Is it DH and I, DH and myself, or me and DH?

[MissMarplesNiece]

I have just posted on another thread and spent far too long deciding whether I should write "DH and I used to go ...., DH and myself used to go ...., or me and DH used to go.

I have far better things to worry about but they've been pushed to the back of my mind for now, lol. Also, while I'm here with people who I think understand these things, should the list in my title and first paragraph be separated by commas or semi colons?

What would you use if you weren't referring to DH in the sentence? Then just use that with DH - and it is never myself.

I'd say DH and I used to go. The same useage as if it were just "I"

Dh and I if you can replace with "we". Dh and me if you can replace with "us".

Correct examples:

Between dh and me...
Dh and I are going
Come and stay with dh and me

As above. Take out the DH bit and if it still makes sense it’s the right one.
So - I used to go / DH and I used to go.
You wouldn’t say Me used to go, or Myself used to go.

I went to the shop, DH and I went to the shop.

She gave that to me, she gave that to Dh and me.

I sent that to myself, I sent that to myself and DH.

Lol, sorry - you're going to have countless posts all saying the same thing now OP.

It's never DH and myself ever.

DH and I like chocolate (I like chocolate)
Give the chocolate to DH and me (Give the chocolate to me)

Myself is reflexive so you would only use it in sentences such as "I washed myself" or "I dressed myself".

It's not grammatically correct to say "please send the form to myself" or "you replied to myself" etc.

I or me, as the posters said above, depends on what you would say without DH.

"Me and DH went to the beach" doesn't work as you wouldn't say "me went to the beach".

You would say "Mum gave DH and me an Easter egg" because you wouldn't say "Mum gave I an Easter egg".

When you use "and I" you say the other person's name first so its always "DH and I went to the beach" not "I and DH went to the beach".

DH and I do xyz

It belongs to me and DH (or DH and me)

It's hardly ever "DH and myself" so don't worry about that one.

Best way to do it is to remove DH from the sentence and see if it makes sense

‘The house belongs to me (and dh)’.
‘(Dh and) I went to the cinema.’

As pp have said, if it still sounds right by removing ‘dh’, then that’s the one to use! Never dh and myself. The only appropriate use of myself is e.g. ‘Dh couldn’t change the lightbulb, so I did it myself.’

Ah, X post with many!

I'm not much of a pedant, but I really dislike people using 'myself' all the time incorrectly, someone I work with does it often and it makes me wince but no idea why. It doesn't even make sense to say it! I would just say me and bla bla bla but that's probably not correct either 🤔🤣

Never "myself". Never!

There's a long thread on this running ATM.

Some use "myself" believing it's more formal than I or me.

But in Ireland, we use "myself" informally and so it conveys the exact opposite tone.

Thank you for the replies, it's much clearer now.

Please, surely 'DH and myself' is correct in the sentence ' I bought chocolate for DH and myself'.

The only time when it's ok is when you're combining 'I bought chocolate for DH' with 'I bought chocolate for myself', or similar sentences, including jelly babies.

it's never DH and myself

This is a really fascinating thing to get wrong - of course it is sometimes DH and myself. The overuse/ incorrect use of "myself" is a sort of hypercorrection and so maybe this is a hyperhypercorrection! You've gathered that "DH and myself" is often an incorrect use but overshot and think it is never right.

It may be technically correct, but honestly have you ever heard people use that construction? It sounds really stilted! Most people wold say e.g. “we bought ourselves some chocolate” or “I bought us some chocolate.” Strangely, although you would say ‘I treated myself to some chocolate’, it sounds (to me) more natural to say the ‘incorrect’ “I treated dh and me to some chocolate” than the ‘correct’ “I treated dh and myself to some chocolate.” Interesting!

I don't agree with you that your example is the only appropriate use of 'myself'.

No, I don't find it stilted and I do think it is technically and pleasingly correct.

If you and DH are the subject of the sentence (doing the action) then it would be DH and I. As in DH and I travelled.

Me tends to be the object of a verb or preposition. She called me.

It may be technically correct, but honestly have you ever heard people use that construction? It sounds really stilted! Most people wold say e.g. “we bought ourselves some chocolate” or “I bought us some chocolate.”

You can only do that if you have already established in a previous sentence that the people you are referring to are you and your husband. If not, then you would correctly say 'I bought chocolate for my husband and myself'. Yes it sounds a bit OTT, but less so if you use your husband's name instead of saying ' my husband'.