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Original poster

Do I go behind partners back and get a puppy???

56 replies

kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 10:14

Hi, I'm new to all this. 2 girls age 8 and 11month old
We have to dogs, an ex military 11yr old german shepherd whos got onset dimentia weve had him for 4yrs and a 3yr old chihauhau/daschund had her since she was 17wks. We have said about getting another dog when the older one dies (it won't be long 🙁) my dilemma is that my brothers dog has had puppies and I have always said that if she had puppies I will have one. My partner has said no to a puppy as he wants another one from the military. I don't, i dont want another older dog that i have for a few years then it dies. I dont want another older dog that has never been around children especially babies before. I am very tempted to go behind my partners back and get the puppy as he does nothing for the ones we've got. I pay for them, I walk them, I look after them, I clear up after them. For example if my partner comes downstairs in the morning and his dog (germanshepherd) has had an accident, he will shout upstairs and tell me, then waits for me to clean it up, he won't do it. Alot of people have said it's my decision as I do everything. I would rather a puppy that i can train and to grow up with my youngest rather than risk her life/any harm to her with an older rescue dog.Any thoughts???

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 03/07/2017 10:29

Question: Do I do behind my partner's back. Answer: No. HTH.

Adults, especially partners, need to have open and honest, kind and polite discussions and agree a way forward together.

sofreakingtired · 03/07/2017 10:34

I would be livid if my DH went and got any animal behind my back. And I would expect him to be the same if I did. So no, I wouldn't do it. Although there will have to be an agreement at some point regarding what happens for the next dog - it can't only be his decision about that either.

DaisyChainsForever · 03/07/2017 10:36

In short, no. You both need to agree. (and seriously, he makes u clean up dog poo after walking past it????) I think you need to sort other issues before you commit to another dog.

illegitimateMortificadospawn · 03/07/2017 10:38

Be a grown up and have the conversation with your husband explaining why you don't want another military dog just now. If you can't agree, agree that you will alternate. This time you get a puppy. When the next dog goes, you get a retired military dog and so on. That way everyone gets a little bit of what they want & you don't have a constant procession of rehomed older dogs dying within a few years of taking them in.

Also, are you able to insure the ex-military dogs? I would imagine that would be a consideration with taking on an older dog if you have a young family and need to manage veterinary costs.

MeanAger · 03/07/2017 10:38

Ehhh NO!!! You don't bring a live animal into the family behind your partners back. He has explicitly said he does not want a puppy! You cannot get any clearer than that. How would you feel if he went behind your back and got an older dog?

AvoidingCallenetics · 03/07/2017 10:38

I think you should get the puppy and get rid of the dp.
I was all set to say that you shouldn't go behind your partner's back, but think he gave up any right to an opinion when he decided to not look after the dogs he already has!
I hope he has redeeming qualities OP, because he sounds like an arse.

MeanAger · 03/07/2017 10:39

Btw you need to get rid of your partner. That much is obvious.

isupposeitsverynice · 03/07/2017 10:41

I totally agree about taking on old dogs. With small children it's just setting them up for unnecessary heartache. You do need to get him on board before you bring the puppy home, although personally I'd be putting my foot down and just saying since I'm the one lumbered with the shit picking I'll go ahead and choose the dog, thanks. Have you considered sacking the husband and replacing him with the puppy? Quality of life could improve dramatically Wink

BloodWorries · 03/07/2017 10:42

He shouldn't get to pick the next dog, if it's you who has to deal with the dog day in and day out. I'm also not sure about and ex military dog around children. I'm assuming a german shepherd would be trained to bite and don't most military dogs live in kennels. I wouldn't want to bring that into a home with children. Maybe I'm completely wrong... maybe a sniffer dog that is used to home environment though, that could be perfect. But again it's you that has to deal with the dog.

On the other hand if your DP has said no to having 3 dogs it also seems wrong to bring in a 3rd. Especially a pup when you have an aging dog with dementia. But then might also be best to add another dog before the old one passes to keep the younger one company, rather than all be grieving the old dog and then add a new one.

But as a PP has said, doing anything behind your partners back is a no no. My DP would be beyond pissed off if I brought home a puppy without his ok. I on the other hand would be quite happy with a surprise puppy, but would hate him to bring home a sofa without my input.

Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 10:55

We spoke about it a few weeks ago and he said he was getting another one from the military, a spaniel (which they use for drugs) without even discussing it with me but I said it's me that does everything and he was like "well if it's going to be a problem then we won't get one". Our little dog can't be an only dog, she will whine constantly if the older one goes out (vets or long walk) without her. He says he doesn't want a puppy because we have to train it (meaning me), he's lazy. I have to walk the dogs late evening when the baby is in bed because the older dog pulls really bad (always has done) so I can't walk him with the buggy whereas I can train a puppy to walk beside it. We will have that same issue if we were to get another one from the military. It's not fair on me or our children to have a dog for a few yrs then it dies, we are the ones that get attached. Also I've told him my worries about getting an older dog with the 11month old, what if it goes for the baby etch but he just says it's no different to a puppy! Yes my partner is an idiot

OP posts:
Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 10:57

We can't get public liability for him because he is an ex RAF attack dog. He is always kept on a lead

OP posts:
RoseVase2010 · 03/07/2017 10:59

No. Very unfair. I'm desperate for another but DH has said no and his feelings are just as valid as mine.

isupposeitsverynice · 03/07/2017 11:13

I totally agree about old dogs, and the impact on the kids. We've lost so many pets in the last few years and telling the kids is the worst bit. I dunno he sounds like a dick and now I'm thinking if it were me I'd just get the puppy and bollocks to him - you're doing all the work anyway - sounds like he just wants to be able say he's a big hard man with a military dog, the twerp.

illegitimateMortificadospawn · 03/07/2017 11:17

We can't get public liability for him because he is an ex RAF attack dog. He is always kept on a lead

Eh? If this thread is for real then you have a bigger partner problem than a dog problem. WTAF?

Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 11:21

He is a dick. Everything has to be his way and I'm finally getting a backbone. He got the older dog a few months before we got back together (6yr break) 3 and a half yrs ago and I ended up taking over the care of the animals we already had a cat each. He begrudgingly let me get the little dog and he adores her, treats her like a baby.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/07/2017 11:25

I wouldn't bring another dog into a home where only one of the adults wants it. Sorry, I know that sounds harsh. But your DP can't be arsed, which is hard on a puppy who will bounce up to everyone. Everyone has to be on the same plan wrt training a puppy too. And I think you're underestimating how hard a puppy is with two tiny children. Mind you, I don't think you should get an ex-military either.

regularbutpanickingabit · 03/07/2017 11:25

Nope.
But he shouldn't be getting an older dog against your wishes either.

Wolfiefan · 03/07/2017 11:29

You have an ex forces attack dog with young children?
Bloody hell I hope this is a troll.
If not. Leave. Don't take dangerous dog.
Don't get a puppy.

isupposeitsverynice · 03/07/2017 11:37

I don't know about military dogs but I'd assume their training is top notch and they'd be minimal risk of nibbling the kids on that basis? Not that I'm defending his choice which I don't imagine followed that thought process, but now I am curious about what sort of training they get. You can buy protection dogs that are trained to bite intruders but apparently are also great family dogs at the same time, that's surely quite similar. It's interesting to think about, anyway. Yeah OP sack him and fill your boots on the puppy front, definitely the best course of action here Wink

drinkingtea · 03/07/2017 11:42

You are both unreasonable, but him more so because he's informed you he's going to get a dog you don't want but will have to look after. At least you aren't presenting the puppy as a done deal... However it's very hard to understand why you are staying in a relationship with him, from your posts...

Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 12:11

For starters he got the dog before we got back together. The dogs are detrained before they are rehomed. I introduced my daughter who was 5yrs old at the time properly, we walked in the back garden and were calm, we let the dog come to us (I was standing in front of my daughter) we let him lead the way as it was the dogs house not ours. My daughter has always been around dogs so she knows how to interact with them properly. My german shepherd is as gentle as they come. If my baby crawls to him he will lay there unless she starts pulling his fur then he gets up and walks away. He is one in a million. They are never left unsupervised. He will protect us if someone he doesn't know comes near us, gives them a warning growl. If me and my partner are messing about then he will growl at my partner. If we thought at any point that he would be dangerous towards the children then he would be gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 12:30

The point in which I'm trying to make is should he make the decision when he doesn't do anything for the dogs we've already got and one of them is his

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/07/2017 12:42

I wouldn't go behind his back. I would tell him you are getting the puppy and not the older dog. And that it's your choice because you do all the care. If he gets the older dog you will return it to the base

Costacoffeeplease · 03/07/2017 12:44

No,
No
And
No

Wolfiefan · 03/07/2017 12:47

You can't let it off the lead ever. You can't get insurance. It growls at your partner. You can't ever leave it unsupervised with the kids. Ever. It's not safe.
Partner is a controlling arse and abusive.
Leave both.