Pedants' Therapy Centre

[MrsThierryHenry]

It has been drawn to my attention that some of the MN pedants are afflicted with what may be diagnosed as a mild form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when encountering loathed grammatical errors, abominable cliches and other linguistic misdemeanours.

In an effort to rehabilitate said sufferers I would like to announce the opening of the world's first Pedants' Therapy Centre.

Pedants are encouraged to open up about the emotional challenges they experience when exposed to linguistic anomalies, whilst other contributors may offer support and advice on how said pedants may relieve the anxiety and bring themselves to a place of psychological wholeness.

The Centre is now...open. First pedant?

I see that the pedants are a little shy. Hmm...how can I remedy the situation? How about if I bring along a special guest? You might know him from somewhere...

Well, I was going to post a hunky pic but then saw this one and couldn't resist!

i was getting my legs waxed today and despite being in enormous pain i yelped 'you need to tell your boss that it's not spelled rejuvination...' at the bemused therapist.

help me.

Aitch! I'm wetting myself over here.

I will come up with a suitable prescription for you in time.

turned out the poster cost the boss £300 ffs. and no-one bothered to spell check.

I got irate in Sainsburys over apostrophe-abuse - to the point of telling the harassed store manager.

somebody get that woman a drink!

Aitch, Quattro and Cali. I feel your pain and yet I sense that there's a certain level of unresolved rage which is finding expression in instances of shocking and frankly ought-to-be-outlawed abuses of the English language.

While your rage is valid I feel that sublimation is the key, in order to help you discover a better 'you'. I therefore prescribe a daily dose of two squares of Green & Black's dark chocolate (extra dark if you can handle it) three times a day, plus four extra squares when you feel your heckles rising.

Not only will it distract, soothe the tongue and ease your anxiety, but the (I love this word) flavonoids will also assist with combatting those wretched antioxidants that we all know and dread, if glossy magazines are to be believed.

Let's review your progress in a month's time.

Best wishes,

The Doctor

Cali, I am SO sorry. It was truly thoughtless and insensitive of me, how could you possibly forgive me?

Let me revise your prescription:

a) One daily slice of Key Lime Pie (just about the only thing I liked when I was in the US...I realise that you may live 1000s of miles from Key Largo, in which case I'd say one large piece of your favourite food if available within the land of Yankeeville?)

b) As many extra portions as you like during times of heightened anxiety and when your lid is about to be flipped.

c) One daily episode of Scrubs/ Frasier or any other comedy show that you enjoy, which not only makes you laugh but also reminds you that it's not all bad.

Can I just share this quote, as I absolutely loved the use of the word 'delicacies' in this context. It comes from a google search for 'American food delicacies' (I was trying to help you find some treats on sale within the Land of Twang):

"You will find a wide variety of fast food restaurants serving all sorts of delicacies from American style hamburgers, hot dogs and fried chicken to Italian pizza, Mexican tacos, Greek Gyros and Chinese egg rolls."

Am I the only one PMSL at this?

MrsTH: It's HACKLES that rise, honey: you've just induced a mild anxiety attack...or was that a subtle aversion therapy/reverse psychology thing (err... I'm more of an expert at spelling than therapy techniques, it seems)

And I'm sure there's an error in here somewhere, before anyone else points it out...

Cali, the chocolate over there is so so bad. And crap biscuits cookies too.

MrsB - AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(anyone else notice that grammatical gaffe? I'm mortified)

can I come in please?

Of course you can join, giggle! Lie back on the sofa and tell us your woes.

No irony AND no chocolate? Surely the only solution for Cali is emigration?

gigglewitch... Are you me? Our (also in education) Press Office drafted a press release about something going on in our department (important visitor type of thing) and it was so ungrammatical I had to ask them to rewrite it. Twice.

AAARGH!

(Can I have some chocolate now [pace Califrau]? Can I? Can I?)

peculiarly appropriate speller for this thread that drives me wild is when people write "complimentary therapy" and have it on their posters/leaflets etc. If you WORK in the field, at least learn to SPELL it!
(dietician also upsets me some - it is dietitian in the UK, check the BDA website)

I did upset some poor psychotherapist once by telling her that she had pyschotherapist on her be-yewtiful glossy leaflets...

Dodgy use of apostrophes (especially the grocer's variety) gets me worked up

misuse of infer, when people mean imply - you cannot infer something to me, you can only imply it. I can infer something from you, however.

but my all time incandescence-inducing speller is "loose" instead of "lose" - ARRRGH!

How many sessions do I need?

Quatrro - I quite agree. Though if I'm guessing correctly, by her name, I'd say she's living in the luxurious lap of West Coast sunshine. Am I right? Surely a regular food parcel and DVDs of British TV shows should do the trick without forcing Cali to leave the land of the golden sun?

Thumb, I think they should offer the therapy as complimentary if they spell it incorrectly! Now, as for your treatment, it really depends on how much your intolerance of poor grammar and punctuation is affecting your life. On a scale of one to ten, where would you rank its impact on your relationships?

Ellbell - of course you can have some chocolate. (Califrau, please look away now). In case you didn't know, Sainsbury's has an offer at the mo on their So Organic 85% cocoa bar - it's about 69p! Okay, I casually wrote "about 69p", as if to imply (okay for you, thumbwitch?!) that I don't really know how much it costs - like hell, I buy four bars every time I'm in there!

Also Aldi do an (Italian?) 85% bar (bigger than Sains) for 59p. Oh my God I think I'm the one in need of therapy!

(Cali - you can open your eyes now. We've got to work out a way to post these choccy bars to you; I'm beginning to feel guilty!)

So glad you came back MrsTH. I thought I had been judged and found unworthy of chocolate.

PS Very impressed by your comprehensive knowledge of cheap sources of luxury chocolate.

Ha, me too - I was afraid I was beyond redemption.

I am lucky in that I get to exercise my frustration by being a journal sub-editor and also a lecturer - my students NEVER got away with it and they are mature adult types, not kids!

I would say it is at least a 7, as it also includes mispronunciation of words, or using words in the wrong context (your use of imply was quite right, MrsTH) and sometimes I can't help myself, especially when it is DH (weellll, he is Australian!) and I just have to point it out...
lucky for me he is understanding of my Monica-tendencies!

So how much choccy do I need, huh, huh?