My dog makes me miserable

[CharlWaino]

I never had a pet growing up, my partner always had dogs. At the end of January this year we got ourselves a German Shorthaired Pointer puppy. The initial idea was my partners, it had never entered my mind to get a dog, but admittedly, i was just as excited as he was when we decided to go and see our puppy-to-be. Nearly five months on, she has grown to be a placid, quiet, affectionate dog who is eager to please and I admit, we probably couldn’t have asked for a better dog, although this isn’t to say she has always been like this- she’s a puppy after all. My partner is obsessed with her, the best thing since sliced bread in his eyes, and our two year old loves her (when he’s in the mood for her).
Yet somehow, I just don’t feel the same way about her- I don’t feel like my house is my
home anymore, I find her constant need for attention extremely irritating, I can’t bring myself to talk to her and make a fuss of her like my partner does. He works away at least one night a week, every week, and i dread it when he’s not here. I have been extremely down, many times since we got her, which really is unlike me. My partner says I’m being selfish as I can’t take into consideration how happy she makes him and that I am stopping myself from liking her, he’s made it very clear that she isn’t going anywhere. In fairness, she hasn’t done anything to warrant getting rid of her, I’m aware of the fact. I am clearly just not a dog person.
All I know is I was so much happier before we got her and I can’t wait to be in the situation again, as awful as it sounds.
I don’t know what to do.

I really wanted a dog. Waited over 20 years to get one and I still found it hard to adjust once mine was here.

In fact it was only when he grew up from a puppy and showed his adult personality did I finally realised I loved the daft thing and wouldn't be without him now.

One thing I do think helps is to do something together that's fun. Could you do some 1-1 training with a trainer to show you how to teach tricks. Some puppy agility or scentwork? Just you and the dog so you start to get a bond with her.

Slightly different scenario but I think DH went through similar when I got my horse. He's time-consuming, he makes me ridiculously happy, I've been rock bottom when he's not well and DH just kind of got lost in the mix.

What has worked for us is for DH to find his own hobby/passion. And he's supportive in a practical sense (has helped muck out and poo pick when I've been ill etc) but otherwise doesn't get involved.

I understand completely. I've come to the conclusion that whilst I love my dog, I do not love being a dog owner. It doesn't help that I am the "buck stops here" person and have to do everything.

Thank you all for being so non-judgemental. I have questioned whether how I feel is normal- my partner is adamant it isn’t!
I did come to the conclusion a few weeks ago that it’s not her I have a problem with- as I said before I don't think we could have asked for a better puppy, I just don’t like having a dog! We take her training, my partner and I, and she’s so impressive, does everything that’s asked of her. I appreciate that she is a good dog, I just wish she didn’t live with us! I don’t consider her part of the family at all, she’s just a burden in my eyes. Other than feeding her and letting her out in the garden, I almost act like she isn’t here.

I don’t consider her part of the family at all, she’s just a burden in my eyes.

I kind of get this. I never wanted children and consider them a burden. But I always wanted and love dogs.

Not sure what to suggest as you can't make yourself love something. Maybe just make peace with the fact that you won't ever get that feeling with her.

I have firm belief that I am never going to wake up one day and miraculously feel differently about her. Im almost annoyed with myself for agreeing to get a dog in the first place- it makes me feel like I don’t have a right to feel the way I do about her and almost like I deserve to be miserable, like I made a decisions and I should get over myself. But it’s obviously not that easy.
I’d go as far as to say she depresses me. My partner has outright refused to get rid of her, I think I’d have to leave before the dog did! And don’t think I haven’t considered leaving a few times, when I’ve been at my lowest.
Who would’ve thought a dog could make you feel like this?!

Well don't discount anything. My DH said for many months he thought we had done the worst thing possible by getting a dog and now he constantly thanks me as he absolutely adores him.

But even if you continue to feel the same way is there anything that could be done to improve things? Would a couple of days a month where she goes to doggy daycare give you back some freedom?

There’s not a need to ‘get rid’ of her if she’s a good dog and you agreed to have her.

I second that you and her should do some 1:1 things together. Things that are just for you and her.

Is your partner able to increase the amount of times he feeds and toilets her? So that the chores don’t add to your feeling of resentment?

I’m an animal person and when we got our second cat I felt like this. But she’s a feral little shit and ruins all my stuff. She doesn’t make me miserable anymore though. She’s very smart, knows a lot of words and adores the dog. It must be very hard for you some people just aren’t animal lovers

He's still a puppy, you might have a difficult 6 months or so, but he'll be much less demanding this time next year. DH was like this, but he is so the favourite human now he loves her.

Our dog is 5, I find them very trying. I have decided I'm not a dog person and I am never having another one.
When we go away I keep him an extra day in kennels sometimes and I love that little break.
But it is not the dogs fault, he is very fond of the family. He isn't bright, he is reactive on lead, doesn't like walking unless the weather is perfect, doesn't like strangers in the house but isn't destructive or worse.
I just don't want him here but dc love him dearly and he loves us. I reckon I don't have more than another 8 years maximum.

You say that all you do with her is feed her and let her out. It might help you find joy in her if you did some more things with her. Who does the training when you're not at class? Who walks her?
I get a real buzz out of training my dogs, especially trick training. I enjoy the challenge of finding a creative way of teaching something obscure. I use a clicker and teach all manner of things, from useful things, like shutting the door/collecting my beer, to more weird things, like limping or putting their paw over their nose. Also, a real treat for me is to take my dog out and enjoy a lovely long country walk. When you were considering the dog, did you plan to do any of the walks, or was it all going to be down to your dh?

Hi OP this is really interesting because I think this may be how my DH feels if when we ever get a dog.
I'm totally a pet person. He's always called himself a cat person but I don't think he's even that bothered by our cat.
I am at the stage where I'm unsure about whether my desire/need to have a dog outweighs his likely probably ambivalent-to-resentful feelings if we ever do get one.
Do you resent your DH for putting you in this position?

I could have written your post.
I have a newly acquired Lab since January.
20 months old. A lovely dog but I just don't want her and have had depressed feelings since having her.
I was kind of persuaded by my husband and kids and I should have stood my ground.
I too find her irritating if she is looking at me or following me around the house.
I treat her very well. Long walks, lots of strokes and cuddles but I'm just not feeling it and feel burdened by the responsibility.
On a positive note it took me a good few years to love my cat so maybe it might be the same for my dog. Also I'm starting to get more fond of her as the days go on.
I would never give her away and I have a feeling that in time I will come to love her.

Just written a long post but lost it!
To summerise, I felt exactly the same as you and I'm still not quite at the loving her stage yet. I had lots of depressed feeling by her just looking or following me!
It's getting better now and I'm getting more fond of her as each day goes by.
It took me two years to love my cat!!

Ok didn't lose it!!

Pets are a lot of work. I only have a cat and the kitten months were tough - being woken through the night, constant need for attention and having to think about her needs when we go away even just overnight.

I do love her though and for me it’s worth it. I totally understand not everyone gets the same pleasure from being a pet owner - so don’t beat yourself up.

It sounds like your dog is extremely well cared for. Make sure your partner does the work, it’s his pet after all!!!

It sounds to me like it's the straw that broke the camel's back. Perhaps you feel you already have enough to do and it's just too much. Or do you maybe resent the relationship your OH has with her?
We got a rescue dog a few years ago. She was the most wonderful dog you could ask for, but she was incredibly needy. She followed me round all the time and went mad if I left the house . if she was in the same room she wouldn't sleep just sat watching me in a hypervigilant way. i felt really really stressed. It was like having a baby that wouldn't let me go to the toilet on my own. I had to resort to sneaking out the back door with the radio on in the kitchen whilst I went to the shops for 20 mins, praying she wouldn't notice. I was walking her for hours every day to try to tire her out so I could get some peace. I was a wreck, unable to leave the house, and exhausted from all the walking. In the end we asked the rescue to take her back. I really regret it now as in all other respects she was absolutely lovely, but I felt completely stressed and my life became dominated by her. I have only ever had cats, and wasn't prepared for the level of attention a dog needs.
If your OH loves her so much it doesn't sound like you could revoke her, but perhaps he needs to do a lot more with her , would that help?

How about putting a stairgate up so that the dog has a room with toys etc and isn't as 'present' in the house?

Hi! question did it get better? worst? we have had a dog for the last 3 months and I cant deal with it. He is lovely but the amount of work and need is too much to handle for me. I feel awful just thinking of sending him back because I do care for him but it just feel like a burden. I get depressed just to think of the years ahead. My partner loves him to bit but she also has her moments and it is taking a bit of a strain in the relation ship. I never wanted a dog and I was adamant it was her dog and now it is too much for her to handle so i am helping wich makes me a bit resentful. And also, i am annoyed with myself for agreeing to this. tips?

I'd love to hear how things are.

I've had my dog for 2 years and I've hated my life for 2 years. I kept going because of everyone saying that it gets better, but it doesn't. It gets worse. In the beginning I thought I might develop positive feelings but now it seems that negative feelings just get deeper and deeper. I work at home so I never ever get away from the animal. I'm stuck at my home with her and I feel like my home is not my home anymore. This is the dog's house and I'm just her maid. I resent the dog and intensively hate my life. And the dog is chronically ill so I can't rehome her because of guilt and I pity her, I'm stuck with this miserable thing that makes my life miserable as well.

I take good care of her, pet her, walk her for hours a day, buy her good quality food and take her to the physiotherapist and acupuncture to relieve her pains, so no worries, she is as well as possible. Now I just have to wait for a decade to get my life and freedom back. I deeply regret getting her in the first place, one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.

My dogs aren't my dogs. They've been left behind by two grown children who've moved away. FOUR DOGS. Let me repeat that. FOUR DOGS. Why am I the miserable caretaker of four dogs? I'm a people pleasing wuss, that's why. Did I mention they all are indoor pets? And I'm miserable? They range in ages 14-2 years old and breeds as small as a Chihuahua to as large as a Black Lab.
All male. They all hate, fear and adore me. I never asked for this but being a "good" mom I had to do the right thing. One rescue. Then another. Then another. Then another. Finally, thank goodness, they reached the city ordinance limit for domestic pets and we physically could not have any more in the home. The children of course promised to help care for the pets. Yeah right. Good old mom feeding, washing, vet trips, nursing them through illnesses and even playing outdoors with them.
When the kids moved out they moved into places that didn't allow pets. My husband doesn't want to burden the kids with vet bills later either. So the dogs are mine till they die. I just want to cry.
I can't go anywhere without putting up a small herd in kennels. I have them facing a window that looks out onto the driveway. Everytime I leave there's howls of separation sadness. When I return there's barking madness and I must run to release all four so they can be let outdoors. I'm a clean freak and always have been. I guess it's OCD. As soon as the dogs run through the house I have to get out my electric broom to get hair and again to pickup the dirt when they come back inside. I don't let them roam freely in the house. I'd be insane cleaning behind them. So they have there own tiled room by the livingroom. They can see everyone and everything and aren't closed off away. They are right there. Front and center, every waking moment of my life. And when I can't see them I can smell them. No matter how clean your home is, four dogs smell like four dogs.
Both of my children are grown and moved out. I'm in mid 40's in great health and planned to travel with my husband all over the country. But I'm trapped. I have no one to watch four dogs over an extended period of time to do anything and never spontaneously. These dogs are the centerpiece of my life.
I've stayed in bed some days just to hide from them. I've spoken to my husband and he says we'll do something and then that's where it ends. I stumbled upon this at 2 AM after typing "My dogs have taken over my life". I don't have many people to talk to about how serious an issue this is for me. And I feel extremely guilty just thinking of having to remove the pets from my home but I'm struggling with my sanity here.
I don't know what I'll do but I must take action. I do know whatever I choose will be with the pets best interests at heart because I do care.
Thank you for your interest. Cheers.

I found this forum via google when I searched for "my dog's making me depressed".

I've never been a dog person. Never had one. Was never interested in them. As far as I'm concerned they smell bad and are needy creatures. So naturally when my husband suggested that we get a large breed dog for our acreage property I agreed....

I now have a 12 week old German Shepherd and a traumatised almost 5 year old son. I can't stand him (the dog). I had postnatal depression and honestly, the dark place I find myself in right now is reminiscent of that time.

We do 1:1 training, he is mostly my responsibility and I had hoped that this would help with the bonding, but no... We engaged a professional K9 trainer, attempting crate training, clicker training, daily exercise, reward training. But nothing stops his biting and scratching.

I hate that I am spending more time with the dog than I do with my children (who are both in preschool while I work from home).

I have considered rehoming him several times, but at 12 weeks of age that's going to be difficult. The breeder isn't keen on taking him back and I am absolutely miserable.

I am covered in bruises from the biting, from my ankles to my shoulders. I am anxious, exhausted and my work is suffering. I am guilt riddled from having to pay this animal so much attention (not to mention hundreds of dollars spent on its food, vaccinations, worming, toys and beds etc). I think it is the worst decision I ever made and I feel stuck. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

@MilanDosSantos get yourself over to the dog bit of this website rather than the pet bit. Puppy blues is recognised over there and there is a whole thread for people with puppy problems. I'll yet and link in a second below.

@MilanDosSantos is the thread