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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

leaving your ds/dd at a party on their own

65 replies

Moomin · 18/03/2006 00:18

was a bit gobsmacked today when dd went to a very big party (about 60 kids - nightmare!) with kids aged between 4 and about 6. There was a group of children from dd's pre-school, all aged 4. I took along another girl from dd's group with dd and of course took responsibility for them both. was a bit shocked to see another girl from same class being dropped by her dad and then he left, without having arranged for anyone to see to her. Between about 4 of us parents we sat her on our knees when she got upset at several points, i took her to the loo and made sure she had enough to eat.

She comes from a 'nice' family - mum always very friendly at school gates. I was shocked though that anyone could leave their 4 year old and expect her a)be ok, b)expect others to see to her needs without being asked. Of course, none of us minded but i was quite upset for her and thought it was a blimmin cheek of her dad. when i got home and told dh this he said that it has happened before at a previous party he took dd to.

anyone else a bit or is this par for the course?

OP posts:

Ozzybird · 18/03/2006 00:32

Unfortunately Moomin I think this happens all too often, at a recent party 4 of the parents just dropped their little ones off and left . I wouldn't dream of doing this, in my case my ds would be very upset, when we are at parties he is always having a look round just to make sure he can see either me or dh. I also think its a bit rude just to expect other people to look after your kids without asking & another thing is that in most cases you dont actually know the people you would be leaving them with very well at all.

Original poster

Moomin · 18/03/2006 09:41

bump
anyone else think this is out of order or can give other side of things? make me understand!

OP posts:

Nikkinoo · 18/03/2006 10:01

Hi I held a party for my son there was 26 kids between 4-6. There was a bouncy castle bats and balls hoola hoops. ONE MUM STOPPED i was running around like a blue arsed fly must have lost about a stone.

On elittle lad in particular is a bit naughty (he gets special attention at school) His mum couldnt get out the door fast enough and he ended up terrorising the other kids on the bouncy castle. Unfortunatley I had to get tough with him and make him have some time out.

It is the norm unfortunatley.

BTW is anyone noticing that it seems to be birthday weekend, I have 6 parties for today and tomorrow

Original poster

Moomin · 18/03/2006 10:12

I can see it maybe for older kids but around the age you say i find it incredible! I like my time away from the kids as much as anyone but I'd never dream of leaving dd at a party! really can't see how you can justify it.

OP posts:

Nikkinoo · 18/03/2006 10:37

Some mums cant wait for the freedom

littlerach · 18/03/2006 10:39

I think that once they start school, they tend to be dropped of at parties.

Hulababy · 18/03/2006 10:53

On DD's party invites for her 4th birthday in 2 weeks I have actually put a message on the invites that parents are welcome to join or similar - i.e. PLEASE stay and supervise your own child!!!

mears · 18/03/2006 11:23

Parties I have taken children too usually do not include parents. I think it needs to be explicit in the invitation to be honest. It may be he did not rtealise the size of the party.

Can I be a real killjoy here and say for whose benefit was suge a huge party? Hardly the atmosphere 4 year olds would be happy in without (or with) a parent.

I personally never ever had parties that included the full class of children. I always felt there was a bit of one upmanship going on about who could have the biggest party. I am also not very creative so the thought of feeding and entertaining vast numbers of children was not something I relished.

Anyone else a grumpy killjoy like me?

juliab · 18/03/2006 12:06

Interesting thread!
I think most 4-year-olds (preschoolers anyway) are not up to parties without their parents (although many could happily manage playdates on their own) BUT it depends on the child and his/her personality/birth order and on how well he/she knows the host parents.
Neither my ds1 or 2 would have been happy being left at a party at that age but I'm pretty sure my ds3 will be - he's 2 but very socially confident (because he's always been surrounded with other kids)
IME reception year is the year when kids are dropped off on their own for the first time.
But I guess if you have several children and your partner isn't around, you either have to drop off or bring along siblings.Tough choice!
If I was going to drop off a younger child, I would always check it out with the host first.

WideWebWitch · 18/03/2006 12:09

My experience is that 5 is the first age where it's considered ok to drop and run, unless it's a child who is fine about being left and knows the hosts v well etc. And also, as long as the party giver has agreed it's ok.

WideWebWitch · 18/03/2006 12:10

So yes, at 4 I think it's out of order to leave. At 5 it's fair enough.

Aimsmum · 18/03/2006 12:21

Since my DD started going to parties from about 3yrs at nursery, it has always been the norm to drop the children off and leave.

For DD's 4th and 5th party I have had around 30 children and none of the parents have ever stayed, except for family really. Never had any problems.

purpleturtle · 18/03/2006 12:34

Yes Mears - i am a party grump too! Have invited 10 children to dd's 5th birthday party. All from school, and I only know 2 of them. Hope it's not a total disaster. But i refuse to join in the whole - 'must invite everyone' thing. I don't take offence if dd is not invited to a party, and think other parents should be grown up enough to do the same.

On this topic - I'm not expecting parents to stay, although will obviously make anyone who wants to welcome. There won't be much space in our little house for everyone!

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 18/03/2006 12:42

I took DS1 to a 5yr olds birthday party recently and the mum had told the parents (in advance) NO PARENTS allowed - and I have to say I agree with her - only close friends (who are parents of the children) will be allowed to stay at DS1's next party - 3 stayed last time and sat on their ars*es the whole time........

MaloryMargotTowers · 18/03/2006 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch · 18/03/2006 13:21

When I invited the whole class to ds's 5th (in my defence the hall was massive and only a tenner to hire and he didn't know anyone, having only started at school a month earlier so didn't have specific freinds, the following year he had to choose) I asked the first few parents if they could leave their phone numbers and they looked at me as if I was mad, they really seemed to think it was odd of me to ask. It was 3 hours, there was a bouncy castle, why they thought I didn't need to be able to contact them I don't know. I didn't even know them since we were new to the school! Weird imo.

MaloryMargotTowers · 18/03/2006 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yafta · 18/03/2006 13:26

I can't really see the problem to be honest. I actually prefer that there are no parents at my kids parties. Then you can get stuck in with the kids and get them doing what you want. I find the parents get in the way!

cece · 18/03/2006 13:26

I always ask dd if she wants me to stay - she has been going to parties since about 3 and half. In the past year now she is 4 sometimes I saty and sometimes I don't. Personally if it is my dd's party then I am quite happy for parents to leave and collect at end. In most cases I prefer.

However, when I do leave dd I always leave my mobile number. I stay if she wants me to - which is about 50% of time.

Yafta · 18/03/2006 13:28

Yes, I always get their phone numbers then wave the parents off to have a couple of hours on their own.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 18/03/2006 13:33

Have to confess DS's (5 and 2) went to a party about 3 weeks ago, DH took them (was in the church hall so just across the road) and then I was going to go over and keep an eye on the little one - but I'd been working, and wasn't well so didn't . He was fine though.

But in my defence it was with people he knew, that go to our church (and toddler group) and I knew they'd come and get me if needed.

saadia · 18/03/2006 13:44

I suppose everyone is different. Ds (now 4) went to a friend's 4th birthday party in an organised play centre and parents weren't expected to stay but the parents of the birthday girl are friends of ours and I knew they'd look after him. All the other kids were from the girl's nursery and knew each other quite well I think.

He was also invited to a girl at nursery's party at McDonalds and I told the mum I would have to stay and she said of course you must they're too young to be left. Having said that one father did leave his daughter but she is quite mature and sensible and seemed very happy.

Earlybird · 18/03/2006 14:33

I usually stay because dd wants me to, but it's not relaxing. I usually end up assisting over-stretched hostesses. Most children of 4 or 5 need/want help finding the loo in an unfamiliar place, getting settled down to eat/drink, etc.

Here's another question - if parents stay at a child's party, do you (as hostess) feel obliged to make some provision for adult food/drink?

tortoiseshell · 18/03/2006 14:39

I think it depends on the setting and size of the party. Ds is 4, and has been left at parties since he was 3, but these were parties where he knows the house and hosts well, and not too many children. I wouldn't leave him at a Wacky Warehouse type party yet, as I think that would be too much to cope with. But at a private house I would have no problem leaving him, even if he wasn't totally familiar with the place now - to be honest I think me staying would inhibit him! But he has been at school since September, and I do think that makes a difference - he is very independent now and copes very well with unsual situations - a year ago he wouldn't have done - I do think reception increases their ability to cope on their own!

macwoozy · 18/03/2006 14:48

Quick hijack......sorry.

I'm off to a party for my ds in a church hall this evening.. My ds has special needs and he very rarely gets invited to parties so I'm not sure what to expect. Anyway I rang the mum and asked if I could stay, and she said no problem, but TBH I'd be alot happier if my dp could come along as well. If my ds plays up dp is more able to manage him, I just get very flustered. Do you think it would be O.K to just drag dp along with out asking. Do the Dh/dp's often stay as well?

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