What do you think of this sentence about afternoon tea?

[MsAmerica]

I thought you might like this:

What do you think of this second sentence, purely as a sentence, but also in terms of punctuation?

There was a silver tea-pot, and a silver kettle with a little spirit-lamp underneath, and a silver cream jug and a covered silver dish full of muffins. There was also hot buttered toast and honey and gentleman’s relish and a chocolate cake, a cherry cake, a seed cake and a fruit cake and some tomato sandwiches and pepper and salt and currant bread and butter.

havent you alread posted this

I’d be thinking it was written by an upper primary aged child (7-11).

I like it. It conveys excitement at the spread. It lists words in an unexpected order which keeps the reader alert and attentive. It's technically correct though unusual

Is it from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?

Yes, on the Cunning Linguists board.

Apparently it’s from Vile Bodies by Waugh.

Slightly whimsical, and old fashioned, but it conveys excitement and is very descriptive, and can I have an invite?

That's one way of putting it

I’d assume the narrator was a child, or an adult not accustomed to expressing themselves in writing.

It’s from a time gone by, ‘gentleman’s relish ‘ being the giveaway.

It may be constructed to convey excitement at the overwhelming range of delicacies.

Like Ratty’s wicker basket.

O my!

I always keep some handy.

Surely invite is the verb and invitation is the noun?

I found the commas (or lack of) and the randomly placed ‘ands’ a bit confusing in the list. But that’s Art I guess, innit?

I bought a small pot of The Gentleman’s Relish at Waitrose for my dear partner at Christmastide. It remains uneaten. I hope this is delayed gratification on his part as opposed to quiet horror.

I love a bit of gentleman’s relish on a buttered muffin. Needs to be sparing though. Not a euphemism :)

Needs proper use of commas, rather than repeated conjunctions. "a seed cake and a fruit cake and some tomato sandwiches and pepper and salt and currant bread and butter" is a hideous construction. The writer has obviously heard of the "Oxford comma" so thought he could try a few in the first sentence, but didn't bother in the second, where they may have helped. When I was at school that would have come back crossed out in red.

And Kenneth Grahame would have been caned.

It sounds like a little kid getting excited about something. You can imagine them jumping up and down saying 'there was this cake and that cake and that cake and this cake and sandwiches and this and that and and and...'

It makes it sound quite bountiful and decadent and the narrator is almost overwhelmed with excitement about the selection of things.

Hard to say without context. As a pure standalone description it leaves something to be desired, but as a way of conveying mounting excitement and overwhelming abundance without specifically mentioning either, I think it's quite nicely done.

I didn’t think ‘invite’ was wrong, but your post made me check it out. From reading a couple of different sources, ‘invite’ isn’t wrong, and is perhaps more informal, but ‘invitation’ is the correct form, and should be used in letters, formal situations etc.

Shouldn't there be commas instead of 'and' and 'and' and 'and' and 'and' and 'and'?

Commas would be optional here, and I think it flows better without them.

You can still buy it (not the point of the thread).

I think that is deliberate and is supposed to convey the sheer abundance of food.

Indeed, and it's Evelyn Waugh as PP said.

Frankly I think if anyone in that scenario is qualified to be wielding a red pen it's him!

Possibly acceptable if it was quoting a child, describing the repast, who wouldn't be expected to understand the finer points of grammar and sentence construction, but to say it's Evelyn Waugh it must be ok is total bollocks.