying and I feel awful for my dogs as I don’t want them to feel stressed out either. I really don’t want any of my pets to feel like we’re replacing them or that we love them any less, I’m just an emotional wreck :(

Has anyone been through something similar or does anyone have any words of advice for me please? Thanks in advance x

Don't worry - you are projecting human emotions on to your animals. Your pets aren't concerned that they are being replaced. Animals have much more simple concerns - predominantly these are about feeling like they have enough resources (including your attention).

The new kitten is a novelty to your dog, so you will need to manage their introduction very carefully. The nipping could easily become a fatal bite. There are good resources on how to manage the introduction online. Make sure they aren't left alone together until they are used to one another. Introduce them through a barrier first. And make sure your kitten always has an escape route - don't hold her etc or she will feel trapped and afraid. Give your dog things with her scent to sniff.

They will all settle down and get along if managed properly, but the introduction needs to be slow and careful.

I felt like that when I got my second cat, having had pfc Madam for 3 years. Cried into her fur. Resented the new cat. Wondered what the hell I'd done. Nearly a year later, I wouldn't be without either of them and they tolerate each other. Animals adapt. Give it time.

Why did you get a kitten? Whose benefit was it for?
Your cat and dogs won't feel rejected - that's you projecting on to them. But the kitten might feel stressed by the presence of a dog who wants to eat it.

@Vanillelle thank you so much for your comment. I’m giving my dogs and older cat constant attention so that they don’t feel left out but I still can’t help but feel so guilty, I’m such an emotional person.

Thanks for the advice regarding the dog, we have let the dogs sniff the kittens room to get his scent as well as introducing them from a distance so that the dogs can see the kitten but my youngest dog is just going crazy and constantly barking/trying to get in to the kittens room whenever he’s in there!

@Broken11Girl thanks for the comment, that is literally me right now! My older cat came into my bed this morning for a cuddle and I just burst out crying even though he’s happy enough I just can’t help it, can’t imagine what I’d be like if I ever have children 😂 I’m so glad it worked out for you, that gives me hope that hopefully in a few weeks it’ll all calm down and we’ll be normal again x

@CodenameVillanelle I love animals and have wanted to adopt a kitten or cat for a long time, my pets all get along with each other so not sure why I wouldn’t have considered expanding the family and getting another kitten? The kitten is chilled out and fine, we’re obviously not letting the dog too close to him or putting him at risk in any way.

The kitten is a bundle of new and exciting smells as far as your dog is concerned. You need to work on getting your dog to see the kitten as part of the furniture. Keep them apart, but put some of the kitten's bedding in with the dog, and vice versa. Do everything you can to mingle their scents, and the kitten will soon lose his novelty value.

It's great that your older cat is cool with him. Another thing you could try is the canine version of Feliway - I haven't tried it myself, but I did find Feliway very effective when introducing a new cat, so the dog version may be worth a go as in this case it seems the dog is the anxious one.

@ScreamingValenta thanks for your helpful comment! Things seem a bit calmer today (touch wood) the kitten is in the lounge with us all but is in his little travel cage so that dogs can see/sniff but not actually get to him, we won’t actually put the kitten down with the dogs until he’s a bit bigger and can paw them off if they’re annoying him!

Thanks for the suggestion on the feliway, I’ll definitely give it a try!

Give yourself and your household time. Only humans expect instantaneous results. TBH, it's been good so far - two residents have accepted him and the third is more excited than aggressive. It would be a lot harder if your older cat was unhappy.

I agree that you need to continue the introductions carefully, but it sounds like you are. Good luck, OP.

Can you put a baby gate up so ddog can at least lick the dkitten?. Beware of extra fussing ddog = rewarding trying to get at poor dkitten!!
Stern off` and ignore??
We had a rottweiler got 2( far too young dkittens) and she had a coffee table between them until they ventured to her - took a week to leave the room and a month til they shared her bed!

@TheABC thank you so much! That’s so true - I have to keep telling myself that you can’t expect instant results with something like this and it is only day 2 so I’m hoping that things will get even better day by day. I’m relieved that my older cat is fine he just sniffs the kitten and walks away which really surprised me!

Thanks for the advice! I was debating a baby gate, I think it could be a good idea. That’s great to hear that your dogs accepted the kittens, I only have two tiny dogs so I’m hoping that soon the kitten will be the same size as them haha. My eldest dog (11) is absolutely fine with the kitten we’ve introduced a kitten to him in the past where as my youngest dog (5) is the one who’s hyper and doesn’t know how to react as he’s never had another pet introduced to him apart from my dog and cat who were here before him

You can put your excitable dog on a house leash and do intense training and treating with him to distract him from the new kitty. If you pick a time when he's hungry and hand feed him a little at a time, he'll learn to ignore the kitten in favour of food. Start with the kitten in it's crate outside the room, then behind a baby gate, then in the room. Only step up when dog is ignoring the kitten in favour of food at each step.

@picklemepopcorn thanks for the advice, i did briefly try the leash thing but my dog was just bouncing toward the kitten being so hyper! His tail is wagging so I’m not sure he’s being aggressive but I just don’t know. I really hope he calms down soon :(