INVITATIONS- am i being petty??

[noonar]

dd1 is about to have her 5th party. she wants to invite nearly all her class,which is great, but i need to limit numbers.

her teacher gave me a class list, which has dates of birth on it. so i am tempted to streamline dd's party list by crossing off those who've had a birthday and not included her . i do recognize that this is quite a petty, childish thing to do, but not sure how else to do it. (dd has a few close friends that she often talks about, but its hard to distinguish between the others!)

go on, tell me what you think/ what is should do??

That's a difficult one, I think I'd invite the children your child talks about most plus the children who have had parties recently which she's been invited to!

Or just have Girls, that's what a lot of People do?

why not just go with the close friends that she often talks about rather than the whole class.

Can you not talk to her about how much more time she would have to spend playing with them whereas if she had the whole class she would have to spend less time with close friends. Perhaps an activity that would limit numbers to close friends as a thought??

thanks, scottish. i dont like the idea of excluding only a couple of the girls, but there have been 3 gilrs' parites that she's not been to. i am totally cool with this, and know that people cant invite everyone- but should she invite them when we're short of space?

dd has a couple of boys who she really likes...tricky...

thanks eid. we have an entertaininer, so 20 would be a good number, but 30 is pushing it...this naturally excludes about 1/3 of the class.

In that case I'd give her a number & ask her to choose her favourite friends from the list!

thanks scottish... i think i may have to put it in really simple terms to dd eg- would you rather invite X or Y, A or B? i dont think she could select her top 10 from a list of 15! she's not that good at problem solving just yet!

At 5 years old she will have her own friends and there will be plenty of kids in the class she's not bothered about. Let her choose who she likes/wants to come and not be bothered about some of the kids not getting invites. Also, ask the teacher to give the invites out rather than you or dd doing it in the playground - it can upset kids when A gets one but not B. They obviously don't understand about space or cost! Last party my DD had she invited the whole class plus others because it was a leaving party for her also, but she had to go to a Whacky warehouse as it was cheaper. And the time before that she chose 5 friends for a pottery painting party, because it was more expensive. She understands now that not everyone can come to every party she has, or that she will be invited to every party that happens and is fine with it. Don't worry, just make sure you and your DD have a great time!

When dd had her party, she wanted to invite all but two of the girls and just two boys. Personally I didn't like the idea of leaving out two girls and invited all the girls and no boys. She hadn't been to any boys party and though she played with them they weren't her closest friends. I did it this way as I thought it would be less hurtful. However, most people in dd's class invite children who have invited them and those children their dd/ds has specifically asked for. I think this is more the norm, however as I was not the most popular child in school, I hate the thought of excluding children and spent endless hours wondering what combination of children to include/excude!

thanks.

mala, i wouldve done just the same and not left any girls out, if dd's party was at the start of the year. but my dd has already been left out, so what do i do now?? do i choose the girls who've left her out, over the boys that she really likes?

It is DS's party next week - he will be 6. He is in a class of 30 with 22 boys so inviting all the boys would have been a bit much, when you add in his sister and his cousins and a couple of other friends. I said he could invite 10 from his class, and he had to tell me who is best friend in his class was, then second best and so on right through to 10. We then ended up with 9 boys and 1 girl. One of his friend's sisters who is in reception (DS in Y1) is coming too though and then we have a couple of younger girls so I think we should be OK. We had a total of 19, with one can't come, and 3 not answered so a minimum of 15 at the party.

I'd forget the list and ask your DD to nominate a set number.

think you're you're right. so far i've read out the class list and got her to say yes or no! she has therefore said yes to just about everyone.

I would probably

a)leave the three girls who didn't invite her out(as long as they aren't her close friends).

b)Ask her who she plays with the most, put these names on the list.

c) Ask her teacher for the names of the children she plays with the most.

d)Invite everyone who has invited her.

Then if you still have more children you need to invite, just ask "would you rather call X or Y? and go down the list doing this. Making them choose between two/three usually does the trick.

It's funny how much thought we put into it, some people I know just breeze in inviting children in full view of other people. I think after reception I should become hardened and will be doing the same!

great advice mala. i know what you mean about other parents, so will try to be subtle.