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Original poster

Do I go behind partners back and get a puppy???

56 replies

kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 10:14

Hi, I'm new to all this. 2 girls age 8 and 11month old
We have to dogs, an ex military 11yr old german shepherd whos got onset dimentia weve had him for 4yrs and a 3yr old chihauhau/daschund had her since she was 17wks. We have said about getting another dog when the older one dies (it won't be long 🙁) my dilemma is that my brothers dog has had puppies and I have always said that if she had puppies I will have one. My partner has said no to a puppy as he wants another one from the military. I don't, i dont want another older dog that i have for a few years then it dies. I dont want another older dog that has never been around children especially babies before. I am very tempted to go behind my partners back and get the puppy as he does nothing for the ones we've got. I pay for them, I walk them, I look after them, I clear up after them. For example if my partner comes downstairs in the morning and his dog (germanshepherd) has had an accident, he will shout upstairs and tell me, then waits for me to clean it up, he won't do it. Alot of people have said it's my decision as I do everything. I would rather a puppy that i can train and to grow up with my youngest rather than risk her life/any harm to her with an older rescue dog.Any thoughts???

OP posts:
Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 12:58

You should never leave children unsupervised with any dog. What if my youngest hurt him by pulling his ears or something. There is only one reaction any dog would do, same as a cat. We don't let him off the lead in case another dog attacks him, we wouldn't be insured unless he's on a lead, he's brilliant around other dogs and like I said he growls at my partner if we are messing about like play fighting. My dog is protective of me and our children

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 03/07/2017 12:59

Um, no.
But similarly he can't get another dog without yoi agreeing to it either.
Doesn't sound like it is a good idea to get any more dogs!

Wolfiefan · 03/07/2017 13:07

Protective. Not a good thing around young children.
Your kids aren't safe.
Your relationship isn't healthy.

Spadequeen · 03/07/2017 13:11

Absolutely not

And that goes for your dp too

Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 13:22

Wolfiefan do you have dogs? Been bought up around dogs? Know anything about dogs? My children are my number one priority! If I thought for one second that they would be in any danger, then my dogs would be pts but they are not. Yes both of my dogs are protective and thats a good thing. If a stranger broke into my house then they would warn the stranger. Same as if a stranger approached me and my children whilst on a walk. My dogs take there que from me ie how I talk, my body language. If I showed any fear for someone approaching us then my german shepherd would WARN the stranger to step away. My relationship is just fine thank you, we just don't agree on what dog to get next. Anything else you would like to add? As you seem to know my dogs and I rather well

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 03/07/2017 13:24

I have a dog.
I grew up with dogs.
A dog that feels the need to growl in the home (last warning before biting usually) wouldn't be round my kids.
Dogs aren't for protection. They are pets or working dogs. They aren't a security guard.
He won't clear up after his own dogs etc etc. he sounds vile.

CornflakeHomunculus · 03/07/2017 13:30

If my baby crawls to him he will lay there unless she starts pulling his fur then he gets up and walks away. He is one in a million. They are never left unsupervised.

Supervision when it comes to child-dog interactions doesn't just mean being there in the same room, it means actively managing both child and dog. Your baby should never be getting the opportunity to pull at his fur.

I would highly recommend reading through the resources on this list.

As for getting a puppy, no decent breeder (even if they're family) would not be letting a puppy go into a home where not all the family is on board with getting one.

CornflakeHomunculus · 03/07/2017 13:32

This is a really good little graphic (hopefully it's legible, if not it can be found here) about what really constitutes proper supervision with children and dogs.

Do I go behind partners back and get a puppy???
tabulahrasa · 03/07/2017 13:34

No you shouldn't get a pet unless all adults agree...and I definitely wouldn't be getting one before sorting out your DP.

Also, a puppy with an 11 month old is a huge issue tbh, puppies bite, it's what they do, some of them all day ever day, constantly - how do you stop a crawling baby from being hurt with a biting puppy around?

Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 13:35

When it comes to the safety of his family of course my dog will growl. He has never once shown any aggression towards us apart from my partner once but like I said, my partner and I were messing about and he thought I was being hurt. Since then we haven't in front of him. Of course I would want my dog to protect his family, I would protect him. I would never let someone or another animal hurt him.
My partner is just lazy when hes home and he works full time

OP posts:
Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 13:42

So basically some of you are saying that if you have children then you should not have dogs. How do you think children and dogs learn to interact with one another, what they can and cannot do. I know plenty of people that have children and no dogs, their children are terrified of dogs to the point that if they see someone walking a dog then they have to cross the road so the child is nowhere near it. And that's no matter the breed

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 03/07/2017 13:53

You called him a dick.
He won't clean up after or exercise his dog
You say everything had to be his way.
But he's a keeper?!
I wouldn't have a trained "attack" dog round my kids.
A growling or protective dog isn't good. It really isn't. Growling is generally the last warning before a dog bites. I have a giant breed. She's a pet. Not a security guard. I don't want her protecting me. If she behaves in a threatening way or hurts someone she can be taken away and destroyed. That's the law.

tabulahrasa · 03/07/2017 13:55

"So basically some of you are saying that if you have children then you should not have dogs."

No they're saying that if the baby is getting to the dog under its own steam and pulling fur, you're not supervising them.

Interactions between a dog and a child too young to follow instructions should be heavily managed so that they're enjoyable for the dog and safe for the child.

Pombliboo123 · 03/07/2017 13:56

I got a dog behind my ex DPs back

We split up 6 weeks later.

EnglandKeepMyBones · 03/07/2017 13:57

No you shouldn't go behind your partners back and get a dog. From what you've said here your relationship is not healthy enough to handle a discussion on an adult way, let alone handle another animal.

You've had some excellent advice on this thread OP and despite it not being what you wanted to hear, you really ought to give it some thought.

MeanAger · 03/07/2017 13:58

The man leaves dog shit on his living room floor that his baby crawls on. That's says all you need to know. Ugh. Get some self respect OP. You can do better than this waste of space. Get rid of him then get whatever dog you want.

TheKitchenWitch · 03/07/2017 14:04

Completely off track but remind us again why you're with this person?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/07/2017 14:05

So basically some of you are saying that if you have children then you should not have dogs.

No, we're saying that adding a puppy to the mix of child, a small baby, existing dog and one partner who won't have anything to do with a puppy he didn't want in the first place, is bonkers. Bonkers for you, OP, you'll be run ragged.

Original poster
kerrianne2412 · 03/07/2017 14:21

Believe me he does have his good points. I like to look after people and animals naturally so I take on everything lol the older dog doesn't have accidents all the time and it's in the kitchen. He is house trained it's only been recently and we've found out the reason why. The vet has said he's got onset dementia and the fact that he is 11yrs old which is a good ole age for a gsd so it can't be helped. As for not supervising, my baby is on my lap so she can learn how to behave with animals, sometimes she's sneaky and crawls to them, she likes it when they lick her and laughs so she wants them to do it again

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 03/07/2017 14:23

You're not supervising if she's able to crawl over and grab a dog. And if the dog develops an ear infection and bites rather than licking.
He has his good points? You called him a dick and said he had to have everything his own way.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 03/07/2017 14:26

YWBVVVU to go behind his back. As with children, the person who doesn't want it wins.

Primadonnagirl · 03/07/2017 14:31

Why would you even want to introduce a puppy into this environment? If he doesn't want a puppy, and can't properly look after the dog he has, why do you think it would be a nice experience for the puppy to be around him?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 03/07/2017 14:36

Let me get this straight, your former attack dog has onset dementia but you still allow your child to crawl to it and grab it? Wow.

Anywho, back to your original question. No, don't do it. And if your OH isn't willing to take his share of the responsibility for the dogs and leaves them with their shit rather than cleaning up, I certainly wouldn't get more dogs (or children) with him and I wouldn't continue to live in this manner with the ones I have already.

EnglandKeepMyBones · 03/07/2017 14:55

OP. I have always had dogs and have two children, the youngest of which is 16 months. If your child can be 'sneaky' and get to the dog before you have put a tip to it, you are not supervising them well enough. ESPECIALLY as the dog has onset dementia and is likely to exhibit personality changes.

LovingLola · 03/07/2017 14:59

So you have a crawling baby in a house where an older GS with dementia is shitting on the floor? And the baby's father won't clean up the shit??