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Original poster

Asking for no gifts - 8 yo party

73 replies

JamMakingWannaBe · 09/01/2022 19:13

DS turns 8 at the end of this month and we are planning a whole class party.

Relatives were very generous with Christmas presents and his overseas aunts and uncles have already given him (via us) another generous budget for birthday presents.

Can we ask his school friends not to bring gifts for his birthday and if so how? I really just don't want another 20 odd gifts on top of what he received for Xmas and what family and close friends will give him for his birthday. His room needs a good declutter as it is!

Cards would be great.

Can I say something on the invitation like, "Gifts not required. Cards welcome"?

OP posts:
nervousseacreature · 09/01/2022 19:14

Following! Was hoping to host a joint party for my dc and really don’t want sacks of plastic crap.

I was pondering a polite way to say ‘no gift needed, if you feel you must - a book please!’

Dairyfairie · 09/01/2022 19:39

I am also planning a party …

I think It is not for me to refuse gifts for ds - it is his birthday and they are his friends. I would love to say ‘second-hand only’ or ‘please, there’s no need’ (this last one I did for my wedding), but I don’t think it is in my gift to refuse gifts for someone else.

Chrysanthemum5 · 09/01/2022 19:41

This happened at a party my DD attended when she was younger - what happened is most people either gave money or still brought a small gift

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 09/01/2022 19:42

I would just say no gifts please, and maybe if there’s a class WhatsApp say it on there as well

Hedonism · 09/01/2022 19:44

@Dairyfairie

I am also planning a party …

I think It is not for me to refuse gifts for ds - it is his birthday and they are his friends. I would love to say ‘second-hand only’ or ‘please, there’s no need’ (this last one I did for my wedding), but I don’t think it is in my gift to refuse gifts for someone else.

This. How would your DS feel about a no-gift policy? If he's ok with it then go for it.
SymbollocksInteractionism · 09/01/2022 19:44

I agree with @Dairyfairie
His friends will bring gifts, their parents will want to buy a gift for their child to give him. It's a wee bit mean to decide on his behalf that he is not to have any presents.

Also not his fault he has a Birthday so close to Christmas. January birthdays can be rubbish for this very reason.

Iamanicepersonreally · 09/01/2022 19:45

"Gifts not required" is ambiguous. I'd take that to mean they're not a necessity but would be welcome. "No gifts please" is much better. Do it.

jendifer · 09/01/2022 19:46

We did an Amazon wishlist for DD and DSs birthdays once - lots of books and reusable stuff like crayons, tennis balls and paint - we said it could be bought from anywhere and just put a note in saying we didn’t need anything but that this was some stuff the DC had asked for. It worked with the friends we had at the time but appreciate it won’t work for everyone - we figured people would want to give a gift whether or not we specified “no gifts”.

Bringonsummer19 · 09/01/2022 19:49

I know your point but his 8, they love all the presents and the plastic stuff, I think it’s quite mean.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 09/01/2022 19:51

I can’t believe people think it’s mean.

If someone wrote on a class invite no presents I defo wouldn’t take a present.

Kinko · 09/01/2022 19:54

I can't imagine at 8yrs old having a birthday party and not one of my classmates brought me a present after I attended all their parties where I took them one.

What does your son think about this?

NuffSaidSam · 09/01/2022 19:54

I think it's quite harsh tbh unless he is ready onboard with it. He's old enough to know that you bring a gift to a birthday party so won't he be upset when no-one brings one for him? As pp said it's not his fault his birthday is in January.

Why don't you save the money from the overseas relatives instead of using that for presents if he has too much? You can save it for later in the year when he wants something or he can use it for an experience that he wants instead.

Or let him have the presents and then have a good clear out and send a lot of stuff to the charity shop.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/01/2022 19:56

My DD1 is 8 at the end of the month and gets loads of presents from us and family. She would be really upset if no one at her party turned up with a gift.

Unless your DS has suggested it, I think this isn’t a good plan.

Maybe take the budget from family and put it towards a bigger present or into his savings.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 09/01/2022 20:00

It saddens me that people’s kids would be upset if they weren’t brought a present to their party

Whinge · 09/01/2022 20:01

@OnceuponaRainbow18

I can’t believe people think it’s mean.

If someone wrote on a class invite no presents I defo wouldn’t take a present.

Of course it's mean. It's not DS fault he has too many presents from his family, or that his birthday is close to Christmas. It's also mean to mark him out as different from his friends and at 8 he'll probably be asked why he doesn't want presents. It's hard to say to friends well actually I do want them, but my mum thinks I have too much and shouldn't get anything else.
somehowsunshine · 09/01/2022 20:06

Part of the fun is receiving loads of presents from their mates!!

SuperSange · 09/01/2022 20:06

Could people put £5 in a card? I asked about a gift for a party recently and was told that they were saving for a games console so cash would be appreciated. Could that work?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/01/2022 20:06

@OnceuponaRainbow18

It saddens me that people’s kids would be upset if they weren’t brought a present to their party
This surprises you? Really?

My DD is not presumptuous or spoilt but would be sad not to get any gifts when she knows that’s what happens at parties and she takes one for her friends when it’s their birthday.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 09/01/2022 20:07

@Whinge

Well we’ve been to 3 class parties this year so far and all said no presents, we didn’t take one.

My sons was all class and no presents, he didn’t even ask about where his presents are. He’s got enough toys/experiences so doesn’t need another 30

Whinge · 09/01/2022 20:11

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Whinge

Well we’ve been to 3 class parties this year so far and all said no presents, we didn’t take one.

My sons was all class and no presents, he didn’t even ask about where his presents are. He’s got enough toys/experiences so doesn’t need another 30[/quote]
I'd say your son and his classmates are unusual in saying no presents, although it sounds like all the class parents are in agreement. Your situation is probably very different from the OPs DS's classmates, where he will be the only one who doesn't get anything. Most children at age 8 know that you give and get presents at parties, I guess if your DS is used to not giving to his friends then he wouldn't expect to recieve anything when it was his turn.

MaizeAmaze · 09/01/2022 20:14

If you said no gifts I'd take that to mean "cash please" and would roll my eyes at your request and stick a note in with the card.

Original poster
JamMakingWannaBe · 09/01/2022 20:23

Definitely no cash! We have enough of that from relatives.

Personally I would save it but it's from DH's side of the family and they expect a photo of DS with the gift that has been bought.

When I broached it with him he just shrugged and said he didn't mind.

OP posts:
Justgivemeamoment · 09/01/2022 20:28

Do it. Most people will bring presents even if you ask them not to. So he'll end up with 20 instead of 30.

3mealsaday · 09/01/2022 20:34

Could you ask for consumables? For my DS's birthday, a lot of parents asked what he would like and I suggested playdoh, bath bombs, stickers or baking kits since these will be used up. My DS is younger though and it seems to be quite common round here for parents to ask what would be appreciated.

Rach247 · 09/01/2022 20:36

I’ve just done this for my DS’s party. I did find it an awkward thing to phrase but when parents messaged me to RSVP, I included a short line at the end of my reply saying “with it being so close to Christmas, we are asking for no gifts, thank you.”

90% of people just bought a card, and my son didn’t mind a bit - he had plenty of other presents and he was delighted with the party.