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Parties/celebrations

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Original poster

Bloody handing out of sweets at school on birthdays. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

146 replies

LynetteScavo · 30/09/2008 16:42

DD has finished her tantrum now.

Caused by DS2 being handed a crappy bag of sweets by his teacher as he came out of school.She wanted some. DS gave her one. She was tired from nursery, wanted more, DS said no. Que tantrum.

I didn't particularly want either of them to have them.

I tried tackling this with the school with when DS1 was in reception, and was basically laughed at.

Rant over.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/10/2008 23:50

No drama and no crisis if this daft, and relatively 'new' practice was stopped.

Undoubtedly thought, there will always be folk who'll cry "killjoy" lest their precious children miss out on a vital bag of sweets.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/10/2008 23:52

Oddly enough, DD's school have recently sent a newsletter out with a paragraph about not letting children share each other's treats in the playground.

They seem to have half an understanding of the problem. It's truly bonkers.

AbbeyA · 01/10/2008 23:54

To get back to the original point-if you don't like it do something about it. Everyone seems to be sitting back and wanting the school to ban it and then the school gets all the flak (and there would be a lot). I think schools would be very silly to get involved in something that would cause so much trouble. It comes from the parents, they like it or they wouldn't do it. Singersgirl, it is the biggest problem in reception because I would say they get the most and it tails off to not happening at all in secondary school, so you can only conclude that reception parents want to do it! It would be most interesting to know what response you would get if you started a petition.

Beachcomber · 01/10/2008 23:55

Soapbox of course there are practical solutions. Of course we all just get on with it and don't make a fuss.

You know in all this it is DD's teacher I feel the most sorry for. She is crapping herself that one day DD will mistakenly eat something with dairy in it and she will have to find out if administering an adrenalin injection is a easy as she was told in her first aid course (it is it just takes a bit of nerve).

singersgirl · 01/10/2008 23:58

I guess I need to target the parents of children with autumn birthdays in Reception then. Honestly it would never have occurred to me to take sweets in, so I've no idea where this custom's come from.

I don't see why the school shouldn't ban it. They ban all sorts of other things like fizzy drinks and chocolate bars in packed lunches. If it was just a note in the Reception joiners pack I shouldn't think anyone would give two hoots.

Soapbox · 02/10/2008 00:05

Of course it isn't a 'vital' bag of sweets, no one is saying that it is.

It is just a way of celebrating a birthday for the birthday child that causes no real issues for the majority of children. So what is the need to change it?

For those children who cannot have the treat then there are practical ways of overcoming this.

My DS certainly got a great deal of pleasure out of taking his small offerings in on his birthday, despite being one of the few children who had a substitute treat when the others were sharing out their goodies!

I don't get what the issue is with it that causes so much irritation.

Beachcomber · 02/10/2008 00:11

Seems to me from school gates chat that loads of parents find the whole birthday thing a pain in the arse and unnecessary. None of us can remember anything similar from our school days.

AbbeyA · 02/10/2008 00:15

I have given a link to a thread on schools having fruit only at break and the feelings run very high. People see it as a basic human right to feed their DC junk a snack of their choice and think the school has no right whatever to lay down rules! I am sure many parents would be outraged at schools banning birthday sweets. Schools have far more important battles to win then interfering in people's private arrangements at the end of the school day.
It wouldn't happen if parents didn't want to do it!
Instead of moaning-do something! Make it easy for the Head, get a petition with a majority of parents; it is then easy for her to ban it because she can write that the majority of parents have requested it. I very much doubt whether you would get a large enough percentage, but I may be wrong. To expect the Head to ban it and leave her to weather the storm of protest is unfair. It doesn't actually matter to the school-it happens on the way home at the end of the day.

AbbeyA · 02/10/2008 00:19

In that case Beachcomber-get them to sign a petition. A lot of things never used to happen in schools.
Primary DCs below yr 6 never got homework-parents pushed for it.
Primary school children didn't wear uniform-parents pushed for it.
Primary school children didn't take snacks to school-parents pushed for it.
No one took sweets in on birthdays-parents started it!

nooka · 02/10/2008 00:23

It does seem a fairly recent tradition, but it is also very widespread. I don't think that many schools would have introduced fruit only snacks without the 5 a day government sponsored initiative, and something similar would be required to change the sweet handing out stuff too. I forgot to get dd something to hand out for her last birthday, and she was very sad. We quite often do biscuits/little cakes (have never had a class over 25 yet), but this year did a bag of mixed sweets (no known allergies). In the children's new school the teachers give out sweets on a regular basis, as treats and rewards. They don't appear to have allergies here - they even serve PBJ sandwiches as a regular option at lunch. I was very surprised. At their old school the children used to tell me if there was anyone who couldn't have whatever we were doing, so I could add some alternatives (so if sweets then some chocolate).

twentypence · 02/10/2008 01:00

Sweets are banned at ds's new school, but the music teacher routinely gives out mini chocolate bars to children that help her with putting up the orchestra stands etc. She knows that ds has lots of allergies and asked what to give him instead. I told her that a smile and a thank you and a lovely comment on his school report would be ample.

Beachcomber · 02/10/2008 08:22

AbbeyA it is my experience that schools do whatever they want regardless of parents. Actually I think that can often be no bad thing, after all schools are run by trained professionals. We live in France however, I suspect that UK schools are more accommodating.

I am not 'moaning', I'm having an internet discussion about a subject that is kinda important for my family. I do not moan at the school nor with other parents.

As the parent of a child who has a vested interest in getting the sweets thing to stop I am hardly likely to be the one to start some sort of petition now am I?

I can just imagine the reaction from parents who want sweets handed out. I would no doubt be considered to be making a fuss, putting a whole class out to suit MY child, etc.

I would also hate DD to feel that her health problems made mum spoil the fun for everyone else.

I have said repeatedly on this thread that I, and others, would prefer school policy to be able to be applied to everyone who attends the school in a matter than really is pretty frivolous and unnecessary.

I think we have a tendency to make a ridiculous fuss over kid's birthdays nowadays anyway. Most kids round here have a party at school, a party with friends and a family do.

lingle · 02/10/2008 09:00

Funnily enough we do appear to be reaching some kind of near-consensus here that no-one would suffer if the lowest-quality sweets thing went away....

But if as Abbey says some parents see it as a basic human right to feed their kids junk... well I can see that that could take up a lot of the teacher's valuable time.

So it's a question of leadership. And as Beachcomer says, she shouldn't have to parade her child's issue and explain them to everyone just to get a common sense result.

If a child got sweets/chocolate at school once a term, they would remember it for months and the day would be remembered and valued. But for everyone's birthday? Please no no no.

Maybe I'll start hunting out a pack of stickers to distribute this year. And yes, I was dropping a bloody big hint by giving out pencils, not sweets, last year.

snowleopard · 02/10/2008 11:07

Stickers is a great idea lingle. If I start feeling the pressure to join in with this, I might do that.

AbbeyA · 02/10/2008 13:49

I still don't think it is up to the school to have a policy on it, it happens at the end of the day. I would let them sort it out in the playground after they had left the classroom at the end of the day except that it needs policing to be fair. Children would miss out if they weren't there at the right time, quite DCs would probably give in to those who request one for a sibling and then they would be short. There would be no end of tears and fuss.
Parents started it (schools didn't suggest it!)and parents should stop it, if they don't like it. It doesn't actually bother me, either as a teacher or parent and as my DSs had holiday birthdays we didn't have to take any in! I think enforcing fruit only at break time and encouraging healthy lunch boxes is far more important.

carmenelectra · 02/10/2008 13:55

If sweets were banned at our school for birthdays etc then i think id be a bit cross. Talk about political correctness gone mad. We are just talking about the odd mini bag now and then, not bucketfuls.

Beachcomber · 02/10/2008 14:09

It doesn't happen at the end of the day in DD's school. It happens at ten in the morning just before break time. They sing Happy Birthday, have some cake and juice, give a communal gift to the children in question and then get given the sweets to eat outside in the playground.

It happens in school time when parents are not present. If that doesn't come under school policy then I don't know what does.

Grammaticus · 02/10/2008 14:19

Beachcomber I'm sure your DD's teacher would find the nerve if she saw that your DD was in trouble - we all find hidden strength in a crisis I think.

AbbeyA · 02/10/2008 14:53

They couldn't do it that way in our area, it is strictly fruit only at break. If it happens in the school day they they could have a policy. There is no need to have a policy about a private arrangement at the end of the day. I would complain Beachcomber if they are making such a big thing about it, it is quite different from collecting something at the end of the day and taking it home.

lingle · 02/10/2008 16:42

ten in the morning???

I think that really is against the new rules that apply all over the country... can anyone find them online?
You could probably complain anonymously to the Council on this one Beachcomber.

Beachcomber · 02/10/2008 22:20

We live in France not the UK.

It happens twice a month, they gather the birthdays together so it's not like it's every day but it still comes round often enough

Thanks Grammaticus . I'm sure DD's teacher would do the necessary if ever the need arose. I understand that the thought of doing it makes her nervous though. She is supposed to call the ambulance service and 'follow instructions'. We both know that she wouldn't have time to waste by calling anybody though.

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