Totally at a loss to understand childrens' parties - why are they all entertainment and crap food for the kids, rather than a celebration of our children by those who love them?

[catASTROPHE]

We've been to a few lately, and the more I thnk about the more I think it is WEIRD.

Whats the point of the party? To get those who love our children together and to celebrate them and enjoy them, surely.

Naturally, as some of the guests will be children, we will cater to their tastes as well.

But why the mountains of aspartame and salt laden food, and raucus games, and kiddy music, while the parents, godparents and adult friends stand around at the edge with a plastic cup of weak squash?

Honestly, I'm interested to know what the thinking behind these parties is.

Like the idea of big family friendly barbequeu with outside games etc but this would require a house and garden big enough to accommodate this, a summer birthday, time, energy, guaranteed nice weather, a small army to clear the mess. Please tell me how to get these things. Until there is a way and my kids are older and I don't have to invite the whole class of under 6s because that's the school policy I'll be booking the dcs' parties at soft play centres. That's where they'll meet their little friends, have a wild but great time and eat rubbish and then they'll have the rest of the day and birthday tea with just family and close friends who will stay for drinks after dcs are in bed.

Our flat is too small, well atually it's the layout that's the problem, for the parties we would like to have and the local (Spanish) park is a shitty dustbowl full of mad dogs off the leash ('leash' - what's that?). I think we'll just read 'Alfie lends a hand' instead and cry a bit...

First birthday parties are celebrated in the pub.

Second and third birthday parties, have a couple of friends, a bit of cake, and a trip to the zoo or soft play. Grandparents optional.

Fourth birthday, themed party if requested, party food, lots of friends, no party games (tantrums seem to peak at this age) but lots of activities.

Five and up - whatever the birthday child wants - dd1 has just had a party with junk food at the local soft play, including party games. Followed next day by birthday 'picnic' at home with grandparents.

Think I'm losing this ...must say, I expected a bit more support, what with Mumsnet being so middle class and all

Yes, my kids have had parties, and have been to many more - children of friends, and in my nanny-ing days.

TBH, the parties most of you lot are describing don't sound like the sort I am complaining about! Its not so much the type of food, but the fact that there is none (or precious little) for adults, even though at the parties we have been tt recently, about half the guests have been adult rellies and friends. At these parties the adults wern't even introduced - they didn't even chat, thy just arrived with their children, stood around and looked relieved when the party bags went around and they could go home!

I think its a shame that people of all ages can't celebrate together, thats all.

My DS is turning one soon. We are having 19 adults, 14 kids. Wine and cheese, masses of homemade playdoh, cutters etc for the kids plus some hired ride on toys (trikes, tent etc), pass the parcel for everybody who wants to play, tea of muffin pizzas, dips with breadsticks, carrot sticks etc, scones and jame and cream, birthday cake, party bags for the kids. The party bags will even have some chockies in them. See, I'm not that bad! We are realy looking forward to it, and we want our adult friends, who love our DS, to have a wonderful time too, not to suffer through it.

I love the idea of a party where adults join in, chat to each other and drink wine but IME they don't work very well after age 3 when the kids have their own ideas about what is fun.

Tried to have similar for DS(4) last year and it was a disaster. DS and his little friends all ran around screaming madly, fell out with each other & ended up crying. Having parents there, particularly parents who really just wanted to down another glass of white, made it worse.

Having said this, the same does not seem to happen so much the majority of child guests are 4 y/o girls - maybe something to do with testosterone surge.

Soft play, bouncy castle & wall to wall organised games have been much more successful for keeping DS & his friends happy. WIth one or two adults who are in charge and totally focused on the party rather than chatting to each other.

catastrophe - I think I see what you mean. And I'e done that for little ones and fun has been had by all. But once they hit school they have loads of friends and the easiest way to entertain 15 or so 4/5 years olds is to shut them all in a big space where they can't hurt themselves and innocent passers by , chuck loads of food at them, play loud music and provide mountain of plastic cr*p to take home at the end. Heaven for kids, hell for adults and there is no way on God's earth that I would be able to relax and enjoy time with our friends whilst all that was going on. Which is why we do things seperately. We hae friends with a massive house and they manage to combine both but even then it tends to be adults in one place with wine and food and kids going feral all ove the rest of the place coming back for provisions every now and again.

rofl at your dd turning ONE catastophe! My view of parties is

one year old: adults celebrate making it through first year with Champagne, kid gets nothing
2 yo: yuo don't even tell the child it's their birthday, it's the last year you can get away with it
3yo: tiny celebration, siblings only
4yo is when parties proper begin in our house. Bouncy castle, cake, crisps, wine for adults if they come (they don't ALWAYS drop and run at this age), sandwiches which won't be eaten
5yo, as above except parents drop and run
ditto 6, 7, 8, 9 except the pressure's on to have a 'cool' party.

No aspartame or stuff at any of my parties but plenty of proper sugar laden stuff, absolutely.

That's my view anyway. They're all a 'celebration of the child' in a way.

Astrophe, the problem is that once kids hit school-age they invite their classmates to parties, and the parents may not nevessarily be friends. So you do tend to get a lot of awkwardness, particularly if dads go who never do teh school gates.

Even worse at nursery when you don't get the school gate gathering. Main reason my 4yr old didn't get a party as I couldn't face a house packed full of parents I didn't know. Family day out instead and cake and pressies at home later.

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dd1's first birthday - dd1 babysat by gran whilst i (who said "this time last year i was in agony") and dh went to the pub

dd1's second birthday - i spent in labour with dd2

dd1's third birthday - spent joint with dd2 at the zoo with a boozy picnic

dd1's fourth birthday and dd2's second - bbq in the back garden with little friends whose parents i knew. bouncy castle inc.

parties dont HAVE to be sweets and weak squash, but i know i will at least have one of these parties at jumpin joeys under pressure

Is what catastrophe is concerned about the lack of food for adults at the parties???

I know some people provide food for adults (Hula) but personally, I am spending a lot of time getting together party games that will keep a posse of 4 and 3yos amused, thinking up yummy food, sourcing party bag presents and prizes for games...I don't have time to stuff olives and chill the wine. If you want to stay, you can help out and hopefully have fun (I did at the last party I took DS2 (3) to). If not, I'll attempt to hand you your child back in one piece, hopefully full of sandwiches, salad and cakes and exhausted after musical walk the plank and pirate's footsteps and treasure hunting for gold coins.

NAE party bags at my parties - they annoy the hell out of me
'sourcing party bag toys' waht a waste of time and money

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I think thge point is to let your kids and their friends have a good time together. Not all parties are full of junk food.

Ah, I am planning ds's 4th and I also found it odd that it is meant to be shitey entertainment purely for the children

We are calling it a joint Easter / birthday party so that it can be more like a REAL party that we enjoy ourselves as a family - with things for both the adults and children to enjoy

I don't see why adults get shut out of children's birthdays - half my friends like ds more than they like me anyway and want to celebrate with us

its ok to have your mate at the party to share the sneaky wine with, choose a mate who will help clean up

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i have this vivid picture adults with arms raised to the skies chanting like loons when i read "so we can celebrate the childs life" or wotnot

'celebrate' is quite a churchy expression

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I have read a bit of the thread and see that this is not going to be a popular view, but I think it is yet another example of the fact that we don't like kids much in this country and need to segregate them in their own shitey plastic world rather than letting them join in with real adult stuff, or providing stuff that everyone, adults and children, can enjoy.

I get totally what you are saying, catastrophe. I don't think much thought DOES go into these parties, I think they are just done that way because that's how everyone else does them.

the children DONT WANT adults at their party

they want to be left alone to get up to the capers

they dont WANT your friends there

for their birthday (its only one day year)

Cod well at least they pretend He is a lot more popular than me

oh ffs franny

a childrens party doesnt have to be shite food

it can have nice food but no adults

i think some people just dont know how to deal with children and would rather not have the children there at all