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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

Asking for no gifts - 8 yo party

73 replies

JamMakingWannaBe · 09/01/2022 19:13

DS turns 8 at the end of this month and we are planning a whole class party.

Relatives were very generous with Christmas presents and his overseas aunts and uncles have already given him (via us) another generous budget for birthday presents.

Can we ask his school friends not to bring gifts for his birthday and if so how? I really just don't want another 20 odd gifts on top of what he received for Xmas and what family and close friends will give him for his birthday. His room needs a good declutter as it is!

Cards would be great.

Can I say something on the invitation like, "Gifts not required. Cards welcome"?

OP posts:
PiratePenguin · 10/01/2022 06:48

My daughters have had ‘no present’ parties for years now. I just add a line on the invite. Many of their class have followed suit. They don’t miss the gifts as they have some from family.l (which are often what they have asked for) We live in such a material society that I’m pleased they see their party as an experience and we don’t have to work out what to do with the fifth pencil case or craft kit they have been kindly given.
One year, one of the mothers, unbeknownst to me, organised a collection and gave my daughter vouchers for Go Ape. As a family we value ‘doing’ rather than ‘having’. Many of their Christmas gifts were experienced. I feel sad for those who have a child who would get upset not having a truck load of presents.

Kokeshi123 · 10/01/2022 07:00

Can I say something on the invitation like, "Gifts not required. Cards welcome"?

Honestly, if you say that, half the people will turn up with gifts anyway (and the other half will then feel mortified)icqw24. You need to be really explicit and explain why.

I wrote a nice and polite but honest message, explaining that:

a) we simply don't have the space for more things
b) some people are on tight budgets
c) if some people turn up with gifts anyway, this will cause a lot of embarrassment to those who did not bring a gift ("Oh, does this mean I should have brought something after all?") which then creates a really awkward situation for me as well, so PLEASE don't do this.

I suggested that people bring a small food item to share instead.

Everyone respected the rule and we had a lovely time.

I'm eye-rolling at the people on this thread saying it's "mean." Please try to respect the fact that some of us live in small houses or flats, and it's parents who end up having to deal with unwanted clutter, most of which will end up in landfill.

lololololollll · 10/01/2022 07:04

Can you ask them to donate 5 to a charity of your choice? Most prob won't but makes you sound less .... can't even think of the word haha

PinkWaferBiscuit · 10/01/2022 07:13

I can't understand how anyone thinks it's their right to demand another person doesn't get gifts.

Yes to us adults the gifts a child might get could be described as tat, clutter, rubbish or mountains of plastic but so what they aren't meant to appeal to an adult they are meant to appeal to a child.

I agree with those posters saying if the birthday was in July this wouldn't even be considered. It's not the child's fault that they happen to have a birthday near Christmas and nor should they have to forego gifts just because they received some last month.

Your children are small for such a short amount of time. Realistically whole class parties where they recieve lots of gifts is only something which happens for a few years.

They have decades to make donations to charity, ask for no gifts and make their own preferences known. Until then it's really not up to the parents to decide on their behalf that they shouldn't receive anything at all.

lollipoprainbow · 10/01/2022 07:15

Wow how lucky to have received so many gifts from lots of relatives. My dd could only dream of that.

Hollyhead · 10/01/2022 07:18

I think it depends, my DS will have his one and only party this year, although he’s not typically materialistic he is very excited about the thought of the presents. In our circumstance because we will drop to a birthday treat with 1-2 friends next year it would feel a bit mean to go no presents seeing as he sees them as part of it. However if I was planing to do lots more parties I think I would definitely consider it!

BlueSky8 · 10/01/2022 07:25

@CanIHaveASnaaaaak

I have a birthday near Christmas and this really pisses me off.

You’ve just had an influx of gifts and don’t want it repeated, if your child’s birthday was June would you be considering this?

Let your child enjoy being a kid and get gifts for their birthday. Don’t be a killjoy.

I do too, as does my DC. I couldn't do it to him tbh.

Don't be a fun sponge.

Kokeshi123 · 10/01/2022 07:27

I can't understand how anyone thinks it's their right to demand another person doesn't get gifts.

Because parents make all kinds of decisions on behalf of their kids. If you want gifts for your kids, I'll happily bring a gift to the party. Please respect other parents' choices.

To be honest, though, OP, you're possibly posting on the wrong forum: I think people who spend most time on a forum about "Parties" are likely to be the kind of people who are really "into" presents, gifts etc.

Kokeshi123 · 10/01/2022 07:28

I find it so weird that so many people equate "being a child" with having loads of stuff, or think that a party is ABOUT presents. I mean, isn't getting together with friends and having fun and eating nice food the main point of a party?

MyOtherProfile · 10/01/2022 08:21

Of course the party isn't ABOUT presents but they are a fun part of it.

I also think that this puts pressure on other families to do the same or look greedy, and not every child in the class will be as blessed as your child. Some will not have loads of presents from family.

It looks a bit upstairs downstairs to me.

Ginger1982 · 10/01/2022 08:55

Let him have presents. He'll be gutted otherwise, despite him apparently saying he doesn't mind. I have a December birthday and would have felt quite sad if my folks had done this when I was a kid.

CanIHaveASnaaaaak · 10/01/2022 11:34

I also live in a small house with 2 DC and way too much stuff, but that’s a “me” issue, not for my children to stop receiving presents.

OP, how about a smaller party going somewhere, rather than having the whole class attend? More fun doing something special with a select group of friends, and fewer presents - win win?

Squills · 10/01/2022 11:41

I think you're being unfair to your child. As others have said, it's not his fault his birthday follows shortly after Christmas.

Allow folk to decide for themselves whether they want to bring a gift.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/01/2022 11:45

Agree its not his fault he's a January baby. He'll go to parties all year and see everyone else get presents but he doesn't because you had a winter baby (I'm late Dec, can you tell?)

Original poster
JamMakingWannaBe · 10/01/2022 22:58

DS has decided he'd like to put the £££ Birthday money he is receiving from relatives towards snow boarding lessons. (We live near a snowdome but that's a new one for me).

I'll not include any message in the party invitation and all gifts will be gratefully received.

OP posts:
imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 10/01/2022 23:12

"This is a good point. It just seems he's barely unboxed / played with a lot of the gifts he received for Xmas."

Put them away for now and get some out over the next few months, so he still has new things coming, spread over time.
But I'm with the Christmas birthday poster above, it's not his fault his birthday is close after Christmas. Let him enjoy being spoiled by his friends on his birthday.

And then say to his generous family that as he already has lots of new gifts for Christmas and birthday, their much appreciated money is going into the bank until summer and he'll choose himself a summer present.

My younger brother was born on Christmas Day. My parents used to throw him a "half birthday" party at the end of June each year so he got a cake and presents then without being overshadowed by Jesus or Santa.

Nanny0gg · 10/01/2022 23:24

@JamMakingWannaBe

DS has decided he'd like to put the £££ Birthday money he is receiving from relatives towards snow boarding lessons. (We live near a snowdome but that's a new one for me).

I'll not include any message in the party invitation and all gifts will be gratefully received.

Good plan
Pinkchocolate · 10/01/2022 23:27

I also have a January born child and I try to treat them the same as my summer born. Yes, your house might look like a toy shop for a while but just think of all the excitement. It can be annoying but they shouldn’t miss out because of the time of year they were born.

Pinkchocolate · 10/01/2022 23:27

@JamMakingWannaBe

DS has decided he'd like to put the £££ Birthday money he is receiving from relatives towards snow boarding lessons. (We live near a snowdome but that's a new one for me).

I'll not include any message in the party invitation and all gifts will be gratefully received.

I posted too soon. Good plan.
Nsky · 10/01/2022 23:53

Ask if they choose to animal charity

mynameisigglepiggle · 11/01/2022 10:17

I was going to say it sounds like you have money from relatives. Why don't you let me have presents from his party then say to the relatives that as his birthday is so near Christmas you have banked the money so he can buy something in summer? Perhaps something he can do outside??

I have four nephews with December birthdays and I give them money for this reason!!

mynameisigglepiggle · 11/01/2022 10:18

let him not let me

I don't need them Grin

FearlessSwiftie · 14/01/2022 12:26

@OnceuponaRainbow18

I would just say no gifts please, and maybe if there’s a class WhatsApp say it on there as well
This and I think people will be fine with the request, it's understandable after Xmas after all imo. Also don't find it rude at all.
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