Pedants' Therapy Centre

[MrsThierryHenry]

It has been drawn to my attention that some of the MN pedants are afflicted with what may be diagnosed as a mild form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when encountering loathed grammatical errors, abominable cliches and other linguistic misdemeanours.

In an effort to rehabilitate said sufferers I would like to announce the opening of the world's first Pedants' Therapy Centre.

Pedants are encouraged to open up about the emotional challenges they experience when exposed to linguistic anomalies, whilst other contributors may offer support and advice on how said pedants may relieve the anxiety and bring themselves to a place of psychological wholeness.

The Centre is now...open. First pedant?

Ell, Thumb - you are most definitely not beyond redemption, and everyone deserves good chocolate (sorry again, Cali!).

As for my tight-fisted choccy-buying nous, let's just say that when you're on one income you need to get creative. Thank God that the luxuries are still available on the cheap!

Now then. Thumbwitch. You say that sometimes you "can't help yourself". Hmm...I query your use of the word "can't" in this context. Any thoughts?!

Can I join the thread, please? I just need to say the following:

1. It's would HAVE, not would of
2. it's = it is. That's all. Why the *!?! is that sooooooooooooooo hard to learn? And the same goes for there/their/they're and your/you're and so on. It's easier to learn than your address, ffs.
3. You're making a poster/a leaflet/a brochure/a sign. You're spending thousands of pounds. Give a couple of quid to a proof-reader. Just for a change.
4. If anyone, anywhere in the world ever writes a sentence along the lines of ' I was laying on my sofa when the doorbell rang' I will personally go round to their house, rip their writing arm off and beat them to death with it.

Mrs TH - "can't" as in "am physically unable to" restrain myself from intervening, as to not say something would result in some kind of spontaneous combustion. Naturally it should be cannot and if I were a more patient and less easily-frustrated person, I would be able to count to 10 and breeeaathe.

But I'm not.

I don't have a blue touchpaper. Any spark goes straight onto the gunpowder!

However, given that this is pedants' corner, you were absolutely right to query my use of the word - now can I have my choccy? pullleeeease?

Ds1 wrote a postcard to his friend while we were on holiday. It did not contain a single apostrophe. I tried...I really did...but I couldn't help myself. "Darling," I said "you have missed out a few apostrophes."

"Oh Mum...it doesn't matter...it's only for George, it isn't for school. You can understand it, can't you - it's not like apostrophes matter."

Of course I have written him out of my will and thrown him out on the streets. He's no son of mine.

The funniest bit of the whole episode was when I was telling dh about it later (with ds1 listening in). He said "you said WHAT to your mother? Apostrophes don't matter!?"

Can I come in too?

I second the incorrect should of/would of etc.

Bad spelling when there is no excuse.

Estate agent details are really annoying - searching for houses becomes so stressful!

Can I chime in with a late night shriek at Tomy - the makers of aquadraw - who claim that it will help my daughter "to practice" her letters.

I have tried to use the "it's accepted useage in America" defence but the box is clearly adapted to the UK consumer and bears UK-relevant contact details.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds that, if a professional uses poor grammar or spelling, it rather reduces my belief in their professional capabilities. Especially with doctors and solicitors - an e.g. I received from a solicitor '..you were lead to believe..' FGS - they should be paying attention to fine detail and if they can't get basic English correct, then what else are they being slipshod over?

Clearly this is very unnfair to anyone who is dyslexic BUT I don't know whether they are or are not dyslexic and if they are, then they should get someone else to proofread their correspondence, IMO.

Margo, I can't help myself but isn't it usage and not useage?

Apostrophes don't matter?

I was so proud of my dd1 this week. She decided to decorate her bedroom door by sticking post-it notes all over it [no, bear with me... that's not what I was proud of] with nice 8-year-old slogans on like 'Girls rule' and 'Little sisters much knock before entering' and such like. Anyway on one, she wrote [just like thi

Anything boys can do, girls can!

(She wanted to write 'Anything boys can do, girls can do better', but she ran out of space on the post-it note!)

I was soooooooo proud of that comma. I really need to get a life, don't I?

Oops, that should have been 'must knock', and 'just like this', obviously.

Slayerette, you most certainly can join, you are clearly suffering deeply with an extreme case of emotional antigrammaticitis. I think you might need to come over to east London and immerse yourself fully in the horrors of language desecration which I'm subjected to every day. But come armed - two choccy bars for every hour of linguistic hell.

Actually thumb, it wasn't so much a grammatical question (as I recall from my teaching days, 'can't' is perfectly acceptable as a contracted form of 'cannot'). As a psychobabblcologist I was wondering whether it really is a question of 'can't' or more of a 'don't really want to'. Come on! Come on! You knew what you were letting yourself in for, marrying a beer-swilling, surf-loving, cork hat-wearing, Waltzing Matilda-singing Aussie! Okay, I'm being hard on you. Three bars a day plus a Rolf Harris album every month as penance.

Soren (hey, guess what? I know how to pronounce your first name! It's 'Zern'. Well, sort of.). You are a bad girl. You nearly made me wet myself laughing at your post. Thankfully I've been doing my pelvic floor lifts so nothing untoward happened. I wish I could kiss both you and your DH over the apostrophe thing. But I can't. And you do need a prescription. So have two squares a day (only one for your DH because he didn't actually seek my help, did he? The first step is admitting you've got a problem).

Margo - we welcome you with open arms. Group hug, everyone:

Well done, that was special. Now, Margo. I am trying not to spit blood at the abomination which you have drawn to my attention. Frankly, Tomy should know better. I think that as a group we should bombard them with the heaviest copies of the OED that we can find. All in? Aye. Margo - one square per day plus a helping of G&B's lusciously dark chocolate ice-cream.

We've done some great work today, everyone, I'm really proud of you. Can I just end today's session with a quote from a unisex hairdresser's in Wellingborough: 'Hair Dressing and Barbing'.

You've been a lovely audience, thank you and goodnight.

I would be bursting with pride if it were my dd, Ellbell.

Thumbwitch, I am gobsmacked. You are the only other person I have ever met who knows the right way to spell dietitian and cares about it. The dietitians seem to have given up - I've even seen one or two wearing mis-spelt hospital badges.

why thank you edam - it seriously gets my goat that,as you say, even the dietitians have given up - and I had to ADD IT IN to my spellchecker as the f*ing thing kept wanting to change it back to (shudder) 'dietician'. Argh!

mrs TH, I have tears running down my face in appreciation of your last post

Today's woes include receiving a letter from our Greatly Esteemed H.R. department - I had to sit on my hands to avoid correcting all the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (omissions) - and the low flying apostrophe count had worn me out by the third line of the letter.

Thanks Mrs TH
Actually I don't mind a bit of Rolf occasionally; my best mate got her DH to perform Jake the Peg at my wedding last year - hysterical!

damn you quattro, you are so right.

I confess I struggle with e/no e:

smoky/smokey
useage/usage

Sorry couldn't help myself - in need of more therapy.

Here's one from the Shell petrol station

"Point's mean Prizes"

Fellow pedants - is it time to boycott Shell?

I get chocolate? I like this therapy lark.

Although my eldest son and heir is cast out of the bosom of his family for ever for his lack of respect for the apostrophe I can console myself with his younger brother. A few weeks ago he spotted a sign on the tyre pressure/air pump whatnot in the petrol station at Tesco and said "Mum, that's the wrong 'of', isn't it?" The sign read "OUT OFF ORDER."

That's my boy He's only 6

SL - I think your DS2 needs the chocolate as a reward! (If you go in for that kind of thing anyway - apologies for making grand assumption). But you should get some too for obviously having instilled good values into your boy. Bravo! (or if we're going to be really pedantic about it, Brava!)

No, we don't do chocolate as a reward - I don't take it as lightly as that. I class it as an essential food group

Can I join please? I have to drive past a salon called Posh Tottys' far too frequently than is good for my mental health. It makes my brain hurt

There wasn't actually meant to be an apostrophe at the end of Posh Tottys either

I break out in a sweat at multiple grammatical abominations in the same sentence, such are "Pony's rides" and "He would of fell if I wasn't holdin' him"

I do wonder how you can get so much wrong, surely you'd have to be quite creative?

[shudder]

chocolate? who said there was chocolate?

Please can I join, please?!

When I started my first teaching job in a primary school seven years ago, my ignorant and completely illiterate head teacher sent out a letter to all the parents saying how delighted he was that I had joined the staff and that my appointment would "compliment the existing teaching staff".

Of course I had to spend the entire first term going round telling my fellow teachers how lovely they were looking today and how their outfits really suited them!!!

If I had been a parent at that school I would have been horrified . . . .