My dog makes me miserable

[CharlWaino]

I never had a pet growing up, my partner always had dogs. At the end of January this year we got ourselves a German Shorthaired Pointer puppy. The initial idea was my partners, it had never entered my mind to get a dog, but admittedly, i was just as excited as he was when we decided to go and see our puppy-to-be. Nearly five months on, she has grown to be a placid, quiet, affectionate dog who is eager to please and I admit, we probably couldn’t have asked for a better dog, although this isn’t to say she has always been like this- she’s a puppy after all. My partner is obsessed with her, the best thing since sliced bread in his eyes, and our two year old loves her (when he’s in the mood for her).
Yet somehow, I just don’t feel the same way about her- I don’t feel like my house is my
home anymore, I find her constant need for attention extremely irritating, I can’t bring myself to talk to her and make a fuss of her like my partner does. He works away at least one night a week, every week, and i dread it when he’s not here. I have been extremely down, many times since we got her, which really is unlike me. My partner says I’m being selfish as I can’t take into consideration how happy she makes him and that I am stopping myself from liking her, he’s made it very clear that she isn’t going anywhere. In fairness, she hasn’t done anything to warrant getting rid of her, I’m aware of the fact. I am clearly just not a dog person.
All I know is I was so much happier before we got her and I can’t wait to be in the situation again, as awful as it sounds.
I don’t know what to do.

No it's not! try this

I know this was a year ago but I just had to search to see if anyone else felt the same and every word you said is exactly how I feel. I’m in exactly the same situation and I’m really struggling to cope

This is an interesting thread. We’ve just got a very lively cat he’s lovely but at 10 months very needy understandably and meows if on his own. My DP and DS persuaded me but DS13 is now upset as gets nipped and its only been 3 days. I hope it gets better. I’ve never had a pet and never really wanted one but given lockdown thought it was a good idea for company for DS as he is only child. DP happy but doesnt play with him much just goes off to his study. I feel i cant relax in my own home. I’m sure it will get better and I think feel more emotional as very tired and ready for xmas break from work.

@oliviah97 what pet do you have?

That’s exactly how I feel like I can’t relax at home. It’s absolutely awful of me to say these things but I already suffer with depression and my dog just doesn’t agree it 😩 I have a dog just turned 1

So much of what’s being expressed on this forum resonates with me. I got this adorable puppy from a friend of a friend last April just as Covid kicked in. I love her deeply but I consistently lose my patience and some days, hate my life because my life is worrying about and caring for this needy little girl. I have always been extremely active because I need physical activity to deal with PTSD. Now I am limited to walking a very poky puppy who stops every two steps. I’ve spent well over $2k on her due to a brief illness, spay fees, doggie day care (once a week), and overspending on treats and toys.

I too am a clean freak and I’m constantly stressed by her I infrequent accidents and/or occasions when her furry behind and paws are filthy dirty with who knows what

I live alone and have no one to help me when I get stressed out. She cries and cries when I leave her In her crate so I never leave her but what I worry and feel guilty. My retirement has been devoted to her even to the point of buying a bigger home with a backyard - yet she insists on walks on a leash to do her duty.

Today I felt like crying and even felt suicidal. I read recently that it is a myth that owning a dog helps with depression. For some it does and for some it contributes to it. I’m in the latter category. Love her soooo much but hate this responsibility in the last quarter of my life. I am so worried that my family will condemn me if I give her up but none of them live alone and wake up at 5 am to walk my dog.

Thanks for listening.

Hi @PLAZ, I’m sorry that you feel this way. Have you told anyone in real life that you have been feeling suicidal?

I know that you say that you have no one to help out but could you pay for a dog sitter so that you get some time away from her?

Hi PLAZ

We hope you don't mind, but when any of our users are feeling as you do we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We really hope things look brighter for you soon

I am so grateful to have come across this post and know that I am not alone.
My partner had a dog when I moved in with him, I didn’t mind her but have grown to really like her. However, he decided he wanted another dog a year ago and ever since we’ve had him, it drives me crazy.
I cannot stand mess. Any. Mess. At. All.
One dog = not much mess
2 dogs = mess of 20 dogs, I hate it.
He still isn’t toilet trained so there are regular accidents in the morning and sometimes in the day.
I haven’t bonded, he likes me I think as I am the food person and he comes to me for attention but I just don’t want to pick him up or cuddle him or anything.
Occasionally I’ll play fetch etc. Our kids absolutely adore him and even more so does my partner, he thinks he is so well behaved and dotes on him like anything and I just can’t understand why I just massively dislike him. Worst of all I know I can’t say how I feel as it would likely cause a huge argument or even end the relationship as it’s obvious without any question the dog isn’t going anywhere.
I just keep getting more and more angry every time there’s a dog smell or dog mess or an accident in the house and I don’t like the side of me it brings out.
Can’t say how much I appreciate the judgment free comments. I feel for you all x

I honestly think puppies aren’t all they are cracked up to be and once they’re grown up they’re much better. But I never had as many arguments with my OH as I did when we got a puppy and I definitely felt like I’d made the wrong choice. And I study animal behaviour so I felt doubly stupid! I do really like him now though.

@Carpediem8 It’s really hard believe me but try not to blame the dog - it just needs more help to know what is expected. I’ll leave it there as appreciate it was probably just cathartic to just get it all down but let me know if you do want advice and happy to help!

I'm so glad I've found this post. I'm really struggling at the moment.
Me and my gf got a dog 6 years ago, who I never bonded with,but STUPIDLY decided to get a second dog a few years later, who's now nearly 3. I knew the moment we got him it was an instant regret and we had made a mistake, but I stuck with it to hope it played out ok. Fast forward to today and I have two dogs who I can not stand to be around, they literally put me in an instant mood. I don't want them near me, I don't want them in my house, they malt all over my furniture, every item of clothing I have to de-dog hair, they smell, they ruin all of my nice things. The list goes on. The boy dog who's nearly 3 now, cocks his leg up everything, all of my sofa, my kitchen table, anywhere he can. My gf tried to retrain him and it did work for a bit but he's gone straight back into doing his business where he feels like it. We literally can not take our eyes off him for more than ten seconds cause he can't be trusted, even when the door is open to the garden he still does it. We spent a chunk of money on getting the house nice and now it just smells of wee and things are slowly deteriorating because of the dogs. The worse thing about it is that my gf is listerally obsessed with them both, especially the girl dog who's 6. She sticks up for them in every situation, they can do no wrong. I'm really not enjoying my life and I haven't done for quite a while now, I always think about the days where I had no dogs and I'm so envious of the people who don't have to go through this every single day. My partner thinks I'm pathetic and need to get over myself, but how can I get over feeling like this every day? Over two dogs. It's really coming between us both and affecting our relationship. Don't get me wrong she is always cleaning up and hoovering and trying her best to keep our home clean and tidy, and I really appreciate all that she does, but it's not enough, the dogs really need to go. I have thought about leaving our home so many times but I can't live without my gf I love her so much and we have a fantastic relationship (other than this issue) and also how can I expect her to get rid of the dogs (they'd go to family) and make her self unhappy and heartbroken, just to make me happy? It's like self sacrifice, I'm sacrificing my happiness for her. I'm really stuck on how to move forward as I KNOW 100% my feelings will never change for these dogs. I keep counting down and trying to work out how many more years they'll be around for, and how many more years I've got to waste being unhappy, which I know sounds so sad as they're animals who deserve better but I cannot help feeling this way about them. When I'm around other people's dogs I think they're lovely and I make a fuss of them, but I don't want any of my own. I know there'll be some of you who read this and think grow up but this is how I genuinely feel. I don't see any way out other than to end an amazing relationship to make my life ultimately happier without the dogs. It's literally my biggest regret of my life so far, I want to enjoy life and be happy but they're in the way of my happiness. Anyone else been through something similar who understands how bad this situation can make you feel? Tia. X

My dh HATED our cat and the cat hated him equally.

The day the cat was put down DH cried like a baby

@Laura3108 If your girlfriend loves your dogs so much she should invest in a dog trainer. It's not normal for a healthy 3-year-old dog to pee inside the house.

Mine too. I regret ever getting a dog, he's 8 now and I’m at the end of my tether. Hes my sons technically but now DS is almost 18 he has zero interest in looking after him (less than he ever did).

Dog is extremely demanding and utterly drains the life from me because he never seems happy no matter what I do, how many walks he goes on or how much I play, feed, cuddle... He constantly sits sulking and huffing with a face on him, I swear this dog lives to guilt trip me and will sit and do this quiet whine if my attention isn’t on him. Hes sat staring and whining at me right now because im on my ipad and not throwing his toy. I work from home because he can’t be left longer than a couple of hours, he’s a nervous wreck 24/7, lead reactive, goes batshit crazy at anything that walks past the garden, even birds flying past he goes nuts at.. I genuinely have no life because of this fecking dog. Perhaps it’s time to look at other options because ive seriously exhausted all other avenues..

This is how I feel about children but unfortunately you can’t get rid of them like you can a pet lol

I blame the trend of media constantly portraying dogs as some kind of magic animal that cures all human life ills and basically focusses soley on what (some) dogs bring to human lives. No time or consideration to what the dog needs in return - or the fact that magic dogs are rare. Most and 'just' normal dogs with quirks and needs and preferences of their own, that may not match the human's (and are often very hard work).

It sets an unreal expectation of dogs that is harmful both to the animals and the new owners when they realise they have something very different than the image.

My dog is not a puppy but I feel the same, I'm depressed and have Aniexty and having him has upped my stress levels.
I have no support.
He has issues so I'm a prisoner in my home I'm constantly on alert, I've had him for 7 years and I reckon I've still got at least 7 more to go.
I do love him but my mental health is suffering big time.
They say having a dog is great for mental health and is the best thing ever... Not for everyone it's not.
At least I've learnt one thing... I will never have one again.

What issues does he have?

I just got a 4 lb Yorkie today. I had dogs growing up and as an adult, but I'm 63 now and live in a 3rd flr walk-up. I have been looking for a small dog during the pandemic and finally found this one and could hardly wait to get him home. He is very sweet, perfect temperament, has not barked much, has not had an accident inside, and I have no complaints...except having a dog now is not fun like it used to be. It is extremely irritating just to have him in the room. I don't know why. It is just day #1, yes, but my anxiety is through the roof. I am aware of him every minute even when he is asleep! I thought my life would be better but I can already tell this was a BAD IDEA. I tried a dog about 5 yrs ago and felt this way but thought it was due to other life stresses so I gave it to a good family. Now, I feel like I am the bad dog and this little Yorkie is the good dog. I am depressed about having done this to myself. I don't want to give him away...we'll see how it goes.

I think you should stop thinking about it so much. Feed her and let her out and then just exist with her. Occasionally stroke her and give her a kiss - even if that's not your preference. There's a possibility you'll grow to love her, and there's a possibility you won't. But at the moment it reads like you're stoking yourself up against her and you're now setting an expectation that you'll never accept her. If you keep thinking that way, you'll drive yourself into only allowing that outcome. You're now talking yourself into her giving you mental health problems which is quite extreme and I don't think that can be totally about the dog. Has your life changed, maybe by her presence, that has made you realise this is not how you imagined your life would be?

I would say, as someone involved in rehoming animals in the past, if you really don't want her, get rid of her ASAP. She has a much better chance of adjusting to a new life when she's younger. The longer you leave it, the more likely the rehoming will cause her to develop behavioural changes which will increase the likelihood of her being returned to the shelter and a possible undesirable ending. (Although this isn't the likeliest ending by any means.)

@DCROY9633
. I am depressed about having done this to myself.

Maybe you should be a little more depressed that this is the second dog you've done it to.

I agree with @Millicentsparty, you might feel better if you try to think about your dog less and just get on with whatever you normally do. I let myself be persuaded into getting our dog 6 years ago, having never owned one before. At first I wasn’t overly keen, but then I began to value taking him for walks as it gave me some alone time ( often listen to a podcast while I’m walking him) and now the kids are older, DH and I enjoy walking him together…away from the teenagers! When I’m in the house, I talk to him occasionally and let him outside, but that’s about it. I do love the little rascal, it happened gradually and we have quite a bond nowadays.

Thank you Ms. Party. Perhaps things don't change over 5 yrs after all.

thank you for taking the time to comment

@DCROY9633

Thank you Ms. Party. Perhaps things don't change over 5 yrs after all.

thank you for taking the time to comment

Seriously, what do you expect? All of this is because of what you wanted without giving much thought to the dog. You wanted a dog. You got a dog. You didn't want the dog. You got rid of the dog. You wanted another dog. You got another dog. The dog's not fun. So within 24hrs you don't want the dog and you want rid of it.

I used to rehome animals and the kennels were full of animals that people wanted and then didn't want. Actions like yours have consequences. It can cause all sorts of mental problems for the dogs - some of which ultimately lead to them having to be put to sleep. I used to do that as well. It's not a fun job.

Get your dog rehomed as soon as possible. And in future stick to a plant.